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So... I guess this is the ever biased yet conviently relatively free self-evaluation. So blame it on the budget.

Are you an asshole?

Do you not give a damn about causing collateral damage among others for the sake of getting your kicks and sating your whims?

Or are you thoughtul, responsible and reasonable?

Or what do you think is an asshole (non-literal, and preferably not explained with an anatomical image), and why or why not are you one?

Do you think INTJs in general are assholes? Why or why not? Have you met many that are?

As for me, I'd like to leave everyone on at least a neutral note than a bad one, although for some people a good note is better.
 

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Are you an asshole?

I don't think so, but I'm sure there are plenty who would disagree with me.

Do you not give a damn about causing collateral damage among others for the sake of getting your kicks and sating your whims?

One of my core values is to maintain a level of respect for the thoughts and feelings of others at all times, and while I perhaps don't do a great job of upholding that value due to sudden bouts of incompetence, I do my utmost to avoid taking any action that would lead to unwarranted damage, whether collateral or direct. I figure that even if the damage was limited to people I don't like, they're still people that have their own values, passions, insecurities, people they love and are loyal to; if they share so much in common with me, don't they deserve my respect? I don't want to be one to bring harm unto others "just for kicks" or to sate whatever idiot whim I might have at the time.

On a somewhat related note, that principle of respect is why I automatically despise people who try to manipulate their social setting into ruining another person's friendships and credibility. If you don't like someone, confront them yourself. Don't drag other people into it and don't target their friends. It's pathetic and cowardly and is the surest way to make me hate you permanently.

Or are you thoughtful, responsible and reasonable?

Again, I try really hard to be, but I make plenty of missteps and don't always have the best foresight. I figure I'll learn as I age.

Or what do you think is an asshole (non-literal, and preferably not explained with an anatomical image), and why or why not are you one?

I define asshole as someone who is deliberately inconsiderate or unreasonable to others. While I might be at times inconsiderate or unreasonable, I don't do it deliberately.

Do you think INTJs in general are assholes? Why or why not? Have you met many that are?

I don't. I've encountered my fair share of assholes of every personality type, including INTJs, and the asshole distribution doesn't seem to disproportionately favor any single type.
 

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I'm not an INTJ, but I'll vouch for one I know.

While the NTJs I imagined were heartless assholes, in real life, their coldness is not what I expected. I rarely sense any malevolence, dislike, or even annoyance when NTJs say "hurtful" things to me, and my INTJ friend in fact, rarely says "hurtful" things outright, as much as he has a patronizing attitude that makes me feel like I'm being smothered by Big Brother. He has great confidence that all things he says are correct and will work out, and that I too will come to see his point of view if I will stop being silly.

As a result, I become very pissy and emotional, while he remains either buddha-like in his logical certainty, or mildly amused/puzzled by my reactions. Which makes me more frustrated because he is so reasonable and unbothered and continues to overlook my sometimes illogical, but still valid (I think) perspective.

He definitely is not an asshole. He does not seek to offend or hurt, it's just hard to accommodate that ego--surrounding egos get unintentionally bruised.

I love him a lot, though. There are many times when it's nice to have someone who is so solidly confident, competent, and reliable around.
 

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I'm never intentionally an asshole or set out to hurt someone just for the sake of hurting someone's feelings. I prefer honesty and truth over keeping up appearances and keeping my mouth shut to keep the peace. That, in a nutshell, is probably why there are and have been certain people in my life that have experienced or perceived me as being cold and/or an asshole.

Personally I don't consider anybody an asshole until they are intentionally hurtful and step on people's feelings just for the fun of it.
 

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Which INTJs here aren't really assholes, and why?
I believe we have a few "arseholes" amongst us.

I'm sure there are a few on the internet who think I'm an asshole as I don't let their out of context religious statements stand unopposed. They believe they have a God given right to be unopposed and I don't.
 

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I can understand why someone may percieve me as an asshole, but the truth remains that I'm really not looking to cause trouble or give anyone a bad day for any reason.

It's all just social incompatibility.
Agreed. I'm rarely an asshole by intent. I often am in practice though :p

It's all about perception and whether or not people choose to see past the delivery and really pay attention to the message.
 

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<=not an asshole.

I try very hard not to act out of malice, I don't usually like zero-sum games (the curved grading scheme at my school broke my heart), and I generally manage not to mess with other people too hard. I'm of the opinion the creation is usually better than destruction--and that it's kind of rude to rain on somebody else's parade, provided that what they are doing isn't harmful or malicious.

Sometimes, I think "asshole" means "you are not doing what I want you to do the way I want it done".
 

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On one hand, I don't believe many INTJ realize that they way they come across to others isn't what they would envision if they actually took the time to do so.

On the other hand, some people need to shower with a brick.


It is ridiculous to stereotype INTJ as "assholes" when some hardly say anything to begin with. If anything, most INTJ I know in real life are so withdrawn that their assholish ways are only able to be classified as such because they are so convoluted, veiled, and cynical that only a few people really get what they're trying to imply. You get the "I know more than you do, so I'm just going to watch you be an idiot and commentate with stuff you don't understand" crap. I call that a passive aggressive waste of time, not being an "asshole."

Yours truly is guilty as charged, with at least having done it before. Most INTJ have probably done this at some point. I think it's what people refer to with the "asshole" moniker. If I want to all out nail someone to a boulder publicly I can do that too, but only if there's a real reason to do it - a.k.a. they need to be exposed for public's sake. This is when people actually do call me an asshole - and that label is just fine. Truth is truth, regardless of what you think of the messenger. I don't think that's particularly an INTJ thing though - more an individual thing, hence the name is overapplied to our type.
 

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There are assholes in every group. INTJ's aren't consistently more prone to being assholes than other types. Just oddly enough expected to be.
 

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This might be slightly off-topic, but I know two self-typed INTJs from my lab (one actually seems more ISTJish to me, so take this with a grain of salt) and they both expressed at various points in time that people in general seem to expect them to behave poorly; that is, act aggressively and in a mean-spirited way, and seem to treat them with an exaggerated display of caution which they both find degrading. This is all because they might have forgotten to say hello to someone that morning, or neglected to pay attention to some other Fe-ish concern, which someone decided to take extremely personally and is hoping to get everyone else on the butthurt train with them. One confided in me that this gives her little incentive to be polite (which she is to a degree I think is excessive, because really, these people don't deserve the kind of courtesy she and the other one grant them), but she chooses to be anyway due to her own sense of values. I wonder if there's something to that, as far as how people are treated/expected to behave and how they behave reactively.
 

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This might be slightly off-topic, but I know two self-typed INTJs from my lab (one actually seems more ISTJish to me, so take this with a grain of salt) and they both expressed at various points in time that people in general seem to expect them to behave poorly; that is, act aggressively and in a mean-spirited way, and seem to treat them with an exaggerated display of caution which they both find degrading. This is all because they might have forgotten to say hello to someone that morning, or neglected to pay attention to some other Fe-ish concern, which someone decided to take extremely personally and is hoping to get everyone else on the butthurt train with them. One confided in me that this gives her little incentive to be polite (which she is to a degree I think is excessive, because really, these people don't deserve the kind of courtesy she and the other one grant them), but she chooses to be anyway due to her own sense of values. I wonder if there's something to that, as far as how people are treated/expected to behave and how they behave reactively.
I've experienced this. In general I don't bother with social niceties in professional or academic settings. To be frank, I'm there to get shit done, not make others feel good in an Fe-way. At the same time it's annoying to be regarded with caution, for the exact reasons that you mentioned, and then some.

I think there is a degree of not wanting to have expectations projected onto us (as INTJs.) Independence is important to us so even under external pressure, the majority of us will refuse to embody external values or conform, which of course gets us a bad rep. Used to bother me when I was younger but not so much anymore. I have high success rates regarding what I do, and my close circle of friends understand the way that I am and don't expect personality traits of me that I have never displayed. So I'm fine SF/ST/NF types thinking I'm an asshole, so long as my internal standards are met.

I guess the point I'm getting at...as an INTJ I don't think in terms of "asshole" or "nice guy." I consider two things at all times; what needs to be done, and what I want. Sometimes it coincides with things that the group likes and encourages, other times it does not, regardless, I will live and die by my values, asshole or not.
 

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I guess the point I'm getting at...as an INTJ I don't think in terms of "asshole" or "nice guy." I consider two things at all times; what needs to be done, and what I want. Sometimes it coincides with things that the group likes and encourages, other times it does not, regardless, I will live and die by my values, asshole or not.
Mmm, this is what I love about you guys. It warms the cockles of my Fi-dominated little heart. :blushed:
 

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It's all about context and perception.

I can be rude when people have expectations I don't want to live up to. I can be blunt and straight to the point and forget (or ignore) to follow some social rituals.

I don't steam roll people or tell them what to do. I'm courteous, adaptive, peace loving and try to put myself into another's shoes before I make any judgement on how to react like any good little enneagram 9 would.

I don't mind being an asshole sometimes but it's not how I see me as a whole.
 

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Are you an asshole?
I've been called that. I definitely was one when I was young. I only get called that rarely now. And nowadays if I do pull an asshole move it's either completely accidental (as in I didn't realize how what I said could be taken negatively), or my last nerve got worked like the rubberband on a slingshot and shit flew (not proud of that, but fuck it I'm human).

Do you not give a damn about causing collateral damage among others for the sake of getting your kicks and sating your whims?
That was totally me as a kid. I grew up.

Or are you thoughtful, responsible and reasonable?
I'd like to think so, and these are things people say about me quite often.

Do you think INTJs in general are assholes? Why or why not? Have you met many that are?
In terms of my experiences on this forum (anecdotal, people could be mistyped, blahblahblah whatever) there are far more chill INTJs than asshole INTJs. The ones that are assholes seem to often be just immature-angry-gotta prove something teens. Seriously doubt that's strictly an INTJ problem.
 
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