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When your hidden dark side takes over...

[INFJ] 
6K views 46 replies 28 participants last post by  MrBrightside 
#1 ·
In the You know you're an INFJ when... -thread, @IcyShiv mentioned that you know you're an INFJ when "You have a hidden dark side that nobody suspects that you actually have". I can relate to this in a huge way, which prompts me to talk about / ask about the following:

To avoid embarrassment, I prefer to remain vague about why I sometimes feel like I'm a monster for now - but I do feel this way. I figure it is best to stay away from other people. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. This worries me to no end. I don't want define myself by my darkest side, but I can't seem to escape from it. My... let's say weirdness seems to influence or instigate my every thought and my actions too. I feel so alone.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a bad place right now. Maybe I've just lost my balance, which causes my darker side to gain ground. If you can relate to this in any way, please share some of your experiences with me. Also, I appreciate constructive criticism and/or any words of wisdom (mediocre and up :p) that might shed some light on my struggle.
 
#2 ·
To avoid embarrassment, I prefer to remain vague about why I sometimes feel like I'm a monster for now - but I do feel this way. I figure it is best to stay away from other people. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. This worries me to no end. I don't want define myself by my darkest side, but I can't seem to escape from it. My... let's say weirdness seems to influence or instigate my every thought and my actions too. I feel so alone.
If you are as self-critical and conflicted as you seem then it's very likely that you are far from a monster. You say you don't fit in anywhere, but I'm pretty sure you fit in here just fine. I know I definitely relate to and have experienced what you talk about in your post. Staying away from people is probably the worst thing you can do for yourself despite what you may feel. It just feeds into the belief that your darker half is taking over. You need to challenge this belief! It's scary at first, but practice makes perfect. I'm confident there's not one single person on this planet that you don't have something in common with. The only way to discover these things though is if you put yourself out there and let people see you for who you really are. What you call "weirdness" is something I'm sure that a lot of people would find very interesting. I consider weird a good thing.
 
#10 ·
I'm confident there's not one single person on this planet that you don't have something in common with. The only way to discover these things though is if you put yourself out there and let people see you for who you really are. What you call "weirdness" is something I'm sure that a lot of people would find very interesting. I consider weird a good thing.
When I interact with the people I work with, or with family members - I see that people do respond to me and sometimes even like me. Just last week a colleague asked me to come to a car show (rodeo) with him and two of his friends. I joined them and I had fun.

My problem is not so much that other people do not like me, or that I am scared of other people - as it is that I don't like myself the way I am around people. I feel like I have to stretch and bend myself in so many ways, just to interact with others in a way I feel will be acceptable to them. It's tiresome to me.

In any case, thanks for reaching out.
 
#3 ·
We all have a dark side to us. It's a human trait. Mine comes out when I bottle things up for too long without venting. Just remember, you need people to talk to. When you shut yourself in, don't shut everyone else out. But it really sounds like it's just a rough patch. I've never really "fit in" like everyone else did except among friends and family. Your niche is somewhere and you'll find it. Beating yourself up and reinforcing your barrier won't help at all.

This all sounds normal so keep yourself open. You need to be able to talk to someone.
 
#4 ·
I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a bad place right now. Maybe I've just lost my balance, which causes my darker side to gain ground. If you can relate to this in any way, please share some of your experiences with me. Also, I appreciate constructive criticism and/or any words of wisdom (mediocre and up :p) that might shed some light on my struggle.
When you say you have lost your balance I knew exactly how you feel, I can say I'm in a similar place right now and have lost the thing that really keeps me going (my balance) and my world i spinning with the peaces of the puzzle scattered around, none of which are falling where they should. I feel really cold and almost alone right now, because I feel there are so few people I can talk to and/or can help :unsure:
 
#5 ·
I can be a real despicable monster. I find my obsessive nature can lead me to do some terrible things. I only do it when I get out of whack mentally or emotionally. I usually do it when I am trying to find something out and I dont have enough data, so I take to... unsavory means in order to get this data. I can count on one hand how many times in my life I have done it, and once I got caught and got counter-hacked as a result (it was a real Mr. and Mrs. Smith moment, kinda beautiful in a messed up sorta way).

I dont like it, but I know how to manipulate people. I just learn things about them, and able to use it against them if I wish. Again, I have done it maybe... 4 times in my entire life, but the knowledge and ability is always there. I have only used it maliciously once (the time I got caught ironically) and the other times it was my obsessive nature making me impatient for information and compelled me to "snoop."

If only people around me knew. I know, right now, I could get into the Facebook account of 3 people around me with little effort, just a bit of manipulation. Not that I have any desire to, but I could. It makes me glad I am not a spiteful or just plain evil person, I could really do some damage and cause some havoc if I was a cold heart bastage.
 
#6 ·
You're human. We all have dark sides. From my personal experience, the more I ignore the existence of my dark sides, the more I suffer. I'm not implying that I readily immerse myself in manifesting those dark sides, but I at least give them proper consideration and acknowledgement. I suppose I figure this is better than to deny their very existence and thus enable them to fester in insidious ways like a pest. Everything has a counter(balance): black has white, good has evil, love has hate, and so forth.
 
#14 ·
... but I at least give them proper consideration and acknowledgement. I suppose I figure this is better than to deny their very existence and thus enable them to fester in insidious ways like a pest. Everything has a counter(balance): black has white, good has evil, love has hate, and so forth.
I can't disagree with this, as I am a big fan of Carl Jung and your words sound very Jung-esque to me. Maybe I can get some grip when I allow my darker sides some more room without hurting anyone - including myself. I will try and think about ways in which I can balance myself by acknowledging the parts that counter the "good parts" in me. Maybe I don't have to choose between being bad or good, yin or yang - maybe I should be both.

Thanks for reaching out; you've instigated some fascinating new thoughts in my mind.
 
#12 ·
Sometimes I wish I could do the same. I never succeed. I feel like I have lost my innocence long ago and thereby lost the right to cry like an innocent child. I don't know.

Thanks for reaching out though, and I totally love your avatar.
 
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#8 ·
I dont like it, but I know how to manipulate people. I just learn things about them, and able to use it against them if I wish. Again, I have done it maybe... 4 times in my entire life, but the knowledge and ability is always there. I have only used it maliciously once (the time I got caught ironically) and the other times it was my obsessive nature making me impatient for information and compelled me to "snoop."
Ha this is hilarious. I do this shit too! Now I only do this if I feel the situation is well warranted. I mean, if someone has been directly on my ass, and I have warned them nice, and they just won't get off my ass, then I go into pissed off mode. Now seriously, no one wants to see me in this mode. It's like Jekyl/Hydess x 25 million. I mean it can get bad. But it can be like that without it getting obvious. I rarely have to raise my voice with adults anyway. Ha! I start pulling strings, calling in favours, subtly touching bits of this and that until I have a canvas set a certain way. The pieces are there, just waiting to be played. Count them step 1-2-3-4-5-6- oh and then BANG THE SHIT HITS THE FAN---WE HAVE LIFTOFF. MUAHAHAHAHAHA God I relish chess. Now, interestingly enough, no guilt accompanies this process. It is stellar, calm, and kind of invisible. I feel no remorse. I then am purged to move on with my life. I don't need anyones damn apology, and if they don't want to give it that is fine. But don't cross me, I swear, things go very badly if I am crossed. And I will deliver the whole package with a grin. Isn't that interesting? I fascinate myself daily. Blackmail is my best friend, whispered threats, etc. Turns me on big time. God how I love games. *shameless*
 
#9 ·
I think I've 'been there' for the majority of my life. :p


I don't even know what advice to give to help you get out of it, sometimes I wonder if I'm still 'in it' permanently. But one thing I can say is EVERYONE has a dark side, INFJs are just more AWARE of it. It frightens me to no end that I can manipulate people, drag them down and shove their soul in a blender, make them happy when they shouldn't be happy, it's a crushing realization, and I've thought "I never want to do this, what if I do it on accident? Best just to never interact with others and it will never happen and no one will ever hurt me into using these tactics..."

It's just a spiral you have to get out of, but you have to find out why you were put in that spiral? Was it guilt? Say you are sorry, take a deep breath, and move on knowing you are wiser. Were you hurt? Interact with others, slowly, in a way that you are comfortable with (aka, a forum where you don't have to talk face to face, or perhaps animals whom you'd never want to hurt anyway.) Or, just get outside. Take your Se for a ride to get you out of the Ni-Ti loop. You'll feel 'lighter' in a sense afterwards. (There's a reason why people say exercise reduces stress.)

Good luck.
 
#11 ·
But one thing I can say is EVERYONE has a dark side, INFJs are just more AWARE of it. ... Or, just get outside. Take your Se for a ride to get you out of the Ni-Ti loop. You'll feel 'lighter' in a sense afterwards.
Good point - maybe I am no more capable of "being bad" than anyone else: maybe I am just more aware of it than others. I guess I could try and take my sensing my dark side in stride, instead of worrying or complaining about it.

You are right about getting outside too. Today I walked underneath a big tree, with this season's fresh green leaves and when I looked up, all I saw were white clouds, blue sky and green leaves. I stopped and stared some more. I realized that the air, water and vegetation is all we humans need to live and that just looking up at them the way I was made me completely satisfied and somewhat totally happy.

Thanks for reaching out to me.
 
#16 ·
RAWRBLAM <-- is pretty much how mine manifests.

I'm going through a similar funk. As a friend said, "I get the feeling you completely miss your smaller accomplishments." My immediate thought was "If they're small, why do they matter?"

And..still feeling that way, actually. That feeling that no matter what I say or do, I won't matter.

And I guess to some specimens of humanity, that's true. But if it's true, why waste my time beating a dead horse? There's other people who love me IN SPITE of what I do.

And that's when my insecure side chimes in with "Yeah, they love me NOW, what about in the future? It won't last." Well, yeah, nothing DOES last. I won't either.

So I can not even try, never having anything...or enjoy it for all its worth now before its time to say goodbye. Realizing, the more I put myself out there, the more people I'll know to say "hello!" to after that goodbye...

Like that saying, you'll never land on the moon if you never shoot for it. And even if you miss it, you'll still land among the stars. Kinda cheesy, but still true.

At least, that's what I've been trying to tell myself lately. :tongue:

It's your right to be selective about the things you chose to do or not do, or people you choose to be with. For every cloud there's a silver lining. For every act that you do that's "bad", there's a way it's very, very good, too. In a world of grays, perspective is everything.
 
#17 ·
being completely honest (perhaps dangerously so lol) my dark side is brash, cold, pessimistic, and sometimes hurtful. I'm usually so idealistic and kind, but sometimes I just get this "I'm sick of it. Screw them all!" mood where I'm just sick of humanity. I think it stems from just feeling like there are no decent people left when I've been seriously hurt by everyone I know at some point.
 
#18 ·
...but sometimes I just get this "I'm sick of it. Screw them all!" mood where I'm just sick of humanity
This is close to what it's like working in fast food. A few weeks back, we had some jack*** decide to throw a sandwich at one of the managers and insult another coworker over a mistake in the order that was his fault to begin with. A buddy and I were ready to forcefully remove him from the store if the need had arisen. Neither of us are aggressive by any means nor are we confrontational. The manager ended up calling the cops. Yeah, working in food service gives me that "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" feeling quite often.

There are times I will admit that I get along great with my "dark side"...
 
#20 ·
In the You know you're an INFJ when... -thread, @IcyShiv mentioned that you know you're an INFJ when "You have a hidden dark side that nobody suspects that you actually have". I can relate to this in a huge way, which prompts me to talk about / ask about the following:

To avoid embarrassment, I prefer to remain vague about why I sometimes feel like I'm a monster for now - but I do feel this way. I figure it is best to stay away from other people. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. This worries me to no end. I don't want define myself by my darkest side, but I can't seem to escape from it. My... let's say weirdness seems to influence or instigate my every thought and my actions too. I feel so alone.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a bad place right now. Maybe I've just lost my balance, which causes my darker side to gain ground. If you can relate to this in any way, please share some of your experiences with me. Also, I appreciate constructive criticism and/or any words of wisdom (mediocre and up :p) that might shed some light on my struggle.
For me it's not hidden, it's more of a shadow, a shadow no one else but me sees. There's no way to read minds yet so I'm still alone in seeing my own shadow. It's a part of me which I'm not to sure if I want to keep. You and me are very much alike "cub"(looks at avatar). As @bubbleboy says "If you are as self-critical and conflicted as you seem then it's very likely that you are far from a monster. You say you don't fit in anywhere, but I'm pretty sure you fit in here just fine." That fits right onto me as well.

Yes you're in a dark time now, but don't let the darkest thoughts fester and gain strength. And also don't isolate yourself that won't help the feeling.

Hmm I'm missing a obligatory smiley
:mellow:what the heck lets make it two:wink:
 
#21 ·
For me it's not hidden, it's more of a shadow, a shadow no one else but me sees. There's no way to read minds yet so I'm still alone in seeing my own shadow. It's a part of me which I'm not to sure if I want to keep. You and me are very much alike "cub"(looks at avatar).
I noticed your avatar too: it's cool and kind of scary (in a good way). & thanks for sharing - talking about our dark sides or shadows has lifted the weight off my chest somewhat.
 
#26 ·
Originally posted by Bear 987
"To avoid embarrassment, I prefer to remain vague about why I sometimes feel like I'm a monster for now - but I do feel this way. I figure it is best to stay away from other people. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. This worries me to no end. I don't want define myself by my darkest side, but I can't seem to escape from it. My... let's say weirdness seems to influence or instigate my every thought and my actions too. I feel so alone."

Bear, Glad to read this - at least ther are two of us. What I did the first 40-odd years was put on a facade, run a con as long as it would hold. In a therapy session we were told to dray sometghing with danger, a monster, and a safe place - I had a cage and a fire. The therapist asked where was the monster -the cage. where was the danger - the fire. Where was the safe place? in the cage, only safe place 9for others0 to put a monster -

I do not fit in -most of the time. I had two good friends - well, acquaintences - both college profs, one the department head. Mab ny years ago. We would sit around discussing some of the latest developments -and the moral consequences. I di the moral input with assdists from Dept. head. Who was also my Adult Sunday School teacher. So in that limited way i fit in.
One result of isolating myself from others is I lose perspective - come on too intense, piss off somebody, withdraw.
Now, I only have a confirmed reservation for 10 more years . I have some solitary artistic things I do, gifts for the few remaining social contacts I have. I see my son and his family when I can-not enough. I can make it for the duration, By monster I am not thinking of an ogre, but a clumsy well-meaning person who inadvertantly hurts people - and that rips me into pieces.
I am an adult survivor of severe abuse. I was withdrawn in school, did OK in college, did really well in the Army -peacetime stateside -And held my own in work until age 50 - all came apart. Reset, restarted in a different profession -
but three marriages does not say I can pick them or hold them.
I don't know if it was worth the bother of crawling out of that warm place into the cold world. I once fantasized butchering my old man, but he is 30 years dead. I laid the anger aside with the help of a friend, prayer, revisiting the locale - nothing is there, its all gone. I am alone, used to it, hurts, but not as much as thinking I have a shot at normalcy, then blowing it.

Any geriatric specaltist out there?
 
#27 ·
@OldManRivers

Thanks for sharing. I can relate to the losing perspective bit. When I isolate myself for too long it takes time to come up with the appropriate behavior people expect from me.

I have revisited places I used to live too. The houses are still there, but most of the schools have been torn down. Too weird. It's like some of the things that took place back then never even happened.

What's it like to have a son? How old is he? I sometimes think starting a family is all need, but then I remember if I am going to be a father, I'll need to be 100% there. If I don't want to repeat the ways in which my dad tried to raise me, that is.

Normalcy is no longer something I strive for however. I could live with being me. I mean, I always have. It's just that it is difficult to find a place for all that is me in this world I find myself in.

Thanks for putting into words whether it was worth the bother for you to crawl out. It is helpful to hear these things from someone who's older than me. (Going by what you wrote, I figure you're older)
 
#28 ·
@OldManRivers
What's it like to have a son? How old is he? I sometimes think starting a family is all need, but then I remember if I am going to be a father, I'll need to be 100% there. If I don't want to repeat the ways in which my dad tried to raise me, that is.

Normalcy is no longer something I strive for however. I could live with being me. I mean, I always have. It's just that it is difficult to find a place for all that is me in this world I find myself in.

Thanks for putting into words whether it was worth the bother for you to crawl out. It is helpful to hear these things from someone who's older than me. (Going by what you wrote, I figure you're older)
I was born the day after Pearl Harbor - I am older than the Boomers.I will be 71 inDecember 2012.
I have had many wonderful times with my sons - now 42 and 44. I avoided most of the mistakes my dad made but made some of my own. Doing one's best doesn't change other's behavior toward one's children - their mother was a narcicistic bitck, and one Sunday School teacher was a sadistic spawn of Satan. My older son is a recluse, works and saves up, takes a leave and holes up somewhere. Social avoidant personality sindrome. The younger son has three boys, a wonderful wife, a good home and great love for them.

If if yo have a family, take a lot of photos, make quality prints and fill many albums. A digital image is fleeting regardless of backups. Get a safety deposit box to store your things, your memories. Divorce is possible - maybe likely, and vindictive ex'es have been known do destroy these things.

My old man would tell me to do something -knowing I couldn't. He had a particular expression, voice tonal quality, I would know what was coming and go numb. After the second failure to comply, he would go into a rage, "You gonna do what I tell you to do" and beat the holy crap out of me. Then laugh in my face. He was the youngest child, 11 years younger that his brother, 15 younger than his sister, and they severely bullied him. Out of the blue he would say"you just like .(his brother) . ." and slap me. Any comments was sass and resulted in a beating. I had a brother 5 years younger, and if I spoke to him I was risking punishment, and my brother would use that to torment -run tattle about something, stand by and laugh as I was whipped. We made amends as middle aged adults - he hurt as bad as I did.

We lived on a tenant farm. I went back several months ago, and from the lay of the land and a TVA power line and supporttower l located where the house stood. Nothing was there, I realized that all my memories were those of a child who needed protection and acceptance. The adult me does not need that. To "heal the inner child' is to become stuck as a child -both that child and his tormentor are gone, the child by growing up and the tormentor by dying. I leave him in God's hands. I feel a little for him, for once he had a son who loved him, and I know how great that is. He never did.

In the old Testament, somewhere, it says that the sins of the father are visited on the son, down through 7 generations. Leaving the hyperbole of "7" behind, there is truth: not devine condemnation, but because violence and abuse begets the same. I believe with my death the chain is broken.

Bear, I want to share a phrase I had in some poor attempts at poetry in my teans - "soul-searing loneliness." I am not a religious man, but I do attend church - I am a spiritual person, open to the Unseen, which may be only my imagine. If so, and it brings peace and comfort, if only for a night, so be it. But I believe that we have not even begun to understand the concept of God - from a tribal god, one of many, to a presence in a whirlwind, to a temple , to a God in spirit in exile, to God in man as Jesus - as we evolve we must be open to see what we have seen in part - Paul alluded to this. These ideas, my meditation, my time in prayer - these things sustain me. In a few years, I will leave on an open-ended journey through all time and space. If I am wrong, what of it? I will be cold meat then hot ashes - and that I believed in vain will not matter. My crutch, my glasses, my hearing aids, my faith - they are for my living now.-
Peace .
 
#30 ·
@OldManRivers

What can I say, oh Wise One? I have read your post twice now and teared up both times. At this moment in time, you're the closest thing I ever had to a dad - if you don't mind me saying. You talk to me about things that are important to me by (and while) sharing your own experiences.

I mean, I must expect to get something out of the PerC experience, because I hang around here a lot - but I didn't foresee this. How could I? I am serious; every one of us grows old, but to become wise in the process (or perhaps in spite of the process) is a rarity.

There's so many things to your post. You describe the difference between your two sons, for instance. My biological dad has a narcissist personality disorder and he was just awful to be around as a child. I am his oldest son and I am turning into a recluse just like your oldest son, while my younger brother, who is just one year younger than me, is (for the most part) happily married and they have two kids. The similarities strike me as I write this down!

There are many other things I would like to talk to you about, such as how to deal with the past and also about those parts from the bible that you mentioned - but for now, let me finish by saying that your last paragraph is like poetry to me. Your last couple of lines have such quality to them, as for the wording and what they describe. I mean, you should write this stuff down! :laughing:

I hope we get to talk some more later on.
 
#31 ·
@OldManRivers



There are many other things I would like to talk to you about, such as how to deal with the past and also about those parts from the bible that you mentioned - but for now, let me finish by saying that your last paragraph is like poetry to me. Your last couple of lines have such quality to them, as for the wording and what they describe. I mean, you should write this stuff down! :laughing:

I hope we get to talk some more later on.
Thanks, No problem. I don't know about age bringin wisdom - i think it just kills off the foolishness:laughing:. I don't ming having a father image, but one out of five might be superior.
My older son was very feeling all his life. A couple of cruel jokes - you know, lets torment the nerd - closed him off.
I believe a private message is the better way to go. If its long, you might consider typing in Word or whatever,then cut and paste onto the message - allows more thought, easier editing and spellchecking - and you can take a day or two - for privacy reasons, direct e-mail is probapaly not a good idea. Just saying, not judging.
I intend to be cremated - and the ashes will go to the county landfill. I have been told that the cremains run about 30 pounds, have teeth, hunks of bone, metal skeleton inserts, gold teeth, and it is screened to get a sample for the urn. And to recover the gold teeth? so they can discard the whole pile of trash - I intend to have someone designated to crowbar out those gold crowns before sending me off to the roasters.
Later, Bear -thanks for the words -
 
#37 ·
There are so many times where I feel the exact same way. I do things that I normally wouldn't do and hurt people I care about. Normally the second I realize what I did I cry. Twice in the past year I've called myself a "monster" even though I know it can't be true. I hate the part of me that hurts those I adore, but I don't even have a reason for what I did, I don't even have to be angry. It hurts my heart to hurt them. I don't really have many friends to hang out with, so I'm used to being by myself, but some times if you just let yourself be 'yourself' you'll find who accepts that and who you need to be fake with, although you shouldn't have to be a fake.
 
#38 ·
I become EXTREMELY dark, almost OBSESSED with death (one could say emo), project a LOT of shit on others, it's BAD.

That rarely happens (happened earlier this year, before that, maybe two other times), but aside from that, I always have a dark side about me, but I'm good with keeping it at bay. I only let it run loose when in private.
 
#42 ·
I was actually just thinking about this while reading Jung. We are always being pulled to the dark side. The dark side is Te and Fi, particularly Te . There is no such thing as a bad INFJ; INFJ only becomes "bad" when he embraces Te and Fi, thus making him no longer an INFJ, but an INFP or INTJ. Bin Laden and Hitler for example, were INFJ. That is what inspired them to the cause; but Te and/or Fi took over somewhere along the way, and perverted them. All bad action, of all types, is the result of Te and Fi.

Star Wars, Luke Skywalker. What was really vanquished here? Te. That was what was defeated. The extroverted attitude in general. As someone said, Yoda is all about exploring inner space, Vader is all about controlling outer space. Te is all about outer space, Ti is all about inner space.

So you could say that any "bad" INFJ is either no longer an INFJ, or experiencing a temporary bout of Te and Fi.
 
#44 ·
In the You know you're an INFJ when... -thread, @IcyShiv mentioned that you know you're an INFJ when "You have a hidden dark side that nobody suspects that you actually have". I can relate to this in a huge way, which prompts me to talk about / ask about the following:

To avoid embarrassment, I prefer to remain vague about why I sometimes feel like I'm a monster for now - but I do feel this way. I figure it is best to stay away from other people. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. This worries me to no end. I don't want define myself by my darkest side, but I can't seem to escape from it. My... let's say weirdness seems to influence or instigate my every thought and my actions too. I feel so alone.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a bad place right now. Maybe I've just lost my balance, which causes my darker side to gain ground. If you can relate to this in any way, please share some of your experiences with me. Also, I appreciate constructive criticism and/or any words of wisdom (mediocre and up :p) that might shed some light on my struggle.
Um I ABSOLUTELY relate. It's like you're too large of a spirit in too small of a body and there is this restless need for chaos that brings about sheer violent emotion. My mate calls it the dark Phoenix haha. Embrace it sometimes and let it stretch it's legs once in a while, after all no one likes tobe cooped up for too long. Just try to have it in a controlled setting, I've done some terrible things after keeping it in for way too long, HORRIBLE things. I feel it rest after I do it and so I've decided to get to know this part of me better. Let it out more frequently in short stints. This allows you more control. I've gotten to know it recently and mine is all sheer violence, sheer, joy, sheer chaos but most of all, sheer beauty. Beauty can be found in destruction.
 
#45 ·
I sometimes like to "look" at my dark side without allowing it to take over. I used to fear my sanity when it took charge. I have respect for it. The way I'd respect a caged dangerous animal. The more I know about it, the better I can be at knowing when I should open the cage.

As an idealist I hate conflict. As a realist (at times at least :p) I understand sometimes conflict is unavoidable. And in more serious situations I'd prefer the cold calculating side of myself over the emotional waterfall that's my norm.
 
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