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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I get in these really numb moods, or...something, and I cause arguments with those closest to me on purpose, and I have no idea why. In those moments, I don't care about anything. I just become really blunt and cold towards someone so suddenly. Sometimes there's reason for it, but most of the time the smallest thing can tick me off, or nothing I can consciously pin-point can cause the mood. I say hurtful things to people important to me. Then, it's like I can't admit when I've done wrong, or apologise for acting so irrationally. I've lost a lot of friendships due to this, but I force myself to believe that it wasn't my fault and that the friendship wasn't meant to be anyway if they didn't fight for it (blaming the other person is another bad trait). Anyone have any ideas why this may be? I'm not sure if it comes down to my personality type (I'm an INFJ), or if I just have serious underlying issues...which is probably more so the case. I am not a bad person, I just seem to have a few bad traits. Can anyone relate to this, or have any advice?
 

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Diagnosis: You are a woman and therefore have a tendency to get moody, and say unkind things you don't really mean.

If someone has stopped being your friend because of this fact, they must not be a true friend.

What you need to work on is the apologizing part. You can't cure moody. If someone really cares about you, a legit apology should be all they need to move on. If they can't take that for what it's worth, they have bigger problems than you.
 

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I get in these really numb moods, or...something, and I cause arguments with those closest to me on purpose, and I have no idea why. In those moments, I don't care about anything. I just become really blunt and cold towards someone so suddenly. Sometimes there's reason for it, but most of the time the smallest thing can tick me off, or nothing I can consciously pin-point can cause the mood. I say hurtful things to people important to me. Then, it's like I can't admit when I've done wrong, or apologise for acting so irrationally. I've lost a lot of friendships due to this, but I force myself to believe that it wasn't my fault and that the friendship wasn't meant to be anyway if they didn't fight for it (blaming the other person is another bad trait). Anyone have any ideas why this may be? I'm not sure if it comes down to my personality type (I'm an INFJ), or if I just have serious underlying issues...which is probably more so the case. I am not a bad person, I just seem to have a few bad traits. Can anyone relate to this, or have any advice?
I do relate to this, but I'm not exactly sure why I do it.

Diagnosis: You are a woman and therefore have a tendency to get moody
This is quite sexist.
 

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Don't live by feelings. It's a piece of advice I give a lot but it solves a LOT of problems.

"I feel like chewing this person out because I feel like it."

Then you need to use your brain to do this.

"Even though I feel like chewing this person out, I am not going to do this because not all of my feelings should be shared. In fact, my feelings can be untrue and destructive, rather than honest or genuine."

This solves the problem.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Don't live by feelings. It's a piece of advice I give a lot but it solves a LOT of problems.

"I feel like chewing this person out because I feel like it."

Then you need to use your brain to do this.

"Even though I feel like chewing this person out, I am not going to do this because not all of my feelings should be shared. In fact, my feelings can be untrue and destructive, rather than honest or genuine."

This solves the problem.
So, basically, when I suddenly feel like "chewing" someone out, I need to make the conscious decision to take a step back from the situation, possibly even a break from the conversation, and take a breather until I no longer feel like lashing out on someone, or at least until I can rationally comprehend what a bad choice it'd be?
 

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So, basically, when I suddenly feel like "chewing" someone out, I need to make the conscious decision to take a step back from the situation, possibly even a break from the conversation, and take a breather until I no longer feel like lashing out on someone, or at least until I can rationally comprehend what a bad choice it'd be?

Yes. That's what I always do when I am mad at someone. Whenever I feel like exploding at the other person, I end up walking away from them to prevent myself from lashing out at them.
Although some people says that it's alright to express anger when mad, but I don't agree with them, because each time we expressed our anger to a person, that person ended up getting hurt by us and ended up building an emotional wall with us. Although if we apologise to them later they might say they have forgiven us, but I believe that a part of them will never be the same around us again, they will always feel that feeling of cautiousness around us because they are afraid that the same thing will happen again.
Expressing anger only end up hurting relationships, it doesn't help relationships in the long run.
 

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I like Razare's advice.
Easier said than done though.

OP, I relate to your post as well. I'm going to work through my own thoughts here if you don't mind, I find doing it in public is somehow cathartic. I find that these sort of angry out of nowhere moods are caused by underlying issues, often completely unrelated to the person one verbally assaults. Often, I cannot confess what's really on my mind to the person I get angry with, because I feel it is inappropriate, or they would not understand, etc. It's a way to express the same feeling without sharing the whole story. While this may be kind of cathartic in a destructive way (as Schizoid noted), it is also very selfish. It's hard to remember in the moment, but if the above proposition is as true for you as it is for me, then it is wrong to assault another for that reason. It's very self involved, and unfair. Others are not punching bags. Especially others who actually care for me.

Maybe that spurred on your own thought process, maybe not. I will remember this the next time I want to be repressed and angsty though. I have noted the above patterns for a while now.
 

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Use that energy to create something. Whenever I am in a mood, I build furniture.
 

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I like Razare's advice.
Easier said than done though.
It is, I agree. Yesterday I let my feelings get the better of me and I was upset half the day.

Still, if you can manage it just some of the time, it helps.
 

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@maybe_someday I can relate to this. In me, I think, it has to do with my drive to improve people, or rather make them see their weaknesses so they can work on them themselves. This criticism is not always taken in the way I want it to be, because people are different and deal with these things differently, and this is where the conflicts sometime happen.

As an INFJ, what do you think about this?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
@maybe_someday I can relate to this. In me, I think, it has to do with my drive to improve people, or rather make them see their weaknesses so they can work on them themselves. This criticism is not always taken in the way I want it to be, because people are different and deal with these things differently, and this is where the conflicts sometime happen.

As an INFJ, what do you think about this?
I agree with that to an extent; I have at times drawn out people's weaknesses, so they're aware of them and can improve on them. Come to think of it, I've been doing that a lot lately with a friend of mine. But like you, I know that this kind of criticism isn't always taken lightly and it definitely creates conflict, and sometimes even hurts the other person. I don't think that's the reason for my current issue, but I do know it's something I do actually do.
 

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Masturbate.
 

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I get in these really numb moods, or...something, and I cause arguments with those closest to me on purpose, and I have no idea why. In those moments, I don't care about anything. I just become really blunt and cold towards someone so suddenly. Sometimes there's reason for it, but most of the time the smallest thing can tick me off, or nothing I can consciously pin-point can cause the mood. I say hurtful things to people important to me. Then, it's like I can't admit when I've done wrong, or apologise for acting so irrationally. I've lost a lot of friendships due to this, but I force myself to believe that it wasn't my fault and that the friendship wasn't meant to be anyway if they didn't fight for it (blaming the other person is another bad trait). Anyone have any ideas why this may be? I'm not sure if it comes down to my personality type (I'm an INFJ), or if I just have serious underlying issues...which is probably more so the case. I am not a bad person, I just seem to have a few bad traits. Can anyone relate to this, or have any advice?
The most obvious reason is you don't want people to get too close to you, so you push them away the only way you know how.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
The most obvious reason is you don't want people to get too close to you, so you push them away the only way you know how.
I think there could be some truth to that. I do feel vulnerable when someone gets a little too close, and suddenly I'm pushing them away. Though I still feel like there's another reason, but I just can't put my finger on it.
 
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