Personality Cafe banner

1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
75 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Travel or University/College?

I'm sorry if this has been covered before, as I'm sure it probably has! I'm happy for this to be looked at in a general sense, but I would also really appreciate advice for my particular situation, and people's personal insights/experiences. I haven't posted very much on this forum, but I do frequent here quite often - group shyness is with me even in the realms of the internet!

I won't go into the details of all of the past events that have occurred for me to be where I am now - no matter how strong the compulsion to justify my life is :tongue: Basically though, I am 23 and living at home with my parents. (I have moved out before and traveled and have never felt so happy or free in all my life :happy:) My family are not bad people, I simply have no strong connection with them (SP's and SJ's) -except for my little brother (ESFP). I very much dislike the area where I live as well. It has been my intention to travel ever since I moved back here, but I became involved in a very destructive relationship with an ESTP for 2.5 years (both of us exhibited extremely unhealthy traits of both of our types) which made me lose a LOT of confidence and belief in myself and who I was - even the things that I liked and was passionate about - I am still trying to build this back now.

It's starting to sound like I'm trying to justify things hehe :tongue: Anyway! Lately I've been thinking about going to University to do Modern Liberal Arts, or Philosophy/Ethics in Holland. So that would involve travel to a different country.. but.. a degree is a big decision.. and I find it hard to stick with things.. and 4 years (+ 1 year for college) is a long time, and I'm sure I'd change my mind in that time! So, maybe the most sensible thing to do for me would be to travel? I want to save £5,000 and then go wherever feels the best :)

The problem is that when I make a firm decision, and feel certain in that resolve, even just 10 minutes later I can be feeling just as ambivalent again. It is quite frustrating!

This has turned into a big mesh of nothingness it seems haha, but still, the original question still stands! :laughing:
I know that it is very much a subjective question, but I would really appreciate the thoughts from other INFP's. :happy:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
You're not meant to make solid decisions, so why not just go with the flow... ? When you go with the flow of things, and experience the "as is" moments that you encounter, then this is what will allow you to continue a journey or not. Sitting here thinking and predicting the future may not give you the answer that you are looking for, cos by experiencing, and taking control of that situation is really when you learn things.

I went to uni, I had a good time and then I also had bad times too. My moods were up, and my moods were sometimes down too. To think that whatever we do, that our moods will always is up is maybe too much on the expectation of things. It's just that, when something bad happens, and it brings our moods down somewhat, if we can indeed just continue or to do something which counteract that mood, then this is what makes it a better journey.

Anyway, it doesn't matter if you never finish a degree, sometimes it isn't about whether we complete anything, but where something takes us... I realised that, some people are good at what they do, is because when they don't want to do that something any more or that something bad happens, or make them feel bad, they go and DO more of that something like a bad addiction, and then eventually, you also become good at that something as well, without even really realising why you did that, or gotten so good at something.

I remember the first time I went clubbing during university days, and I really hated it, but I socialised and did it anyway, but I would never have thought that because I was determined to actually experience uni life, and not be shy, I ended up really finding my niche in dancing, and I really love it.

Since you are so young still anyway, just enjoy each experience that it gives up, cos later on, it is the better memories which you will hold dearly and realised that the journey was really worth it, even though the path was a little bit rocky ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,250 Posts
I'm 21, i spent a year travelling ,a year working, and a year at a uni that i've now left. i'm starting a new uni this september, plus i'm going travelling for a couple of weeks this september too. I agree with you, travelling is awesome, but then uni is important (and can be very awesome) too.

Thing is, your choices now aren't based on what you want to be doing right now, but should be more focused on what you will be doing in your 30s.. do you have ambitions for your career? do you want to remain footloose and free? do you want to just drift through life going with the flow and taking opportunities as they come?

I don't know how university works where you are, but university in the UK offers just as many opportunities as travelling does- i've chosen a uni which has the largest number of societies/sports in the country, and that is how i intend to fill up my quota on experiences over the next 3 years.

In terms of the most "growth potential", if i had to pick one i'd pick travelling, just. however, you've already done traveling, and i found that once i did traveling, uni then matured me much further because it is a different sort of experience. one of the biggest things about uni for me was in discussing the future and plans with other young hopeful people my age, something which happens whilst traveling sure, but you tend to find with travelers that they are "improvisors" and "procrastinators" too, and if you have any semi-serious career plans your personal growth will be far better at uni.

overall- i say uni hands down, just because you've already done some travelling. further travelling at this point will be great, but uni is a different experience and offers a greater scope for growth in a different direction. besides, you can do what i do- work and save for a travel experience every summer break.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
6,806 Posts
Here's the "INFP-channeling-ESTJ" angry dad answer:

A lot of people seem to have this misconception that your 20s is the only time when you'll ever be able to travel. That's so not true. My mom is 55 and her boyfriend is 62 and they are going on a month-long scuba/snorkel trip to a pristine coral reef in Indonesia this fall. You have your entire life to travel.

What you need to be focusing on right now is getting your career on track. You're 21 and you will be 25 by the time you graduate college if you go this year. I would also suggest doing a more career-oriented major rather than liberal arts/philosophy. College is a business and a tool, and getting a degree "just for the love of learning" rather than as preparation for a career is kind of a waste of time and money. Can't you do a more career-oriented major and then take liberal arts and philosophy classes on the side? That way you will have options when you graduate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,102 Posts
Hrm....

To be honest, I think travel offers far more opportunity for growth than college does. Especially so if you manage to find work or volunteer programs that allow you to integrate into a different culture and learn a different language. (Or find work that forces you to travel quite often).

Flip a coin if you're still stuck on this dichotomy of choices.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
Even better idea, why not do BOTH ? Put together a plan, continue to research on a travel plan, and make it happen when you get your holidays and you will get many holidays, and in fact, you will also get many "study days" too when you choose an Arts subject, cos you are meant to study in your own time, and during those periods, you will be bored.

Maybe you can find working holidays too.... Something which works in shifts.
:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,842 Posts
INFP dependant. :) For instance, if you knew all along that you wanted to be an artist, study art (whether privately or at the University level, it's your choice). Some people are natural backpackers-not all INFPs want/desire the same things, and I myself am not much of a traveler, though it's fun if you can afford it (can you believe I've never been to Italy considering my leanings?)

Some people are totally against modern education, since it's flawed in a way (many degrees are too expensive vs the amount of income you'll get back from it under normal circumstances), but I believe studying can be a life-forming, gratifying experience, ESPECIALLY if you are studying what you really want vs a forced degree you got just to make money but have no love for. Yet of course there's the view that you can have any sort of "normal job" and follow your passion outside it (though I theoretically could do this myself, I prefer for any job I have to possess some meaning or personal value regardless expected income.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,842 Posts
Here's the "INFP-channeling-ESTJ" angry dad answer:

A lot of people seem to have this misconception that your 20s is the only time when you'll ever be able to travel. That's so not true. My mom is 55 and her boyfriend is 62 and they are going on a month-long scuba/snorkel trip to a pristine coral reef in Indonesia this fall. You have your entire life to travel.

What you need to be focusing on right now is getting your career on track. You're 21 and you will be 25 by the time you graduate college if you go this year. I would also suggest doing a more career-oriented major rather than liberal arts/philosophy. College is a business and a tool, and getting a degree "just for the love of learning" rather than as preparation for a career is kind of a waste of time and money. Can't you do a more career-oriented major and then take liberal arts and philosophy classes on the side? That way you will have options when you graduate.
Can't agree, but understand the logic behind your post. Some people just aren't meant for "career majors", and we should respect that-though I agree degrees are overpriced.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
124 Posts
Take a look at this video:Alan Watts - What Do You Desire? - YouTube

Just so you're not lost (if you actually do choose to watch this), Alan Watts is essentially speaking words as to why one does not (or should not) ultimately desire control/power. He states that one should look for the surprise, the comback, etc. Take a listen.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kyliecarefree

·
Banned
Joined
·
6,806 Posts
Can't agree, but understand the logic behind your post. Some people just aren't meant for "career majors", and we should respect that-though I agree degrees are overpriced.
So does that mean that, by extension, some people just aren't meant for careers?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,842 Posts
So does that mean that, by extension, some people just aren't meant for careers?
Indeed-a "career" is not the rightful path for every human being, because not every study field warrants one (at least not the way this society works, for the most part), and humans may like whatever they do. I don't believe in "useless degrees"-it is society that is often useless for not putting value where it's worth, basically caring mostly about lucrative fields.

Nothing wrong about money, it's necessary. But I won't consider anyone that is not "career oriented" as necessarily lazy, unfocused, or lacking in insight-they may just care about other things that are more important to them. They just have to find other ways to make money, without these "lucrative careers" that do nothing for them.

I believe these kind of individuals are a minority, thus they are often looked down upon by society of course-I really hate articles where they bash certain study fields as useless, as if people were meant to be identical and go for the same things.

Perhaps your question was intended as expecting only one kind of answer, but to me I can't see some people happy with a money-making career they don't give a darn about. Sometimes the dream is bigger than the career, despite we all needing money to survive.

(I certainly don't mean to offend, and have nothing against people that choose lucrative fields-in the case of INFPs, hopefully they are able to fulfill their passions outside their job, if the career they chose does nothing for them but being income, although of course some INFPs have lucrative careers in a field they really love, which is ideal.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
369 Posts
My advice: do both at the same time. I'm pretty sure every university that's worth something has some kind of a student exchange programme. Sign up, choose a place you like, or just close your eyes and stick a finger on the paper, then go there. It doesn't matter where, going itself is important. I'm studying abroad this semester and as much as I was afraid of the decision and as much as dealing with things is difficult, I've already learned more than I ever could at home. I'm studying abroad for the first time AND staying at a dorm for the first time AND living by myself for the first time. I've realized so much, and it's just been three weeks. Wherever you go, hone your skills, try new things, build bonds. If you know what you want, cool. If you don't, you have the freedom of choice. Just do something. Anything will help you build a career, even if it's something silly like filming sketch comedy with your friends or being really good with yoyos. And I'm going cliché, so I'll stop here.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
Whatever you decide, remember to capture those moments, cos you CHOSE to do that something. Overtime, it will bring you good memories, and also it will also bring you an understanding of yourself.

Nobody decidedly HAVE a career, but they make "choices". Choices that we cannot regret all too much cos in that moment, we made them. It is also okay to make mistakes too. When you make your mistakes, understand and accept it yourself. When you accept the mistake, or if you felt something is indeed a mistake, it also teaches you that, you want something else so much instead.

If living abroad is because you want to get away from your ESTx family, then understand and remember to write this down as a reason. It also does allow you to be more your own INFP self.... Remember and journal them, write and take pictures to remember your own journeys. Cos this is important. :)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
6,806 Posts
Indeed-a "career" is not the rightful path for every human being, because not every study field warrants one (at least not the way this society works, for the most part), and humans may like whatever they do. I don't believe in "useless degrees"-it is society that is often useless for not putting value where it's worth, basically caring mostly about lucrative fields.

Nothing wrong about money, it's necessary. But I won't consider anyone that is not "career oriented" as necessarily lazy, unfocused, or lacking in insight-they may just care about other things that are more important to them. They just have to find other ways to make money, without these "lucrative careers" that do nothing for them.

I believe these kind of individuals are a minority, thus they are often looked down upon by society of course-I really hate articles where they bash certain study fields as useless, as if people were meant to be identical and go for the same things.

Perhaps your question was intended as expecting only one kind of answer, but to me I can't see some people happy with a money-making career they don't give a darn about. Sometimes the dream is bigger than the career, despite we all needing money to survive.

(I certainly don't mean to offend, and have nothing against people that choose lucrative fields-in the case of INFPs, hopefully they are able to fulfill their passions outside their job, if the career they chose does nothing for them but being income, although of course some INFPs have lucrative careers in a field they really love, which is ideal.)
I'm not even talking about a lucrative career, necessarily. There's plenty of careers that require a bachelor's degree or greater that are not particularly lucrative. I'm talking about being able to get a job that matches your abilities instead of being unemployed or underemployed after you graduate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,842 Posts
I'm not even talking about a lucrative career, necessarily. There's plenty of careers that require a bachelor's degree or greater that are not particularly lucrative. I'm talking about being able to get a job that matches your abilities instead of being unemployed or underemployed after you graduate.
Your statement is practical and works, but is not applicable to all, as I said before:

a)by this pragmatic logic, all "useless" degrees should be banned, since what's the point of them being available in the first place? (Sorry, that's something I strongly disagree with and will heartily oppose-why let society decide what's useful or useless for you?)

b)even "career fields" won't warrant a job in the appropriate field. It's what the individual makes with it, + tons of fate/luck/whathaveyou.

Many art fields/jobs are either grossly underpaid or too competitive to depend on them as a stable source of income. That doesn't make studying art any less viable for the right individuals. Some people do get to make decent to great income in the arts, but it's not usually likely. It's mostly a societal fault; we can't blame the arts for this, deeming studying them a "waste of time" because they don't warrant a living income by themselves (plus no degree study is a waste of time, granted it is good education-if I had an inexhaustible source of income I would probably be a student at the moment.)

The 13 Most Useless Majors, From Philosophy to Journalism - The Daily Beast = utter BS

How to Brand a "Useless" Degree - Dorie Clark - Harvard Business Review = she found solutions that worked for her despite her so-called "useless degree." I also wouldn't have called it a useless degree, but I guess she wanted to convey her point more easily by using such an inappropriate term.

Some people can't handle those "career jobs" so many hanker after. Not due to laziness (darn, some of those "useless degrees" are harder/tougher to master than more "practical" fields!) but because they just are not a good fit for them-and that's OK.

Note that your solution works for you and MANY others. It doesn't mean that it should be universally good advice, though. If someone mentions in my presence that certain degrees are "useless" they shall receive a prompt, logical rebuttal from this "illogical" dreamer. It is not logical to think that all people must follow certain specific paths to "succeed", because we are not all the same, and often even define "success" quite differently from each other.

And it's also OK to forever disagree on these matters. No shame in that at all-we shouldn't think alike just because we are INFPs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
298 Posts
Just something practical to add for your consideration. It's about age and the mental and psychological development you need to succeed in college.

Not many people think about this, but there are significant advantages to being older relative to everyone else while you are going through college. There is a great rush to finish college in four years and to go on with life after that but I think it is at least prudent to consider and understand the benefits of waiting until you are more mature to finish off college at the expense of taking an extra year or two. You will do better relative to yourself a year ago, things will be more organized and under control, and this may translate into confidence and more happiness.

To underscore my point, when you were 13 you did not have nearly the control, the capacity, the logic, and the mentality that you do now, and it would be inappropriate to throw you in a college environment and expect you to excel, take advantage of opportunities, and be able to keep up with the schedule, course work, and other stresses that are involved. For many people, 18 is a good age to start college, but you may not be mature enough. Looking back, I think I would have benefited greatly starting college a year or two later.

For an INFP especially, it is extremely beneficial for your Ne to be a more controlled and your Te inferior function to start to be developed. It helps when dealing with coursework and planning. Aging also begins to curb the 'I have no idea what I'm doing in life' feeling, which can be quite debilitating.

It is true that college matures you, but how well you did is dependent on how mature you were when you started. Often that record of your achievement holds a lot of weight in your future career paths, so it may be wise to take some time off for personal betterment and finishing off college on a stronger foot.

*Edit* Just noticed you are 23. I think a college would be a great place for you! Not exactly fun and games all the time, but you will learn a lot about yourself, expand your horizons, and you may find open doors of opportunity for your future.
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
Top