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Discussion Starter #1
Hi there

I've read an interesting article in some newspaper today about "why 30 is not the new 20". The article was related to an interesting TED talk that I'd like to share: Meg Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20 | Video on TED.com .

I am really interested what you people think about this. Does anyone mind sharing some thoughts? Obviously this question is age relevant.
 

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I couldn't care less about age. I've always seek the younger but curious minds,
or the older and wiser ones. I don't belong with anybody my age. I'm 30 and I
don't give a fuck about it. Nothing has changed. In a few weeks I'll turn 31 and
I know that nothing will change either.
 
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20 is 20, 30 is 30. End of story. My inclination has always been to act older than I am, and it's funny when people think I'm 5 sometimes even 10 years older than I really am. I really think people need to start acting like mature adults and not like overgrown high-schoolers. We've devalued adulthood so much nowadays.

I do admit to trying to reconnect with my inner child lately, but that's still not the same thing as trying to pretend I'm 5 or 12 again. Rather it's more about rediscovering who I am and rediscovering things I used to enjoy and finding new insights about myself. I prefer being an adult, even if an adult with a childlike side.
 

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l'm going to watch it.

l was thinking about this recently.

Meh, l'm not exactly complaining but there does seem to be a shift. lt doesn't really feel like anyone is a real adult anymore o_O

When l was kid in the 90's, much more was expected out of 20 somethings. Oh, and 30 somethings? HAH. Ancient.
 
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Thank you for sharing this video I think she has some really valid points. I'm 32 and I am in my last year of college. I made the musical chairs decision and got married at 20. This was very typical and normal behavior where I grew up. I was divorced 8 years later. I wouldn't go as far to say that I regret my decisions but would I want my children or any of my 20 something friends to chose the same path? Hell no.
 

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Thank you for sharing this video I think she has some really valid points. I'm 32 and I am in my last year of college. I made the musical chairs decision and got married at 20. This was very typical and normal behavior where I grew up. I was divorced 8 years later. I wouldn't go as far to say that I regret my decisions but would I want my children or any of my 20 something friends to chose the same path? Hell no.
Now we are getting somewhere. Thanks for sharing your experience. I am in my mid twenties and get along pretty well. I earn my money and am independent but the whole family thing is pretty far away for me. Although thinking about this stuff will not hurt I guess..
 

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1. I think most 20-somethings are very career-focused. Relationship-focused, not so much. Back in the day, family and relationships were seen as the most important thing in society and career was secondary to that. It was a lot easier to get a career and to change your career. Now career is seen as the most important thing and family and relationships are secondary. People are expected to move for their jobs, work 60 hours a week (and only get paid for 40), spend years in grad school just to be qualified to work in their field, etc. -- no wonder nobody has time for marriage and kids in their 20s.

2. A lot of people when they talk about 30 is the new 20, are really talking about how people act more "young" these days. I don't think that's a bad thing actually. You can be professional, hardworking, and responsible while still having a youthful perspective.

3. I agree with her assessment of relationships these days ("grabbing the person you're with when you're 30") but then again I am 21 and engaged, and I made serious relationships one of the main priorities and goals in my life. I knew I wanted to get married and settle down relatively young (not planning to have kids until 27-30 though) and that I would always put my relationships above my career. A lot of people these days don't even want to get married or have kids, or as I said earlier, make career their #1 priority. I feel like a lot of people my age think it's weird that I'm ready to settle down so young because their heads are in a completely different place. My friends and I ran into someone who went to my high school in a bar a few weeks ago, and when I told him I was engaged he was completely shocked because I think he didn't even think of it as an option for people just out of college.

4. I'm 21 and I am definitely procrastinating vs. exploring right now career-wise, but it's not by choice. I tried switching into a different field (education/nonprofit) which I have no experience with (I majored in molecular/cellular biology and only have lab research experience) and got rejected or ignored by every job I applied for. Now I'm returning to science, a field I don't want to work in and won't be growing in my career by working in, because I have no other options. I've tried using my "weak ties" but people who I know never really know of any job openings for some reason, despite being smart, educated, and social. However, having a job in which I don't advance is still better than not having a job at all.

6. I have to say, this lady sounds like a really good therapist. I wish I could find a therapist like that!

7. People have to remember that statistics are just statistics and that doesn't mean you'll necessarily follow their pattern.

8. Also my fiance is "30 is the new 20" in action. He even looks closer to 22 than his actual age (32). He quit his stable government job at 29 and tried to start his own business in an industry he had never worked in. He didn't have enough success to stay afloat and lost all his savings except his 401K in a year. Then he somehow landed a job with a Fortune 500 company in the industry he wanted to work in, without even having a reference letter from his old job. He also met me at 29 a week after quitting his job and we started dating a year and a half later. He says he feels inadequate compared to where other people his age are in their career, but I think he is doing fine. Also, sidenote, most of his friends (who are in their mid 20s-early 30s) are not married, although some have been married in the past and then divorced. People get married pretty late in my area of the country.
 

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Meh. I'm getting closer to thirty and with each passing year I feel that sort of numerical disappointment, that oh no, I'm X now and I haven't blah blah blah. Hard to shake that feeling.

Funny, I was just thinking about this. My birthday is next week and I'm kind of philosophically dreading it.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Go home Meg, you're drunk.
That was very helpful. Thank you for this comment.

1. I think most 20-somethings are very career-focused. Relationship-focused, not so much. Back in the day, family and relationships were seen as the most important thing in society and career was secondary to that. It was a lot easier to get a career and to change your career. Now career is seen as the most important thing and family and relationships are secondary. People are expected to move for their jobs, work 60 hours a week (and only get paid for 40), spend years in grad school just to be qualified to work in their field, etc. -- no wonder nobody has time for marriage and kids in their 20s.

2. A lot of people when they talk about 30 is the new 20, are really talking about how people act more "young" these days. I don't think that's a bad thing actually. You can be professional, hardworking, and responsible while still having a youthful perspective.

3. I agree with her assessment of relationships these days ("grabbing the person you're with when you're 30") but then again I am 21 and engaged, and I made serious relationships one of the main priorities and goals in my life. I knew I wanted to get married and settle down relatively young (not planning to have kids until 27-30 though) and that I would always put my relationships above my career. A lot of people these days don't even want to get married or have kids, or as I said earlier, make career their #1 priority. I feel like a lot of people my age think it's weird that I'm ready to settle down so young because their heads are in a completely different place. My friends and I ran into someone who went to my high school in a bar a few weeks ago, and when I told him I was engaged he was completely shocked because I think he didn't even think of it as an option for people just out of college.

4. I'm 21 and I am definitely procrastinating vs. exploring right now career-wise, but it's not by choice. I tried switching into a different field (education/nonprofit) which I have no experience with (I majored in molecular/cellular biology and only have lab research experience) and got rejected or ignored by every job I applied for. Now I'm returning to science, a field I don't want to work in and won't be growing in my career by working in, because I have no other options. I've tried using my "weak ties" but people who I know never really know of any job openings for some reason, despite being smart, educated, and social. However, having a job in which I don't advance is still better than not having a job at all.

6. I have to say, this lady sounds like a really good therapist. I wish I could find a therapist like that!

7. People have to remember that statistics are just statistics and that doesn't mean you'll necessarily follow their pattern.

8. Also my fiance is "30 is the new 20" in action. He even looks closer to 22 than his actual age (32). He quit his stable government job at 29 and tried to start his own business in an industry he had never worked in. He didn't have enough success to stay afloat and lost all his savings except his 401K in a year. Then he somehow landed a job with a Fortune 500 company in the industry he wanted to work in, without even having a reference letter from his old job. He also met me at 29 a week after quitting his job and we started dating a year and a half later. He says he feels inadequate compared to where other people his age are in their career, but I think he is doing fine. Also, sidenote, most of his friends (who are in their mid 20s-early 30s) are not married, although some have been married in the past and then divorced. People get married pretty late in my area of the country.
I still do not get why it is so important to get married. Although I understand the female panic when they are reaching their 30's. I've just recently had an unpleasant experience regarding this problem..

Sure enough society needs fresh supplies for its slavery system. But then again who really wants to keep this system alive? Are people really having a child out of some kind of affection or is it just the biological clock ticking? Or maybe even this awesome society forcing them? It is also interesting to read all those articles complaining about women who do not want to have children. It seems that many people really believe that there is an obligation at least for women to have children. Hilarious shit.

Maybe I am already off-topic but anyways... I am still interested in the opinion of other 20 somethings.
 

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I like TED talks. Got not much to say on this one though. I'm 26 and married, 2 dogs and a boy on the way.
 

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I still do not get why it is so important to get married. Although I understand the female panic when they are reaching their 30's. I've just recently had an unpleasant experience regarding this problem..

Sure enough society needs fresh supplies for its slavery system. But then again who really wants to keep this system alive? Are people really having a child out of some kind of affection or is it just the biological clock ticking? Or maybe even this awesome society forcing them? It is also interesting to read all those articles complaining about women who do not want to have children. It seems that many people really believe that there is an obligation at least for women to have children. Hilarious shit.

Maybe I am already off-topic but anyways... I am still interested in the opinion of other 20 somethings.
It's not so much being married as having a love that will last. As an INFP long-term relationships and being able to care for someone/feel like someone cares for me are very important to me, and as a Type 6 I need to have a relationship where I feel secure. Marriage is kind of just a physical/symbolic manifestation of that. I'm not really sure why I see marriage as important, because it's not even like I want to get married, I just want to be married. To be honest I'd much rather elope than have a big white wedding; it just seems like so much extra money and stress (which is probably why I haven't started planning my wedding yet despite being engaged for almost 2 months and why we're having a relatively long engagement of 2-3 years). But you can't deny that marriage is important in society for some reason, and for a lot of people a lifetime commitment to their partner doesn't seem "real" until there's an engagement or marriage (or at least talk of those things).

As for the children thing...I think a lot of your view comes from being an INTJ; INTJs tend to have these kind of views on marriage and kids from what I've seen. I think many people genuinely do want to have children and others only do it because of societal expectations. To be honest I don't really have much of a desire to have children right now, even when I think about having kids in 7-10 years (although I sometimes do want to have kids when I see a kid doing something really cute or something like that). The only reason why I think of having kids as being part of my life plan is because my fiance really wants them. But I also know that I am far from ready for parenthood, and my fiance isn't really ready either, and most of my desire not to have kids is fear that I will be a bad parent or I will worry all the time about something bad happening to my kids or I will have to sacrifice my career just as it's getting off the ground.

However, this is just my opinion. I really don't care if other people don't want to get married or have kids, and to be honest I think it's a good thing if fewer people are having kids, considering the world is overpopulated.
 

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It's not so much being married as having a love that will last. As an INFP long-term relationships and being able to care for someone/feel like someone cares for me are very important to me, and as a Type 6 I need to have a relationship where I feel secure. Marriage is kind of just a physical/symbolic manifestation of that. I'm not really sure why I see marriage as important, because it's not even like I want to get married, I just want to be married. To be honest I'd much rather elope than have a big white wedding; it just seems like so much extra money and stress (which is probably why I haven't started planning my wedding yet despite being engaged for almost 2 months and why we're having a relatively long engagement of 2-3 years). But you can't deny that marriage is important in society for some reason, and for a lot of people a lifetime commitment to their partner doesn't seem "real" until there's an engagement or marriage (or at least talk of those things).

As for the children thing...I think a lot of your view comes from being an INTJ; INTJs tend to have these kind of views on marriage and kids from what I've seen. I think many people genuinely do want to have children and others only do it because of societal expectations. To be honest I don't really have much of a desire to have children right now, even when I think about having kids in 7-10 years (although I sometimes do want to have kids when I see a kid doing something really cute or something like that). The only reason why I think of having kids as being part of my life plan is because my fiance really wants them. But I also know that I am far from ready for parenthood, and my fiance isn't really ready either, and most of my desire not to have kids is fear that I will be a bad parent or I will worry all the time about something bad happening to my kids or I will have to sacrifice my career just as it's getting off the ground.

However, this is just my opinion. I really don't care if other people don't want to get married or have kids, and to be honest I think it's a good thing if fewer people are having kids, considering the world is overpopulated.
Why should marriage be important for society? Humans are not monogamous creatures which leads to the conclusion that marriage is just a construct. But of course this construct is advantageous for women. Although women aren't monogamous creatures either..

I think many women want a child to have some sort of a pet or as a compensation to believe that they have achieved something in their lives. But few of them are aware what it really means to have a child. Having a child means sacrifice. But who am I to rant about this topic since I do not have a child?
 
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