[VivianeScrooge]

This question has been haunting me for weeks now. Are humans naturally fear the unknown, like darkness and the crazy?
Is it our aura, lack of normal social cues, that made us irritating for people? Is weirdness deemed as a crime in socialization? Honestly, I just don't get people in general.

 

[Inguz]

It can be very annoying when trying to connect with a person that's only partially present.

 

[Agape]

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'"...Erich Fromm
"When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you"..Jessica Lange

I was one of those people. Think the reason( at least in my case) was that most people associate caring with been attached. So when you are detached people think that you don't care but that is not true at all. I can't get attached to anything, for a long time I thought that was a bad thing. Even to the point of questioning if I had feelings at all( I know kind of silly, those where dark days indeed). Until one day it hit me. Detachment has nothing to do with caring or feelings...it actually means to not be influence by needs, wants, desires, expectations and beliefs. Is letting nature takes it course. Is letting the chips fall where they may. You cannot totally enjoy something/someone unless you are detached from it. When one have expectations...and usually others don't fulfill it..we are disappointed and that let to sadness.

Always remember that people see life as they are. For those that conceive life as a string of attachments. They cannot appreciate and usually do not try to understand what is like to be detached and perceive it as weird. Most humans respond to what is unknown with fear and violence. There is also the need to convert you to be like them and if you don't complain you are an outcast. Luckily you will always find people that will accept you as you are...with the lack of "normal"( who defines what a normal behavior is?) social cues and all lol.

 

[Flatlander]

This question has been haunting me for weeks now. Are humans naturally fear the unknown, like darkness and the crazy?
Is it our aura, lack of normal social cues, that made us irritating for people? Is weirdness deemed as a crime in socialization? Honestly, I just don't get people in general.

I presume you meant detachment in social situations.

Many people rely on socializing for:

Entertainment
Enjoyment
Information
Relaxation
Meaning
Fulfillment

and so forth. You are subverting their whole modus operandi by being detached and unavailable, which stops them from using you to fulfill whatever need they have.

That being said, excessive attachment to interaction to the point where one person being uninterested is upsetting doesn't seem like a desirable or mature trait. Mature social/extravert attachers have probably grown to the point where they recognize when an interaction isn't going to work out like they hoped and move on, or can shift social modes to accommodate different interactions.

Weirdness like what you're talking about is just a breakage of the norm, which leaves some people uncomfortable. Some might fear it, some might lean more towards irritation, and so forth.

 

[marzipan01]

It can be very annoying when trying to connect with a person that's only partially present.

This leads me to another question. Mainly that, if you're trying to connect with someone who is obviously lost in their own world, why not go to their world to interact with them? Why demand that they leave their world and go to yours?
It's just a bit demanding but I suppose the other way might be intrusive.

 

[Inguz]

This leads me to another question. Mainly that, if you're trying to connect with someone who is obviously lost in their own world, why not go to their world to interact with them? Why demand that they leave their world and go to yours?
It's just a bit demanding but I suppose the other way might be intrusive.

Because they are in their own world. You can't follow someone there. We all meet in the common world.

 

[Curiously]

My last ex was bewildered that I didn't think to schedule spending time with him on our first Christmas as a couple. I was at home, listening to music, reading articles and such that night, and I received a text in which he expressed great frustration at what I realize now was my detachment. When I go over some of the things I didn't do as expected in my last relationship, I can see how my detachment was the cause of much misunderstanding between us, and chances are, that has also caused some tension in my other relationships with people - romantic and non-romantic alike. I've been asked a few times by girlfriends if I was upset at them and that was the reason for my not contacting them on a regular basis, and I seriously felt bad because again I wasn't fully aware of how I'd inadvertently hurt someone's feelings or make him/her question my liking them. The more I think about, the more I can see why people have been annoyed at my detachment; I suppose I naturally don't involve myself enough in others' lives.

(What is wrong with me?)

 

[Flatlander]

(What is wrong with me?)

I used to wonder that about myself, after the fact, whenever I let things slip by that way. The best solution I've found is to tell other people to initiate and make plans with me, which I will be less likely to forget (written down, etc.)

 

[sleepyhead]

I've been asked a few times by girlfriends if I was upset at them and that was the reason for my not contacting them on a regular basis, and I seriously felt bad because again I wasn't fully aware of how I'd inadvertently hurt someone's feelings or make him/her question my liking them. The more I think about, the more I can see why people have been annoyed at my detachment; I suppose I naturally don't involve myself enough in others' lives.

(What is wrong with me?)

I'm at the point where I try to frequently let friends know that I am not good at staying in contact with people and will often leave emails and texts unanswered for days (...or weeks...). Most of my friends already know this about me and don't take it personally, but I have a 2 friend who I'm consciously aware I need to let her know often that my absence is not because she did something wrong. I also try to let friends know that I don't have a big "excitment" reaction, because I've received some really special gifts in the past that a couple of friends thought I didn't like because of my non-reaction when I opened them.

I know there are some behaviours and some detachments that I can't seem to get past, but so far letting people know those things about me has been helpful in my personal relationships.

 

[Agape]

My last ex was bewildered that I didn't think to schedule spending time with him on our first Christmas as a couple. I was at home, listening to music, reading articles and such that night, and I received a text in which he expressed great frustration at what I realize now was my detachment. When I go over some of the things I didn't do as expected in my last relationship, I can see how my detachment was the cause of much misunderstanding between us, and chances are, that has also caused some tension in my other relationships with people - romantic and non-romantic alike. I've been asked a few times by girlfriends if I was upset at them and that was the reason for my not contacting them on a regular basis, and I seriously felt bad because again I wasn't fully aware of how I'd inadvertently hurt someone's feelings or make him/her question my liking them. The more I think about, the more I can see why people have been annoyed at my detachment; I suppose I naturally don't involve myself enough in others' lives.

(What is wrong with me?)

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. -Alden Nowlan

There is nothing wrong with you. I did an interesting self-experiment this past year....on how certain activities affects my mood levels. To avoid other variables, I decided to isolate myself and did a reflection retreat. There were days that I was very happy, others normals and there was sadness in a few. The irony was that nothing special happened in the day I was happy, normal or sad. After repeating that experiment for a while, a pattern began to emerge. When you are happy and content with yourself, things that usually will bother you when you are irritated/sad/angry do not do anymore. You perceive things/people in a different way.

90%+ of all the problems that people have between each other....are of communications. One of the most common mistake that everyone is guilty is of making assumptions. We tend to project our own inner feelings/thoughts/insecurities in others as a way to fill the blanks that assumptions create. Instead of just asking or speaking what worries us...we start to make stories in our head that usually have the worst possible explanations( few people are optimist these days).

You are who you are SillaSY. Never think for a moment that something is wrong with you. We all have our gifts and flaws. Because we are imperfect, we can love each other. What you could do is speak what is inside your mind and let others know that you just sometimes get lost in the sea of your private thoughts. It is that you don't care about them. Like they need to interact more with others, you need to spent more time with yourself. You enjoy spending time with them but you also like spending time with you. In that way people will stop filling blanks with projections and imaginary stories. Set some ground-rules that will satisfied both parties involved in the relationship and always maintain the lines of communications open to avoid future misunderstandings.

 

[SalvinaZerelda]

We threaten their blissfully ignorant way of life..
Some people really believe that being introverted is a sign of being unhealthy.
I get so caught up in things that people feel ignored or accuse me of being lazy. v.v

 

[Inguz]

We threaten their blissfully ignorant way of life..
Some people really believe that being introverted is a sign of being unhealthy.
I get so caught up in things that people feel ignored or accuse me of being lazy. v.v

The basis of the Enneagram theory is compensating for flaws -- if you didn't have said flaw you also wouldn't have the same need to (unintentionally) ignore people that wants to spend time with you or other things that has a higher priority. Such behavior isn't threatening to others, it's annoying as it's incredibly easy for others to perceive and become aware of such character flaws. In the same way E2 doesn't need to be threatening, but it can be excruciatingly annoying to watch.