:dry:They're suckers for a sob story.
I had a very similar experience.I would appreciate it if you INFJs can shed some light/comment on why these women behaved as they did.
That is really, really sweet. Awww! Would you mind elaborating on the "How can I claim to love someone if I base that love on my own selfishness?" comment? Admittedly, its a little hard for me to understand but I would love to do so! I think I could learn a thing or two from you. As an INFP, we are "inward focused". If someone is causing me this much pain it tells me that they don't love me, so why stick around and suffer for someone who doesn't love you back? It doesn't erase my love for that person, but I will turn and run from the relationship to avoid being "used and abused" if you will. Example::dry:
I had a very similar experience.
I truly cared for her... even though she had chosen someone else...
The reason I did it, is because I cared for her and I wanted the best for her. How can I claim to love someone if I base that love on my own selfishness? It looks like, according to ENTPreneur and some other types that love only applies when their own selfish interests are being served.
How shallow.
With the average INFJ, it's not about us being happy, it's about them being happy.The reason I did it, is because I cared for her and I wanted the best for her. How can I claim to love someone if I base that love on my own selfishness? It looks like, according to ENTPreneur and some other types that love only applies when their own selfish interests are being served.
iceyroses,...What possesses an INFJ to continue in a relationship with someone that they love but is hurting and using them so horribly? As for INFJ #2, why was she so into the new girl? I understand being in love completely, but isn't there a line that one should draw? I would appreciate it if you INFJs can shed some light/comment on why these women behaved as they did.
Very, very insightful!! Thank you so much for your reply. It is very helpful.:happy:iceyroses,
In a nutshell I would describe this situation as having no control over the emotions and desires -- even to the point of self harm. Lack of control over attachment and detachment also. I think most INFJs love passionately, and when lost in the beauty of their ideals, they don't want to let go, regardless of what realities are facing them directly.
The #2 INFJ is likely obsessed with the new girl, because she may suffer from too much comparison, and is wanting to understand to painful extents why she was left for this 'other woman'. All of this detracts from healing and getting back on the path of finding the right person. There is maybe some issues with self-esteem happening here also, and desperation. Perhaps these women feel they don't have a choice, or they would rather be in their situations, than be alone. Many people go through that. I just go at life alone, rather than have poor company.
I always end saying the same thing, in these types of posts...Destiny is a factor also, perhaps they haven't worked out or learned the lesson they needed to from that partner treating them poorly -- or in reverse, them understanding that they don't need to be treated that way. These types of INFJs seem very negative, at times INFJs can be stubborn too. I would just state your case clearly (in trying to help them), and leave it and them alone after that if they continue this destructive behavior.
They will remember a voice of reason, when their heads are our of the clouds, and will be so grateful to the people who tried to help them. I think at some point, INFJs of grand passion have to deal with attachments (this relates to my Sig; I'm working on this too). I wish best of luck to your friends, I know the pain of love and attachment, it sucks. But in the end, all persons are responsible for their own emotions and actions.
We really can beThat is really, really sweet. Awww!
Of course. In order to understand my position you need to understand that INFJs are very much driven by ethical codes of behavior. (The Greeks call it "Virtue Ethics"... or the Ethics of being virtuous)Would you mind elaborating on the "How can I claim to love someone if I base that love on my own selfishness?" comment? Admittedly, its a little hard for me to understand but I would love to do so!
Absolutely beautiful!:crazy: My heart is melting!We really can beWhen this all happened, I told her that she deeply touched my life, that she made me very happy for the short time we'd been intimate, and that she'd allowed me to share myself with her and that she'd done the same, and that while I was sad to see it go, I was happy for having experienced it... Just because I had been spurned didn't mean that the love I had for her just up and vanished. I still cared for her. And I only stuck around because she still cared for me. If she wanted me gone, I would have walked away with no regrets.
She was still going through some emotionally trying times, so I supported her emotionally and I encouraged her to enter a trusting and loving relationship with another man, because I truly wished what was best for her.
Of course, when she no longer needed me, I dropped out of contact, because it was a very hard emotional thing for me to do.
Of course. In order to understand my position you need to understand that INFJs are very much driven by ethical codes of behavior. (The Greeks call it "Virtue Ethics"... or the Ethics of being virtuous)
We hold ourselves to very high standards, and do our best to force ourselves to do the right thing. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts.
For me... when I fall in love with someone. And that person decides they don't want to pursue a future with me... I feel that it would be selfish for me to abandon or further hurt that person I loved.
I am committed to being virtuous... and the virtuous thing to do is to support the one you love. Running away from them just because they don't do what you wanted them just seems selfish and cowardly to me.
Wow! :sad: What horrible experiences, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. :frustrating: I'm glad that you decided to go a new and better route. I wish you the best in your future relationship(s).Yeah, Entrepreneur is right.
I'll admit, I'm a sucker for a sob story.. among other things.
I think around a half dozen of my past girlfriends, including my ex-fiance, were manic depressive. It took one shooting herself in the head and another randomly aborting my baby to realize that it's probably a bad way to go - that reveling in the drama is a recipe for disaster, that love-hate relationships are destructive, and that co-dependence never ends well.
But in a way it was very intoxicating. It's so hard to find someone who's exciting, interesting, and stable. But plenty of interesting nut jobs out there.
There is no such thing as selflessness unless it damages yourself. And no one ever works hard enough to damage themself, its always natural, emotional, or logical. Everyone is selfish, even if that means trying to satisfy your love for another person regardless of the circumstances... even if that means helping the homeless because it makes you happier... if you gain energy by doing these things, then good on ya. Some of us are physically incapable 2 out of 3 days in the week unless we have some caffeine and fruit for breakfast.:dry:
I had a very similar experience.
I truly cared for her... even though she had chosen someone else...
The reason I did it, is because I cared for her and I wanted the best for her. How can I claim to love someone if I base that love on my own selfishness? It looks like, according to ENTPreneur and some other types that love only applies when their own selfish interests are being served.
How shallow.