Personality Cafe banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
So, this is as simple as it is. I had this guy who I worked with that I liked. I tried to pursue something deeper with him and after I basically ruined my chances; he told me that we should just leave things like they are. I accepted what he had to say about it and now I'm ready to move on. I'm not going to do anything else to try to pursue him because I'm going to respect his wishes. He is apparently not interested. But yet I can't stop dreaming about him. And it's driving me nuts. During the day, I am fine. He does cross my mind but I feel like I am fine with him basically shutting down anything else. I appreciate what we did have at work which was amazing chemistry and this crazy attraction. And I deeply appreciate that it happened because it made my work experience so great. I don't regret it all but although I feel fine about his decision. I can't stop dreaming about him in this romantic way. Why can't I stop the dreams? Why am I not ok with this subconsciously. I can't stop the dreams. Like today, I had a nap and I hadn't thought of him in days yet I had another dream about him.

Maybe, I'm disconnected when it comes to my subconscious and my conscious state but I really do respect his wishes. I ruined my chances with him and now I should just move on. I just don't understand why I understand consciously but not in my subconscious. I guess if this helps, I'm guessing that his type is ISTP but it's a pure guess. I'm still not sure what my type is. I just needed to vent and I'm making myself vulnerable in order to see if anyone else has had this problem.

Truthfully I take rejection in a great way. I know that there are many fish in the sea and that I can find another great guy. That isn't the issue. I just don't understand why he keeps popping up in my dreams when all I want to do is move on and learn from this situation.

By the way, it is still hard for me to post on here because I'm not used to talking to people who I cannot see. And I'm such a people pleaser that I'm always afraid of being offensive. So any help will be appreciated. Mucho Gracias
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,426 Posts
I dunno if this helps, but I can tell you you're not alone. I get attached to guys way too easily, and I still dream about the guy I was in love with a year ago. For me, it's hard to get over someone I had an emotional connection with. I dunno, maybe you subconsciously still like the guy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,622 Posts
this may sound strange but if you want the dreams to stop it's possible that fantasizing about him while pleasuring yourself may help break the cycle of romantic dreams. Normally I would say a hug or kiss to the guy may break the tension. It's been said that people who work in close quarters can develop attachments to the people they work with and one way to break the fantasy is to give your mind a part of what it is seeking.

It may sound odd, I am not suggesting this because I am a pervert, although that may have some small role to play ;D

just throwin it out there ;P
 
  • Like
Reactions: KrystRay

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,001 Posts
I dunno if this helps, but I can tell you you're not alone. I get attached to guys way too easily, and I still dream about the guy I was in love with a year ago. For me, it's hard to get over someone I had an emotional connection with. I dunno, maybe you subconsciously still like the guy.
Getting attached is a great trait in my book! A lot of people are way too cold/logical/distant, which for me is a no-go.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Haha Notsorighteous bob, I doubt your advice will help me much. I've already tried that. Oops, have I said too much. Most likely but anyway,

to nostalgic (groovy name by the way): you are very correct about me subconsciously still liking him. I had someone on another forum tell me that I'm trying to rationalize my feelings away because of what happened but my heart is still hurting so I want to move on a conscious level because I don't want to deal with the emotions. But...my heart is definitely falling apart on this one :confused:

To krystrayt: I shall be taking your advice because you are right. Within time, this will just be a mere memory
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,426 Posts
Thanks :happy: I wish you luck with that, but I really am not sure if it's possible to control your subconscious (heh, I just saw Inception :p) Maybe if you have a really good friend you could talk to and share your thoughts and feelings with, or maybe finding another guy will take your mind off of him :happy: Good luck!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
24 Posts
dreams don't necessarily mean anything. stop believing that your dreams have anything to do with what you want. it's unproven. freud has been discredited on so many theories, but people seem to hang onto the ones they want to believe, as if you can learn something about yourself from your dreams. there is absolutely no proof that dreams give some insight into the subconscious, assuming that such a thing exists
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,245 Posts
...I feel fine about his decision. I can't stop dreaming about him in this romantic way. Why can't I stop the dreams? Why am I not ok with this subconsciously. I can't stop the dreams. Like today, I had a nap and I hadn't thought of him in days yet I had another dream about him.

Maybe, I'm disconnected when it comes to my subconscious and my conscious state but I really do respect his wishes. I ruined my chances with him and now I should just move on. I just don't understand why I understand consciously but not in my subconscious. I guess if this helps, I'm guessing that his type is ISTP but it's a pure guess. I'm still not sure what my type is. I just needed to vent and I'm making myself vulnerable in order to see if anyone else has had this problem.

Truthfully I take rejection in a great way. I know that there are many fish in the sea and that I can find another great guy. That isn't the issue. I just don't understand why he keeps popping up in my dreams when all I want to do is move on and learn from this situation.

By the way, it is still hard for me to post on here because I'm not used to talking to people who I cannot see. And I'm such a people pleaser that I'm always afraid of being offensive. So any help will be appreciated. Mucho Gracias
Hi gstar39 - you seem so sweet, and this story is so endearing, and likely happening to many girls. There is someone that I like that I cannot seem to wipe from my mind, he is always there. So I too am going to take note of what happens on this thread, to get some help. Clearly you are dreaming about him, so something is up. Perhaps look at this from the angle of dream analysis - and piece together the themes, and meanings in your dream, and figure out what the meaning is, they you may get your answer.

Perhaps it is something about him, that has captured your attention, and maybe those qualities can be sought elsewhere, in another person. Maybe there is a need within you, that is not satisfied, and it is manifesting in this way. In a deeper way, perhaps there is something specific you have to learn from him, not necessarily in 'relationship' form, lets say there is karma or destiny (but I won't linger there, as few prescribe to that way of thinking, but that is usually why encounters occur, something to learn or to settle past accounts). Open your mind to see, outside of 'relationship' type thinking, what is it in this exchange you were to gain / learn from him?

Seems like you are handing this well otherwise, you go girl! I think because it is a work situation, it is best that you have gotten yourself in order over this situation rapidly. Sometimes, there is an instant unexplainable connection between people - there are some reasons for this; keep occupied, and try to focus on other things in your mind if it truly bugs you. or change the nature of the dreams, or...well there are so many things you can do! pick an activity to do whenever he enters your mind, that uses similar brain power, like meditate, or call a friend... in time it'll pass.

meet a new sweet guy - onto the next! I'm so crazy over my current interest; It is dying slowly though in my mind, perhaps I'll just make him the object of my fantasy for a while...but oddly in my situation, we don't even know each other that well, it is ridiculous, and I was the one to break it off. Well there were some obvious obstacles. But sometimes you meet that person that seems that they will fulfill your every need - and can become a minor fixation for a bit.

Or maybe in a moment you let down your guard, and someone crept past your defenses - well this is my INFJ ways talking now, so I will be quiet...hope some of what I said was useful...But definately introspect into meaning of dreams, or why you are so into this person, what is it deep inside that has been triggered by your encounter with this man - if you aren't good at deep objective introspection, get a friend who is good at it to look at this re-occuring issue with you.

I do have some clear solutions for myself though. I always keep busy. I do lots of spiritual practice (meditation) so I have pretty good control over my thoughts. I can really change some things, like the types of thoughts I have about this person. I have found another way to channel the energy, I'm going to try to focus some of my sexual energy into writing, or fantasy with some other writers. Instead of thinking idle, I call up friends, and share with others. but there is just that 'something' about that person that has just captured my heart. But time will wash it away.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,001 Posts
Female INFJ, you like the guy and you broke it off? What were the obstacles that made you do that?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Everyone keeps telling me that I need to watch Inception but I haven't got the chance yet.

After reading tons of posts, I realize that I'm trying to control my subconscious because I don't want to deal with the emotions. And they are strong emotions. So basically my emotions of the situation are surfacing through my dreams.

Female Infj----I really do appreciate your lovely post. I've really been thinking deeply within myself and the truth is: that I'm telling myself that I'm ready to move on but the truth is that I'm not. I'm not going to attempt to contact him but I am going to allow myself to feel all the emotions without trying to convince myself that it's not ok to feel so weak. Everyone takes risks when it comes to relationships and it's ok to fail. I just gotta come to terms of all the emotions that I had for him. I have to figure out what it was about him that attracted me and then just live.

I think what gives me a lot of inner peace is the fact that the last thing that I said to him after he rejected me was that we'd always be cool. And he agreed. I like that I was able to end such an awkward moment in such a positive way.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top