Why are we here?

At first I thought you meant "why are we on this forum," but now I think I get what you mean. I've thought this just about every day of my life, and I completely agree with you. It just doesn't seem like my/our values are compatible with those of the rest of our society. And it doesn't help that we apparently make up 1-2% of the population. Sorry, I'm not feeling particularly articulate this morning, but we live in a society where those who get to the top are those most willing to stomp on and do harm to others. If you stand up for what's right you get ridiculed.

Unfortunately for us our opposites are the most numerous and in my experience at least they are quite adept at making us feel absolutely horrible. :sad: It's easy to see why our description says we are the King's Champion, Defender of the Faith and Prince(ss). I often feel like I don't belong in this world, a fairy tale is much more suited to our personalities. But we live in this one.

The world can be a very harsh, greedy and cold place. A lot of people only look out for themselves. But then there are us. Those of us who manage to hold onto our idealism and values are in essence a very positive force. Most INFPs live for love and trying to make other people feel great. Those people at the top, those high-flyers, those "successful" people who so often look down on us...do you really want to be some hot-shot business executive? Every INFP I've ever spoken to about the subject has a completely different measure of success. Most INFPs (including myself) could very much do with a hint more of self-serving. It is very hard to remember is the face of their hostility that we still succeed at our own goals, their validation be damned.

It would indeed be great if things were easier on us, we could really really use it. But it does make our every kindness seem even greater. Just look around at some of the other forums (particularly NF ones) and the relationship ones about here. There are problems of course, everyone has them, but despite the overwhelming sadness we feel to the darkness about we are greatly appreciated by many people. Our view of how the "world" sees up does not match up to that of these real people see us. As we are lights in the darkness to others, they are the light that inspires us.

Things can be extremely rough, can seem insurmountable and you may wonder if there's any point in trying. I've wondered the same things over and over. Last year I got pretty close to just killing myself rather than take it any more. A lot of the time life just sucks. Just remember our greatest gift...

Some people can make us feel just as awesome as we make them feel.

arielaure, we are appreciated and LOVED. Don't ever forget that.

If everything was easy we wouldn't grow and become stronger people. We must look at life as a challenge and we must rise to that challenge head on. We must wrest life by the reigns and control it. We are masters of our own world, no matter how hard it seems we are humans and we have the capability to do amazing things. With our NF-ness we have an enormous strength that we are able to tap into and grab ahold. Never ever doubt yourself, it is such a hard thing to do and such a hard life to live but we cannot allow ourselves to fall into the trap of a self fulfilling prophecy of depression and uselessness. Even if this world is controlled by people who are more open to stepping on people then INFs like us. It is our obligation, it is our duty to struggle against the society of stepping on people to get ahead. We have the power to rise to bend the direction of the world to our will if we are motivated enough. Never doubt oneself and never let yourself believe you have no place, you have a place and a purpose just by the virtue of being here.

Most types are egoistic, and accomplish nothing long lasting. They are like ants: work their whole life and die at the end. They live, they die, and they are forgotten. They don't leave heritage, that can increase quality of life for others (they more ofter create more devastation to others...).

Insights of INFP's live fort, because they are to be used on all and to wellbeing of all. Founder of MBTI is literally an INFP! INFP's are like timemachines: suddenly we can stop time and see all from all sides, suddenly we can get insight in something that would increase wellbeing of others in the future. That knowledge never dies.
I am sure, that one important insight of an INFP can mean more for humanity, than accomplishments of a whole life of an average person (especially egoistic-types).


Accept your talents. Do not reject them because you are told to or because you are expected to conform with society.

I also learned to be carefuller with my INFP-goodness. Conscious choose intensity of your goodness based on your observations. Without consciously choosing, an INFP-default is to give all. Sadly that is not applicable yet in out world.

My rule of thumb: You can't help someone, if they don't want help. I (=with my INFP-powers:tongue CAN see for every person something that can make them grow. BUT, most don't want to grow! Why should they? They live in their "I am right world" and growing for them means acknowledge that they are not always right.
Reserve that universal goodness for few you care about, WHO CARE ABOUT YOU!
Use less emotional empathy in other situations (for example at work, at hobby's).

Superman had to learn to control his gifts, so we have too.
It's a life lasting process for an INFP.

If our "world" was built on MBTI-ideology, every type (=person) would be accepted for who he is. But because our world is built by unevolved egoistic animals, society will not accept us easily.

They are good people, few though. But few really GOOD people is enough for an INFP, right? So the hell in with the rest.

- Choose profession you are motivated to do (even INFP's need some money for food and shelter...)
- Surround yourself with few "who get it"
- Try as much as possible (although it's hard for us) to consciously regulate amount of empathy appropriate for given situation


And remember, you are not alone!:tongue: It's OK to be you. It's your right to be you. Who don't accept that, don't deserve your goodness!

arielaure said:

I just don't understand why INFP's are here. I'm one, and life is extremely difficult. Every single altruistic thing I try to do is met with blank, cold, unempathsizing stares. Plus, I read somewhere how supposedly INFP's are defenders of the realm, white warriors or something that stand up for what is right. Well if that is the case, and we're assuming there is a God why doesn't God or the universe or the force make things a little bit easier for INFP's? I mean if we're already doing altruistic things that should be done, why so much resistance on the part of the Universe? Sorry I'm venting a bit.

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I live your frustration--though I'm not an altruist, rather an activist, and struggle to make our country a better place. At times it saddens me that my way of approaching the world, through compassion, empathy and love, often is seen as a sign of weakness, and I find myself taken advantage of both in my personal and activist life.

I ask God the same questions you do. I don't know if there is a God, and why God would make me so intelligent but able to feel so deeply. Nowadays I am at a truce with God, but I have spent a lot of time being very angry with God for making me the way I am. I think I may have finally moved past loathing myself, but when will I learn to love myself?

gloosle said:

because the world needs us.

even if they reject us.

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Thank you Gloosle.

We do have a purpose, the question regarding the meaning of life has many answers, you just have to form your own. I decided that searching for knowledge and understanding was my way, that way I can better help others.

Nietzsche might give you some perspective. I added some short comments as well, to give my view.

These some quotes that are worthy of thought in my opinion, there are many more though:

"And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. "
Try not to get obsessed with the 'why', you will never get the answer you want. You will just start to doubt yourself.

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."
For me, the journey to knowledge and understanding, the path to peace, has kept me going through a lot.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Some people will try to break us, use us, that will leave scars, but we got out alive. Scars might not be pretty, but they show what you have endured.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
Do what you do, because you want to, not because someone tells you to. For me, my personal freedom is worth the price.

And regarding altruism, why do you care what others think if you truly just want to help?
Why do you even give it a thought? Does it really matter?
In my opinion, altruism is not a choice, it's a call.

I do good myself, but I do so with a agenda, I wish for others to learn, to start thinking more of others, and how what they do affect others. And of course, I do enjoy hearing someone else thank me for what I do.

This is not meant to criticize you, just to give you some things to ponder :happy:

I love that quote "If you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you". Possibly my favorite quote of all time.

Sometimes I just have to trust that God, being God, has a plan and knows what's going on, and maybe I'm not suppoesd to have all the answers just yet. His understanding surpasses my own, and I just have to put the pieces together as well as I can for now.

Thanks for all the answers. I hope they continue...:happy:

Yea, as far as the altruism. Right now I'm kind of in a messed up situation, this one relative hoarded all these cats, and now I'm trying to find them a home, but it's been more difficult that I expected, because I want to find the right home for them, and not just give them to anyone, and my relatives and family members are looking at me like I'm crazy, the fact that I'm trying hard to find a home for these cats. They all tell me how I should just leave them on the street, how they'll find homes on their own. And I'm really starting to think, well who's nuts here me or them? Is it so bad to try and find a home for some helpless animal who can't? It just beyond boggles my mind that they think I'm weird for this, whereas I think they're weird for their emotionlessness and lack of empathy for these animals. Just an example. Sorry for ranting. But yea...they think that life includes finding a job, having money, having a boyfriend, going out, and finding homes for cats is like weird, senseless behavior to them. I don't know. I can go on about this for days. But it's like we're supposed to help those who can't help themselves, and animals especially can't really help themselves...Don't know...:sad::sad::sad:

I believe that God put me here for a higher purpose. I don't why God made it so hard to believe in Him though. Whenever I have existential anguish, I am reminded of the millions who have gone before me without so much as a whimper. That's how it is. You are born, you live for a little bit, then you die. All your memories, experiences, and stories decline in value as you get older. I am not a poet, but if I were I would wax eloquent about how brief life really is.

All that to say, why am I here? I don't know, I'm still figuring it out.....

Rather than just blaming for how society is, I believe we should all as INFPs live our lives as comfortably as possible and leave the pressures that society puts us in... Yes, we are different, but so what? Let us do things that make us feel good and to hell with the rest. Our perceptions to reality can change and our lives begin to turn easier for us.

arielaure said:

Thanks for all the answers. I hope they continue...:happy:

Yea, as far as the altruism. Right now I'm kind of in a messed up situation, this one relative hoarded all these cats, and now I'm trying to find them a home, but it's been more difficult that I expected, because I want to find the right home for them, and not just give them to anyone, and my relatives and family members are looking at me like I'm crazy, the fact that I'm trying hard to find a home for these cats. They all tell me how I should just leave them on the street, how they'll find homes on their own. And I'm really starting to think, well who's nuts here me or them? Is it so bad to try and find a home for some helpless animal who can't? It just beyond boggles my mind that they think I'm weird for this, whereas I think they're weird for their emotionlessness and lack of empathy for these animals. Just an example. Sorry for ranting. But yea...they think that life includes finding a job, having money, having a boyfriend, going out, and finding homes for cats is like weird, senseless behavior to them. I don't know. I can go on about this for days. But it's like we're supposed to help those who can't help themselves, and animals especially can't really help themselves...Don't know...:sad::sad::sad:

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I'm glad to hear your altruism isn't directed towards humans, because frankly, humans do best if they move to help themselves.

What really is causing you pain is not your sense of altruism, or wanting to help, it's your need to feel affirmed through those you know. If you are following your truest impulses, that is what will make you happy, not the approval of your friends and relatives. As you go through life you will find that there are always people who do not approve or simply do not understand why you are trying to help. If you stay true to your convictions, some people will eventually see that you are serious (though pleasing even them should not be your first concern).

The kind of people you are describing I would call the "unawakened"...in the political circles I hang in this means that they don't understand the true workings of our goverment and our society, but I extend this to mean any person who is only going through the motions of living. Most people are too afraid to change the world around them, and also ignore their own desires in an effort to be accepted by society and other people. By the time they make it deep into adulthood, many of them seem like zombies. The lucky--or unlucky--few manage to wake up sometime in midlife. You've heard of it, I'm sure, the "midlife crisis." These are the ones who wake up long enough to ask questions...though some of these souls do stupid things in an attempt to find a response.

Questions? Most people eschew them, and will do anything to avoid them.

can I say just one quick response before-hand (and please pardon my language): I f*cking love this topic, because I just felt it almost EVERY single day!

thank you so much for the OP, at least now I feel I'm definitely not alone (as if this is the first time I'm saying this words lol).
it's getting late at night here at my country, so I guess I'll reply a bit in-length tomorrow morning.
Night everybody.

I found this really great article written by someone on how it feels to be an INFP, and it touches on some of the things in this topic.


"I feel that being an INFP is like being an alien, no matter how hard you try you feel like a visitor from another world and spend a good deal of your time either trying to acclamate and exist in this strange and hostile environment or trying to figure out why exactly you're here in this place that you oftentimes don't understand. you're in the world but not really of it. INFPs are called the defenders of the realm, the pure white warriors. i don't feel like a defender of the realm. i'm harmless. i'm certainly not a fighter because as an INFP i don't like violence. and we INFPs are so few and far between that i seriously doubt that we really make any sort of difference even though we easily have all the answers to the ills of the world and the deep desire to cure those ills. but i guess that's why we're the defenders. we're the only ones that realize that the realm needs defending. there's something very painful about being an INFP. the loneliness is definitely the biggest thing. it's so hard to find anybody who really understands you and doesn't pass you off as a flighty, reclusive, quixotic looney. to outsiders we are strange idealists. but to the INFP ideals are not impossible dreams. they are real, more real than anything else and they are the only driving force for us. the Good is what gives everything meaning. being an INFP is like being a physician with all the knowledge and desire to cure your patients only to realize that the patient doesn't want to be cured. the patient doesn't even realize that they are sick and that they need help. it's very painful to watch someone suffer from something that you know doesn't have to be. we are very spiritual in a world where real spirituality is looked at as an oddity. we are intellectual in a world where knowledge for knowledge's sake goes against the pragmatic majority. we are soft-spoken and shy in a world where the ideal is to be outgoing and aggressive. we have a clear sense of what is ethical and feel compassion deeply for those that suffer in a world where people seem to be so self-centered, directionless, and shallow. being so special is a hard and lonely existence. even so, i still think that INFPs have an important place in creation. we're here to provide leverage against the craziness that the others create. we're the counterweight. it's like being a small group of older kids looking after an overwhelming majority of out of control two year olds wo believe they know better than you. it's very strange indeed but we can only be what we are. we should be proud and live our truth because we do have a supreme responsibilty. personally i'm honored to be an INFP "

That's also what I don't get. If you go from the presupposition that you're here to learn things, and that there are more "new souls" in this world than old souls, I really sometimes wonder what the purpose of the old souls is. Because they suffer the most, while new souls breeze through life, and try to negate anything that the old souls do. It's really surprising how many people will look down, even scoff at altruistic behavior. So I sometimes don't get why I'm here. Why on earth would I have chosen this? And the worst part is, is that even the universe, the force, God, doesn't really help out much. The more you try to do the right thing, the more opposition you meet, just things not falling into place. So it's not just the people that provide the resistance, but life itself provides the biggest resistance. If INFP's truly are here to make the world a better place, don't you think that life itself would open more doors for them?

Defending peace and stuff definitely does not gaurantee an easy life, on the contrary, it's a very hard life. But hey, the purpose of life isn't to get everything you want, it is to have a purpose and fulfill it. So what if you're persecuted, you're doing what's right and will feel good about who you are. Imagine living in a road warrior scenario, would you ant to have everything you need and hide away by yourself? Or would you try to help others and risk losing it all? Life is only worth it if you are doing something meaningful, relationships are where it's at.