Personality Cafe banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Enfp 7w8 ;p
Joined
·
185 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey ya!
So the other day me and my friend were face timing about her upcoming wedding and she was talking about how it felt like it took her so long to find someone she truly loved and wanted to be with. Mainly because she felt only certain people were attracted and would gravitate towards her. She's an INFP and was always looking for someone that was chill, fun to be with, and had an emotional depth. but for some reason the only people that seemed to want to be and get to know her was the exact opposite of what she was both attracted and interested in. This guy's that were more enthusiastic, load and messy, she always told me that the people that were hard to be with and ignorant of her emotions seemed to cling to her. However she did mean this is a romantic sense that she was not interested in these people.
I realized that in my own experiences it's hard to find someone, because the guys I'm not attracted to gravitate towards me.
So I got to thinking, does this happen to everyone, is it just that hard to find people we truly feel comfortable and connected to in this world? Or is it just luck? Does it effect certain personality types the same way?
So I'm asking cause I want to do a little experiment. Or how it relates to people.

For example: I'm an ENFP and all the people that have clung to me or I have become good friends with are all very quite, cautious, and relatively seculded. And I have run into the same things romanticly, the same kind of people, a little more reculse, afraid of a lot of things like taking risks. Although I still love knowing and being friends with these people and I am very close to them, I am not inty in the in a romantic stand point.
 

·
Premium Member
INTJ 5w4 (Sp/Sx) 594
Joined
·
547 Posts
I find that most of the girls that are attracted to me are often into partying and drinking.
I mean, I live in Northern Alberta. The more "hick" qualities are praised where I live.

I don't mind girls that are more on the "wild side", but the more a girl indulges in those things, the more I get turned off by it.
It just seems like they are substituting personality traits for how fast they can chug a beer down, or how much they "love" their trucks.
I don't know, to me it feels like a thin facade, and there isn't much to it underneath it all.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, people can do what they want and I won't generally care. But it's not something I am personally attracted to.
I'm personally more into traditionally feminine girls, who are cheerful and expressive. I am also a sucker for ones who like to explore ideas, concepts and to debate theoretical conclusions.

But I am a total clutz when it comes to anything romance related. I would much rather stay in the farthest corner of the coffee shop, writing in my journal.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Posie_girl90

·
Registered
INFP 6w5 629
Joined
·
746 Posts
Maybe Posie_girl90 is really attractive and approachable but she's kinda picky? That would explain it quick right?

"For example: I'm an ENFP and all the people that have clung to me or I have become good friends with are all very quite, cautious, and relatively secluded. "
Sounded like me :D and I spend a considerable time on the ENFP forums so I can confirm.

I haven't had anyone gravitate towards me, but nor was I actively seeking to be in a relationship, but that doesn't mean you can't! Just 'cause the people you like don't gravitate toward you doesn't mean you can't go get them. I hope you feel comfortable and connected with a partner.. or that you find a lot of friends.
 

·
Registered
Enfp 7w8 ;p
Joined
·
185 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Maybe Posie_girl90 is really attractive and approachable but she's kinda picky? That would explain it quick right?

"For example: I'm an ENFP and all the people that have clung to me or I have become good friends with are all very quite, cautious, and relatively secluded. "
Sounded like me :D and I spend a considerable time on the ENFP forums so I can confirm.

I haven't had anyone gravitate towards me, but nor was I actively seeking to be in a relationship, but that doesn't mean you can't! Just 'cause the people you like don't gravitate toward you doesn't mean you can't go get them. I hope you feel comfortable and connected with a partner.. or that you find a lot of friends.
Hahahaha you've got a point, about being a little picky maybe. But the attractive part hahaha I don't know.
The point of what I was getting at is I don't feel like I personally can attract the people I like. I mean I don't really have a "type" per say, but I can't seem to get that person I like to really consider me.
Then I could be wrong and they could just be not the type to approach those they like. But it is what it is.

I'm sure there are people that gravitate towards you! I mean you came to this forum, you gave great insight and a whole new set of possibilities. If there's anything life has taught me it's that people are weird, weird enough to wanna be my friend and close to me. And it that's the strangest occurrence on earth I'm more than sure people gravitate towards you, there just right under your nose.

But thank you your right I can go out and find the people I like! Cause life's a risk and it's just something you gotta take
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
127 Posts
Maybe it's because people tend to feel attracted to their polar opposites. They see something beautiful, compelling, something so foreign to themselves that it intrigues them. Maybe it's because someone possesses a quality that they have always wanted in themselves, and that draws them. I know I can feel gravitated towards extroverts because their energy, enthusiasm, and positivity dazzles me. I am impressed by their ability to unleash their thoughts with such ease and confidence in a way that I never could. And perhaps its the human desire to better ourselves, or to seek what we cannot have ourselves, that propels us to people so very different than us.

It might also be that she tends to veil herself from the people that she feels attracted to, stifling who she truly is. I know that when I feel attracted to someone I clam up and my feelings cloud my heart. I am extremely shy in general, so when I do develop an attraction, the shyness only escalates. As we share types, perhaps she battles the same issue. Whereas you, as an extrovert, might radiate your interest in someone and capture their attention, people struggling with shyness could have the opposite effect, repelling those that they harbor feelings for. Just my perspective :)
 

·
Registered
Enfp 7w8 ;p
Joined
·
185 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Maybe it's because people tend to feel attracted to their polar opposites. They see something beautiful, compelling, something so foreign to themselves that it intrigues them. Maybe it's because someone possesses a quality that they have always wanted in themselves, and that draws them. I know I can feel gravitated towards extroverts because their energy, enthusiasm, and positivity dazzles me. I am impressed by their ability to unleash their thoughts with such ease and confidence in a way that I never could. And perhaps its the human desire to better ourselves, or to seek what we cannot have ourselves, that propels us to people so very different than us.

It might also be that she tends to veil herself from the people that she feels attracted to, stifling who she truly is. I know that when I feel attracted to someone I clam up and my feelings cloud my heart. I am extremely shy in general, so when I do develop an attraction, the shyness only escalates. As we share types, perhaps she battles the same issue. Whereas you, as an extrovert, might radiate your interest in someone and capture their attention, people struggling with shyness could have the opposite effect, repelling those that they harbor feelings for. Just my perspective :)
Okay I love this perspective! Like in away we are drawn to what we do not know or long to be. It's kinda all about perspective.... interesting
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
3,909 Posts
I'm an INTP woman. I'm not typically feminine, I am very intelligent, and I consider myself honest and honorable. But I end up with men who criticize me for being not feminine enough, who think I'm stupid, and who accuse me of doing things I wouldn't dream of doing (e.g., cheating or "using" them). I think the reason we end up together is low self-esteem on both sides. Now I'm making a conscious effort to find someone more similar to myself, who will actually like me the way I am.

It's interesting what a couple of you said above about types who gravitate toward ENFPs. I seem to gravitate toward then also--but as friends, not romantic partners.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
263 Posts
I'm INTP, I can't say I've been on the receiving end of tons of interest since I'm so quiet. But those that have, were all generally the type that were talkative and don't listen to social or facial cues very well, which is what I use a lot and will frustrate me when I'm being talked over or ignored. Like I loathe being talked at but maybe those types see a quiet girl and think "great! A nice quiet wall flower to talk at lol." But I will rage lol. I'm thinking the rest don't talk to me because I'm too quiet/don't join the group much. My last bf said he thought I was intimidating because when I did speak it was well thought out or with conviction or something but I was not aware of that affect since everything I say is basically untested thoughts. I courted him though so he doesn't count. I feel like I have to pick 'em or the wrong pairings will keep happening
 

·
Registered
ISTP
Joined
·
50 Posts
It sounds like you attract ISTJs or similar, or your polar opposite. They might be attracted to your openness, emotional expression just for fun, creativity, and spontaneity, because they feel like they lack these things.

You, on the other hand, aren't as concerned that you're not like them. You like who you are, even if you don't think you're perfect.

In theory, opposites can complement each other's strengths and weaknesses.

In practice, we like to live in certain ways. A partner who wants to live in a totally different way, seems like a constant drag.

Now say you're with an ISTP, not an ISTJ. Your shared finances might be a mess. Your shared space might be a bit chaotic. But you'll find common ground in being okay with risk, seeing life as an adventure, etc. And you'll be different in other ways that might actually benefit each other.

ISTPs are good at implementing, not so much at seeing all possibilities out there. ENFPs see a big, exciting world but can use help in executing concrete steps.

How this all works, I don't think anyone really knows. But while you might want someone more "grounded" in certain ways, it sounds like that can go way too far.

I guess what I'm saying is that people who like themselves as is, might be attracted to differences, not total opposites. People who aren't happy with who they are, might gravitate towards someone who is as different as possible.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top