Oh jeez, haha. I'm sure you've had enough of me after my long, long post detailing me at ages 12-15...but I'll respond anyway!
Who am I? What a difficult question... How does one go about writing about themselves so that much of their personality can really be touched upon?
Well besides being somewhat of an awkward dork... I am someone who has a massive love for life, flaws and all—especially flaws and all. I think that only with both the "good" and the "bad" can anyone really get a representative picture...of anything, not just life. And I find meaning in that. I have such high hopes for everyone and wish the best for everyone in their respective journeys. I am someone who has been through hell and back, or something really close to it, and can still think that...and that is something that makes me proud.
To steal from my signature, I am indeed a dreamer, truth-seeker, and a visionary. I want to change the world, or at least shake it up. Shake it up a lot. I'm someone who wants her voice to be heard today for the people of tomorrow and beyond. I want to be in the spotlight so that perhaps the wisdom I've gained, the laughter I've shared, and both my failures and successes can be of use to others. I want to be a positive, guiding light...so that all those who have felt the pain I have or even worse know that someone out there cares, so that anyone knows that someone cares! So that mankind can learn from my experiences and perhaps move forward...
I'm just someone who has so very much to say. Someone who cares deeply for basically each and every person. Someone's who is perhaps stupidly altruistic. But at least... this is something that is not said because of naivete that comes from lack of experience. Maybe it is still naive. It depends on perspective. But I have faith in humanity. We've come so far, and no matter what "evil" things have happened, I think we can improve!
I'm someone who's pretty evenly happy and sad. Both make up much of my character and I'm trying to embrace it. I'm someone who's really enthusiastic about so much. I'm being serious right now, but I am so silly a lot of the time. I make terrible jokes with perfect timing and am really self-deprecating as a form of humor, hahaha. I'm absolutely ridiculous and I know it.
I just have such vigor for life and there is just so much to me. I'm well on my way to becoming my class's high school valedictorian and I'm really competitive as well in everything. Sh*t gets crazy in French class when we play learning games..LOL (I ended up almost injuring myself like the idiot goofball I can be a lot of the time hehe). Though it's never overly-serious to the point of awkwardness. Just funny how I'm ridiculously into the game.
Other than that, I love tennis and writing and psychology (duh). Science really interests me, but math bores me to tears. It's just so asinine most of the time, and this is not an excuse for not understanding the material! It's just incredibly repetitive and there isn't enough real-life application. I'm just going to outright say it: the way mathematics is taught in the US is frankly just terrible. It really needs to change...lol.
Major dork as well. I love video games. Used to be into MMORPGs as well...but I haven't played any recently. I love the ideas of Harry Potter (though I don't believe it's completely perfect) and I have always been unbelievably obsessed with Avatar the Last Airbender. Hands down, my favorite cartoon ever. I think Kingdom Hearts is convoluted but I still think it's lovely and the Final Fantasy franchise (as a whole) as well!
So to reiterate, who am I?
Someone who has high hopes and who's idealistic and altruistic (probably) to a fault. Individualistic (which is a given, as a type 4). Someone who wants to shake up the world and make a name. Enthusiastic, dorky, silly, but serious enough at times. Interested in a variety of things.
But perhaps most of all, I'm just Tina (Moon) Li. And maybe one day I'll be something that can be close to as great as the moon that I'm named after in Mandarin Chinese .
Everything got destroyed... now I'm a seeker. I seek my self. What the hell does someone like me do in this shitty world? How can we find a connection, world and society? I'm just a wandering spirit that searches to answer those questions...
I want to be surprised at the answer. However, I'm one, incomplete expression of life. I identify with existentialists, iconoclasts and imposing personae. The hunger between me and these ideas will follow me 'til I'm dead. It reflects what is in me by my decision to pursue it. I neither know, nor predict, that it indicates who I am. I mean, if who I am is a choice, then what of being is pristine in its origin?
Beyond what I desire, feel and recall as a human being, I don't know what an answer to the question would sound like. I'm starting not to see being human, or alive in this state, as truth enough to depict the truest of identities. Life here is just too passive and transitory to base origin off of, even if it's just my own.
In a sense, we're all each other since we just mimic endlessly the things we perceive. Who we are would not be relative to us as much as to each other. Damn my gaping convolutedness... Simply, I'm more invested in discovering what connects everything than in who I claim to be. It is my body that insists that I must claim any matter of thing at all, the bothersome beast.
Well, I am an INFP, 4w5 (sexual variant) and a Virgo. I love to write and could spend all of my time alone in my room with candles lit, incense burning and beautiful dark and mysterious music playing on my Pandora, or else nature sounds. I love wind chimes. I love the rain. I love the ocean. I love the dark, Gothic, emotional images more than the bright cheery ones. I don't smoke nor drink. I love my body being healthy, but I do overeat. It shows. I hate to get sweaty and I hate people watching me. I prefer to blend in and not be noticed, but I love photography and love taking beautiful photos of myself, and of nature, I feel creative and artistic. I love to take photos of others too, but most people shy from me and my camera.
I don't like to do group things. I prefer to do things by myself. I love to be out in nature but because there are so many people around I shy from going out a lot.... I just rather be alone to enjoy the tranquility and can't have that when people are nearby. I don't like to hang out with people very much, because I always feel kind of awkward. I prefer to come and go.... I like interacting with cashiers in the store to the fullest of my abilities of interaction, but I love that because I can walk away from them too. I love the 'escape' from people.
I don't wear makeup often, and I don't dress 'sexy'. I don't want to be noticed and I don't want to attract men. There were many years in my life where I was approached and bothered by men who were trying to get close to me and that always really bothered me. I don't like being chased.
I often do not like people very much, because I think they're shallow and rude, materialistic and self-absorbed. Although I admit to being self-absorbed, I am always thinking constantly how people around me act and treat others and the world and I don't like what I see. At least I am kind and try to be kind to others, and do not disrespect nature or at least I try not to. Things people do bother me so much and being judgmental bothers me so much. Even when I am judgmental it bothers me, but it bothers me more when people voice judgment on others in my presence. I fight for the underdog and dislike people who join in with a belief system that is wrong, just because everyone else believes that way. I'm independent in that regard.
Those I feel most comfortable with are those I love. My family, my boyfriend, my very closest friends... but even they might make me uncomfortable.
I am a dreamer. I connect to people on a spiritual emotional level, those in need of some kind of healing, I am drawn to. I love romance, and travel with lots of alone moments and photography (when tourists move out of the way of the photos I am happy). Being with the man I love makes me happy, so does being alone. I am sure I have emphasized that by now. lol
I think my perfect job would be a self-help, motivational writer. I could help people without having to interact. That's who I feel that I am.
I think people need someone to bring them up and realize they can be happy, and do more in life, and be better.... I think a lot of people are lost, and lonely and sad and have given up. I think there are too many horrible rude people in the world who walk all over these poor souls, but more often than not I just do not make a judgement, I just pass people by and do not stop to get involved.
I am the most friendly person when it comes to visiting venues. I talk openly and kindly to everyone I meet. I do give every person a chance to impress me and I am often impressed. But, for every moment when I am impressed I am also appalled. In equal amounts by the rude drivers on the roads, the litterbugs, the irresponsible parents, the criminals who I catch stealing in the stores and the person who blows cigarette smoke towards your face with disregard and then tosses their cigarette on the ground.
I don't hate smokers, my boyfriend smokes, but he's not inconsiderate.
People who push their way to the front of lines, and these types really annoy me. I can't tell you how many times I wish I was a cop to give a ticket to some terrible driver.
Why am I ranting? LOL... I don't know, I guess it's easier for me to go on about that side of myself than to talk about all the good stuff.
Good stuff: I don't voice these opinions or complain. I'm easy going. I accept all my friends and I forgive them if they hurt me or do something they think is unforgivable, same with my boyfriend, my love is unconditional to my friends, family and boyfriend. I surround myself with amazing people and not those other types of people, we all have our pet peeves, don't we? I readily admit to mine.
I am nice, sweet, kind, and do not corner people or push my beliefs on them, but as you saw by my rant, I do have opinions, and I am strongly opinionated about them.
Most of my friends think "Oh she is so nice, and easygoing, never says a bad thing about anyone..... is helpful and mystical and easy to talk to, non-judgmental, the easiest person to talk to."
And, this is true. I don't.... but I'm telling you right now, I do care about things, I'm not THAT nice. My VALUES are extremely important to me. Don't threaten my values and we'll be okay.
Very different from what people see I am guessing. I can play the "Extrovert" and the "Thinker" but I guarantee you I am not either of those.
I am the sweet, cuddly, purring, finicky cat that will eat anything you give her, without complaint, and will let you pet her, maybe even let you hold her close for a while, but will run away from home and go to some one else's house where the food is better, the yard is bigger and the competition is less.
And leave you wondering where I went and why.
"Making you feel clueless" just might be my middle name.
A fire-breathing, passion filled flower with paper petals reaching to the sun, and then the moon, and then the honeybee, to get what it is I can't seem to find, despite my roots relentlessly searching...led by intuition, reaching deep into the ground to find something, anything with the answer.