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Discussion Starter #1
plus see them as difficult to follow? I talk about the Hollywood romantic 'guy meets a girl and next they're happily married for the next 300 years' sort of a deal. The superficial part is that I know one never knows about relationships if they last although one would work hard to make them function. What I also think about is fidelity. The idea of not having sex with other people for the said 300 years is what causes me anxiety.

I'm talking about this as I'm seeing someone and we've agreed that it's okay to have other dates going on. I don't mind him having other affairs that much but somehow I feel it's 'cheating' if I do the same...I'm only dating him and we are not in a relationship. Yet I feel like I'm doing something wrong. It's like I hold on to ideals that I can't follow, that don't make sense and yet I do that.

Any advice?
 

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Maybe that's a paradox common with Ti/Fe I sorta process this similar thing kinda on the fence back and forth. I would say it sorta depends on how much I like someone. Maybe you just really like him more than you realize?
 

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Wouldn't you want to date a guy who shares your morals?
I think if you agree to allow someone you're dating to do something you believe is wrong for you, it's not a good foundation for any future relationship.
Have you asked him if he wants a committed relationship?
Shouldn't you be seeking someone who wants what you want?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
The point is that I broke up recently and shouldn't probably be seeing anyone at all. But it's somehow impossible. I'd like to be free and I think I'm somehow trying to break free. I'm sick of being under anyone's control but see that what's really controlling me is my sexuality and underlying morality. It's a complete clash of Ti and Fe.

Then there's this guy who turns my head around. Every time I try to discuss this he manages to manipulate me with his superior Fe. Don't get me wrong. He's a good guy. He's one of the nicest people I've met. The problem is that he seems to appear in my life when the timing is the worst. It makes me think that I know now why people travel accross the ocean and tell the loved one that they come back some day. I think I need time and he just doesn't understand it. It's not that I don't like him that much. It's that I love him so deeply that it kills me. I have no idea what to do. I think the only answer here is the one I don't want to think about. I already told him I don't want to date him and that lasted for maybe two weeks. Then I met him again and his beautiful face made me forget all reason.

I see this as a deal where I see I'm being controlled by my own morals kind of like Rodion Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment. The problem is that I need to get other people out of the equation because this could blow up on everybody's faces. I guess to really love him as an action I should leave him...he says he's liberal but I don't think he's liberal enough for what could happen. I'm too f'd up to do anything right at the moment.
 

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plus see them as difficult to follow? I talk about the Hollywood romantic 'guy meets a girl and next they're happily married for the next 300 years' sort of a deal. The superficial part is that I know one never knows about relationships if they last although one would work hard to make them function. What I also think about is fidelity. The idea of not having sex with other people for the said 300 years is what causes me anxiety.

I'm talking about this as I'm seeing someone and we've agreed that it's okay to have other dates going on. I don't mind him having other affairs that much but somehow I feel it's 'cheating' if I do the same...I'm only dating him and we are not in a relationship. Yet I feel like I'm doing something wrong. It's like I hold on to ideals that I can't follow, that don't make sense and yet I do that.

Any advice?
Oh you are an evil doer and you will go to hell, ohhh boooo. WTF, I get you (I think). People push morals to relationships. Do you steal? do you lie? do you kill? no I don't think so. I think those are very separate things. Yet even on the internet you can find people yelling just because you don't adhere to the "one and only" since you both exchanged phone numbers, ohhh marry me etc.

Advice? I don't know I mean I don't see the space to do so regarding your situation. Affairs? just becareful on your word selection. Example: I'm open to having multiple interactions, it's a wah to get to know people (and it's fair), affairs? that goes beyond the average connection and while I have nothing against it, I see logical complications unless the other people share the same vision as you. Very FEW people can interact with others without the ME-MINE thing, I mean some can agree to things but once some emotion goes on, they turn on the jealousy and problems. Otherwise I have nothing to say about this. But hey I said careful about your word selection, to some "AFFAIR" means emotional connections, to some means intimacy (also on emotions), to some means SEX, etc.

Such type of connections can affect your connections with other people, and it becomes some sort of spiderweb, it's not just you and the other person, it's about all of you. STD's? that's as dangerous as the methods and health care you take, the thing is the more people involved, the more tricky because there are more loose ends to take care.

The point is that I broke up recently and shouldn't probably be seeing anyone at all. But it's somehow impossible. I'd like to be free and I think I'm somehow trying to break free. I'm sick of being under anyone's control but see that what's really controlling me is my sexuality and underlying morality. It's a complete clash of Ti and Fe.
There we have it. Well, in my humble opinion, you should not get deeply involved with anyone right now, it's not a NO, in fact it's about you, you deserve time for yourself, grief, space, etc. Sometimes we have a hard time because we still have unresolved stuff from the relationship and that can interfere with your desires "break free", well we don't suppose to feel locked or prisoned on a healthy relationship, or do we? then to my thinking you need space. About the rest? to be short: I kinda think it's an average response from people who took relationships too seriously, so you need experimentation, to meet diff people, perhaps you are too accepting on other people personalities (wide door) and that causes the problem of ending with the wrong person at your side.

If you expect me to say you are doing something wrong? well nope. I believe you deserve your right to get to know people without the bourden of "oh we must be on a relationship to be able of kiss each other, not to mention sex", how can we choose if we don't taste? if we don't get to know each other? So to me this sounds more like a problem of pressure that someone put on you and stays on your mindset. Relax, take your time.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thank you for your input (I mean everyone). I told that guy we can meet tomorrow and that I have things to say to him. Now he talks about going to eat somewhere and later on to his or my space.

It's like his love for me is standing in front of my freedom. I don't know how to tell him I can't do this as even seeing him makes me lose my mind like I described above. It's not healthy for me as it's throwing me more into destructive behaviors. These are not about holding hands or doing dinner dates with other people. I'm talking about drinking too much to ease the inner pain and when I drink I like to get as wasted as possible. When I do that it results in...well, having sex with multiple people. Then I feel like s**t for I feel like this isn't normal me at all. This is the "break free" part but this could also lead to STD's. At least it leads to losing all self respect.

A factor that plays a part here is that I was in a long abusive relationship that was just horror to my psyche.
 

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If this guy got you not wanting anybody else then he got you good. The funny thing is I think you like it but I could be wrong. I'm sure you had guys who wanted to be in a relationship with you who you turned down and I feel like your soul is telling you that you like it better when the guy gets a lot of girls and you're one of them so it's like you feel you don't need no other guys and the way you think is pretty much superficial and not only you but 90 percent of girls think just like you so don't fret.. they going through the same thing and love it..
 
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