Because my husband died and I have since discovered that a lackluster relationship is MUCH worse than going solo. Also, since I’d rather not settle for someone who is not as attractive to me, that renders me pretty darned toxic to others. I abhor hurting people and so find it preferable to avoid romantic entanglements altogether.
(It’s possible that my being at a later stage in life affects my answer. I’ve been married, raised kids, and generally no longer feel much biological or social pressure to pair up, though folks around me would “sure feel a lot better if I would just remarry.”) 🙄
I personally would like to be able to be in a better position in life than I am right now. I've been asked out numerous times, but I feel like I wouldn't do a good enough job.
At this point, I'm 22 years old, and I haven't been out on a single date. During high school, I used to get asked out every so often.
But at the time, I was dealing with several personal issues, and I didn't want anyone else getting involved in that mess. It was difficult for me alone to deal with.
I personally coped with it by just purely focusing on what I was doing at school, and just getting through the day with as little issue as possible. I preferred to keep to myself.
During college, I also got asked out a few times.
But I was forced to work and go to school at the same time (after loaning scholarship money to my father in order to pay off his loan sharks).
I was low on income, so I felt I wouldn't be able to dedicate enough time to that person in order to make them happy.
As time went on, I had to work more and more in order to pay for my schooling, and take less and less courses. I started seeing people less regularly.
I then eventually dropped out of college due to my frustration towards the university, so I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my life at the moment.
I'm planning to make 2021 a productive year though, and I've given the upcoming year a fair bit of thought.
Hopefully by the year is out, I'll have a good job, decent car to get around in, and a nice apartment to live in once again.
I'm going to study insurance. It's not really a particularly exciting subject, but I think it can serve as a steady job that makes decent money, and then I can focus on other aspects of my life.
Maybe once I'm in a more stable situation, I can focus on writing things on the side as well. I just want to have my life put together.
I recognize that this drive to be "perfect" stems from insecurity, but that's an impulse I have a hard time shaking.
I spent a long time getting dragged through the dirt based on someone else's poor decisions.
I don't want that fate for anyone else.
But I also notice that I have notoriously high standards too. With every person I come across, my mind automatically picks out the flaws in that person's behaviour.
I then usually use that (and my own personal incompatibility) to subconsciously justify not seeing someone further. I realize it isn't fair, since we all have flaws. But that's just how my brain works.
The last thing I want to do is drag a girl through the mud with me. If I can avoid getting people hurt in my problems, that's the way I'd rather go.
Easy: I am a huge fucking loser. Not looking for sympathy or anything else, but self-deception can only carry you so far.
I have failed in every area of my life, despite continuing to carry on and attempt to learn from my many mistakes and failures.
There is one advantage, however: it makes me approachable. People are much more relaxed around you when they know you are no threat to their position, in contexts of any kind of hierarchy. But of course, it also causes enormous amounts of disgust and hatred as well.
Frankly, I don't want to ruin someone else's life by them being unfortunate enough to find me attractive in some way, and the emotionally parasitic relationship I believe that it would turn into. Fortunately, this is highly unlikely to happen.
So, for me, hope is dead (for now) but strife isn't, and struggling is what I'm left with.
Obviously, all status is comparative, so I think there should be a fair amount of "at least I'm not that fella" to tide others over with.
PS: There is no better aphrodisiac than confidence, and it doesn't even have to be genuine or based on truth, it's why the same narrative of the charming, charismatic, abuser keeps replaying over and over.
Both. Haven’t found the right person. Some people gave me a hard time about being single or not going to dances in high school. But hey, I’d rather be single and happy than taken and miserable. Single from the womb to the tomb.
To be frank, I am not interested. Although I am picky and a bit of seeing myself as a prize, I am also not even sure why I should put effort into a partner while I have almost a full schedule of work already. I actually do not have a schedule, but I always have new ideas, but little room for someone else in my life.
I already answered earlier and could edit it but its quite buried here.
So i'll just put it here.
I suck in relationships in general. I dont feel the urge to stay connected over the days.
I have a big problem with opening up with emotions. I have never learned how to talk about them or whatsoever.
The relationships I've had in my family were almost not there. My mom used to work in night and slept at daytime. My dad was at work at daytime. The only one who actually cared for me those days was my grandma, who sadly, passed away.
I cannot open up in a healthy way. Any drama and/or emotional explosion makes me run.
If someone texts me a full page, my brain goes into panic mode, thinking something is horribly wrong inmediatly.
I only once tried to take action to a former crush of mines, she rejected me.
This was the only try I ever did.
I did have 2 relationships. One of 9 months (first relationship) and one that went on and off for over 5 years.
I just feel like my trust has been broken so many times, that the only one that i truelly trust, is just me.