So I knew this very charismatic ENFJ a while back and from the first time I met her I did not feel uncomfortable around her because I sensed a lot of insincerity on her part. Although nearly all of our acquaintances called her so "genuine," my vibes said otherwise. I couldn't put my finger on it at that time, but something was always off.
Anyway, flash forward. Basically, I always had this uncomfortable feeling because I felt that she was always trying to "win" over me and have the upper hand in our friendship. It's hard to explain... but I constantly felt this covert competition going on. As someone that does not like being competitive, I was just intuitively turned off by this behavior because I do not view my friendships or life in general as a competition. I have my own race; others have their own. I find myself cheering and being very happy even for friends who attain something I am also going for -- this is because I view everyone as running their own race (even if it may be going for the same goal or same types of goals).
Although I sensed bad vibes, I wanted to give her the benefit-of-doubt, accepted her into my life, and treated her the same as I did to all my friends. After a while, I realized it was always me trying to make things work and it was always me trying to understand her. A third party (a thinker type) saw the situation objectively and pointed out that it seemed like I was making all the effort in the friendship. Around that time, I also heard from others that she would get angry and vent to them about me -- usually when she found out other friends and I spent one-on-one time together. She said some things, but everyone basically said they dismissed what she said because it was clear to them that she was being jealous. I spent these times with my friends in an unplanned way - we happened to meet at the library, or found out we were in the same class, or we ran into each other on the way to the store. On the other hand, this ENFJ friend would always schedule one-on-one time with people; also, if she found out I happened to be with someone, she also had to be there and would drop what she was doing and rush over. She would also schedule multiple times to hang out with someone if she found out I even just talked to that person. I was always puzzled at this behavior - she was so outgoing and charismatic and was always the center of attention so I could never understand why she'd get so worked up when I'd randomly have tea with someone or she felt people wanted to just be friends with me. I always accepted her as the "Queen bee" in the group and did my own thing (i'm pretty independent). Anyway, once I started really noticing this behavior (delayed INFJ reaction, lol), I started to distance myself from her and she started freaking out. I could see her being really disturbed and she started getting obsessively intrusive on my life.
That was long.. lol... but that took me a REALLY long time to realize (delayed reaction!). but anyway, today, I realized that I have this uncanny ability to sense when people are trying to win over or have the upper hand/be controlling in a relationship. I sense all the invisible power dynamics between people, and although I'm not aware of it at that time, I intuitively get put off by that type of power-tripping behavior and intuitively tell myself to distance myself. Do you guys relate to this?? I've also found that ENFJs have been jealous of INFJs as an overall pattern of people I've observed first hand - both for myself as well as other ENFJ/INFJs I know. Any guesses as to why?