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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What constitutes good questions? I don't get the feeling I'm doing this. I try to ask about what may seem interesting to them, besides this I don't know what they want from me. Do I need to say it in an interesting way? I feel like there is something crucial I'm not getting.


Oh and if this is not your cup of tea, I don't blame you. Feel free to derail this thread in any way you see fit.
 
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Remember that most people are sensors even on dating sites. They are going to like to talk about things you might consider boring, forced, and unnatural. So this is not a case of you doing wrong. Sensors will often be drawn to other sensors and extroverts. So no matter how well you do and how much you try, these people are just going to be drawn towards other people.

Not knowing what they want from you is a typical INTP feeling. You don't really understand the interest in small talk and aren't sure what they want to hear from you.

If you meet a fellow intuitive, you will forget that you're talking and the conversation will flow without you even realizing it. And if you end up talking about something deep that doesn't constitute small talk, the fellow intuitive won't think it's weird at all.

On a first conversation you may find a lot to say about the deeper insights you've noticed about relationships and your beliefs about what a relationship should be about. For example, say "I notice a lot of people cheat in relationships and I don't want that. I think "What's the point, then, if you just want to be single?" A fellow intuitive will jump right in and get excited that you have these insights, and a conversation will flow easily, and you'll get to know the other person in the process.
 

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If you're like most of us, you'll look at her profile and come up with some interesting questions based on common interests etc. Perfectly valid conversation starters, but the problem when it comes to online dating is that the girl-guy ratio is really not in our favor. They've mostly likely seen the same kinds of questions many times over every day, especially if they are even remotely attractive or interesting. Unless you find ways to really stand out, you'll be lost in the crowd. I've spend tons of time trying to craft the perfect questions and rarely if ever get responses.

I've found that a much better approach is instead of using our Ti to craft interesting questions in hopes of getting a response is to use our Ne to come up with completely random, fun, and otherwise crazy ideas to get their attention and then win them over with those thoughtful questions and things you saw on their profile to get the first date.

For example, if they say they like doctor who, make your intro message a time traveling scenario and see if they play along. Or come up with some outlandish hypothetical question or even build your message around an awesome movie/tv quote from one of their favorites. The important thing is to show creativity, show humor, be different and get her attention. Of course you'll still plenty of no replies, but I've found it works a lot better then asking the same questions they've seen 100s of times.
 

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Do you believe in free will? What do you think about the war in Ukraine? Why is your favourite book your favourite? Do you believe in the accuracy of MBTI? How do you think life got started on Earth? What kind of art do you prefer, why?

But I'm not a girl on a dating site, so you should probably ignore this.
 

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I would just talk about my insights about life and the world, if the girl is an intuitive she'll find you interesting and you won't have to worry about how you word things or what she's thinking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
screw it, I'm just going to leave with how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood and most likely never hear from her again.

I pretty much did all of these things everyone suggested so far you see.
 

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I go on random based on profile. Whoever answers, answers. Judging by the few chicks whose profiles I've seen they mostly get "Hi" "Hey beautiful" or random variations. Obviously you won't get to a sensor with a bunch of questions but chances are if she answers, she is usually worth talking to (that of course also depends on who you choose to write to). Also, so many INFPs in there :kitteh:
 

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Sometimes people just don't bite, and it in no way reflects upon the quality of you as a person or your opening line itself.

Don't take it to hard :)

Finding common interest or expressing curiosity about the person in question is usually a good start. But those giant paragraphs can be a little off-putting. Even if they were attracted to your profile initially!

It's a weird dance almost as complex (maybe more complex?) than the face-to-face dating game you're trying to avoid...
 

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You could also ask how long does it take to go 80 miles at 80 mph.
Lol or sk her "What are you thinking right now?"
Is there better question? :tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·

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you probably came to the wrong forum with this question
the sex and relationships threads would generate better responses from non NT's
as a NT with a 100% introversion rating i truly suck at dating and dating sites
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
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screw it, I'm just going to leave with how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood and most likely never hear from her again.

I pretty much did all of these things everyone suggested so far you see.
Sometimes the question should actually be a mechanism for self disclosure. It shows your interests, its not just a naked query.
What do you want to say about yourself? That's an important prereq for good communication, I think. Without it, you're fumbling blind and you might get lucky but not on purpose.
 

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Sometimes the question should actually be a mechanism for self disclosure. It shows your interests, its not just a naked query.
What do you want to say about yourself? That's an important prereq for good communication, I think. Without it, you're fumbling blind and you might get lucky but not on purpose.
I agree with this completely. Lay all your cards on the table so that she knows what she's getting herself into. A sensor wont even waste her time with your questions, but you might get some really good replies from intuitives.
 

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I agree with this completely. Lay all your cards on the table so that she knows what she's getting herself into. A sensor wont even waste her time with your questions, but you might get some really good replies from intuitives.
I'm not so sure it's that hard to find a connection with a sensor. the whole point of common ground is that it's not exclusive and surely you can find some common ground with sensors.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I'm not so sure it's that hard to find a connection with a sensor. the whole point of common ground is that it's not exclusive and surely you can find some common ground with sensors.
I get along with all kinds of sensors. It's a matter of their ability to look beyond the convenient when it comes to the source of their judgement. There is a convenience to their conscious perception facilitating the kinds of stereotypes they derive about people, or behavior, or ways of phrasing sentences. Just like it probably drives them up the wall that NTP types find it much more convenient to deny any of these things. But common conclusions can certainly be made. Although I don't have a very optimistic perspective on the general ability for people to judge character in these kinds of situations; there have been too many horror stories of misreading people. That said, it actually does seem like it's getting better. And I've noticed in general the older the person is the better judgements they make. After all S types grow with experience more dramatically than N types.
 
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