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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It seems the Personality Cafe forums are teeming with SX-dom's. I absolutely love and adore this, because I frequently feel like a minority of one in the real world. I realized the other day, that most of my friends are SO/SX - - I figured out that this was due to my own laziness (SO-dom's tend to reach-out in friendship to other people the most). I would really love to have a deep, meaningful, intense, SX-dom type friendship, but I don't seem to run into SX-dom's irl (irl = in real life).

Where do you guys hang out? You're all over the Personality Cafe forums. . .where do you hang out in real life? Where can I find more SX-dom friends?
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 · (Edited)
I'll start out.

I'm everywhere! But I usually don't go anywhere without my husband. I have a million different hobbies (that's probably more the Type 7 in me), so you can find me dancing in the rain, or hunting for sea glass at the beach. You can find me on running trails, amusement parks, art classes, church, photographing nature, bird-watching, hiking, biking, mushroom hunting, at a documentary screening, TED talks, cultural events, the farmer's market, geocaching, at the movie theater (opening day! because I love the energy and seeing all the people who are passionate and dress up! :D), conferences (Comics, Cats, and Parenting), Color Run. . .

I could go on, and on!
I love doing stuff! Doing stuff is my favorite! :)

But somehow, I only seem to make SO/SX friends (usually because I befriend whomever approaches me, not the other way around). What are you other SX-dom's doing? Where do I find ya'll?
 

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It seems the Personality Cafe forums are teeming with SX-dom's. I absolutely love and adore this, because I frequently feel like a minority of one in the real world. I realized the other day, that most of my friends are SO/SX - - I figured out that this was due to my own laziness (SO-dom's tend to reach-out in friendship to other people the most). I would really love to have a deep, meaningful, intense, SX-dom type friendship, but I don't seem to run into SX-dom's irl (irl = in real life).

Where do you guys hang out? You're all over the Personality Cafe forums. . .where do you hang out in real life? Where can I find more SX-dom friends?
well, it's going to sound crazy, but if you can find a renaissance festival or anime convention, Sx 4s, Sx 5s, Sx 7s and Sx 9s tend to flock there (as well as a few Sx 6s and Sx 2s and even a few Sx 8s)
 

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well, it's going to sound crazy, but if you can find a renaissance festival or anime convention, Sx 4s, Sx 5s, Sx 7s and Sx 9s tend to flock there (as well as a few Sx 6s and Sx 2s and even a few Sx 8s)

How do you attract Ren faire people? Where do they cloister?
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
@LeoCat

Are you on the hunt for more SX-dom friends as well? Are you SX-dom? Where do you hang out?
 

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Hey yeah. Where DO I meet people like you?

Believe me, I've never met anyone quite the way SX first-ness gets described.

Eagerly awaiting more responses
 

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It seems the Personality Cafe forums are teeming with SX-dom's. I absolutely love and adore this, because I frequently feel like a minority of one in the real world. I realized the other day, that most of my friends are SO/SX - - I figured out that this was due to my own laziness (SO-dom's tend to reach-out in friendship to other people the most). I would really love to have a deep, meaningful, intense, SX-dom type friendship, but I don't seem to run into SX-dom's irl (irl = in real life).

Where do you guys hang out? You're all over the Personality Cafe forums. . .where do you hang out in real life? Where can I find more SX-dom friends?

You need to go out into the world. They should light up like beacons. They will exude the same kind of intensity that you do.
 

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Yeah, I feel often that I sort of barge into people until I find others that can handle my intensity.

I find most people can't handle it; but some do like it. I'm okay with them, but it can be frustrating to me at times.
 

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i don't think you can find them generally.
Most the Sx types i know IRL, I have known for YEARS. we just kind of found each other and then stuck together as friends forever onwards. Once the connection is established that is it.

I think the people who seem to quickly ask a lot of meaningful questions with visible genuine interest shortly after you meet them are the Sx types. Pretty easy for me to spot.

Yeah, I feel often that I sort of barge into people until I find others that can handle my intensity.

This is pretty much how it happens xD
I'm unsure if Im an SX dom or an SP dom, but they are pretty close. This is how I generally am with people i meet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
i don't think you can find them generally.
Most the Sx types i know IRL, I have known for YEARS. we just kind of found each other and then stuck together as friends forever onwards. Once the connection is established that is it.

I think the people who seem to quickly ask a lot of meaningful questions with visible genuine interest shortly after you meet them are the Sx types. Pretty easy for me to spot.




This is pretty much how it happens xD
I'm unsure if Im an SX dom or an SP dom, but they are pretty close. This is how I generally am with people i meet.
See, this is EXACTLY how I am. But to be honest, I always thought there was something wrong with me. :laughing: Because I have never met anyone who acts this way. When I make friends, I do tend to hold onto them for life (most of my friendships are between 10 - 20 years old);; but I want a more expedient and efficient way of finding them (it constantly feels like finding a needle in a haystack - - there MUST be a better way!).

It was not until I came onto Personality Cafe that I realized. . . I'm not Crazy! I'm just SX-dom!
What a relief. :tongue:

That was a Great realization! But the thing is, I never meet any SX-dom's (irl) - - hence why I always assumed I was crazy, weird and "different". Now that I know there are others like me, I want to find them!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
@Kipposhi

I think you're really cool;; you can be an honorary SX-dom. :)

Where do you hang out?
 
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·

You need to go out into the world. They should light up like beacons. They will exude the same kind of intensity that you do.
Well, I know that! (lol)
Clearly you need to be around people to meet people. . .
that's not what I meant.

& did you read my comment? I do a lot of activities!

"I have a million different hobbies (that's probably more the Type 7 in me), so you can find me dancing in the rain, or hunting for sea glass at the beach. You can find me on running trails, amusement parks, art classes, church, photographing nature, bird-watching, hiking, biking, mushroom hunting, at a documentary screening, TED talks, cultural events, the farmer's market, geocaching, at the movie theater (opening day! because I love the energy and seeing all the people who are passionate and dress up! :D), conferences (Comics, Cats, and Parenting), Color Run. . ."
 

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Well, I want to preface this by saying I'm not sure you need an sx-dom in order to have an intense friendship... I have such a friendship with an sp-dom (she typed herself, and I agree). And by intense, I don't mean that we see each other every day (though we do often check in several times a week), but that our conversation crackles with a feeling of connection and understanding -- we love discussing the same philosophical topics and just "get" each other. We're able to be direct and vulnerable with each other in a way that I've been with very few other people in my life. It often feels very raw and intense and it's addictive.

So I think intensity in friendship isn't necessarily about instinctual subtype (though when we get into the realm of romantic relationships, I would think it has a much stronger role). That said, on to your question about where to find us...

I don't think my sx instinct has much to do with where I can be found. If I go out, it's either to be in nature or go dancing. That's pretty much it and I would think those venues would be common to all subtypes.

But I do have a suggestion for you if you truly want to find sx-doms, which is to use dating sites like OKCupid to find friends. Many of these sites allow you to state if you're looking for new friends as well as a romantic partner. So you can search for those who say they want new friends, who also contain something in their profile about wanting a "soul mate" or intense connection with someone, and write them a note referencing common interests.
 

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Oh, and this:

> They should light up like beacons. They will exude the same kind of intensity that you do.

I wish that was me! Maybe it's my 5-ness, but I highly doubt I light up in any way. (I have been described as intense, but more, I think, in a brooding or wound-up-with-anxiety kind of way.) Everything is very internal. I love intense sensations, the feeling of merging with others, and certainly sex, but these are things you're not likely to see until you get to know me very well.

I think there are a lot of stereotypes out there about sx-subtypes, but hey, that's true of all types and subtypes. Some of what I see on the forum being touted as sx-first behavior (like obsessing over a crush) really just strikes me as youth or immaturity or, well, being human.
 

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Well, I know that! (lol)
Clearly you need to be around people to meet people. . .
that's not what I meant.

& did you read my comment? I do a lot of activities!
How did you come up with Sx/Sp as your stacking (not to mention your 6 wing)? The thing with you is that you present yourself as so intensely SEVENISH(!!!) that it is hard to tell what your instinctual subtype stacking really is. Sx/Sp can have a sort of fourish "push-pull" moodiness to it. You seem like you're really OUT THERE(!!!) for all to see. Maybe you are Sx/So? Also, you seem rather aggressively SEVENISH(!!!), how did you not consider 7w8?

Instinctual Subtype Stackings

Type Seven Stacks
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
How did you come up with Sx/Sp as your stacking (not to mention your 6 wing)? The thing with you is that you present yourself as so intensely SEVENISH(!!!) that it is hard to tell what your instinctual subtype stacking really is. Sx/Sp can have a sort of fourish "push-pull" moodiness to it. You seem like you're really OUT THERE(!!!) for all to see. Maybe you are Sx/So? Also, you seem rather aggressively SEVENISH(!!!), how did you not consider 7w8?

Instinctual Subtype Stackings

Type Seven Stacks
I guess I don't really know how to read your comment. .. I'm not sure if I upset you. . .or what. . .

*squints eyes* cannot tell if man with stick or carrot. . .

Anyways, if I upset you, I apologize. I'm not really sure how I came across so aggressive;; but that was definitely not my intention! So, I hope you accept my sincere apologies. I meant no disrespect.

I guess I really don't know how I come across, but I'm happy to hear I come across type 7-ish (best way to be!). :)
Believe it or not, some people have been saying I come across as type 6w7;; you'd be the first to say 7w8.
When you say that I'm really "out there" was that suppose to be combined with "for all to see" (as in I wear my heart on my sleeve), or were you just telling me I'm crazy? (lol) :laughing:

I have never typed as 7w8 because I don't give a fig about power. But, I'm going to have to have you take this up with my P.R. person @Swordsman of Mana .

I had no idea I came across aggressive though. . .that would be a first to be honest (in my life. . .ever). So, I apologize for this, I'm assuming it was a miscommunication? Because I meant you no attack.
 

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I guess I don't really know how to read your comment. .. I'm not sure if I upset you. . .or what. . .

*squints eyes* cannot tell if man with stick or carrot. . .
Please, I'm a 5. I don't really get upset, at least not over an interesting discussion.

Anyways, if I upset you, I apologize. I'm not really sure how I came across so aggressive;; but that was definitely not my intention! So, I hope you accept my sincere apologies. I meant no disrespect.
I meant how you express your 7ishness. You seem to embody everything that 7s are without any hesitation. So either your 6 wing is counter-phobic, or you just dive in head first with an 8 wing.

I guess I really don't know how I come across, but I'm happy to hear I come across type 7-ish (best way to be!). :)
Certainly not a bad thing!

Believe it or not, some people have been saying I come across as type 6w7;; you'd be the first to say 7w8.
When you say that I'm really "out there" was that suppose to be combined with "for all to see" (as in I wear my heart on my sleeve), or were you just telling me I'm crazy? (lol) :laughing:

Sevens are outward facing types, very optimistic and not shy. They love to stay active and have endless adventures that keep them super busy. They equate boredom with pain.

I have never typed as 7w8 because I don't give a fig about power. But, I'm going to have to have you take this up with my P.R. person @Swordsman of Mana .
8's usually want control more than power. They hate to seem vulnerable, so they can come off as being very aggressive and tough (sometimes mean). But they are also tireless champions for the underdog, they don't like abusive authority and will step up for anyone they believe to be weaker than they are.

6's on the other hand, are far more cautious, careful, and anxious. They are conscientious to a fault, they hate to let others down, but they are also constantly worried others will let them down. The counter-phobic six basically dares everything to scare them, whereas the phobic six tends to avoid/hide from what scares them. A six usually has trust issues, and wants to test the important people in their lives to make sure they will be there for them when they need them most. They also tend to be heavily concerned with what might go wrong, and sometimes they can get caught up in an endless loop of spinning "worst-case-scenarios." Sixes want to feel safe, and they want to know that the people they care about most are worthy of their trust and loyalty. If you earn the trust and loyalty of a six, you pretty much have a friend for life.


I had no idea I came across aggressive though. . .that would be a first to be honest (in my life. . .ever). So, I apologize for this, I'm assuming it was a miscommunication? Because I meant you no attack.
You didn't attack me. I was referring to your aggressive pursuit of hobbies, interests, friends, and activities. A sexual 7 is going to be pretty powerful stuff no matter what! You are a powerhouse kind of person who jumps into everything with enthusiasm and zeal. I can't imagine there's any half-measures with you! You are an "all-or-nothing" kind of gal! Adventurous, passionate, perhaps moody at times, but I'd guess people see you as pretty fearless. The fact that you were concerned I might be offended could indicate you have an Sx/So stack instead of Sx/Sp. It wouldn't be the first time @Swordsman of Mana and I disagreed over the specifics of someone's type and stacking, but there's no conflict between us either.

Your first two subtypes can be nearly equal strength. I just don't know that you show a lot of Sp. Sp subtype people want to meet the basic needs of themselves, and those they care about. I mean is your home really anything more than a place to keep all your stuff, until/when/so that you can go out on your next big adventure? Do you really like paying bills, making sure there's plenty of food, milk, TP, and all the other necessities stocked up? Do you like to cook? Do you spend a lot of time agonizing over how your place is decorated, how the furniture is arranged, in order to make it all warm, safe, and cozy?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 · (Edited)
Please, I'm a 5. I don't really get upset, at least not over an interesting discussion.
Ha Ha ha! This gave me a good laugh. :tongue:
I guess I do get flustered and upset, and would not wish that feeling on anyone, so wanted to make sure. :)
We have not really talked directly with one another (though I have seen you around), so I was not making any assumptions.

I meant how you express your 7ishness. You seem to embody everything that 7s are without any hesitation. So either your 6 wing is counter-phobic, or you just dive in head first with an 8 wing.
From my understanding of what a counter-phobic type 6 is, I don't feel like that is me. My sister is a 6w5, and has a bit of a counter-phobic edge, and she likes haunted houses, BIG roller-coasters, etc. . .I just don't feel any need to subject myself to that sort of experience. I have 1 friend who assumed I had an 8-wing, but he doesn't know much about the Enneagram (he just began). He thought this because he sees me as someone who is very brave and protective of the underdog - - I guess a lot of people think I'm brave, but it's not something I have thought about myself (I just never realized the things I did were "brave" - - I took them at face-value). My husband thought I had an 8-wing in the beginning too, but again, this was when we first began our Enneagram adventure (he now thinks I have a strong 6-wing)!

If you want more background on me, you can see how I relate to Type 7 + Type 6, as well as my Enneagram Questionnaire here:

http://personalitycafe.com/whats-my-enneagram-type/538578-am-i-7w6-6w7.html

Note: The Enneagram Questionnaire is in a link in the introductory post!

& You can read a bit about my relationship to the Instinctual Variants here:

http://personalitycafe.com/enneagram-personality-theory-forum/541194-instinctual-variants-driving-me-b-n-n-s.html

8's usually want control more than power. They hate to seem vulnerable, so they can come off as being very aggressive and tough (sometimes mean). But they are also tireless champions for the underdog, they don't like abusive authority and will step up for anyone they believe to be weaker than they are.

6's on the other hand, are far more cautious, careful, and anxious. They are conscientious to a fault, they hate to let others down, but they are also constantly worried others will let them down. The counter-phobic six basically dares everything to scare them, whereas the phobic six tends to avoid/hide from what scares them. A six usually has trust issues, and wants to test the important people in their lives to make sure they will be there for them when they need them most. They also tend to be heavily concerned with what might go wrong, and sometimes they can get caught up in an endless loop of spinning "worst-case-scenarios." Sixes want to feel safe, and they want to know that the people they care about most are worthy of their trust and loyalty. If you earn the trust and loyalty of a six, you pretty much have a friend for life.
See I don't want control or power. Also, I love being vulnerable, because that's how deep intimacy is developed. It also makes you more accessible to others, and makes them feel more comfortable opening up to you. Being vulnerable is also a bit of an emotional rush - - it's risky, and dangerous, but if you play your cards right, can be really rewarding and wonderful! :)

I do like to champion the underdog though, and will standup to corrupt authority (but only when push comes to shove).

I definitely don't dare everything to scare me (that sounds horrible, Ha ha ha! :laughing:). I enjoy feeling safe, happy, and content. I enjoy intense fun! But I do not enjoy: fear, tempting fate, aggression, etc. . .
I am an extremely loyal person (sometimes to my own detriment), but I err on being too trusting, as oppose to untrusting. But, for the sake of brevity, I'm going to direct you to the link above about what I relate to about Type 6!

You didn't attack me. I was referring to your aggressive pursuit of hobbies, interests, friends, and activities. A sexual 7 is going to be pretty powerful stuff no matter what! You are a powerhouse kind of person who jumps into everything with enthusiasm and zeal. I can't imagine there's any half-measures with you! You are an "all-or-nothing" kind of gal! Adventurous, passionate, perhaps moody at times, but I'd guess people see you as pretty fearless. The fact that you were concerned I might be offended could indicate you have an Sx/So stack instead of Sx/Sp. It wouldn't be the first time @Swordsman of Mana and I disagreed over the specifics of someone's type and stacking, but there's no conflict between us either.
Ah-ha! Thank you for elaborating! That is much clearer now. :)
You are pretty spot on about me! At least the part I bolded in your quote above! Although, I can be a very fearful person (I still cry when I get immunizations, my mouth goes dry when I'm talking to a bully, I cannot watch horror movies without getting nightmares), but! I always face my fears when necessary (when something worthwhile is on the other end, be it moralistically or for enjoyment purposes).

Your first two subtypes can be nearly equal strength. I just don't know that you show a lot of Sp. Sp subtype people want to meet the basic needs of themselves, and those they care about. I mean is your home really anything more than a place to keep all your stuff, until/when/so that you can go out on your next big adventure? Do you really like paying bills, making sure there's plenty of food, milk, TP, and all the other necessities stocked up? Do you like to cook? Do you spend a lot of time agonizing over how your place is decorated, how the furniture is arranged, in order to make it all warm, safe, and cozy? [/COLOR][/SIZE]
I care a whole awful lot about my home environment. I like for it to be a "safe haven". I tend to be so emotionally intense, that I like a calming place to come home to (since I'm pretty bad at doing this myself & am very susceptible to the energy around me - - and I already have enough energy myself!). I enjoy interior design, and one of my majors in college was Fine Art! (the other was Psychology) I love creating an environment for myself and the people I love, like creators of a theme park! You get a chance to influence the emotional and visual climate;; really create an experience! Like, in the children's rooms, I've created pulley systems (just for fun!), and 3D triangle's on the wall (to add fun texture!).

It looks like this: http://p-fst1.pixstatic.com/52e1d816dbfa3f578900e50f._w.540_s.fit_.jpg

We don't have kids yet;; we're going to soon. We want to foster to adopt, as well as possibly do one the old fashion way! But, I'm really excited to be a mother! :D

I don't enjoy taking care of cooking, cleaning, etc. . .but I get really irritated if my environment is a mess (my environment impacts me greatly). So, I do what is necessary. My husband is a 9w8, so goodness knows he's not going to do it (he's part of the problem! :tongue:).

Anyway, here is a sample of an Instinctual Variant survey I filled out:

Social

1) Generally, I positively associate with the idea of being a part of something larger than myself. Though I may find it either overwhelming, because of my astute awareness of what lies beyond my own interests, or inspiring. 2
2) I am very aware of the impact my decision will have on others and can be quite attuned to their reactions and needs. I read people well. 2
3) Being recognized or valued by my peers or community, for my contributions, is important to me. 1
4) I tend to have strong opinions on social change and/or social constructs and trends. 3
5) I am aware of not only my own relationships, but also power structures and the nature of bonds between other people. I have a deep understanding of interconnectedness between groups and people who comprise them. In other words, I am good at perceiving the many facets of how a group works within its context and outside of it. I easily pick up on how I fit into the social hierarchy, whether or not I approve of it. 0
6) I am socially aware, but I can also be reserved and socially distant. 2
7) If I gravitate towards group (s)/institution (s)/gathering(s)of my choosing, I can be quite involved with championing the values and goals of this grouping. 1
8) I tend to keep track of current events, even when not required to for my career performance. 1
9) At my worst I am either strongly conformist or excessively anti-society/counter culture. At my best, my relationships with others are ones of healthy interdependence, and I may be inclined to strong individual leadership or display deep commitment in establishing teamwork and collaboration. 1
10) "no man is an island." Everything is part of an interconnected web, like it or not. 2

Self Preservation

1) I am acutely aware of my physical safety (though sometimes I will choose to do something dangerous anyway) 4
2) when I go to a party, I immediately notice the temperature, the smells and where the food is 2
3) I am very health conscious 4
4) financial/career, physical and/or romantic security are very important to me 3
5) if I have an injury or a health related problem, I typically notice quickly 4
6) I tend to save a decent amount of my money 3
7) predictability is important to me. the sooner I can know about things in advance, the better. 4
8) when I'm under stress, things like health, finances, hygiene or other things that I normally stay on top of start to slip, sometimes severely. 2
9) I'm acutely aware of cause and effect, particularly when the potential consequences are dire. if my friends listened to me more, they'd end up making a lot less stupid mistakes. 3
10) physical comfort is important to me. I can get distracted by things like uncomfortable seats, high humidity or bodily pain when I'm trying to enjoy time with my friends. 3

Sexual

1) I have an addictive personality 3
2) "if it's not worth doing in excess, it's not worth doing at all" 3
3) people generally think I'm "too much". in lots of situations, I feel like it's expected of me to tone myself down considerably (which I will either refuse to do or do so begrudgingly). 4
4) my energy is either "on" or "off". when I'm in the presence of someone who I vibe with my mind does an internal "YES! FINALLY!" and I try to start a conversation with that person. 5
5) I can be obsessive with my love interests. I am either clingy or have to try very hard not to be. 4
6) I feel like a part of me is missing and am looking for someone to complete me. At times, this creates a raw sort of longing that can lead to emotional volatility. 3
7) I have strong impulses (particularly with regards to relationships). I frequently wish I didn't have to be so damn careful. 5
8) if I'm not in a relationship, I feel old. I don't know how it's possible for people to be happy without passionate intimacy, because being without it makes me feel dead. 5
9) I only feel alive when indulging my passions. Sometimes this causes me to neglect other areas of my life. 3
10) people either love me or hate me, but either way, my personality grabs attention, whether I want it to or not. 3

Social: 15
Self-Preservation: 32
Sexual: 38
 
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