[BUtheBabyUnicorn]

I would think that female INTPs would have more male friends than the average female.
I find that I'm normally dissatisfied with my female friends, however, I'm usually friends with them because... I don't know why, actually. I really wish I had more guy friends, because very few girls that I know share my interests (anime, drawing, technology, etc.). Most guys that I've known have some sort of interest in any of those subjects.
While this thread could go either way, it's mostly aimed at female INTPs.
Do you have any problems with having friends of the opposite gender?
Is there any specific reason you have more friends of one gender than the other?
Experiences with both?

 

[Deathbagel]

Yeah most girls don't share my interests, plus I just... I don't know I don't like most girls to be honest. Most are so emotional. I know some girls that seem pretty cool though, and I'd like to get to know them better. As things stand however, all of my friends are male. I sometimes wonder if this isn't by my choice, but rather some deficiency in myself. Oh well...

 

[Wobzter]

I read someone else say that INTP tend to have circles of friends. This is very true for me.
I have a circle of friends from my first high school (moved once) which was 50/50.
My second high school was almost entirely male friends. Then my universtity was almost entirely male friends as well.
My online friends are mostly girls, though.
I somehow feel awkward talking to guys I don't know that well, online.
So I'd say that online I'm bound to make female friends, while irl it's I'm bound to make male friends (which sometimes results in getting in a mixed group).

 

[CosmicJalapeno]

Well I choose my friends based on whether or not we are on the same wavelength. Most happen to be dudes, but I've met a few chicks too who I consider to be friends with. It's weird though, I have a harder time trusting females over males.

 

[TheOwl]

I'd say it's about evenly split.
However, my closest friends seem to be guys. There are about 5 guys who actually talk to me about feelings and stuff only close friends talk about. I have girlfriends that I hang out with, but all we do is play video games and joke around. This seems stereo-typically backwards, doesn't it?

The best friend I ever had was an INTJ girl, but we're off and on. I haven't talked to her in a while, unfortunately. We're too introverted to keep in touch sometimes.

 

[Bazinga187]

In terms of people I consider to be friends, there are 5 females (ISFP, INFP, ESFJ, INTJ and no idea) and 4 male (ISTJ, ISTP, ENxP and another no idea), so it's pretty even. I'm definitely closer to the 5 girls than any of the guys.

On the other hand, is it bad that I assess whether someone is my friend depending on how much I'd care if they died?

 

[172harmonic]

On the other hand, is it bad that I assess whether someone is my friend depending on how much I'd care if they died?

I do the same thing. Mostly I am friends with guys I am just a bit more awkward around females. I do have female friends but I don't talk to them as much as my male friends.

 

[downsowf]

Do you have any problems with having friends of the opposite gender?


No. I have many female friends, but my best friends, the few select ones I call to hang out, are male. However, I have a circle of friends that include both male and female. I have three very good female friends: one now has a boyfriend and I haven't really hung out with her in a while. When we get together it's pure magic and hilarity ensues; the other friend is my best friend's wife. We've built up a mutual friendship through her relationship with my best friend and I have known her as well as been hanging out with her for almost 10 years. We probably couldn't be more different, but we've learned to appreciate and warm up to one another over the years. I consider her a close friend; the last one is the first woman I connected with on an emotional and intellectual level. She is the most independent person I've ever met and was such a force in my life through high school. We could have conversations for hours and lose track of time. She moved to a different state and, considering both our deficiencies in communication, are horrible with keeping in touch. However, when I get a call out of the blue from her it's always a pleasant surprise.

Is there any specific reason you have more friends of one gender than the other?

I don't have to hold back with what I say with most males I know. I suppose I have more common interests with more men than women.

I've always liked this block of dialogue from the movie When Harry met Sally.

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

 

[nevermore]

People I would still consider good friends now (as in, not online friends, I have an emotional attachment to them, and they consider themselves my friends):

INTP - 2 female, 1 male
INFP - 5 female
INTJ - 1 female
ENTP - 1 male

(Yikes, I don't have much diversity in friends' types at the moment...)

So yeah, I have more female friends, usually. But...my best, closet friends have tended to be males.

Unsurprising that INTP women tend not to get along with the F-ness in many women, but I've not found the same thing. I think I know why, though. Female feelers expect me to be less emotional, cause I'm a guy, so it works out better with them. They cut me more slack but are also great at being there for me when I'm having emotional problems. I've written about this weird spark INFP women tend to have with me, kind of a semi-flirtatious thing. I'm part cute novelty/curiousity to them, but their ability to dig deep into my feelings, while allowing me (as a guy) to be a Thinker and not punish me for it makes for a good combination.

This could be why INTP females tend not to get along as well with other women, but I get along with F women. I don't tend to get close to F men. I've tried...and there have been exceptions for sure, but usually they tend to get frustrated with me (or offended or something) at my lack of F-ness. The male and female Thinkers don't care, and the female Feelers expect it from men.

On the other hand, is it bad that I assess whether someone is my friend depending on how much I'd care if they died?

Lol, not at all, it's all in the level of emotional attachment. We can't show unlimited love to everyone. It's the way humans are wired.

 

[username]

All of my friends are intuitive males with the exception of one female introverted sensor.

 

[Playful Proxy]

I do the same thing. Mostly I am friends with guys I am just a bit more awkward around females. I do have female friends but I don't talk to them as much as my male friends.

That is mainly my situation. I don't have much experience with just female friends one on one, so my social knowledge in that area is very..limited. It is almost so bad that I have to correct myself that females are not either a romantic relationship or not an acquaintance.

 

[QuietStorm]

I agree with that... well..... I agree that INTP women are more likely to have a larger amount of male friends. I find that I have more in common with (some) of the men I come across - because, as a social rule, men are expected to put away their emotions and be more logical... and they tend to be less concerned with the way I dress etc etc. I can be as much of a slob and they won't necessarily judge me (but I don't let myself 'go' ... I just don't wear dresses or makeup etc), they'll just treat like a normal human being; "one of the guys", so to speak.

 

[BUtheBabyUnicorn]

I agree with that... well..... I agree that INTP women are more likely to have a larger amount of male friends. I find that I have more in common with (some) of the men I come across - because, as a social rule, men are expected to put away their emotions and be more logical... and they tend to be less concerned with the way I dress etc etc. I can be as much of a slob and they won't necessarily judge me (but I don't let myself 'go' ... I just don't wear dresses or makeup etc), they'll just treat like a normal human being; "one of the guys", so to speak.

I try to make friends with guys, but my female friends tend to... cloud around me. They kind of just hang around me, which makes it kind of hard to be "one of the guys." They always nitpick over my hair, and bring up old stuff that's just...not relevant. I find it extremely annoying.
I really wish I could. I really wish I could be "one of the guys."

 

[QuietStorm]

I try to make friends with guys, but my female friends tend to... cloud around me. They kind of just hang around me, which makes it kind of hard to be "one of the guys." They always nitpick over my hair, and bring up old stuff that's just...not relevant. I find it extremely annoying.
I really wish I could. I really wish I could be "one of the guys."

Lol, it's not always as fun as it sounds. It's hard to shift back to being more feminine after a while, and then you find out you really just don't want to or can't be bothered. *shrug*

I have/had friends like that. But it wasn't annoying, not really. I'd just zone out. They kind of 'got over' me... I gave in to them every once in a while - but only for special occasions.

 

[BUtheBabyUnicorn]

Lol, it's not always as fun as it sounds. It's hard to shift back to being more feminine after a while, and then you find out you really just don't want to or can't be bothered. *shrug*

I have/had friends like that. But it wasn't annoying, not really. I'd just zone out. They kind of 'got over' me... I gave in to them every once in a while - but only for special occasions.

Nothing's perfect... one of the only truths of the universe.... sigh.
I wish my female friends could take a hint, and not think that I have a crush on all of the guys I want to hang out with. :dry:

 

[QuietStorm]

Nothing's perfect... one of the only truths of the universe.... sigh.
I wish my female friends could take a hint, and not think that I have a crush on all of the guys I want to hang out with. :dry:

Yes! Or think that those guys have a crush on me for wanting to hang out!
I mean... it makes things SO awkward...!!

 

[BUtheBabyUnicorn]

Yes! Or think that those guys have a crush on me for wanting to hang out!
I mean... it makes things SO awkward...!!

I know right?! They're so paranoid, it's ridiculous! Then you can't stop thinking about what they said, and unless you stop it, it spreads like a disease. >_<
...don't they believe in platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex?

 

[ZeroOneInfinity]

...don't they believe in platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex?

At least in my experience, a good majority of the men I'm friends with have been (obviously) attracted to me at some point or another. The only time I have true platonic relations with members of the opposite sex is if they are as androgynous as I am...

It's just a tough position as a woman to be genuinely interested in the same topics as your male friends, enjoy debate, and genuinely care about their thoughts and ideas. In my experience, male NT's seem used to women talking to them this way as a sign of a deeper interest, rather than purely enjoying the conversation or debate for it's own sake. I've had to make this painfully clear several times... sexism also comes into play, unfortunately.

 

[Wodashin]

I am a male, and most of my friends are male. It depends on what you consider a "friend", though. I mean, really, I only have one consistent friend, but I also have a girlfriend, so I guess it would be even if you only counted those in my most inner circle.

 

[Dragearen]

More of my friends (that I'm around a lot) are guys, but I usually get along better with girls and have less conflicts and general drama. So I'd say probably an equal amount.