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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I got no idea what I am anymore, it's one thing if people around me don't understand me but even I myself don't seem to get what I am. Hopefully with all this info, anyone out there can help me.



Prerequisites
What age range are you in?

I'm 24.

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?

I'm perfectly healthy, not depressed or anything. Just feeling normal.

Main Questions

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

My life is all about myself. I love myself more than anything which made me lazy and selfish. I value peace more than anything. Peace in the sense where I need and must have a clear and relaxed state of mind at all times, I rarely do anything which involves a possible failure which may harm me emotionally. Getting hurt physically is fine but emotionally is not okay but it's not like I've been hurt emotionally/mentally before. My goal or purpose in life is to find meaning in everything that I do. Thing that don't mean to me doesn't interest me, for example work, i got no one to work for so i find it meaningless, i could do it for myself but why bother to waste 8 hours a day working my ass off right?

2. What were you like as a kid?

Back when I was a kid, very very very naughty, I stole from my parents, I set my house on fire, I started to skip classes as early as I was 6 years old. I knew all that I did was wrong yet I did it. Maybe because I felt like I had no place in this family, you see I had en elder brother and a younger sister so I had that thinking that I'm a failed product of my parents, Apart from that, I had very few friends but just like any other kids i do play outside every evenings or so. In high school I was way better, attitude wise, but had almost no friends then. Academically average i guess, of 5 years of my middle and high school i was in 2nd class constantly.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

I rebel a lot when I was a kid but as I grow up I understand them in fact to the point where I feel guilty when I look at them. Though I was naughty I was very affectionate, my mom must fed me if I were to eat dinner, sometimes when the bus drops out my mom after work i'll be there to greet her, whenever my dad comes home after work I'll be running at him greeting him and to see if he buys something delicious to eat. As I grow up our interaction got less, I shut myself off from others, including my parents because they don't understand me and that guilty feelings i got on them.


4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

I value love and peace, I'm diplomatic in all ways.

I hope to avoid being such a burden to everyone and I hope I can avoid doing things I've done in the past.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

Nothing that serious but you see I have a tendency to behave like an idiot in front of someone whom I think is superior to me. For example, If I know that your smarter than me, I can't speak comfortably because I'm afraid I might make some silly grammar mistake and you laughing at it. OR, If I know that your pretty or handsome, I can't keep up an eye contact during a conversation because I feel like you looking at me feeling how I'm ugly I am.

The strange thing is that, whenever I'm alone my confidence level is so high that I think I'm a sexy and smart beast, haha.

6.
a.) How do you see yourself?
Full of emotions but can't seem to express it, afraid of outside world, afraid of commitments, confrontations and awkwardness. Some good points, understanding and knows when and where to comfort anyone that's feeling down.The man with a heart of gold that most women are missing out? haha.
b.) How do you want others to see you?
Just one, the first thing I want others to think of me is 'Oh, he's so understanding and he can fix me up like no one'.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
Extreme open-mindedness? you know the kinda person who has one night stands and cheats on their partner behind their back?.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 1
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you. 1
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 2

As if it speaks of me, right on, I do whatever it takes to make me feel better first and then only people around me.

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

Mostly philosophical stuff, like god, religion, humans and their destiny, the true value of love, earth and nature and etc.

Mostly it provokes whenever I'm alone, also whenever I'm in a situation which involves the respective. For example, If I'm in a social event then I'll be thinking about humans or if I just saw two couples who split then I'll be thinking about love and it's true value. Music too, different song lyrics can make me thinking deep.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

Best (what makes me feel good): When I'm not doing anything, an empty mind means I'm at peace not having to thinking about anything.

Worst (what makes me feel bad): Stress, arguments, making others sad.

10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger
This is one of my huge advantage thanks to my years of practice in withstanding my mom's nagging, I basically never get angry . I never seen my maximum level of anger until now, I'm seriously resistance to anger.
b.) shame
The things I've done in past? I got a bad reputation among my family and relatives so I'm always shame to face them but when I do, I just put on a poker face and just act like nothing's wrong with me.
c.) anxiety
My biggest problem till date. Everything I've done, did and about to do involves feeling anxiety. My mind can never eliminate the possibilities of something going wrong. Though it doesn't harm me physically or mentally, it's just a moment thing, while I'm at something I often think negatively no matter how well I'm doing it. Worst part I lose my peace while on this phase, which is why most time I don't do anything.

11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress
I ran away from it, 4 times I ran away from my office because job or boss were being hard on me. Lucky I got a good job at last, been working here for 2 years now, haha.
b.) negative unexpected change
I take it personally, I'm sensitive when it coming to taking care of my feeling so if it affect my feelings and I'll probably stand far away from that issue that brought me the negative change.
c.) conflict
Whenever I'm in conflict, I got like this inner voice, I consult with him, dividing what's right and wrong, whichever gives me the greatest benefit while minimizing the consequences then I'll do it.

12.
a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
I'd rather just be a transparent member of the group, I hope they just give me some easy job/task to handle but every time they'll make me as their leader because like I said, people easily likes me because I'm understanding and all. Oh and I'm the guy who ends up doing everything anyway.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
Whenever I'm in charge, you can do whatever you want to do, as long I can understand the reason for your actions. Just like how I don't like to be pressured, I would like to do the same.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
Depends, I don't mind if others have authority over me, but if your being mean and hurting my feeling then that will make me feel very uncomfortable to stay.

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Their feelings, I know how to make others speak of their problems and I just tend to know what to do to make them feel better.

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I never had a relationship based on trust so far, it's fine if you screw up with my trust on you but I will never betray your trust on me.

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
I don't believe in religions, but I do believe on God though. I can write whole day explaining this but let's just say no, my political or religious beliefs didn't influenced my responses in this questionnaire.

feel to ask any other questions, at your service :)
 

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You seem like an Fi Te user.

... oh, I forgot this was in the Enneagram section. I can see some 4 in you, the whole "I'm so misunderstood" thing is very 4. But I honestly don't know. The types I do not see at all are 1 and 8.
 

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Wow that's a boatload of honesty. I commend you for that.

It amazes me the amount of insecurity of people these days. You are not at all alone. In fact I'd guess it's the number 2 epidemic after depression and they both sort of tie in together. There are two ways to look at being selfish. The first is those people who only have their own interests at heart. The second are the people that ensure they are happy by fulfilling all of their needs so that they can be 100% for their work/life/family.

There is nothing wrong with fulfilling your own needs so long as it is constructive. For example I need personal time to unwind and do my own thing so I can be there 100% when my family needs me. If I do not get my personal time I become irritable and annoyed with everything. That is a method of being selfish constructively. Constructive - helps the people in your life or has a positive outcome.

If you are destructive and simply take anything you desire to fulfill your own wishes regardless of others, then you may be a sociopath. I don't believe this is the case since you want to make others feel good around you.

Laziness in life comes from lack of purpose. It's a double edged sword because you don't really feel like doing anything especially finding your purpose. Without becoming all woo here, I'd say it would be wise to focus on what makes you happy in life. Being lazy obviously does not. If you truly enjoy people and solving their problems, social work is an incredibly rewarding field (well personally not monetarily) especially for someone who is striving for more emotional maturity.

I'm not going to comment on your childhood because it's over with. The past is the past. It's what you do today that matters.

My 2 cents.
 
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