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I don't know why I feel this way, but the rare times I have done something physically with a guy (hand-holding, hugging, etc. not sex) even if I know them well I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm betraying myself in some way and feel disgusting and I don't understand why! I know there's nothing wrong with it, but I can't help but feel like I did something bad. I've never been in a relationship, but this has been eating at me.

I want to put myself more out there so I can achieve my goals, find love, and feel better about myself, but there's this nagging voice that says that it's "wrong" in some way even if it is completely fine with the other person. I am so jealous of other people who can flirt shamelessly and hug/cuddle with guys and the fact that I can't even muster myself to be more brave with physical affection with guys makes me feel so bad about myself.

I'd really appreciate if someone with more relationship experience/self-intuition experience would help me understand why I feel this way. Thank you!
 

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The nagging voice is the voice of reason.
Its your intuition saying that you are not quite ready yet.
You say, “I feel like I am betraying myself” listen to your feelings
Imagine how bad you would feel if you betrayed yourself.
Finding love and Feeling better about yourself is also about listening to your inner voice.
You are not those other people, you are you and there is no one like you in the whole world.
Just because it is completely fine with another person doesn't mean you have to conform to their way of thinking.
Its not written in stone that you have to rush into the first relationship that comes along.
Take it easy. Your time will come.
what is right comes easily and without question, you just know its right.
 

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@5tarrynight

Listen to that voice. Don't move too fast. Current western culture (Feminism) wants you to be "Sexually liberated" (AKA a slut). Don't listen to that noise.

Men value women who value themselves (No matter how much the "liberated" women would tell you otherwise, because they know they're competing with good girls with a conscience like you).

So be yourself, because it seems you haven't given into the societal programming.
 

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I don't know why I feel this way, but the rare times I have done something physically with a guy (hand-holding, hugging, etc. not sex) even if I know them well I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm betraying myself in some way and feel disgusting and I don't understand why! I know there's nothing wrong with it, but I can't help but feel like I did something bad. I've never been in a relationship, but this has been eating at me.

I want to put myself more out there so I can achieve my goals, find love, and feel better about myself, but there's this nagging voice that says that it's "wrong" in some way even if it is completely fine with the other person. I am so jealous of other people who can flirt shamelessly and hug/cuddle with guys and the fact that I can't even muster myself to be more brave with physical affection with guys makes me feel so bad about myself.

I'd really appreciate if someone with more relationship experience/self-intuition experience would help me understand why I feel this way. Thank you!
The external action of intimate touch is a kind of vulnerability. Especially if you are not present you will resent this action from yourself and not do it easily. You will feel awkward and perhaps disgusted. Then, because you try and this does not fit your projection of yourself into the future, you feel guilty, ashamed.

The thing is you need to be more in touch with right now, and now, more in TOUCH specifically. Touch is the physical manifestation of now. Touch is based in anger. It is likely that you are 'out of touch' (ha ha) with your anger. Anger says, 'I have a right to touch and be touched.' Guilt or desire says, 'You are not yet worthy, they are not yet worthy. You have no right. They have no right. Touch is wrong.' This guilt is a negative emotion and not meant to be wallowed in. Stop the wallowing with anger.

But the truth is everyone is always and forever worthy. Worthiness is inalienable as a right.

So if you were capable of balancing your negative desire with anger you could balance your emotions. You DO have a right to touch and be touched. So do it!

If you start feeling guilty, get angry with yourself. You deserve to be human in all ways. So do they. Remember that when you wise up, when you mature, and you understand and can balance your emotions, that ... despite this ... the other person may not be ready or willing to have you touch them. It sounds like you are the one with missing anger issues and these others you interact with are not that way. But it is important to realize that some people when you meet them in the future will be like you are now, resistant and desirous or afraid of touch without knowing they are worthy and deserving of touch.

Think of the emotive issue from both sides. Realize the courage it takes to touch and be present. Realize that others may have fears and desires that make touch problematic.
 
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Why do you feel this way? Just accept yourself. You don't have to compare yourself from whores.

If you wanna be a virgin forever that's fine.

Just remember it's fine being a virgin. And not wanting physical intimacy.

Then don't compare yourself from whores
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I want to have intimacy in terms of touch, and am a buggy person, but something in me stops me for some reason. It feels like whenever I want to take a opportunity to show someone I like how I feel or hug them, even as a friend, I freeze up and it?s like a brick wall rises up from the ground and blocks my way. It?s really frustrating because I crave a relationship and physical touch with a guy, but I have no clue where to start because any and all opprotunities end up being sour and I?m so lost..
 

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@5tarrynight

Listen to that voice. Don't move too fast. Current western culture (Feminism) wants you to be "Sexually liberated" (AKA a slut). Don't listen to that noise.

Men value women who value themselves (No matter how much the "liberated" women would tell you otherwise, because they know they're competing with good girls with a conscience like you).

So be yourself, because it seems you haven't given into the societal programming.
Oh god, some people blame everything on feminism.

I don't think it's feminism encouraging little girls to be hoes, I think it's more the media, and the agenda to like pervert and ruin little children amd also, I don't know perhaps a decline in morals or some such thing, biput being secually loberated is not at all that nad, it is just that when people talk about progress and being liberated it usually just ends up amounting to decadence, debauchery and lack of,sexual inhibitions. Like maybe they make more money by making little girls into hoes and then likewise, years later, therapy bills and the like.
 

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You're probably insecure.
 

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I want to have intimacy in terms of touch, and am a buggy person, but something in me stops me for some reason. It feels like whenever I want to take a opportunity to show someone I like how I feel or hug them, even as a friend, I freeze up and it?s like a brick wall rises up from the ground and blocks my way. It?s really frustrating because I crave a relationship and physical touch with a guy, but I have no clue where to start because any and all opprotunities end up being sour and I?m so lost..
Love yourself first before loving someone
 

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I want to have intimacy in terms of touch, and am a buggy person, but something in me stops me for some reason. It feels like whenever I want to take a opportunity to show someone I like how I feel or hug them, even as a friend, I freeze up and it?s like a brick wall rises up from the ground and blocks my way. It?s really frustrating because I crave a relationship and physical touch with a guy, but I have no clue where to start because any and all opprotunities end up being sour and I?m so lost..
do you know exactly what feelings the wall consists of? (you don't have to write it here....I'm just thinking some self reflection is in order).

I mean there's a huge difference between possibilities here.
some possibilities would be wanting to draw a line because you're not getting something from the relationship that you want or need (lifetime commitment? emotional safety? physical safety?) ... or wanting to draw a line because some part of you is instinctually saying you're with the wrong guy... or discomfort because other people (parents?) are forcefully trying to draw that line for you.

the other caveat is ...it might be multiple things and you might need to be careful to make sure you address all of them...otherwise some part of you won't be happy with the solution. for example if parents are trying to make this decision for you about who to touch. It was very easy for me as a kid to fall into the thought pattern of "parents don't want me to touch him and therefore I should, to prove that it's my decision not theirs" - focusing on my own need for bodily autonomy so much that it took me years to realize I had other emotional needs too besides that one. And that scenario is so common that I wonder why parents aren't adjusting their wording en masse to avoid it. It's tempting to do the exact opposite of the thing that's presented as if it isn't a choice. It's one of the reasons why I would be extremely careful about my wording on this topic if I was a parent. Any advice you get on this topic needs to respect the fact that it's a choice, and it's your choice. Whether a parent presents it like a choice or not, it still is a choice, so might as well be realistic. It's a complex emotional choice with a lot of conflicting emotional needs that want to be met at the same time.
 

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I would suggest it is because you don't feel for that person (romantically). When something similar happens to me, I wouldn't exactly say I 'dodge' the act, but I definitely don't push the envelope. I suppose it is my instinct telling me not to betray myself or the other person, given my lack of feelings for that person.
 

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"The voice of reason", lol I think Ill second that :D. If someone presented an opportunity (because its not like Im out there looking for one night stands) to get physical then I would decline, Im not gonna do anything outside of a relationship, fuck that noise :D
 

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I don't know why I feel this way, but the rare times I have done something physically with a guy (hand-holding, hugging, etc. not sex) even if I know them well I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm betraying myself in some way and feel disgusting and I don't understand why! I know there's nothing wrong with it, but I can't help but feel like I did something bad. I've never been in a relationship, but this has been eating at me.

I want to put myself more out there so I can achieve my goals, find love, and feel better about myself, but there's this nagging voice that says that it's "wrong" in some way even if it is completely fine with the other person. I am so jealous of other people who can flirt shamelessly and hug/cuddle with guys and the fact that I can't even muster myself to be more brave with physical affection with guys makes me feel so bad about myself.

I'd really appreciate if someone with more relationship experience/self-intuition experience would help me understand why I feel this way. Thank you!
Usually that's my mind's way of saying, "this isn't someone you truly want to be with."

95% of my friends are guys, so slapping on the back, giving a high-five, etc. are normal. If we're close friends, we can even side hug. But my rule is that if someone doesn't put in the commitment and efforts that I want to see, they don't deserve to be in my personal space. One of my guy friends was a little emotional one day and after we went for ice cream, we went to a park. I was going to take a walk, but he stayed in the car, so I had to go back to the car with him. He leaned over to my seat and hugged me for a while, I think about 15' or so. I was comfortable, but as it was our last day seeing each other before he's going to California I didn't push him off. But I remember being so uncomfortable and stiff, even though he was one of my best guy friends. Fast forward to now, I can't get enough hugs from my boyfriend. But just him; anyone else who dares venture into my personal space gets kicked out.
 
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