[davelcr]

I've been wondering this for a while.

As someone who works from home, and has a closed circle of friends who a majority of the time either have no money - or want to sit on a car park (seriously - this drives me nuts) - I'm getting majorly frustrated.

I've not seen any new relationships (friendships or otherwise) at all this year - and to be honest, am down about it.

I'm not really a drinker - certainly don't bother going out at a weekend and drinking myself to oblivion - though my friends would likely not have money to do this anyway.

Anyway - I've thought about clubs/hobby activities - but this comes back down to "I can't do this alone" ..

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Have you got over it? I'm real interested. I'm looking to move out this year - which I think could be the start of something great -- IF I harness the opportunity properly, so, I need some ideas

 

[Slider]

Sometimes I meet people at the gym.

That's it.

I see people everyday...walking around...talking...eating.

I don't know these people and they don't know me.

 

[davelcr]

Fair enough.

I'd rather have friends than acquaintances - which points a little toward hobby or whatever. Just curious how other ISFJs do it - or whether we're all fairly solitary, I guess. Though current frustrations do sort of make me anxious for things to happen.

 

[Auroras]

I also work from home, which I love. It gives me the flexibility and free time to engage in personal hobbies and organizations I enjoy. I have met a lot of great people along the way, with some being good friends. I also met a few online friends IRL that I've converse with and have known for years.

Take it upon yourself to make the initiative and not let being an ISFJ limit you. I highly encourage looking into hobbies and start from there.

 

[NorweegianGuy]

How about meeting new friends from existing friends? This must be the most common way to get to know new people. Thats how i met all of my friends, although i have some acquaintances from work.

 

[kree]

I've been in a similar situation as you have - for one year I just didn't find any new friendships, and it was just unhealthy overall.
I guess it just comes down to taking the leap by yourself. When I started saying hi and initiating conversation with people I didn't know or wanted to get to know, it helped and I ended up with some pretty good friendships. It scared me so much, in fact it still scares me quite a lot, but the good results do outweigh the bad ones. After a while, any 'mistakes' you made socially are negated by the fact that you'll have some amazing new friends by your side.
Definitely go to the gym, take a class, or join a club! That way you can begin talking to people who you know already have similar interests as you. It all just comes down to getting past the fear of doing things alone, and it's very doable.

 

[Brown93]

bars, parties, through mutual friends

 

[davelcr]

Thanks for responses

I also work from home, which I love. It gives me the flexibility and free time to engage in personal hobbies and organizations I enjoy. I have met a lot of great people along the way, with some being good friends. I also met a few online friends IRL that I've converse with and have known for years.

Take it upon yourself to make the initiative and not let being an ISFJ limit you. I highly encourage looking into hobbies and start from there.

I've met many people from the Internets online - but lots of them aren't repeat meets. It's cool to know who you talk to though. I do work an incredible amount at times -- the last couple of months have been mad - and have stopped me doing as much enjoyable stuff as I'd like! Good to know that ISFJs have overcome the limits imposed on us

How about meeting new friends from existing friends? This must be the most common way to get to know new people. Thats how i met all of my friends, although i have some acquaintances from work.

Honestly - this'd be favourite, but I want to work out to new circles. My main circle consists of 4 people - and they won't ever spend any money, or do anything interesting or different. It's not healthy!

I've been in a similar situation as you have - for one year I just didn't find any new friendships, and it was just unhealthy overall.
I guess it just comes down to taking the leap by yourself. When I started saying hi and initiating conversation with people I didn't know or wanted to get to know, it helped and I ended up with some pretty good friendships. It scared me so much, in fact it still scares me quite a lot, but the good results do outweigh the bad ones. After a while, any 'mistakes' you made socially are negated by the fact that you'll have some amazing new friends by your side.
Definitely go to the gym, take a class, or join a club! That way you can begin talking to people who you know already have similar interests as you. It all just comes down to getting past the fear of doing things alone, and it's very doable.

Another awesome post - again, great to hear and some awesome advice, cheers! I've been doing a little more of the 'friendly hi' lately (generally) - it's not so bad! It helps when I have an 'in' to actually get conversation going, though.

 

[stephiphi]

Hey there!

I tend to meet people through my longtime hobby of swing dancing. It takes a little effort to put yourself out there, but the key is realizing that if you don't risk anything, you can't gain anything. Taking a beginner class helps since you typically will rotate during it and can learn names of your partners, and then during social dancing, you can chill on the sidelines and strike up conversations. Once you become a regular, it'll be easier for you to break into the friend group through your first acquaintances.

This goes for any kind of dance or meetup event, really.

 

[Shale]

I hated my twenties. I didn't have the luxury of having an outgoing personality. I also was working in my early twenties and not attending college, so I couldn't relate to many people around me. It really felt like a lonely time in my life. You realize that most people have to rely on similar interests in order to procure friendships during this stage in their life. You also realize that your age range window for accepting friends starts out small and grows larger as you get older. What I notice within myself is that the chemistry in my friendship with others didn't exist until we gained each others trust. We're slow cookers. You need to take the initiative to meet up again and again, even if it feels awkward. Things will fall into place (as long as you are BOTH taking initiative.)

So where can you meet friends? All the suggestions above. Go where you feel comfortable ... RC Flying Clubs, Car Shows, Art Guilds, volunteer your time through a worthwhile organization, coffee shops, etc.