[Bear987]

In the You know you're an INFJ when... -thread, @IcyShiv mentioned that you know you're an INFJ when "You have a hidden dark side that nobody suspects that you actually have". I can relate to this in a huge way, which prompts me to talk about / ask about the following:

To avoid embarrassment, I prefer to remain vague about why I sometimes feel like I'm a monster for now - but I do feel this way. I figure it is best to stay away from other people. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. This worries me to no end. I don't want define myself by my darkest side, but I can't seem to escape from it. My... let's say weirdness seems to influence or instigate my every thought and my actions too. I feel so alone.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a bad place right now. Maybe I've just lost my balance, which causes my darker side to gain ground. If you can relate to this in any way, please share some of your experiences with me. Also, I appreciate constructive criticism and/or any words of wisdom (mediocre and up ) that might shed some light on my struggle.

 

[bubbleboy]

To avoid embarrassment, I prefer to remain vague about why I sometimes feel like I'm a monster for now - but I do feel this way. I figure it is best to stay away from other people. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. This worries me to no end. I don't want define myself by my darkest side, but I can't seem to escape from it. My... let's say weirdness seems to influence or instigate my every thought and my actions too. I feel so alone.

If you are as self-critical and conflicted as you seem then it's very likely that you are far from a monster. You say you don't fit in anywhere, but I'm pretty sure you fit in here just fine. I know I definitely relate to and have experienced what you talk about in your post. Staying away from people is probably the worst thing you can do for yourself despite what you may feel. It just feeds into the belief that your darker half is taking over. You need to challenge this belief! It's scary at first, but practice makes perfect. I'm confident there's not one single person on this planet that you don't have something in common with. The only way to discover these things though is if you put yourself out there and let people see you for who you really are. What you call "weirdness" is something I'm sure that a lot of people would find very interesting. I consider weird a good thing.

 

[ibage]

We all have a dark side to us. It's a human trait. Mine comes out when I bottle things up for too long without venting. Just remember, you need people to talk to. When you shut yourself in, don't shut everyone else out. But it really sounds like it's just a rough patch. I've never really "fit in" like everyone else did except among friends and family. Your niche is somewhere and you'll find it. Beating yourself up and reinforcing your barrier won't help at all.

This all sounds normal so keep yourself open. You need to be able to talk to someone.

 

[zhaek]

I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a bad place right now. Maybe I've just lost my balance, which causes my darker side to gain ground. If you can relate to this in any way, please share some of your experiences with me. Also, I appreciate constructive criticism and/or any words of wisdom (mediocre and up ) that might shed some light on my struggle.

When you say you have lost your balance I knew exactly how you feel, I can say I'm in a similar place right now and have lost the thing that really keeps me going (my balance) and my world i spinning with the peaces of the puzzle scattered around, none of which are falling where they should. I feel really cold and almost alone right now, because I feel there are so few people I can talk to and/or can help

 

[ohnoezitsjoez]

I can be a real despicable monster. I find my obsessive nature can lead me to do some terrible things. I only do it when I get out of whack mentally or emotionally. I usually do it when I am trying to find something out and I dont have enough data, so I take to... unsavory means in order to get this data. I can count on one hand how many times in my life I have done it, and once I got caught and got counter-hacked as a result (it was a real Mr. and Mrs. Smith moment, kinda beautiful in a messed up sorta way).

I dont like it, but I know how to manipulate people. I just learn things about them, and able to use it against them if I wish. Again, I have done it maybe... 4 times in my entire life, but the knowledge and ability is always there. I have only used it maliciously once (the time I got caught ironically) and the other times it was my obsessive nature making me impatient for information and compelled me to "snoop."

If only people around me knew. I know, right now, I could get into the Facebook account of 3 people around me with little effort, just a bit of manipulation. Not that I have any desire to, but I could. It makes me glad I am not a spiteful or just plain evil person, I could really do some damage and cause some havoc if I was a cold heart bastage.

 

[Curiously]

You're human. We all have dark sides. From my personal experience, the more I ignore the existence of my dark sides, the more I suffer. I'm not implying that I readily immerse myself in manifesting those dark sides, but I at least give them proper consideration and acknowledgement. I suppose I figure this is better than to deny their very existence and thus enable them to fester in insidious ways like a pest. Everything has a counter(balance): black has white, good has evil, love has hate, and so forth.

 

[Collossus]

When my dark side takes over... I cry alone until it leaves me.

 

[ENTPfemme]

I dont like it, but I know how to manipulate people. I just learn things about them, and able to use it against them if I wish. Again, I have done it maybe... 4 times in my entire life, but the knowledge and ability is always there. I have only used it maliciously once (the time I got caught ironically) and the other times it was my obsessive nature making me impatient for information and compelled me to "snoop."

Ha this is hilarious. I do this shit too! Now I only do this if I feel the situation is well warranted. I mean, if someone has been directly on my ass, and I have warned them nice, and they just won't get off my ass, then I go into pissed off mode. Now seriously, no one wants to see me in this mode. It's like Jekyl/Hydess x 25 million. I mean it can get bad. But it can be like that without it getting obvious. I rarely have to raise my voice with adults anyway. Ha! I start pulling strings, calling in favours, subtly touching bits of this and that until I have a canvas set a certain way. The pieces are there, just waiting to be played. Count them step 1-2-3-4-5-6- oh and then BANG THE SHIT HITS THE FAN---WE HAVE LIFTOFF. MUAHAHAHAHAHA God I relish chess. Now, interestingly enough, no guilt accompanies this process. It is stellar, calm, and kind of invisible. I feel no remorse. I then am purged to move on with my life. I don't need anyones damn apology, and if they don't want to give it that is fine. But don't cross me, I swear, things go very badly if I am crossed. And I will deliver the whole package with a grin. Isn't that interesting? I fascinate myself daily. Blackmail is my best friend, whispered threats, etc. Turns me on big time. God how I love games. *shameless*

 

[Noelle]

I think I've 'been there' for the majority of my life.


I don't even know what advice to give to help you get out of it, sometimes I wonder if I'm still 'in it' permanently. But one thing I can say is EVERYONE has a dark side, INFJs are just more AWARE of it. It frightens me to no end that I can manipulate people, drag them down and shove their soul in a blender, make them happy when they shouldn't be happy, it's a crushing realization, and I've thought "I never want to do this, what if I do it on accident? Best just to never interact with others and it will never happen and no one will ever hurt me into using these tactics..."

It's just a spiral you have to get out of, but you have to find out why you were put in that spiral? Was it guilt? Say you are sorry, take a deep breath, and move on knowing you are wiser. Were you hurt? Interact with others, slowly, in a way that you are comfortable with (aka, a forum where you don't have to talk face to face, or perhaps animals whom you'd never want to hurt anyway.) Or, just get outside. Take your Se for a ride to get you out of the Ni-Ti loop. You'll feel 'lighter' in a sense afterwards. (There's a reason why people say exercise reduces stress.)

Good luck.

 

[Bear987]

I'm confident there's not one single person on this planet that you don't have something in common with. The only way to discover these things though is if you put yourself out there and let people see you for who you really are. What you call "weirdness" is something I'm sure that a lot of people would find very interesting. I consider weird a good thing.

When I interact with the people I work with, or with family members - I see that people do respond to me and sometimes even like me. Just last week a colleague asked me to come to a car show (rodeo) with him and two of his friends. I joined them and I had fun.

My problem is not so much that other people do not like me, or that I am scared of other people - as it is that I don't like myself the way I am around people. I feel like I have to stretch and bend myself in so many ways, just to interact with others in a way I feel will be acceptable to them. It's tiresome to me.

In any case, thanks for reaching out.

 

[Bear987]

But one thing I can say is EVERYONE has a dark side, INFJs are just more AWARE of it. ... Or, just get outside. Take your Se for a ride to get you out of the Ni-Ti loop. You'll feel 'lighter' in a sense afterwards.

Good point - maybe I am no more capable of "being bad" than anyone else: maybe I am just more aware of it than others. I guess I could try and take my sensing my dark side in stride, instead of worrying or complaining about it.

You are right about getting outside too. Today I walked underneath a big tree, with this season's fresh green leaves and when I looked up, all I saw were white clouds, blue sky and green leaves. I stopped and stared some more. I realized that the air, water and vegetation is all we humans need to live and that just looking up at them the way I was made me completely satisfied and somewhat totally happy.

Thanks for reaching out to me.

 

[Bear987]

When my dark side takes over... I cry alone until it leaves me.

Sometimes I wish I could do the same. I never succeed. I feel like I have lost my innocence long ago and thereby lost the right to cry like an innocent child. I don't know.

Thanks for reaching out though, and I totally love your avatar.

 

[Noelle]

Good point - maybe I am no more capable of "being bad" than anyone else: maybe I am just more aware of it than others. I guess I could try and take my sensing my dark side in stride, instead of worrying or complaining about it.

Thanks for reaching out to me.

No problem.


While I would be lying if I didn't say I often have trouble with the same thing, I think even though it feels like a curse, it can be a gift to know your capabilities of hurting people. That way you can stop and think before you do things, most people can't/won't do that, and that's a big problem with the world. We don't walk around like our sh*t don't stink like other types, and there's a reason why people don't like them.

 

[Bear987]

... but I at least give them proper consideration and acknowledgement. I suppose I figure this is better than to deny their very existence and thus enable them to fester in insidious ways like a pest. Everything has a counter(balance): black has white, good has evil, love has hate, and so forth.

I can't disagree with this, as I am a big fan of Carl Jung and your words sound very Jung-esque to me. Maybe I can get some grip when I allow my darker sides some more room without hurting anyone - including myself. I will try and think about ways in which I can balance myself by acknowledging the parts that counter the "good parts" in me. Maybe I don't have to choose between being bad or good, yin or yang - maybe I should be both.

Thanks for reaching out; you've instigated some fascinating new thoughts in my mind.

 

[Collossus]

Sometimes I wish I could do the same. I never succeed. I feel like I have lost my innocence long ago and thereby lost the right to cry like an innocent child. I don't know.

Thanks for reaching out though, and I totally love your avatar.

Thanks for your appreciation. Crying is not like when I was a child anymore. Back then my family knew when I was crying and tried to help me so the bad feelings would go away completely. Now I cry alone with no one to support me and because of this somehow I can't manage to get rid of all the bad emotions I experience, they continue to haunt me even after I stopped crying.

To add to what I said earlier, my dark side is made primarily of emotions like guilt, frustration, lack of sense in life and most importantly lack of deep connections with other people (and I always blame myself for it so this is a continuous circle). Last time it happened because someone I trusted deeply was not the person I thought to be.

 

[Aizar]

RAWRBLAM <-- is pretty much how mine manifests.

I'm going through a similar funk. As a friend said, "I get the feeling you completely miss your smaller accomplishments." My immediate thought was "If they're small, why do they matter?"

And..still feeling that way, actually. That feeling that no matter what I say or do, I won't matter.

And I guess to some specimens of humanity, that's true. But if it's true, why waste my time beating a dead horse? There's other people who love me IN SPITE of what I do.

And that's when my insecure side chimes in with "Yeah, they love me NOW, what about in the future? It won't last." Well, yeah, nothing DOES last. I won't either.

So I can not even try, never having anything...or enjoy it for all its worth now before its time to say goodbye. Realizing, the more I put myself out there, the more people I'll know to say "hello!" to after that goodbye...

Like that saying, you'll never land on the moon if you never shoot for it. And even if you miss it, you'll still land among the stars. Kinda cheesy, but still true.

At least, that's what I've been trying to tell myself lately. :tongue:

It's your right to be selective about the things you chose to do or not do, or people you choose to be with. For every cloud there's a silver lining. For every act that you do that's "bad", there's a way it's very, very good, too. In a world of grays, perspective is everything.

 

[Anonandon]

being completely honest (perhaps dangerously so lol) my dark side is brash, cold, pessimistic, and sometimes hurtful. I'm usually so idealistic and kind, but sometimes I just get this "I'm sick of it. Screw them all!" mood where I'm just sick of humanity. I think it stems from just feeling like there are no decent people left when I've been seriously hurt by everyone I know at some point.

 

[ibage]

...but sometimes I just get this "I'm sick of it. Screw them all!" mood where I'm just sick of humanity

This is close to what it's like working in fast food. A few weeks back, we had some jack*** decide to throw a sandwich at one of the managers and insult another coworker over a mistake in the order that was his fault to begin with. A buddy and I were ready to forcefully remove him from the store if the need had arisen. Neither of us are aggressive by any means nor are we confrontational. The manager ended up calling the cops. Yeah, working in food service gives me that "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" feeling quite often.

There are times I will admit that I get along great with my "dark side"...

 

[Anonandon]

There are times I will admit that I get along great with my "dark side"...

I completely agree.

 

[setzer]

In the You know you're an INFJ when... -thread, @IcyShiv mentioned that you know you're an INFJ when "You have a hidden dark side that nobody suspects that you actually have". I can relate to this in a huge way, which prompts me to talk about / ask about the following:

To avoid embarrassment, I prefer to remain vague about why I sometimes feel like I'm a monster for now - but I do feel this way. I figure it is best to stay away from other people. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. This worries me to no end. I don't want define myself by my darkest side, but I can't seem to escape from it. My... let's say weirdness seems to influence or instigate my every thought and my actions too. I feel so alone.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a bad place right now. Maybe I've just lost my balance, which causes my darker side to gain ground. If you can relate to this in any way, please share some of your experiences with me. Also, I appreciate constructive criticism and/or any words of wisdom (mediocre and up ) that might shed some light on my struggle.

For me it's not hidden, it's more of a shadow, a shadow no one else but me sees. There's no way to read minds yet so I'm still alone in seeing my own shadow. It's a part of me which I'm not to sure if I want to keep. You and me are very much alike "cub"(looks at avatar). As @bubbleboy says "If you are as self-critical and conflicted as you seem then it's very likely that you are far from a monster. You say you don't fit in anywhere, but I'm pretty sure you fit in here just fine." That fits right onto me as well.

Yes you're in a dark time now, but don't let the darkest thoughts fester and gain strength. And also don't isolate yourself that won't help the feeling.

Hmm I'm missing a obligatory smiley :mellow:what the heck lets make it two:wink: