[Marie Claire]

I was reading an article about INFPs that stated that we are the most dissatisfied in romantic relationships, except for INFJs. It would be easy to say that we are just too idealistic, but do you think that there is more to it than that? What do you think and what has been your experience so far? Have you been mostly dissatisfied in your romantic relationships? Please share.

 

[gillian]

I'm experiencing my first real relationship ever right now and I wouldn't say I'm dissatisfied, but I'm not as happy, I guess, as I thought I'd be. I am extremely happy with the dude I'm dating, but I feel stressed out and sad a lot of the time and I'm usually not sure why. I tend to feel a lot of pressure from people and I think being in a relationship has made me feel as though I'm under more pressure from people than before. I also have a tendency to isolate myself from people, but having a boyfriend makes this more difficult - I feel a different obligation to him than I do to even my closest friends and family. I think I'm just having a difficult time adjusting to the "sharing yourself" part of a relationship.

I have a very close INFJ friend who expressed very similar thoughts and feelings to me about a year ago when she started dating her boyfriend. I don't know how much this effects a longer term relationship, but it definitely makes it hard for me to be completely "satisfied" at the moment. I guess I'll find out.

 

[gillian]

INFPs and INFJs also tend to over think these things... like what people are thinking about them, how people feel, etc. (specifically in the area of romantic relationships). Some other types can go with the flow a little easier, or just ignore or rationalize these anxieties.

 

[Luke]

I've only had two relationships and both were very dissatisfying. It honestly wasn't my fault. I put my all into both relationships and was completely devoted to my partners. I was very happy and satisfied when they were caring towards me, but unfortunately they often weren't. I know that I'm completely capable of having a happy and healthy relationship, I just need to find another person who is in the same place.

What bothers me is that both of my partners had similar personality traits that lead to them mistreating me in similar ways. I really hope this isn't a pattern. I've only had two partners, so that isn't really enough to determine if it really is a pattern or just an unhappy coincidence, but I feel it's possible that there is something about me that attracts people with these particular personality traits.

 

[jonkay1]

I just always get this gut feeling that 'they aren't the one'... and it's usually true, something big always seems to be missing. However I don't believe I have unrealistic expectations, I'm just looking for authenticity - which seems massively hard to find.

On top of that I sometimes also wander whether or not I would actually be better suited to be in a relationship with a woman - which sucks, because I'm gay. I have never found a woman attractive in that way!

Generally speaking, I do not get along with most men - and sometimes I think ideally I would actually be a lesbian woman haha. Not fair.

 

[lifeisanillusion]

The relationship can't be the way the relationship is that we create in our minds?

 

[Dreamwind]

I think a part of it is that a lot of INFP probably take a little longer than the average person to find our way in life, so the point at which people tend to start making decisions on long-term relationships is a point in which a lot of INFP aren't yet secure enough in our own identity to be ready for healthy relationships, even though we often fall in love with the idea of love.

 

[Marie Claire]

I think a part of it is that a lot of INFP probably take a little longer than the average person to find our way in life, so the point at which people tend to start making decisions on long-term relationships is a point in which a lot of INFP aren't yet secure enough in our own identity to be ready for healthy relationships, even though we often fall in love with the idea of love.

It isn't an age thing. I'm in my forties.

 

[Marie Claire]

I was just on a site called The Personality Page. I copied the following paragraph, which may explain our dissatisfaction:

INFPs tendency to be idealistic and romantically-minded may cause them to fantasize frequently about a "more perfect" relationship or situation. They may also romanticize their mates into having qualities which they do not actually possess. Most INFPs have a problem with reconciling their highly idealistic and romantic views of life with the reality of their own lives, and so they are constantly somewhat unsettled with themselves and with their close personal relationships. However, the INFP's deeply-felt, sincere love for their mates and their intense dislike of conflict keeps the INFP loyal to their relationships, in spite of their troubles achieving peace of mind.

 

[Mulberries]

I seem to struggle once the honeymoon period ends and they stop trying to impress me (usually after around 6 months). I seem to take that as some sort of personal rejection, even if it's just the normal progression of a relationship. Then I tend to become resentful and slowly but surely sabotage the relationship until we are both dreadfully unhappy and one of us gives up.

I'm starting to think I might be better off staying single in the long run. The expectations I put on my partners is too unrealistic.

 

[dubba_dee]

Because I have issues to address.

 

[ineffipy]

We are attention black holes who need time to ourselves.

Confuses the living daylight out of people.

:laughing:

 

[Beauty for Ashes]

I'm going to say for me it's wanting everything to be ideal. Real life is not ideal. I always struggle with finding and showing appreciation for the good, every day real life things that make my relationship good/special. When my head is in the clouds, it's hard to come back down and just live in the moment with the good things that I have in my life.

 

[Dr.Horrible]

I seem to struggle once the honeymoon period ends and they stop trying to impress me (usually after around 6 months). I seem to take that as some sort of personal rejection, even if it's just the normal progression of a relationship. Then I tend to become resentful and slowly but surely sabotage the relationship until we are both dreadfully unhappy and one of us gives up.

I'm starting to think I might be better off staying single in the long run. The expectations I put on my partners is too unrealistic.

Have you ever dated an INFJ type 6w5? Or an INFJ? Im just curious how INFP are with INFJ in a long term relationship

 

[Ramysa]

I know 2 INFP males and they are both very unhappy with their romantic life and not bcz they are not dating but bcz, apparently no one is good enough. I'm telling u, the reasons they find not to stay with that person are from hilarious to ridiculous. Well, some of them were reasonable , but most not.

 

[snail]

I think it is because most people are incompatible with INFPs. We need to be with partners who understand our emotional needs, and most partners just can't. They can't relate, and they look down on us for our idealism, for how we have been emotionally affected by negative pasts, and for the intensity of our feelings. It takes someone very special to get it, and to love us without trying to change us.

 

[Bago]

I think it is because most people are incompatible with INFPs. We need to be with partners who understand our emotional needs, and most partners just can't. They can't relate, and they look down on us for our idealism, for how we have been emotionally affected by negative pasts, and for the intensity of our feelings. It takes someone very special to get it, and to love us without trying to change us.

It is how love should be. To me, I do not necessarily associate it as an INFP thing at all.

To be with, and be there for one another and to care for... But in order for that to come to the forefront of our lives, it does mean personal actions, affirmation and decision related to that kind of thing. It means not allowing your outside environment to dilute what you have with your SO, and to really be truly present and be there and so forth and be honest.

To me, sometimes I sit here and read what people write and I walk away thinking..."is this really how it should be" ? Judging others by our own standards is not really living life.

 

[Chinese Daydream Art]

I didn't want to be in love relationship until I was 28. I was interesting love from 14 years old. I was strange behave in most people eyes. I didn't feel I can get soulmate in my life. So I was busy working for my ideal dream world. In the meantime , I was keeping looking for answer who I am. I was on my own to look inside my soul for 10 years. I was more and less understand who I am when I was 28. A man was a dreamer want to change this world when he was young, and his dream didn't work , at least he did try. This is important for me,I love a man who care and work hard to make people life better. When I was 28, I knew I need base value is same. I found him and took relationship into love fast. The result is I am right, we have the same base value , but we work and see into this value in different way. We can complete the whole value without crash, it is nice. now we love each other more day by day. 7 years we still see new each other. Because we are together do all we can help this world getting better. A lot of small things won't bother us too much when we have same value.

 

[Mulberries]

Have you ever dated an INFJ type 6w5? Or an INFJ? Im just curious how INFP are with INFJ in a long term relationship

I've never been with an INFJ. My guess is they wouldn't be romantically compatible with me because I like being with a doer, not a sayer (hypocritical, I admit).

 

[Dr.Horrible]

I've never been with an INFJ. My guess is they wouldn't be romantically compatible with me because I like being with a doer, not a sayer (hypocritical, I admit).

I am an INFJ and do what I say Im going to do...this doesnt make sense to me