Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 206 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,773 Posts
Because you want to find those guys attractive, obviously. What other reason can there be? If you would not want to find them attractive, then you would not find them attractive at all. Or would you maintain that you are possessed by a will other than your own? I do not quite understand what you want to hear here, you see.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
769 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I do not want to be attracted to them , but usually I am infatuated towards them. I know that this is nothing good and I do not expect even that such relationship may work (so I do not bound to them). But feelings and attraction cannot be controlled. I just cannot figure it out what impresses me in them and why good guys I find boring. What is a core reason for that? What am I searching - thrill, excitement, adrenalin or what? How can I reach my foolish heart and translate to it "Dear heart, do not go this way. Yours sincerly, pissed boogie" to change that? Does this attraction passes with age? Someone with a similar problem?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,937 Posts
Because you want to find those guys attractive, obviously.
Right, because everybody thinks, "Hmm.. what kind of people am I going to like this week?" Attraction, on many fronts is involuntary.
 

·
Premium Member
INTP
Joined
·
11,918 Posts
Part instinct, part projection and part because they're usually so damn hot, which is why they're so arrogant.
You can stop it by taking back your projections, having their babies or avoiding them completely.
Good luck with that :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,773 Posts
I do not want to be attracted to them , but usually I am infatuated towards them.
So, this 'infatuation' is something that just 'comes over you', like a mysterious force? To me, this just seems like something you say to yourself in order to compartmentalize different impulses within you. Is this not your infatuation, your preference, your will? Who's would it be if not yours?

I know that this is nothing good and I do not expect even that such relationship may work (so I do not bound to them).
Ah, but knowing that you want something that is bad for you does not imply that you somehow do not want it. This is really just you trying to compartmentalize conflicting preferences of yours. However, that certain preferences are stronger than others does not mean that the other, weaker preferences aren't yours. There is no mysterious 'infatuation force' that works its way into you like some alien will, that is your infatuation; your feeling, a part of you, and even if it can be explained in other terms, you will still have to accept that these are your preferences as you actually feel them. No explanation can take that experience from you, even if you try to say "No, this is not me.", it is, and if you could shake that feeling off by telling yourself that, then you would not ask this question, since then the problem would be gone too.

But feelings and attraction cannot be controlled.
Maybe, but that hardly makes them something that is not a part of your preferences; your will. It would only mean that your will is not absolutely free, in the sense that you can determine your wants.

I just cannot figure it out what impresses me in them and why good guys I find boring. What is a core reason for that? What am I searching - thrill, excitement, adrenalin or what? How can I reach my foolish heart and translate to it "Dear heart, do not go this way. Yours sincerly, pissed boogie" to change that? Does this attraction passes with age? Someone with a similar problem?
Those are reasonable questions, but they may be irrelevant or unanswerable. There comes a point at which you will just have to admit that you have certain preferences, and whether there is a preference that accounts for other preferences or a cause of your preferences, well, that is itself something that may be questioned. You could forever go on to ask yourself 'Why?'; what is the cause of your preferences, what is the reason for the cause for your preferences, what is the explanation for the reason for the cause for your preferences, etc. ad infinitum.

Right, because everybody thinks, "Hmm.. what kind of people am I going to like this week?" Attraction, on many fronts is involuntary.
That is irrelevant. Whether the will is free or not is not the issue, that your will is yours and not someone else's is the issue.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
769 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Part instinct, part projection and part because they're usually so damn hot, which is why they're so arrogant.
You can stop it by taking back your projections, having their babies or avoiding them completely.
Good luck with that :wink:
You've got point - projection may be partially guilty. I must keep it in mind, thanks.
They are usually articulate and awesome (so generally the easiest to spot), so maybe that's why my thoughts turn towards them. I want to rip off this glow of them (only in mind, for my own sake) and stop being so attracted.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,937 Posts
That is irrelevant. Whether the will is free or not is not the issue, that your will is yours and not someone else's is the issue.
Your statement is irrelevant when discussing human attraction. For the overwhelming majority, there is no act of deciding what a person will be attracted to. That kind of cold rationalism for something that is by its very nature chaotic simply does not fit. Do you honestly think there are women making a conscious effort to like tall guys? Some men to like overweight women? How about people with addiction or disabilities, because they all have their own niche in the world of sexual interaction and people are attracted to them for reasons that aren't the product of rational decryption.

People=/= computers, and you can't just put in an idea and expect the desired product to come out of the other end.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
769 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
1.You want to "fix" them by turning them from bad to good?
2. You want to break through their "bad boy" exterior and find their "sensitive guy" interior?
3.You like chaos in your life?
4.You want these guys to give you wild experiences that you never would have the courage to do on your own? (Wild partying and etc)
1. no, I just do not want to be attracted to them.
2. probably yes, I generally have awareness that they are not saint, but I notice in every badass a good side also and it makes me subconsciously wanting to discover it? I do not know, it may be the case.
3. no I do not. But I'm not opposed to changes and unforeseen situations.
4.no, more willing to discover their softer side. Something like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,937 Posts
You've got point - projection may be partially guilty. I must keep it in mind, thanks.
They are usually articulate and awesome (so generally the easiest to spot), so maybe that's why my thoughts turn towards them. I want to rip off this glow of them (only in mind, for my own sake) and stop being so attracted.
Have you ever been with one of these "bad boys?"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,773 Posts
For the overwhelming majority, there is no act of deciding what a person will be attracted to.
And I never said that; in fact, I implied the opposite. This is a straw man.

That kind of cold rationalism for something that is by its very nature chaotic simply does not fit.
How does this even pertain to what I have said?

Do you honestly think there are women making a conscious effort to like tall guys? Some men to like overweight women?
No, I do not. Who are you talking to, me?

How about people with addiction or disabilities, because they all have their own niche in the world of sexual interaction and people are attracted to them for reasons that aren't the product of rational decryption.
???? Why are you saying this?????

People=/= computers, and you can't just put in an idea and expect the desired product to come out of the other end.
I do not even know what that means, what that is supposed to refer to.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
769 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Have you ever been with one of these "bad boys?"
no, as I subconsciously realize that such relationships rather do not end well. Especially, when I have issue with a low self -esteem. Mayby that is what causes this attraction - they are everything that I am not "sparkling, talkative, self - confident, not giving a damn".
Maybe, if I would try with one of them , then got disappointed (as predicted) and be finally cured (crazy idea, but may work - who knows?).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,135 Posts
huh? Can you explain you point further?
well I made an unhelpful comment but deleted it because I felt bad.

so far youve only talked about finding "badasses" attractive, so, question: why don't you find "decent" guys attractive? What's not to like about them?
 
  • Like
Reactions: DemonD
1 - 20 of 206 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top