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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
how do you act around them? i started one on the INTJ thread and i relate a LOT to the things they wrote on there so i thought i'd start one for INFJs too.:tongue:

GO!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 · (Edited)
ok... ill start but im quoting things from the INTJ thread i relate to:

Fantasize, then get disappointed because life doesn't live up to expectation, then try to contain and destroy all emotion, then acknowledge some emotion, then pretend not to notice emotion, then quietly reconcile self with emotion one day
Overall, it knocks me for six when I end up especially liking someone and I never know how to act, how much contact to make and worry that I'm intruding, being obsessive or just being a moron and projecting my own feelings into her every word, look and action.
I find that when I'm interested in someone, I tend to over-think everything. Plan and strategize for each interaction. A subtle combination of avoiding and seeking out the person. I am a total stalker.
When I find somebody that catches my eye I observe them, profile them, learn their behaviours and seek out any inconsistencies. I will do this for days, weeks, months. I try to absorb as much information out of what is available to form a larger picture. Even manipulate them to notice me in the light that I want to be noticed. I will do this before even approaching said person as I will have it pretty well mapped out in my head how they will react and what angle to approach them with.
 

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Listed in steps:
1. Curiosity overload! find out as much information about them as I possibly can, methods vary, then overanalyze the information I obtained to bits and pieces
2. At this point the overanalysis has yield some results, so emotion has either subsided if something unsavory has been found but often it was made only stronger because my thoughts were revolving around same person over and over again
3. If emotion has become stronger, start suffocating from it, and as a result start freezing up and ignoring the person or obviously acting very weird around them
4. The person starts to suspect something as I'm not a very good actor
5. Start ignoring with double strength in hopes that they will stop suspecting anything
6. Step 5 usually works so phew!
7. Infatuation and curiosity die out in a while.

That's how most of my crushes have proceeded in school. In college I was in a relationship all through it, so crushing on other guys was out of the question. Right now I don't seem to experience the same gush of feelings I did when I was younger, but may be I just haven't met the right person yet :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Once again, vel, get out of my head seriously!!!!!!!! :crazy::crazy::crazy: i copied some stuff from the INTJs that i can most relate to, but your steps describe EXACTLY what i'm going through right now. I just went through step 4 in the last two weeks, and I am now going through step 5 of ignoring with a double strength. To get things back to "normal'. Usually infatuation and curiosity die out around this time, but seeing my curiosity is still peaked by this person. :blushed: we'll see, im taking things slowly and dragging out step 5 - and if the curiosity is still there after a month.... :wink:
 

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just so difficult to have all this Fe - INTJs at least go all softer when they are alone - we start to go all feelsy when we are around the person
it is like I can sit and rationally think though what I am going to do or say - but then I see the person and at that moment all my thoughts and logic suddenly grow wings and fly out of the window :crazy:

I agree with you in that I think it is best to wait out until emotion subdues a bit. Initially it is just too suffocating :frustrating:
 

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I get super nervous around them, I try to avoid them. Yet, I can't stop looking their way. If I spend enough time around them I try to get to know them better, but way too slowly.
 

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Hello. I scored INFJ but I am still trying to figure myself out, I will participate though.

I pretend not to be interested.. Usually I glance at them from far away to see if there is any eye contact, but very subtle.
Then usually I try to get an idea of what they are like and I try to find things in common from far away.

Then if there is eye contact and I feel we might be kindred spirits, I smile and MAYBE I ask them for something casually to strike conversation , or just say hi to see how they react to me. But I get really nervous! and usually just pretend not to be interested..dunno why.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
oh and i secretly wonder if they are also on PerC. if i see anyone's posts that sounds like them, i immediately stalk that person's posts until i can rule out it's not that person.... :tongue: um i guess thats not a secret anymroe
 

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oh and i secretly wonder if they are also on PerC. if i see anyone's posts that sounds like them, i immediately stalk that person's posts until i can rule out it's not that person.... :tongue: um i guess thats not a secret anymroe
lol so that's why you've been hanging around INTJ forums so much :tongue:

i actually tried to point my INTJ acquaintance in direction of MBTI, I tried to make curious about it as he was showing a lot of interest in psychology - so now sometimes I wonder if he might be lurking around INTJ subforum somewhere hehe

but sadly it is unlikely ... i think he read about Jung and thought that it is some kind of outdated quackery
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
:tongue::tongue::tongue:

it is seriously so freaky how much he sounds like all the other I NTJs on there. I think he's one of those people, i swear. but the profile says a different city? and different occupation? Hm :bored: It's not that hard to change that... still a chance it might be him? :crazy::crazy::crazy:

wishful thinking to satisfy my curiosity.
 

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I've only really liked one person, so I will just write about that.. I found it a funny experience because my reaction, behaviour was so unexpected. I only analyzed myself when I had to leave the city. I was just so caught up in the feelings =)

I definitely treat them so well.. I'm very warm towards them, smile a lot, am very bubbly.. It's a huge contrast to how I am most of the time. I like to be nice to people but I often forget to smile or to make my speech more lively ---but when I find someone I really like, it comes out of me so easily, almost hard to control.
I share meals, I mend their clothes, I'll go out of my way to make their day easier. If they want to go someplace and they don't know the area, I will take them there myself, spend the day with them. There have been a couple of cases where I end up arranging things so that we go for walks together... But I do it unconsciously, honestly (<_<);; I'll watch them, see what they're interested in, and then I'll point out my observations, using those to ask more questions. I would also find something in the same topic that I relate to. I show them things I've made or things I found that day that I like.. Ask what do you think? I'm fairly forward, and tend to initiate everything but sometimes I do it in a way so they ask me instead. No harm in that, I think.

Usually I am reserved around people.. I had a barista tell me I was timid. But when there is someone I like, I was surprised I feel so much more freedom than usual. Hardly self-conscious etc etc... I don't think much, It's very much by instinct or auto-pilot. I was so enlightened by the experience that I started to use it as inspiration for when meeting random strangers, the way I conduct conversations, so hospitable.. I make the people feel really well.. and it was something interesting to discover, that I am actually able to do that. Sometimes I come off too strong (so I'm still tweaking my technique), but I know for this person I liked, it wasn't taken in a weird way.....
 

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I try to interact with them somehow, and give them a warm smile. Each time I interact I'll try to find out something about their personality or show some of mine, try to make more jokes.
I'll observe them and analyse them.
Try to figure out if they are attracted to me, or just acting normal.
 

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When I like someone, I definitely go into detective mode (or stalker, if you prefer). My intent is not malicious but I'm looking to find all the things we have in common so I can start up a conversation easier. I get a brain freeze when I try to interact with them so I like to have a checklist or idea bank of topics to talk about. I do get a little obsessive over my crushes. I know that infatuation is probably the best part of a crush because it holds so much potential - I haven't been let down...yet. I observe eye contact and body language to see if they're interested. I keep track of how often I interact with them because I don't want to be too intrusive but I also don't want them to forget about me. (Thank you texting timestamps!) Why do I make it such a PROCESS?!
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