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MOTM Nov 2009
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Why is microwaving popcorn considered an art? Why do so many people continue to burn microwave popcorn after the first time they ruined it and created one of the most foul smells? Which personality types are best suited for microwaving popcorn efficiently? Before we that, let's examine why it is do darn hard for people to microwave popcorn:

  1. Microwave power and settings vary. So your microwave at work may be underpowered compared to your microwave at home.
  2. There are many different brands of popcorn, and they have different instructions. For example, some bags give ranges like "1:30 to 2:00" or "press the PopCorn button". That being said, every popcorn bag has the instructions BEGGING you to stay nearby and listen to the pops to avoid overcooking.
Popcorn!


Contrary to popular belief, cooking popcorn in the microwave is not hard, folks. So let's analyze the reasons why humanity has a less than perfect microwave popcorn success rate:

  1. We are "too busy" and multi-task everything. So we put the bag of popcorn in the microwave, hit "2:00", and have the confidence that we will hear the pops while we perform another task. Other tasks include: taking a dump, feeding the kids, watching TV, surfing the web, writing an e-mail, blog post, or comment, talking to someone on the phone, walking your dog, or something else like that.
  2. We live in an ADD society. Now, I may not even believe that Attention Deficit Disorder exists in the sense that it is a disease that needs to be treated with medication, but I know as a society we suffer it. After all, we can't even stand in front of a microwave for 1:30. Many people actually forget the popcorn is in the microwave!

    Now, let's examine this microwave popcorn burning phenomena by Average Enneagram Personality Type:

    Enneagram Type 1 (Reformer): Would rather undercook than overcook; does not burn.
    Enneagram Type 2 (Helper): Totally forgets how to use this modern technology.
    Enneagram Type 3 (Achiever): Enneagram Type Threes don't burn popcorn.
    Enneagram Type 4 (Individualist): Type Fours "get burned" once and vow never to get burned again. However, they may get hung up if they don't read the instructions for a new brand. Also, if they are feeling rather self-absorbed, they will "forget", and then create a blog called "I Burn Popcorn" and relish in it.
    Enneagram Type 5 (Investigator): Distracted by something else, maybe their non-stop internal monologue, they have been known to stink up their apartments by burning it,
    Enneagram Type 6 (Loyalist): Enneagram Type Sixes have the world record for burning popcorn in the microwave since the machine requires their full attention, and focus is very important to Sixes.
    Enneagram Type 7 (Enthusiast): This is where we see personality differences between men and women; Type 7 men know what to do; Type 7 female will mess it up because they were distracted by a shiny object.
    Enneagram Type 8 (The Boss): Although you would think an Enneagram Type Eight dominate the microwave popcorn efficiency scale, they at first suck at this technology. After they eventually find out how to use it, they will be proficient at it, and be sure to yell at you and treat you like a kid for not understanding the nuances of microwaving popcorn.
    Enneagram Type 9 (The Peacemaker): Enneagram Type Nines have been known to almost burn down offices and houses because of their lack of instincts/awareness. You see, everything is an emotional struggle for them. Heaven help them if there's a lot of stuff going on in their lives. Add laziness to the equation for some Nines, and the microwave will explode.
[Source]
 

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MOTM Aug 2010
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When I first read the title of this thread, I thought, "What the hell is this doing in the Enneagram forum? This type of error is so unlike Grey." But then I saw how the Enneagram was integrated into this, and I appreciated the cleverness. :proud:

And I don't burn popcorn.
 

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Five here, that's exactly why I burn it. :frustrating:
 
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Either I'm a man stuck in a woman's body or I don't have any shiny objects in my kitchen. :crazy:
I'm going to have to take this statement. What's with the gender bias on Type 7? :tongue:
 
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I am a type 7 male and I burn popcorn because I get distracted.
 
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Hah! this is me!

I get so absorbed in whatever I'm doing/thinking, I totally miss it. Thankfully, I've got it pretty near down to a science (2:13, if you please) so I won't burn it too often.
 
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Mayo is gross.

I should mention I actually like the taste of burnt popcorn.
 
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I was relieved of popcorn duty at the theater. I apparently don't have the necessary attention span to work this art form. /fail :(

This was pretty funny though.
 

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MOTM Jan 2010
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LIES! Making popcorn IS an art! Let me explain.

When microwaving popcorn, it is often a fact that the popcorn button LIES. You think that just because you pressed the button, it should come out perfectly. Right? WRONG. It can, and often will, still burn. If you have a microwave with a spinning plate, you must be sure that the popcorn continues to spin at all times. If it does not spin, you will burn a hole in the bottom of the bag. Another thing. You must listen to the timing of the pops carefully. If they are 3 seconds apart, take it out. I don't care if they're still popping. Take it out! It is better to not pop all of them then burn the ones you have. Also. Not all of the kernals will pop. Be aware of this. These are duds. Do not put them back in, trying to get them to pop. If you follow these careful steps, the popcorn shouldn't burn, right?

No! I still burn the fucking popcorn! What the Eff!

Ahem. Carry on.
 

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The only time I burned popcorn, I ended up getting detailed popcorn-cooking instructions from my INTJ E6 husband. Now I undercook it a little so I don't feel stooopid. :laughing:
 
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