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I'm not too hard to understand if you ask me the right questions. I grow tired of people interpreting my words to mean more than what I say, but sometimes, I am subtle, and other times, I am extremely blunt.

As far as getting to know me, people will only receive certain information, or parts of myself, depending on how they behave toward me and others. If somebody's an asshole, I'll only reveal a superficial level, and not tell them anything personal, but if somebody's nice, I'll slowly reveal parts of myself. On the other hand, only one or two people, if that, will hear deeply personal information. Different people will receive parts of the many selves I have -- which are all true and genuine, but are composed of different interests, memories, feelings, thoughts and so on.
I was going to say something, but it appears I don't have to now. This is perfect.
 

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I think that generally if people don't understand me it is because they are confused by my way of existing behind a zoned out face, giving little input to most conversations (and when I do, it's often with a tinge of bitterness or sarcasm, or it's just plain dry), when I actually have a lot going on in my head, a lot that I could contribute, but for whatever reason I choose not to. I think people are taken aback when I decide to talk and I launch off on this complex explanation of an idea I've mulled over quite a bit, that connects to other ideas in an almost genius fashion. My points are usually spot on. When I speak in class people often say that they really liked what I had to say, because it was so well thought out and considered a good deal of information that others hadn't connected yet. And then, I go back to being silent, and perhaps appearing somewhat angry.

But, when I express myself I don't think I am confusing unless I am being purposefully evasive.
 

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A lot of it probably comes from our inferior is Fe, which causes many INTP's have anxiety when it comes to romantic relationships. Anxiety naturally leads to paranoid, unrealistic thinking. When we make decisions based on our strange, out-of-tune-with-the-human-element worldview (and add to the mix the INTP tendency to analyze everything in excruciating depth) we appear weird and complicated to the outside world. Honestly, I would be hopelessly incapable of "decoding" my INTP friends' behaviour if I wasn't one myself. We make lots of logical sense, but I'm afraid we can be very irrational when it comes to the human element.
 

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@kilgoretrout pretty much covered everything, but I feel that there's a couple of other things in there (for me) ((<- Ellipses lol)) as well.

The first is the amount of dry humor, irony, sarcasm, etc. I use in everyday communication. To my (N/S)T friends (and my well-taught ISFJ friend) this is no problem. But there are many people who find it difficult, or even scary to talk to me, just because of the way I get my message across. I don't mean to be all "I'MA EAT YOUR SOUL AND SHIT IN YOUR DREAMS LOL" type, but apparently I have a gift for it nonetheless.

I feel that this trait comes straight from my unconventional sense of humour. If I wanted to talk to someone seriously, then there would be little sarcasm. Funny thing is, I hear that some people can't tell when I'm being serious anymore.

There's also my deep-seated terror of letting anyone find out anything that I don't want then to know about me. I find it incredibly difficult to trust, or even rely on other people, and so I find it most comfortable to keep myself to myself. This leads to me being detached from a lot of things, and that seems to confuse people. I know a lot of people who find it insane that I can say something's good without actually liking it. For example, I know that Stockhausen is a good composer (he was innovative and skilled), but I don't like Stockhausen's music (I find no emotional connection with it).

Perhaps that's the key thing. The whole detachment from your emotions. I don't actually know whether that's true, but I'm too tired to think it out anymore, so I'll just chuck this out and leave.
 

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Maid of Time
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This may sound really dumb. But think for a second. Why exactly do people never understand us, even if we take the time to articulate ourselves?

I have friends/family from many different personality types and very few have ever actually gotten it. The ones who come the closest are my ESTJ friend of six years, my INTP best friend (although that's a given) and another friend who is likely some form of SP.

And every time I turn around, there is someone on our forum asking for relationship advice and most of the time we're like, "Oh. That's really obvious. Here." And they still don't really get it, even though we've explained to the best of our ability. Nothing against other types of course. I just (ironically enough) don't understand why we are so hard to understand and was wondering if anyone had any other thoughts on this matter.
Well, I think we're pretty straightforward too, and people overcomplicate us. Once you understand the basics of how we approach life, we're pretty predictable.

I think it's mostly, if you want a computer analogy, just that we're kind of like a small niche OS whereas most people seem to be running on some popularized version of Windows -- the software that runs on us isn't parsed by their OS and has to be translated over and is an arduous task. There are just so many assumptions about life and how people should behave and what is important to them (especially in decision making) that we can be looked at as if we have two heads, until people finally listen and start to work through it all.

The more rational types (and I consider ESTJ to be pretty rational, they're T-doms) as well as some of the flexy types (the SPs) are more prone to following us or at least taking the time to do so and/or not expecting people to follow the general assumptions anyway.

A lot of it probably comes from our inferior is Fe, which causes many INTP's have anxiety when it comes to romantic relationships. Anxiety naturally leads to paranoid, unrealistic thinking. When we make decisions based on our strange, out-of-tune-with-the-human-element worldview (and add to the mix the INTP tendency to analyze everything in excruciating depth) we appear weird and complicated to the outside world. Honestly, I would be hopelessly incapable of "decoding" my INTP friends' behaviour if I wasn't one myself. We make lots of logical sense, but I'm afraid we can be very irrational when it comes to the human element.
yes, I think the problem there is that OUR expectations for people tend to be out of whack with the majority. People can be mechanical, but they aren't machines; the personal/emotional/relational component has to be considered. I remember having some severe judgments and frustrations with people and their "stupid behavior" before I had some relational experience myself, and then I realized there are things that are irrational that still need to be accepted rather than criticized, since they're not going away and they're still kind of "good" in themselves. I mean, love itself really isn't "rational" per se, it is basically a commitment/passion for something that is a foundational drive and not explicable.

I still become frustrated by some of the crazy thought processes that happen in relationships, but I'm also far more sympathetic because I've learned where THAT approach is coming from and I can see what it's trying to accomplish.
 

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Ditto to @Kilgore Trout and @anarchitektur, esp the latter. My two cents: not so much complicated in truth, as inaccessible. I don't put everything out there, and people see diverse surface effects of inner processes. Most people see very little of me.
 

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Maid of Time
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I've heard that both INTPs and INFPs tend to be good writers. I suspect that might be because our thought processes are so damn weird, we *have* to learn to become good writers in order to communicate.
Just focusing on INTPs, I'd say that INTPs tend to either be very accessible writers or very inaccessible (gravitates toward the extremes). We have great vocabulary skills in terms of word nuance, sentence balance, and putting together a rational sequence of thoughts, but it's the communication skills that are the issue -- can we put our ideas in terms that people who are not intellectuals and/or INTPs can easily follow? There is a "people" aspect that needs to be grapsed in order to know how to word things in ways that others can follow, or what will reach them most effectively.

I've seen some INTPs who are really great at this, and I've also seen others who write the most complicated prose I've ever seen; I can follow it because I think similarly, but I know many other people just give up seeing the "wall of text."

I do think INP language skills appear early in children. My experience with my INTP son was that by age 3-4 he was talking like a little "adult" -- he was using extensive qualifiers in his speech (probably, usually, typically, etc.) and using them correctly to add nuance to his points. It's hilarious and kind of bizarre to hear him on the videotapes explaining things so rationally, with that command of language. I think INFPs and INTPs both are good at "absorbing" the patterns in language and consciously understanding them and then reapplying them. And balance/congruence is important to those types, a large-scale cohesive sense of balance, and this carries out in the expression of ideas.

The biggest issue I had as an INTP and that I especially saw in my son is how the P factor can make it difficult to self-direct one's writing. We both seem to naturally "respond" well to things -- ask me a question, and I can spit out a lot of commentary that is well-written and balanced, because my topic and angle has been selected for me by the question itself. But communication is difficult when it must be INTERNALLY driven. There are far too many choices about what I could say, and I can't differentiate between them or prioritize them.

This ties back into the "communication" issue and connecting with others. Most people don't have a problem with knowing what they are feeling or what they desire and are trying to achieve, and they go after it somehow. While not all of us, and not completely, INTPs more than other types still seem to struggle more with getting a grasp of what we are feeling and what we really want out of life. So instead we can seem to connect only through this responsive and/or processed view of life, that people can admire the ideas but not really know how to connect to us as people with aspirations and desires and feelings.
 

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^ Crazy wife, much?

I know we can be irrational in relationship situations but not quite that bad....
Actually, that pretty much sums up the couple relationships I've had in my life, as well as the relationships of friends and family members around my age, as well as my sibling's relationship with his gf.
Your reaction begs the question: You mean there exists a group of females that don't react in that manner?
 

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so true, and same with tentative language such as the "tend to" above. It is tough to state anything with certainty :D
Y'all are so bitchy... srsly. The guy was trying to avoid the dreaded "stereotype" accusations that get flung around any time you *do* state something with certainty here. Evidence or it didn't happen.

I can't even believe that people think like the woman in that picture. I just can't even. If you're wondering what's wrong with your SO, ask them. Why create an internal dialogue of spiraling paranoia over every little thing.

This is why my exes and I parted ways. This is why I don't get along with most girls. I just can't even.
 

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Y'all are so bitchy... srsly. The guy was trying to avoid the dreaded "stereotype" accusations that get flung around any time you *do* state something with certainty here. Evidence or it didn't happen.
No, it's because I write and talk like that all the time. Even now I'm trying to avoid the temptation to write 'I often write like that' :p

I can't even believe that people think like the woman in that picture. I just can't even. If you're wondering what's wrong with your SO, ask them. Why create an internal dialogue of spiraling paranoia over every little thing.

This is why my exes and I parted ways. This is why I don't get along with most girls. I just can't even.
I do understand it. I don't think they intentionally create that kinda of dialogue, but the things their SO does just aren't reassuring, and bringing it up all the time can make things worse.

It happens to me sometimes too, and I'm reasonably secure in my relationship.. Like just now.. My GF went took a flight today, and we message all the time, so I assumed I'd hear from her as soon as she got a chance after she landed. I sent her a random message. Got a response within a couple minutes which I wasn't expecting. Now I'm left wondering why I didn't hear from her sooner if she is able to message!
 

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@kilgoretrout pretty much covered everything, but I feel that there's a couple of other things in there (for me) ((<- Ellipses lol)) as well.

The first is the amount of dry humor, irony, sarcasm, etc. I use in everyday communication. To my (N/S)T friends (and my well-taught ISFJ friend) this is no problem. But there are many people who find it difficult, or even scary to talk to me, just because of the way I get my message across. I don't mean to be all "I'MA EAT YOUR SOUL AND SHIT IN YOUR DREAMS LOL" type, but apparently I have a gift for it nonetheless.

I feel that this trait comes straight from my unconventional sense of humour. If I wanted to talk to someone seriously, then there would be little sarcasm. Funny thing is, I hear that some people can't tell when I'm being serious anymore.

There's also my deep-seated terror of letting anyone find out anything that I don't want then to know about me. I find it incredibly difficult to trust, or even rely on other people, and so I find it most comfortable to keep myself to myself. This leads to me being detached from a lot of things, and that seems to confuse people. I know a lot of people who find it insane that I can say something's good without actually liking it. For example, I know that Stockhausen is a good composer (he was innovative and skilled), but I don't like Stockhausen's music (I find no emotional connection with it).

Perhaps that's the key thing. The whole detachment from your emotions. I don't actually know whether that's true, but I'm too tired to think it out anymore, so I'll just chuck this out and leave.
This is pretty much exactly how I feel.
I also think it's because as iirc one person said people think because i'm being quiet I must not get what's going on or not paying attention. I'm really three or four steps ahead in multiple scenarios. Just because someones talking doesn't mean they aren't smart.
 

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I can't even believe that people think like the woman in that picture. I just can't even. If you're wondering what's wrong with your SO, ask them. Why create an internal dialogue of spiraling paranoia over every little thing.

This is why my exes and I parted ways. This is why I don't get along with most girls. I just can't even.
Most of my close friends' sisters engage in some sort of stupid behaviour when it comes to relationships. (It's sad. I had to retype this sentence four times, because I kept remembering more people who have sisters who are just straight up dumb when it comes to relationships.)

One of them has a new boyfriend like every couple of months, then wonders why she continually gets hurt. It clearly hasn't crossed her mind that she might actually be doing something wrong. God forbid.

One of them is married to a man who sold drugs with her and their one-year-old son in the car. And continually makes excuses for him.

These are the people who post on facebook, "All men are the same!!" But get offended if a man says, "All women are the same."
 

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A lot of it probably comes from our inferior is Fe, which causes many INTP's have anxiety when it comes to romantic relationships. Anxiety naturally leads to paranoid, unrealistic thinking. When we make decisions based on our strange, out-of-tune-with-the-human-element worldview (and add to the mix the INTP tendency to analyze everything in excruciating depth) we appear weird and complicated to the outside world. Honestly, I would be hopelessly incapable of "decoding" my INTP friends' behaviour if I wasn't one myself. We make lots of logical sense, but I'm afraid we can be very irrational when it comes to the human element.
Yes.

I often think to myself, after talking to another person, "how can I be so bad at something I do so much?" It's like I am out of rhythm with the ways humans communicate -- always a step behind, fumbling on my words, wondering why people act in ways that seem so different to me.

It's probably because, as you've said, INTPs excruciatingly analyze all their experiences. I find myself doing this, without much control, especially if an idea is implanted in my mind already, which makes that idea seem meaningless after a while. It's like the old riddle of the conscious mind asking, "who am I?" but consciousness that's so close to itself has trouble perceiving itself without a distortion.
 
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