when to follow the heart or head
[INFJ]
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When I was younger my Fe definitely dominated my actions. I was rather sentimental and operated by gut instinct and emotions. As I grew older and developed my Ti, I began to learn to think things through and formulate plans of action. I became much less sentimental, and buried my emotions beneath layers of indifference (though they are still there). I hope I use these terms correctly, I am still learning about the various cognitive functions.
I have never been a particularly pragmatic person, but have become more so with age. It is still very hard for me to be practical. Like the Fool in the Tarot, I suppose I still lead with my "heart," that gut feeling that compels me to follow a certain path, or pursue a particular activity, though I use my head to assure that I do not walk over any cliffs. I tend to follow my heart, but to hedge my bets where practical matters are concerned (assuring that I am supplied with adequate sustenance, shelter, and am at least marginally prepared for certain potential medial crises).
Like most IJs (I assume), I have always been rather cautious, at least generally so, though there have been occasions of intense emotion where I have tossed caution to the wind and gone ahead with some crazy scheme or other (and rarely regretted it). I also think that my "head" has at times hindered me from following certain impulses from my "heart."
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Your heart and your head should be one, not separate. It must be a relation between the two, one reigns the other in and the other pushes their companion into action. One cannot act with their heart because they will lack their mind, one cannot act with their mind for they will lack their heart.
In the same sense, people with F as their function need to develop their T and vice versa. People shouldn't use their personality type as an excuse to act like they lack emotions or empathy nor should they use it to act as if they possess no reason or logic.
I try to act with both my heart and my mind as one, I do not know if I always live up to their aspiration but I try and I feel its affects. A friend who knows me closely tells me I am a "thinker of feelings" and I use reason and logic to explain them and then I turn around and use emotions and feelings to explain logic and reason albeit in issues with people.
In the same sense, people with F as their function need to develop their T and vice versa. People shouldn't use their personality type as an excuse to act like they lack emotions or empathy nor should they use it to act as if they possess no reason or logic.
I try to act with both my heart and my mind as one, I do not know if I always live up to their aspiration but I try and I feel its affects. A friend who knows me closely tells me I am a "thinker of feelings" and I use reason and logic to explain them and then I turn around and use emotions and feelings to explain logic and reason albeit in issues with people.
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Damn, you explain my thoughts/feelings so very well! My words tend to be philosophical when an issue is very deep. I was reading along in this thread thinking the whole time that I needed to step back and gather my feelings and thoughts, in order to put them down with words that make sense. Then I came to your post and just about fell over. There they are; the words I knew I would struggle to write. Maybe, I shall write a poem on this one! It would probably be easier for me to do!:wink:
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Oh my and how, I can relate to your "from younger to the now"!
Both my sparrow and blue jay share their feathers whole-heartedly!
My heart is stronger for my sparrow~~soft gentle loving
My mind is stronger for my blue jay~~playful intense strength
As I've grown older, I've started to use my head more than my heart and I can't say I totally recommend it. As Humilis said, you've got to use both, ideally at the same time. Striking the perfect balance will lead to greater assertiveness, greater authenticity and therefore greater satisfaction that you are making the right decisions for yourself and others.
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I too agree with Humilis. I don't believe there should be any dichotomy between intellect an emotion. It is generally assumed that intellect is emotionless, and that emotion is without intellect. Nothing could be further from the truth. Our emotions inform our intellect, and vice versa. Without emotion, true intellect is not possible. I believe I read of a study recently that actually proved that emotion plays a much larger part in intellect than was once believed.
That being said, I also believe that although they work together, it is possible to allow one to overshadow the other in a way that may be counterproductive. The key is balance, as always.
As I've grown older, I've become more balanced in this area, though not perfectly. Whereas I once allowed my Fe to overshadow Ti, I now sometimes allow the opposite to happen. It's so important to seek balance.
That being said, I also believe that although they work together, it is possible to allow one to overshadow the other in a way that may be counterproductive. The key is balance, as always.
As I've grown older, I've become more balanced in this area, though not perfectly. Whereas I once allowed my Fe to overshadow Ti, I now sometimes allow the opposite to happen. It's so important to seek balance.
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Perfect balance? If I were to put such a notion in my head, I would be so damn afraid of being me that I wouldn't be me at all. I would feel like I am walking on thin ice for fear that I would fall through, because I could never reach perfection. I believe that HumilisCurator was not meaning perfection. The mind and heart should work hand in hand to create a balance. There are times where the heart is dominant, just like there are times where the mind is dominant. One can pick up the slack of the other. When my heart feelings are strong, I don't worry to hard; I know that my mind will be able to handle the aftermath of my heart feelings. Vice versa. Acceptance of my heart and my mind helps to create a comfortable balance for me. I think a comfortable balance for each & every individual is most important. I guess one could say that a comfortable balance would be perfect for each individual. If we were all perfect, how could we learn, if not by our mistakes? I only strive to be a stronger me and that is all. I slip and fall, pick myself up, and then go forward. However sometimes I may take two steps forward and then three steps backwards, 3 steps forward & 2 steps backwards, so forth and so on. In my mind this is the dance of life, and I rather enjoy it! Acceptance of ones' self and of others is the closest that one can come to being perfect. We are only humans after all and can not bear a "perfect" 'idealogical theory all the time. So, perfection is not all that perfect in my mind. In my eyes, striving to better ones' self is more important.
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I feel like we were on the same wave length. You post came in while I was still typing mine. A pleasant surprise when I clicked submit reply and saw your post! Thank you.:happy:
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It appears as if I have opened a can of worms. :crazy:
Perfection is not what I meant no but that is what we must strive for, it is the journey that shapes a person not what they reach at the end. It is the fact that you are TRYING, that is what matters, not whether you will reach it or not. We graduate from high school, from college and we get a piece of paper that it is just a stamp of approval something material for our materialistic society to see. What really matters is the journey through high school or college. The things you learned a long the way. It is the struggle, the aspiration towards the end that is what matters. I feel it is fairly common sense that the struggle is what makes us, not the piece of paper, the stamp, the medal we get at the end of it.
All of you are smart enough to know this so I am probably preaching to the choir. :laughing:
I was thinking about this thread and a song lyric from one of my favorite artists popped into my head. "You and your heart shouldn't feel so far apart." - Jack Johnson You and your heart
Never stop struggling, never stop pushing and never give up hope. I see far too many people becoming stagnant individuals and it pains me.
Perfection is not what I meant no but that is what we must strive for, it is the journey that shapes a person not what they reach at the end. It is the fact that you are TRYING, that is what matters, not whether you will reach it or not. We graduate from high school, from college and we get a piece of paper that it is just a stamp of approval something material for our materialistic society to see. What really matters is the journey through high school or college. The things you learned a long the way. It is the struggle, the aspiration towards the end that is what matters. I feel it is fairly common sense that the struggle is what makes us, not the piece of paper, the stamp, the medal we get at the end of it.
All of you are smart enough to know this so I am probably preaching to the choir. :laughing:
I was thinking about this thread and a song lyric from one of my favorite artists popped into my head. "You and your heart shouldn't feel so far apart." - Jack Johnson You and your heart
Never stop struggling, never stop pushing and never give up hope. I see far too many people becoming stagnant individuals and it pains me.
I didn't mean perfect balance in the way you took it to mean. I meant that the balance that is perfect for each given individual would bring about greater assertiveness, authenticity and personal satisfaction - so maybe "ideal" would have been a better term to use. We should strive towards whatever combination brings about the greatest feeling of self-esteem and confidence in our ability to make the wisest decision. That way we won't second-guess ourselves, and if other people challenge us as to why we made a particular decision, we will be better able to defend our position, logically as well as passionately.
Unless we evolve into a race of IENSFTJP omnisexual menwomen, a real target of perfect balance as you envisioned my meaning is impossible for a human, and you're right that it would make the world very bland anyway.
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Humilis Curator, I don't believe you opened a can of worms. Many words have many meanings. The context in which a word is used explains it's proper definition. I was not trying to cause anyone grief. The word "perfect" used in the way it was evoked a strong stressor concept. I believe the less stress one has when it comes to the matter of improving ones' self, there is a better chance of doing so. When a stressful (whether eustress or distress) situation arises, we humans trigger a self-defense mechanism called fight or flight. I believe INFJ's (including me, I am one) don't care for conflict, so flight is our fancy. Funny thing is, we fight with this flight the whole time we are fleeing. A catch 22 for sure. So, it is my thought that in order to take away the heaviness of stress and it's triggers, one is better off taking away a word that is demanding like the word perfect. Simply put, "Take the stress out of the equation." My theory is soft and gentle and firm (steady and sure). I believe it is much more comfortable and digestable this way.
per·fect (pûrfkt)
adj.
1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind.
2. Being without defect or blemish: a perfect specimen.
3. Thoroughly skilled or talented in a certain field or area; proficient.
4. Completely suited for a particular purpose or situation: She was the perfect actress for the part.
5.
a. Completely corresponding to a description, standard, or type: a perfect circle; a perfect gentleman.
b. Accurately reproducing an original: a perfect copy of the painting.
6. Complete; thorough; utter: a perfect fool.
7. Pure; undiluted; unmixed: perfect red.
8. Excellent and delightful in all respects: a perfect day.
9. Botany Having both stamens and pistils in the same flower; monoclinous.
10. Grammar Of, relating to, or constituting a verb form expressing action completed prior to a fixed point of reference in time.
[Middle English perfit, from Old French parfit, from Latin perfectus, past participle of perficere, to finish : per-, per- + facere, to do; see dh- in Indo-European roots.]
per·fecter n.
perfect·ness n.
Synonyms: perfect, consummate, faultless, flawless, impeccable
These adjectives mean being wholly without flaw: a perfect diamond; a consummate performer; faultless logic; a flawless instrumental technique; speaks impeccable French.
Usage Note: Some people maintain that perfect is an absolute term like chief and prime, and therefore cannot be modified by more, quite, relatively, and other qualifiers of degree. But the qualification of perfect has many reputable precedents (most notably in the preamble to the U.S. Constitution in the phrase "in order to form a more perfect Union"). By the same token, perfect often means "ideal for the purposes," as in There could be no more perfect spot for the picnic, where modification by degree makes perfect sense. See Usage Notes at absolute, equal, unique.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
perfect
adj [ˈpɜːfɪkt]
1. having all essential elements
2. unblemished; faultless a perfect gemstone
3. correct or precise perfect timing
4. utter or absolute a perfect stranger
5. excellent in all respects a perfect day
6. (Mathematics) Maths exactly divisible into equal integral or polynomial roots 36 is a perfect square
7. (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Botany) Botany
a.* (of flowers) having functional stamens and pistils
b.* (of plants) having all parts present
8. (Linguistics / Grammar) Grammar denoting a tense of verbs used in describing an action that has been completed by the subject. In English this is a compound tense, formed with have or has plus the past participle
9. (Music, other) Music
a.* of or relating to the intervals of the unison, fourth, fifth, and octave
b.* (of a cadence) ending on the tonic chord, giving a feeling of conclusion Also full final Compare imperfect [6]
10. Archaic positive certain, or assured
11. Music Designating the three basic intervals of the octave, fourth, and fifth.
n.
1. Grammar The perfect tense.
2. A verb or verb form in the perfect tense.
tr.v. (pr-fkt) per·fect·ed, per·fect·ing, per·fects
To bring to perfection or completion.
[Middle English perfit, from Old French parfit, from Latin perfectus, past participle of perficere, to finish : per-, per- + facere, to do; see dh- in Indo-European roots.]
per·fecter n.
perfect·ness n.
Synonyms: perfect, consummate, faultless, flawless, impeccable
These adjectives mean being wholly without flaw: a perfect diamond; a consummate performer; faultless logic; a flawless instrumental technique; speaks impeccable French.
Usage Note: Some people maintain that perfect is an absolute term like chief and prime, and therefore cannot be modified by more, quite, relatively, and other qualifiers of degree. But the qualification of perfect has many reputable precedents (most notably in the preamble to the U.S. Constitution in the phrase "in order to form a more perfect Union"). By the same token, perfect often means "ideal for the purposes," as in There could be no more perfect spot for the picnic, where modification by degree makes perfect sense. See Usage Notes at absolute, equal, unique.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
ThesaurusLegend: @Synonyms #Related Words %Antonyms
Noun
1.
perfect - a tense of verbs used in describing action that has been completed (sometimes regarded as perfective aspect)
@ perfect tense, perfective, perfective tense
# tense - a grammatical category of verbs used to express distinctions of time
# present perfect, present perfect tense - a perfective tense used to express action completed in the present; "`I have finished' is an example of the present perfect"
# past perfect, past perfect tense, pluperfect, pluperfect tense - a perfective tense used to express action completed in the past; "`I had finished' is an example of the past perfect"
# future perfect, future perfect tense - a perfective tense used to describe action that will be completed in the future; "`I will have finished' is an example of the future perfect"
Verb
1.
perfect - make perfect or complete; "perfect your French in Paris!"
@ hone
# optimise, optimize - make optimal; get the most out of; use best; "optimize your resources"
# ameliorate, improve, meliorate, amend, better - to make better; "The editor improved the manuscript with his changes"
# polish up, brush up, round off, polish, round - bring to a highly developed, finished, or refined state; "polish your social manners"
Adj.
1.
perfect - being complete of its kind and without defect or blemish; "a perfect circle"; "a perfect reproduction"; "perfect happiness"; "perfect manners"; "a perfect specimen"; "a perfect day"
# unblemished, unmarred, unmutilated - free from physical or moral spots or stains; "an unblemished record"; "an unblemished complexion"
# unbroken - not broken; whole and intact; in one piece; "fortunately the other lens is unbroken"
# exact - marked by strict and particular and complete accordance with fact; "an exact mind"; "an exact copy"; "hit the exact center of the target"
# utopian - characterized by or aspiring to impracticable perfection; "the dim utopian future"; "utopian idealists"; "recognized the utopian nature of his hopes"
% imperfect - not perfect; defective or inadequate; "had only an imperfect understanding of his responsibilities"; "imperfect mortals"; "drainage here is imperfect"
2.
perfect - without qualification; used informally as (often pejorative) intensifiers; "an arrant fool"; "a complete coward"; "a consummate fool"; "a double-dyed villain"; "gross negligence"; "a perfect idiot"; "pure folly"; "what a sodding mess"; "stark staring mad"; "a thoroughgoing villain"; "utter nonsense"; "the unadulterated truth"
@ arrant, double-dyed, sodding, utter, thoroughgoing, unadulterated, staring, pure, everlasting, consummate, stark, complete, gross
# unmitigated - not diminished or moderated in intensity or severity; sometimes used as an intensifier; "unmitigated suffering"; "an unmitigated horror"; "an unmitigated lie"
3.
perfect - precisely accurate or exact; "perfect timing"
# exact - marked by strict and particular and complete accordance with fact; "an exact mind"; "an exact copy"; "hit the exact center of the target"
Based on WordNet 3.0, Farlex clipart collection. © 2003-2008 Princeton University, Farlex Inc.
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I love to love and for no other reason than just that. No kidding. I believe whole-heartedly in love. :happy:follow Love instead
some people who follow their heart, only think of their heart alone and pay no attention to others'
just as one example
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Very true. Your heart can lead you astray. There could be flaws in your logic. But following the course of love will never steer you wrong.
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Humilis Curator - Thank you for inviting me to visit this Thread. Right now I just sense darkness around me, and I have no sense of clarity in either my Heart or my Head. Why this is I do not know. I wonder if I have entered a Stormy area, or if I have made the wrong turn in my Journey. Where does Intuition fit into all of this?
I imagine you are a quite balanced person, thus this balanced approach. I was reading somewhere, that even though the mind and heart have this interaction, there must be a singular goal and direction, in a persons journey. Emotions without constraint is not a good thing. And the mind can either be friend of foe, dependent on Desires.
"For the being who has conquered the mind; that beings mind is the best of friends; but for one whose mind is uncontrolled, that very mind acts as the worst of enemies." - Bhagavad Gita
I will write some more after doing more thinking...There is something here I am missing.
Your attempts to act with the head and heart as one are admirable. Keep it up. Maybe one day I can too be balanced. I am quite an unbalanced person I think. I will wait this storm out, and maybe I will have some clarity in a few days. This is why I have been so quiet; I should turn to friends, in this time. Thanks for poking me and waking me up!
Getting back to the subject here...Isn't there a time when one leads the other? (Head and Heart). There are some regions where the mind cannot provide answers. And certainly some circumstances where Heart is not required. So Pacifique is getting at maybe in which circumstances one would be used and not the other.
Pacifique, where are you going here, with your question? What brings you ask this?
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I don't think there is a circumstancial answer for when one should use the heart or the mind. I believe a helpful answer may lie in that knowing ones' heart will pick up the slack of the mind and vice versa. This is what I deem as them both working hand in hand. Staying true to my heart/love has seen me through many terrible and wonderful things. My mind is at peace with this.
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I think that's a fair question, and I don't know that I or anybody can have a definitive answer to it. But I think there may be some general guiding principles that could be useful.
One that has already been mentioned, to follow the course of love, would be my first thought. Sometimes that would require you to follow your head instead of your heart. For example, you may feel a very strong attraction to a man who is married with children. You sense that he may be a little overwhelmed with his responsibilities and in a weak frame of mind, but that he actually loves his wife and kids. You would love to pursue a covert relationship with this man, especially since he has shown signs that he's attracted to you, but your mind tells you that it would not be the loving thing to do. You decide to go with your mind rather than your heart.
Another example: A stray cat shows up at your door. You know in your mind that the logical course would be to call animal control or take the cat to the shelter, because you can't have a cat. You have no time for animals, and you know that adopting this cat would really complicate things for you. But your heart goes out to the cat, it's very thin and obviously in need of medical care. It also appears to be begging you to help it. Love would dictate that you set aside your personal concerns and simply take care of the poor thing. The cat seems to have chosen you, and you choose it. Years later, you still have this cat, which has grown to be a gorgeous thing, very loving and entertaining. And you know that you made the wisest decision, because it was based on love.
Do you see how love transcends both heart and mind?
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Heart of Darkness
I am in a dark mood; where my path is not clear...My thoughts have lead to this book, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, for some reason...
"I did not betray Mr. Kurtz--it was ordered I should never betray him--it was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice. I was anxious to deal with this shadow by myself alone--and to this day I don't know why I was so jealous of sharing with anyone the peculiar blackness of that experience."
- Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness, Part 3
"I raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed somber under an overcast sky--seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness."
- Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness, Part 3
I am in a dark mood; where my path is not clear...My thoughts have lead to this book, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, for some reason...
"I did not betray Mr. Kurtz--it was ordered I should never betray him--it was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice. I was anxious to deal with this shadow by myself alone--and to this day I don't know why I was so jealous of sharing with anyone the peculiar blackness of that experience."
- Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness, Part 3
"I raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed somber under an overcast sky--seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness."
- Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness, Part 3
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