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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why 5’s have a hard time admitting you are attracted to somebody else?

I know a 5’s , early on she was attentive and very tender. After 3 month of flirting, Many things have happen like reciprocated touching, looks and attentions I decided to ask her out. She didnt make eye contact and denied everything.

Then she got paranoid fidgety,fearful, nervous, really uncomfortable with me and had hard time making eye contact with me. This has go for about six months.

I find her really attractive, I know he likes me but she is in denial.

Two day ago, I notice she was glancing at me, so I look at her and saw her sexual and intense energy stare, then she look down .Afterward she turns more distant and kind of mad. It this normal for 5-6 wing?

How can I connect with her better? Im a 1-2 wing
 

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If she's a 5, then she's probably not into you. She probably only looks at you in response to all your creepy gazing.

Or she isn't a 5 and just shy. Either way, don't make assumptions.
 

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That doesn't sound like a 5!
That sounds more like a 9 or a 4. Even a 6. Yeah, it's not easy to enneatype someone without having them take a long, thorough test a couple of times, and having them read the features and fears of each type and feel identified. Even then, they may consider their most external mask, their actions, to judge themselves and choose their type. It's all about motivation, though.

1,4,5,6,9. Those are the most introverted types.
Aaaaaand I've yet to meet a 5 with a "sexual and intense energy stare".

It by aany chance, she IS a 5, then give her space and try again like... 2 years later XP
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Im so confused now. At first I tought she was a three with a four wing, so confident ,professional and image concious, but afterwards I start noticing alot of fearful reactions related with my precense.

Her talk style is very direct and short, kind of grumpy sometimes. But not as gregarous a a 3-4 or mellow.

I sense her need for space and to be left alone sometimes and rarely reach out.

If their is fear there most be a six of five arrow somewhere.

For sure not a 1,2,4,7. Guess that will be my arrows.

Help!
 

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When it's a negative view towards the center (3: denial of shame, 6: denial of fear ,9: denial of rage) it's usually hard to get at first glance.
Plus, having someone like you back or express their feelings has little to do with the enneagram and a lot to do with how you project yourself. Of course, all types have different main interests, but it's not always accurate to say that a 9 likes pacifists and not adventurers and ones who fight for the rights of the weaker. Or to say a 6 won't date a 7 for being too risk taking, or a 4 for feeling insecure. All types can be shy. All types like all types.

Help? Keep trying. Try a different approach. Maybe she likes romantic stuff and gifts. Maybe she likes a certain kind of sandwich. Maybe she likes a band or a music genre. There are many ways of getting closer to someone, just don't say "she's in denial", but "I'm going to try a different way".
 

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This is just a guess, but she sounds like a 9 to me. In my experience, the body triad types are the best at projecting physical energy, and 9s are the most difficult type to categorize overall. They also tend to avoid disrupting the status-quo, which would explain why things haven't progressed.
 

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This is what comes to mind

Is here a chance at all here that this is a big misunderstanding? That perhaps what she thought was witty banter and a friendship in the making you took to be flirting. That would certainly explain the sudden embarrassment and distance, from my perspective. I would do the same for these reasons.

- I rarely make friends and when I do I do it poorly and frequently end up embarrassing myself by misinterpreting things and end up in situations like you describe.
- If that happened to me I would put some distance between us too, realising my error in communication and also feeling the shame of getting it so wrong.
- I would not know what to do with it now, seems like there's no chance for an innocent friendship since he's got feelz and is obviously thinking I am sexually interested when I am not.

Keep in mind I'm a 5w4. I don't flirt with people I'm attracted to, ever. I am too self conscious for that. Easier to be relaxed and humourous and witty with people when there are no feelz involved.

I'm a bit concerned about you interpreting her stare as deeply sexual and intense. That's a pretty hard thing to come up with unless she's also running her tongue across her teeth and breathing heavily while looking you up and down. Which I really, really doubt. Me thinks there might be a little bit of imaginitis going on.
 

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I know a 5’s , early on she was attentive and very tender. After 3 month of flirting, Many things have happen like reciprocated touching, looks and attentions I decided to ask her out. She didnt make eye contact and denied everything.

Then she got paranoid fidgety,fearful, nervous, really uncomfortable with me and had hard time making eye contact with me. This has go for about six months.

I find her really attractive, I know he likes me but she is in denial.

Two day ago, I notice she was glancing at me, so I look at her and saw her sexual and intense energy stare, then she look down .Afterward she turns more distant and kind of mad. It this normal for 5-6 wing?

How can I connect with her better? Im a 1-2 wing
My tritype is 548, so maybe this factors into it but I’m not sure.

If I was very attentive and tender and flirtatious towards someone toward the beginning, I’d expect the man to ask me out immediately. But if it took him 3 months to finally ask me out, I’d rule him out. It should never take a man 3 months to ask me out, especially if that sexual tension was already there.

Anyway, after the initial two to three weeks of flirting I’d expect to be asked out, and that’s definitely pushing it. If it takes you longer than that, you’ve lost your chance. The reason as to why it took you so long doesn’t matter to me.

So if she was still flirting with you after those first few weeks, it’s because she had already ruled you out and decided to just keep up a non-serious flirtatious relationship with you. Because it’s fun or entertaining or whatever.

I’ll usually still have feelings for the guy, so when he finally does ask me out after two or three weeks, I just get pissed off. Because… why couldn’t you do it sooner? Why are you bringing this up after three months? The feelings start coming back and this pisses me off because I’ve already ruled him out, and I don’t like going back on my decisions.

I may like you very much, and I may still have a lot of feelings for you, but once I’ve ruled you out, you’re OUT. So if you decide to bring up these emotions in me later, yeah it’ll piss me off… because I’ll feel like I’m on your time, and that I’m the one waiting around instead of the one being pursued.

This is when I’ll deny everything in order to make you go away. And if you don't go away, I'll just become even more pissed off.
 

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Actually, I am not that afraid of admitting that I like someone. (at least to myself, but to others, yes). What gives me nerves is telling that person that I like her. I usually await to the right moment.
 

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I am a type 5w6. I have a terrible time admitting to liking someone.

I also have done strong looks at those that I like, although I do not think I intend for them to be interpreted as sexual; I would venture to say that that look is one of a longing for intimacy for me.

I don't know if either has anything to do with being a type 5. I apologize.
 

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Not sure if your girl is a 5.
But tritype may have much to do with it.
Here's the opinion of a 5w4 INFP, tritype 845.

When I think I am attracted to someone I am highly analytical when considering relationship: Why am I attracted to him? Could it be only by he's looks? Is he compatible with me in some degree? Does he have the qualities I want in partner? Does he have the flaws that I could tolerate on a partner? I only show my interest when I am convinced the person is compatible with me.
So, When I notice that someone actually is attracted to me, after all that same analysis, there's only two actions I take:

1. If I am not interested on the person:
I became cold and detached. I try to show the least of interest on their attempts to conquest me, though I always try to be polite. I prefer to don't give any doubt about my lack of interest, and if he's sensible, he will not even try.

2. If I am Interested in person.
I will be gentle and will show interest upon the person's own interests. Though I may take sometime reading the person's feelings until I find out if they're genuine, but when I do, It's easy to notice my interest and the person's opinions began to have great importance to me. All that the guy need is to take action =)

Basically, that's it. I am black or white. Nothing between that.
 
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Why 5’s have a hard time admitting you are attracted to somebody else?
I don't have that problem. I can casually and effortlessly say stuff like ''I think you're interesting'' or ''I like you'' the first time talking to someone. The flip-side though is that it doesn't necessarily mean I will put in an effort to keep in contact with them.

Same for romantic attraction, albeit I might be more deliberate in that regard because it is a heavier manner. It also takes a lot more time to garner those types of feelings and understand them.
 

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well I never really thought about it, i prefer to observe first and quietly asses the person I'm interested in watch their reactions closely, interests, dislikes inconsitancies between what they say and how they act, bad habits if I can tolerate them, if all these pass then I determine whether or not to go forth... As for her it sounds like she is conflicted but that's only a preliminary assessment since I'm not able to witness these interactions first hand
 

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Cause I expect them to figure it out from my ignoring them, yet being in their vicinity.
 

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This is what comes to mind

Is here a chance at all here that this is a big misunderstanding? That perhaps what she thought was witty banter and a friendship in the making you took to be flirting. That would certainly explain the sudden embarrassment and distance, from my perspective. I would do the same for these reasons.

- I rarely make friends and when I do I do it poorly and frequently end up embarrassing myself by misinterpreting things and end up in situations like you describe.
- If that happened to me I would put some distance between us too, realising my error in communication and also feeling the shame of getting it so wrong.
- I would not know what to do with it now, seems like there's no chance for an innocent friendship since he's got feelz and is obviously thinking I am sexually interested when I am not.

Keep in mind I'm a 5w4. I don't flirt with people I'm attracted to, ever. I am too self conscious for that. Easier to be relaxed and humourous and witty with people when there are no feelz involved.

I'm a bit concerned about you interpreting her stare as deeply sexual and intense. That's a pretty hard thing to come up with unless she's also running her tongue across her teeth and breathing heavily while looking you up and down. Which I really, really doubt. Me thinks there might be a little bit of imaginitis going on.
Mayhap this is a male/female difference; or possibly the Enneagram stackings.
I'm as 5w4 as you can get and my stare can ignite small trees.
OTOH, I'm married, too, so my stare is usually ...effective. Nothing like a captive audience and implicit prior consent. :shocked:
 

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Not sure if your girl is a 5.
But tritype may have much to do with it.
Here's the opinion of a 5w4 INFP, tritype 845.

When I think I am attracted to someone I am highly analytical when considering relationship: Why am I attracted to him? Could it be only by he's looks? Is he compatible with me in some degree? Does he have the qualities I want in partner? Does he have the flaws that I could tolerate on a partner? I only show my interest when I am convinced the person is compatible with me.
So, When I notice that someone actually is attracted to me, after all that same analysis, there's only two actions I take:

1. If I am not interested on the person:
I became cold and detached. I try to show the least of interest on their attempts to conquest me, though I always try to be polite. I prefer to don't give any doubt about my lack of interest, and if he's sensible, he will not even try.

2. If I am Interested in person.
I will be gentle and will show interest upon the person's own interests. Though I may take sometime reading the person's feelings until I find out if they're genuine, but when I do, It's easy to notice my interest and the person's opinions began to have great importance to me. All that the guy need is to take action =)

Basically, that's it. I am black or white. Nothing between that.
Generally, concur.
 

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I know a 5’s , early on she was attentive and very tender. After 3 month of flirting, Many things have happen like reciprocated touching, looks and attentions I decided to ask her out. She didnt make eye contact and denied everything.

Then she got paranoid fidgety,fearful, nervous, really uncomfortable with me and had hard time making eye contact with me. This has go for about six months.

I find her really attractive, I know he likes me but she is in denial.

Two day ago, I notice she was glancing at me, so I look at her and saw her sexual and intense energy stare, then she look down .Afterward she turns more distant and kind of mad. It this normal for 5-6 wing?

How can I connect with her better? Im a 1-2 wing
Little or no evidence she is attracted to you at all, whatever her type is. And what you do have is a clear No after three months.

Move on.
 
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