who is the best personality match for an enfj or is there a such thing?

msunique80 said:

hi all. first post/new here. i took a personality test on the internet and other various ones and i am an ENFJ ...i am married but i do not think we are compatable in personality styles. not sure what he is, but i know he is not like me in that he is not sensitive enough to my needs/wants, but it seems like he trys but it is a strain for him. just curious if anyone new who are ENFJ's most compatible with?

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ENFJ Relationships
check out the "lovers" section at the bottom, it lists two types. I don't think it's a die-hard rule. For instance, I have two guys in my life that must be I-something's and I just click with them both, it's unreal. If it was only one guy, I'd think "He's the one" because he just gets me without me even having to tell him everything. But it's two guys...so I know it's compatibility.

I wonder how people have successful relationships without "matching up" compatibly. But I think when you build your relationship, you learn who eachother is and how do deal with them and their personality. Even with each of these guys, I don't have love or commitment (yet!!!). So compatibility doesn't equal happiness.

Check out the bottom of this page "type relationships for ENFJ" and you click on each one to see which type fits that type of relationship best in your life.

ENFJ Profile

INFP!!!!!!!!!!!! :laughing:


In theory, I've seen listed as good matches:

Female ENFJ: INFP, INTP, INFJ, ISTP, and ENTP

Male ENFJ: INFP, INTP, INFJ, ENFP, and ESFP

IRL, I've seen happy couplings of:
- ENFJ man & ESTJ woman
- ENFJ man & ESFJ woman
- ENFJ woman & INFJ man

personally I get along with/really like NFs. Though to be honest I can sort of see me working with any nice, healthy non-TJ. I'm scared of TJs. haha

dp624 said:

personally I get along with/really like NFs. Though to be honest I can sort of see me working with any nice, healthy non-TJ. I'm scared of TJs. haha

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Hahaha:laughing: what's so scary about TJ's? I'm curious...

INFPs are your "natural partner", but preference is a big part of it..Through personal experience it seems as if INFPs and ENFJs get along very well.

Hahahaha. I get along with them fine in as friends. But I think Te might be a bit... demanding of competence in a relationship? especially dom Te. And I'd also feel slightly weird (culture wise, etc) if I was more caring/protective/F than my partner I guess.

dp624 said:

Hahahaha. I get along with them fine in as friends. But I think Te might be a bit... demanding of competence in a relationship? especially dom Te. And I'd also feel slightly weird (culture wise, etc) if I was more caring/protective/F than my partner I guess.

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What kind of competence are you talking about? in the bedroom? lol, just joking :laughing:

Thinking back over my previous relationships I value loyalty and trustworthiness and honesty, if my boyfriend tells me he's going to do something I would expect him to stand by his word, but then again it depends on the situation - if I used something along the lines of punctuality, meeting him somewhere I do expect him to be on time, but I expect that of everybody as lateness really bothers me! but I wouldn't call this incompetence - so it would help if you could explain what you define as incompetence in a relationship? intelligence? common sense?

ESTJ females are caring and protective, we just show our love in a different way, by doing things for the people we care about, helping them in some way which is more proactive. So for example, if you're tired we'll run you a bath, make a hot drink for you etc. We are extremely loyal and are family-oriented. We remember birthdays and anniversarys and make an effort to make the other feel special by organising a meal out, a day out etc. This is usually how an ESTJ female would show her love and affection, as opposed to PDA (physical displays of affection) and sprouting out poetry at the top of the hill. I don't know about other ESTJ women but I like to hug people if they're feeling down or I want to say thank you for being kind to me.

Yes! I know; haha I have quite a few ISTJ friends, both female and male, and they really have this 'acts of service' thing pinned down well; and it's all very good/nice.
It's not so much that I'm scared (that was said jokingly ) - I get along with STJs perfectly fine - but personally I find is slightly harder to connect with them. In a relationship, it's not so much about what you can do for me - for me, I want to do at least as much for you, if not more ^.^. And I've found that TJs can value different things in relationships, and, while though very valid, it's not something completely natural for me to do. Say that acts of service thing - sure, I can do that, but I sort of have to consciously remind myself. While an NF, for example, values different things which I might be naturally better at.

With regard to competence - haha; I don't really consider myself incompetent, but I may be a bit wary of the STJ penchance for tradition and so on. It is sort of hard to say... must be my N stuffing around.

I'm not saying that and ENFJ and ESTJ won't work out - it sounds awesome - but I'm just saying, personally, for me, I can 'connect' more easily with other types. What's your opinion on the ENFJ/ESTJ dynamic then?

Ok, I hear what you're saying about connecting with STJs, but let me see if I can help you to see the bigger picture...how many people are there in the world? how many STJs do you know? is the latter answer a substantial figure of evidence to form a rounded view of STJs? what is tradition to you?
Tradition has varying levels for many, in my case tradition is family warmth and closeness, but this doesn't mean that I don't think my friends are important, it's just that my immediate family come first, I do have a strong work ethic and take pride in my work and can't help but have some expectation of others to do the same but hey it's not a perfect world and I've taken on a more healthy perspective (than I did previously) that we're not all the same, just as long as all parties understand each others way of working.
I think that's where my tradition stops there, I don't go to church, neither do I do community work, but I do love helping people.

To you - what is it that you want from a relationship which you would consider non-traditional and more suitable for you?

You still haven't given me examples what NFs value in relationships? as an NF individual what are you naturally better at in showing your affection for your loved one?

My opinion on the ENFJ/ESTJ dynamic? I have absolutely no idea. I see people for who they are and like to learn about them, their experiences, the way they talk about their passions, their hobbies, interests, values and so on - that's the fun part of getting to know someone, isn't it? :laughing:
Although I understand that some types get on better with others, I do think at the end of the day for a relationships to work, then it's based on both character traits, similarity, maturity and that you both want the same things in life - such as commitment. I don't believe in labelling people according to their type, to me that's stereotyping and well throw me off a cliff if I lived my whole life based on people's Myers-Briggs personality type! Don't get me wrong, MBTI is brilliant and such an eye-opener for helping us all to understand how each type perceives the world and make decisions but it is not set in stone.
The world is full of unique individuals, we all have our differences and that's what makes life so interesting. Ok, I think I'm veering off the point now, but you know what I mean? :happy:

I kinda feel like I'm selling the xSTJ persona, but honestly I'm not, I'm just helping you broaden the perspective of us, by using myself as an example!

Hey! you're quite serious about this; haha
Regarding the number of STJs I know - I know quite a few males (both of the E and I variety; probably 10ish) and maybe 1 or 2 females (my mother is one). Of course I'm not saying that I can generalise what STJs think/act like - I'm just recounting my experience And if I did find myself in a relationship with one or something like that - I wouldn't let something as small as MBTI change my opinion or anything. If anything, it would help with how I can help them - hopefully I can press the right buttons ahaha.

But hrmm. Tradition to me is similar to what it is for you. Raised in a very SJ family (dad's ISFJ, mum's ISTJ) it's been pretty ingrained into me what I should do, what my priorities are. Personally, though, I don't view this as my duty - rather, it's my 'mission' to be a good person, to help, to nurture/care, to do stuff. I've been told SJs view it more as their 'duty' - take, for example, raising children. My parents said it was their 'duty' to raise me well - but for my children, I will see it as my 'mission' that they're raised to be good people
It's not much different - we kind of do the same thing; just that we sort of have different interpretations? Perhaps?

Tradition, for me, would be things like upholding customs and culture and such - what's been done for some time, what's normal to do, what's routine, and what is considered 'correct' I guess.

Me... I can't really say what I want from a relationship. It probably won't massively be out out tradition... Probably what most people want from a relationship - an activity partner, someone to care for and be cared by, someone to grow with, someone to confide in and receive help from and to be confided in and helped; a great friend, etc. Which probably significantly overlaps with what you want too .

And you sort of prove a point of how/why Te intimidates me a bit... with this penchance for debate. ahaha.
With regards with how Te can scare me otherwise.. I can get into pretty big arguments with my mother but my relationship with me father is pretty smooth. But that can also be attributed to other things
but Te's not a big problem I did mention I said that Te scares me in a joking manner

I do get what you mean. I'm not going to let MBTI or whatever drive me off; I'm not close-minded about dating and ESTJ or whatever My STJ friends are extremely nice/good people. So kindly stop jumping down my throat! Sorry if I couldn't address everything you said; I'm not entirely sure either

Yeah this is my debating side haha, but I see it as a discussion (less intimidating) and I love a good discussion, but also I want to know what others views are so I can make more patterns and sense of what others opinions and views are, based on their experiences. It is in no way intended as intimidating lol. I just love asking questions, it helps to broaden my mind.

Duty as a parent raising a child, would mean to me something along the lines of "I'm his/her mother, I cook/care/clean/educate him/her because that is what I believe mothers should do".
Mission as a parent would mean to me, mission to raise the child as best as I can, emphasising the child as an individual, helping them to fulfill their dreams and endless possibilties - I think that maybe that pretty much sums up the "Idealists" temperament - as the ENFJ is in this category, known as the "Teacher". So pretty much elaborating on what you said, which kind of matches I believe?

Re what you want from a relationship - isn't that what most people want from a relationship? I don't think it's just me

I'm not jumping down your throat btw wahaha, and I'm not scoring your answers either so don't worry haha, you're funny - thanks for making me laugh!

haha; good to hear
talking is quite fun i guess. what's your experience with NFs been like then? friends/relationships wise? anything they did which you didn't particularly like?

and regarding mission/duty - that also relates to relationships too. I find i slightly harder to do things which I consider my duty but not my mission; which means that I'm slightly less natural when with an STJ partner, who values duty. if you sort of get what I mean
and your interpretation of what i said is great! it's kind of hard to articulate sometimes

I am the only person I know in my personal life who has taken the MBTI assessment, so I can't really answer that question! But what I can say is that I have a good friend who I consider the intellectual - I can talk in-depth topics with her as well joke around with her - the jokes are more 'intellectual', and I have other friends who are more girly and puts me in more touch with my softer side, they are fun too. So all my friends are unique and that's what I really like - they bring out the various aspects of my personality. Relationships-wise - again, I didn't know about MBTI then so I wouldn't know what personality type they were.

Duty in a relationship? It's actually never crossed my mind to see it that way. I would prefer being with someone who brings out the best in me but also gently challenges me to grow as a person and to go for my dreams and supports me, he would be a good friend as well as a partner. I wouldn't put loyalty, honesty, trust and love under the heading of 'duty'. I classify duty as in a set of principles and responsibilities to work towards in a workplace environment, but not in my personal life as that feels to me really rigid and no fun at all, it's much healthier to have some flexibility in your personal life, in other words I would describe it as a mission to enjoy life! :happy:

my boyfriend is an enfj and i'm enfp and we get along pretty well.. he is also one of my best friends
and i can always rely on him knowing that he won't let me down

but sometimesr we get into fight over some silly little things.. i think it's because we are so similar

INTP of course.

now I will tell you this right here and right now, I have some experience in relationships with I's as an ENFJ.

However, I will strongly disagree that we would get along well romantically with an INFJ...I may have a bias here, because of an on-again-off-again for 6 years with one...where the religious views and my slow removal of them...got in the way of a lot of things. The two high J's clashed and after a while, we just fought until there was only one way...ending the relationship.

Though I do feel that if the views of the two J's work together, rather than clash, there could be mutual harmony in having two that are strong willed and punctual. However they have to be damn-near identical in views. Working with a T may become irritating, as they tend to have some trouble expressing and noticing feelings, even when as an EF I am smiling when happy, and visibly make it known when I'm sad. This may vary slightly from T to T but...just saying.

E and I may not matter so much, because as an E, we'd both talk and as an I, well...the E's would talk to them and find a way to listen to someone who rarely speaks up, giving them a reason to be bonded to you, as one of the few who can make them feel like they are not invisible.

Also, with the F, it will be hard if you accidentally, with the J trait, hurt their feelings, as they may harbor the hurt for a while. At least that's what I FEEL may happen, though it could also quickly become a touchy-feely festival as well, so would work both ways.

S and N, as ENFJ's are very good at just...relating to others, doesn't matter. One of my best friends is an ISTj, and I really don't mind talking to him despite his imagination being fairly limited in some situations as he is a scientist. I know he's very cool and intelligent. ESTJ or ESFJ or ESTp or esfp would work well, depending on who it is, and how much they have in common.


In the end, just about ANYTHING could work, just depends on who it is and how much you can relate to the other person. though two ENFJ's together may very well be difficult...too much talking weirdness and too much boredom because of plans.

So yeah...it all depends on you, not so much anyone else's personality types.

All types can be with all types... it's just a matter of preference.. of what you seek on a person... but for types... I'd go with ISTJs...

msunique80 said:

hi all. first post/new here. i took a personality test on the internet and other various ones and i am an ENFJ ...i am married but i do not think we are compatable in personality styles. not sure what he is, but i know he is not like me in that he is not sensitive enough to my needs/wants, but it seems like he trys but it is a strain for him. just curious if anyone new who are ENFJ's most compatible with?

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"Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENFJ's natural partner is the INFP, or the ISFP. ENFJ's dominant function of Extraverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Introverted Feeling. An ENFJ and INFP are ideally matched, because they share the Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENFJ and ISFP are also a very good match."

From: http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ_rel.html

I recently discovered Myers Briggs Typology and have become obsessed! I tested all of my closest friends and most of them turned out to be ENFJs! Unfortunately, they are all female. lol. I've read that he ENFJ-INFP are an ideal match. I think the pairing is pure magic!:happy: Both strive to serve their partners and benefit humanity. They bring me out of my shell and I enrich their lives with corky goodness (once drawn out of my shell, of course). It's a win-win!