[Mmmm]

Why does happiness seem so illusive?

I was asked one day by an advisor, "are you happy?" Happy? I thought, that's never been an equation in my life. I didn't think it was necessary for life, but I'm starting to wonder. I don't consider myself a "happy" person. Don't get me wrong, I've had moments of joy*, but that's not the same as happiness** IMO. Joy seems to be fleeting, moments in time, while happiness, is a deeper, internal contentment. Even if you define those words differently, the meaning I'm referring to, is the core of an individual's outlook/disposition. I've done research on the subject, & one of the sources^ cited these principles, as keys to happiness:

1. CONTENTMENT AND GENEROSITY
2. PHYSICAL HEALTH AND RESILIENCE
3. LOVE
4. FORGIVENESS
5. PURPOSE IN LIFE
6. HOPE

If you are happy & you know it, please share your experience in achieving this utopia? (I'm being facetious, with the word utopia, but I want to paint a picture of inner peace)
Please share stories of how you achieved happiness in your life?
Are happiness, contentment, satisfaction, important to you? If so, in what ways?

Or if you aren't happy, how can you apply these principles in your existence? What goals can you make personally?

I'm not necessarily referring to depression, because I don't think all unhappy people, are depressed. I could be wrong though, but I did put a footnote, for one type of depression below.+

My experience:

 

Melancholy is my, go to emotion. I certainly don't think I've been depressed my entire life, although I might be, now. If I am, it's probably, High Functioning/Walking/Smiling Depression, also know as dysthymia, (also called Persistent Depressive Disorder).+

1) I've always been generous with my time, energy, & resources. Yet, I still don't feel content within myself. Looking back over my life, I only remember one year where I felt everything fell into place, with no major issues, I was content most of that year.
2) My constitution has been strong over the years, both mental, physical, emotional, moral/spiritual, but I've always pushed myself to the limits of exhaustion. And now I feel tired constantly, spent in every way.
3) Love is a tricky one for me, because I've never felt loved. I know my family loves me in their own way, but it felt like toleration, rather than acceptance. I love my family, & friends, by helping them, caring for them, & being there for them, no matter what. Maybe it has to do with the Love Languages. I "feel" loved with: Acts of Service, Quality Time, & Physical Touch. My family, & friends, show love with Gifts, & Words. It's like we are never on the same page.
4) I heard Oprah say that, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." Maybe I'm still working on forgiveness then, because it still bothers me, that no one stepped up, & protected me as a child.
5) I thought my life had purpose, at least I was working towards that purpose, but now I feel a bit lost.
6) When I had a purpose, I also had a strong hope. Now, I don't know if I have either.

How come, when I had a purpose, a measure of health, was volunteering, I still didn't feel happy? This was before I knew, there was anything to forgive. I thought circumstances, & people in my life were unchangeable, so I accepted it for what it was. I've been a spiritual person, had success academically, & held a job throughout my adult life. It was in recent years, when I found out that everything I experienced negatively in my life, could have been avoided or prevented, my world kind of collapsed at that point. Two family members were diagnosed as Bipolar, with clinical depression, PTSD, & Social anxiety. If they had gotten help years earlier, life would have been so different. Hence, this is where forgiveness plays a new role in my life.

In order to reach the goal of being happy, I need to transfer my dreams, into goals in order to move ahead. My "if's" to happiness are as follows:
1) Moving far enough away from my family, that I would need to get on a bus, or plane to see them. Physical distance might help me regain boundaries. That way I don't have to be a caregiver for the rest of my life.
2) Having my own space, will help me refocus on what I need, & what I want, not just on others needs/wants.
3) True independence will make me feel free. I've always been independent, in that I've taken care of myself, however someone has always been dependent on me, which makes me feel imprisoned.
4) A better paying job, will make me financially stable. I'm half way there now, but it's taking longer to achieve.
5) This one is not really in my control, if it happens great, if not then, oh well. But I would like to have a romantic relationship, for companionship, affection, & sexual fulfillment.

^https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...01609/5-proven-truths-about-finding-happiness

High Functioning/Walking/Smiling Depression, Dysthymia, (also called Persistent Depressive Disorder) Video+

 

^https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-guest-room/201411/smiling-depression

*Joy- the general definition is, "a feeling of great pleasure & happiness"
**Happiness- is "contentment & satisfaction"

 

[series0]

This is a very cool question, and one that I really resonate with. Thank you for asking.

Why does happiness seem so illusive?

The simple answer will not make the unwise very happy either. But it remains the truth. Happiness is THE most elusive goal there is.

I can only assume you meant elusive when you said illusive. But you probably made a monstrous play on words there by doing so. Well done, even if by accident. Illusive means illusory or deceptive. I agree that happiness can seem illusive as well as elusive. But that is because you are chasing disingenuous happiness and not whole happiness. This is a fact only the truly wise can understand.

I was asked one day by an advisor, "are you happy?" Happy? I thought, that's never been an equation in my life.

Interesting that you say 'equation'. You must be a thinker, a fear type. Yet and still, fear is a big part of love and alignment with love is the single source of all happiness, so it is an equation. An unrestrained fear though, a dependence on logic and order, will fail you. Restrained fear takes the courage of anger and the direction of desire to work.

I didn't think it was necessary for life, but I'm starting to wonder. I don't consider myself a "happy" person.

Your judgement will imprison you. That is order again, the bars of your prison, the limits of your courage against fear.

Don't get me wrong, I've had moments of joy*, but that's not the same as happiness** IMO. Joy seems to be fleeting, moments in time, while happiness, is a deeper, internal contentment. Even if you define those words differently, the meaning I'm referring to, is the core of an individual's outlook/disposition.

You are precisely correct here. And it very well said. Joy is caused by fear. Does that seem odd? It is though. Fear, the emotion of the past bleeds into anger, the emotion of the present tense. Amid that flux is fear challenged. Thus the fearful, in defiance of fear, leaps into the fray anyway and risks all. This is joy defined, the risk of living. But that is only fear, just barely meeting anger. It is wonderful. But it is not whole love.

I've done research on the subject, & one of the sources^ cited these principles, as keys to happiness:

1. CONTENTMENT AND GENEROSITY
2. PHYSICAL HEALTH AND RESILIENCE
3. LOVE
4. FORGIVENESS
5. PURPOSE IN LIFE
6. HOPE

None of those is important but love. Love includes all others.

If you are happy & you know it, please share your experience in achieving this utopia? (I'm being facetious, with the word utopia, but I want to paint a picture of inner peace)

Love is the only conclusion. All else is delusion.

I could drown you in a sea of platitudes. But what good is that? It's fantastic, I promise, but you have to know what they mean, how to take them.

The enneagram is the best guide to love that there is in orderly form. A person who understands the enneagram is even better as they can relate the message as a proximal frame of reference to you, one living human to another.

You made your list above. Re-make it. Love is all. That is the top level. Then there is fear, anger, and desire. That is the primal level as I call it. Then there are 9 total virtue themed areas that together sum up all of love, all of morality. Nothing is missing in that model.

Your revelations about joy above relate only to enneatype 7 and that is why joy is not all of love. Your other words in your list correspond vaguely to some other virtues, and then you have love oddly in that same list although love is a meta concept beyond all the other elements. So your hierarchy is not correct and that will do nothing but confuse you.

Please share stories of how you achieved happiness in your life?

It is actually immoral to say that one is happy completely. The implication is that one is perfect and that is delusional. Life to be moral, must be the ongoing unending pursuit of perfection, even though it can never arrive at perfection. Amid that flux only is happiness to be found in greater or lesser measure depending on the alignment with love as a whole concept. Miss even one virtue and the happiness is lessened greatly.

With love a guide and its intrinsic reward of happiness for each virtue properly practiced, how do people fail? They fail because they over stress some virtues and fail miserably at others. This is NOT aligned with love. The balance is off. Yet the imbalanced immoral actor is still getting the strong reward from that virtue as a part of love. Like an addict they keep pressing the one button they know. It is addiction defined, and not a proper and balanced love.

Maximized and balanced, fear, anger, and desire, amid an unending pursuit of perfection, happiness is also maximized. That is all.

Are happiness, contentment, satisfaction, important to you? If so, in what ways?

Contentment and satisfaction are immoral traps.

I am quoted all the time as saying, 'Satisfaction equals death.' An orgasm is called the little death. Why is that? No. Satisfaction assumes perfection has been achieved. That is immoral. Properly, one must remain hungry, in flow, never satisfied, always challenging the self and others to better themselves and resonate more love. This is the holy right, the virtue of challenge, defined. I am enneatype 8 myself, the challenger. It is much of what I do.

Satisfaction equals death.

Happiness however, remains the most important thing. Happiness, whole happiness, is your guide to moral practice, amid love, something you cannot escape. Love is objective so this is truth unchanging. Only you can change. Love is a proper tyranny. It cares nothing for your opinion, and demands the right choice from you, or you will suffer. That is the purpose of love, to guide all to the right choice, via happiness and suffering. The concept of FLOW shows this truth nicely. Amid FLOW, love, there is happiness found and satisfaction properly avoided. Hence the purpose for suffering to earn wisdom.

 

[changos]

Why does happiness seem so illusive?

It's been said it's like a cat's tail, the more the cat goes after it the more it fails, but the more the cat focus on walking, the tail goes right behind him. I can't talk about every case because the water is not cold if you can't fell it. You can have all the circumstances to be happy but it has to click on you, it's personal, and on another page: it also depends on certain chemicals on your body, but it's a long road ahead.

If you are happy & you know it, please share your experience in achieving this utopia? (I'm being facetious, with the word utopia, but I want to paint a picture of inner peace)
Please share stories of how you achieved happiness in your life?
Are happiness, contentment, satisfaction, important to you? If so, in what ways?

From INTJ to INTJ, I've given this a lot of thinking, sometimes I believe we are wired in a certain way. My happiness has been long lasting, waterproof, like a drug too, so stable and constant I rarely look for things "to make me happy" I am happy. I see a lot of people trying to experience or have things to "be happy" but that doesn't ring a bell inside of me, I look for experiences to experience stuff, or certain purposes (to solve something, to understand, etc) just that.

Happiness in my case it's not just something I have achieved, it's just my general natural state. And yes it's important, just like the sun, but not seeing the sun doesn't mean it's not there (it won't be visible forever, like at night). Besides I kinda enjoy other emotions too (sadness... sometimes, somehow). I've read stuff I enjoy and agree with, that a huge problem is how people want to be happy and hold on to that, but when they are sad they want to avoid it (stupidly). That's just like wanting to be warm and hating the cold. Yes we all want warm feelings and emotions but when I'm sad I don't runaway from it, and when I'm cold I embrace it. There is great literature about the pain of pursuing happiness and running away from anything else (J.Peterson has been covering this a lot) Or take a look at A Town Called Malice (The Jam).

Origins of my happiness? here it goes

 

After a lot of thinking in my life I think my grandparents are the key. They come from poor origins but they always looked happy, it's like "we have each other" was more than enough. This allowed me to learn the many things you can loose in life and still be confident, happy, strong.

Yet, I also have a rock climber background. Ever watched or got to know any rock climbers? what's the relation? get to know one, it seems we are always happy, with such a great emotion for being alive, so strong we even risk our lives for joy and intensity. I have mountaineering and rock climbing background and I've been asked many times WHY, you come back in pieces, but hey, to me it's like being born again, can't explain it. If one of those journeys was pure joy and rainbows, it would be boring to me, the challenge it's joy too.

Sometimes I just can't explain it, I can't. And I've said many times before "I could die right now anytime, I'm happy, life has been good" and no life has not been perfect. I experienced shit that put my happiness to the test, yet the memory of my grandparents and my memories traveling to the mountains teach me I can survive with a knife and whatever roof over my head, I don't loose calm and yes I've been in difficult situations.

Yet... I know unhappiness. After certain extent (years) living with my mother proved intoxicating, the same with a GF I had (also a narcissist), their poison can be really powerful to turn off almost any light of hope, their negativity, the "oh nothing is right in my life" specially after you move mountains to make them happy and the answer goes something like "didn't they have it in pink???" those are the darkest days of my life and it took me some time to get out of there even that I didn't leve there anymore.

You can keep your emotions at certain level regardless of, but there are situations, people... who you don't mess with or the sky will go black, seriously. I share this because it might be related to your questions.

 

[changos]

Remember, intjs can be known for daydreaming, our mental simulator release chemicals, provides happiness or joy just to think, but it also depends what you think. The rest of the post sorry but it's too long and complex (yes I have comments on it) but it would be too long, such things apply for coffee or a long walk in my opinion. I mean I can address every point one by one. I will try to go straight to the point.

I also love melancholy, don't know why but it feels good. Also, remember these discussions demand calibration, emotions are not like colors we can all refer to with clarity, it takes talking to know when two people feel the same thing. My experience says it takes a bit more talk about other things than just depression or happiness, like

are you doing what you enjoy? are you sure you tried enough things to know what you do enjoy? do you live surrounded by positive people? or at least there is NO negative people around? do you face constant challenges (that drain you?) or that motivate you?

Love is a tricky one for me, because I've never felt loved.
love... love is too complex to get it in here, but feeling loved and cared about is very important to our personal development, I invite you to read some psychology about that, we are WIRED to feel loved by your parents, the problem is when we are not actively (really) loved but we are pushed to think "oh yes they love you" that's like programming a computer but failing with the 1 and zero, binary is the basis of computers.

no one stepped up, & protected me as a child.
HA I've been there. Well, this is not easy, might be a long road ahead (on your own) or easier helped by the right people (therapist, psychologist, or just PLAIN WISE PEOPLE who care about you), usually when we grow up like that we select alternative figures like super heroes or other relatives.

I thought my life had purpose, at least I was working towards that purpose, but now I feel a bit lost.
Caretakers and caregivers seem common among INTJs, in this forum people rarely talk about it, the thing is, having the background you shared with me, might be possible you are more used to taking care of people than taking care of you (I've been there) and this usually means WHEN someone tells you here is 1 billion dollars what do you want? well you usually have ZERO needs because most of your life is based on satisfying other people needs (specific people needs). What I mean is, we might get lost into human doing rather than human being.

You are valuable just for being there, doing nothing, and you are valuable for what you do too. Yes we all have purposes but even resting has a purpose, but this might be confused as "doing nothing" when you are too hard on yourself.

Damn Mmmm many things you write sound like coming out of my head, in present or past time.

When I was coming out of this X bad relationship a good friend (psychologist) helped me and after long talks he asked me to list 10 things I wanted, needed or just "wanted". Sounded easy huh? most people say "a car, a boat, a plane, a house, etc" and they write 20 items. Me? I need nothing. Damn, things I seriously (not joking) need... it was difficult so he addressed: you have been taking care of people too long. The result is "your -self- kinda disappear and you loose contact with your needs. Can you make a 10 item list?

Listen I believe a lot can be achieved by the person itself, but having someone pointing you in the same directions saves you years of wandering. Consider talking to someone, remember, writing so much info can be draining.

 

[Surreal Snake]

Because people reject it. They do not want it. If they chose happiness they would have it. Some people love their misery there is more attention in it. Happiness is a choice

 

[Kaznos]

I haven't yet read your entire post and the other answers, so sorry if these things were already mentioned.
IMHO happiness is merely a byproduct. Chasing it won't really lead you anywhere and you won't be happy at the end either. If you are allowed to dwell more than 5 minutes on the topic, you will be able to come up with a bunch of different thing that suggests you aren't happy ('I mean I live a generally meaningful life, but are the things that I do really my true purpose? What if I would have been happier if...').

 

[Euclid]

In short, give it up.
Ultimately, chase not happiness, but become worthy of it.
https://bigthink.com/praxis/kants-foolproof-recipe-for-happiness

 

[Mmmm]

Remember, intjs can be known for daydreaming, our mental simulator release chemicals, provides happiness or joy just to think, but it also depends what you think. The rest of the post sorry but it's too long and complex (yes I have comments on it) but it would be too long, such things apply for coffee or a long walk in my opinion. I mean I can address every point one by one. I will try to go straight to the point.

When I was coming out of this X bad relationship a good friend (psychologist) helped me and after long talks he asked me to list 10 things I wanted, needed or just "wanted". Sounded easy huh? most people say "a car, a boat, a plane, a house, etc" and they write 20 items. Me? I need nothing. Damn, things I seriously (not joking) need... it was difficult so he addressed: you have been taking care of people too long. The result is "your -self- kinda disappear and you loose contact with your needs. Can you make a 10 item list?

I had made a list, just for fun:
https://www.personalitycafe.com/entertainment-plaza/1293547-what-would-you-do-5-million-dollars.html

 

[changos]

I had made a list, just for fun:
https://www.personalitycafe.com/entertainment-plaza/1293547-what-would-you-do-5-million-dollars.html

Well that's good for fun, we all can do that, but you know what I mean, feel like I wasted my time on my post about your emotions. Good luck with your 5 millions then. Perhaps (even in fun) it works easy for you if it's just about money, what about everything else? well money can buy and fix almost anything, too bad your budget goes around 5 millions.

I'm happy with 10 cents. It's like common wisdom: if you can't have it learn to build it, fix it or learn to live without it. Or like "El Topo" you can win over me because you can't take anything that I would happily give on my own, so then, I have nothing, nothing is mine and nothing can be taken away from me. Well something like that.

 

[Mmmm]

Well that's good for fun, we all can do that, but you know what I mean, feel like I wasted my time on my post about your emotions. Good luck with your 5 millions then. Perhaps (even in fun) it works easy for you if it's just about money, what about everything else? well money can buy and fix almost anything, too bad your budget goes around 5 millions.

I'm happy with 10 cents. It's like common wisdom: if you can't have it learn to build it, fix it or learn to live without it. Or like "El Topo" you can win over me because you can't take anything that I would happily give on my own, so then, I have nothing, nothing is mine and nothing can be taken away from me. Well something like that.

The list was just for fun. :tongue: It's never about money. I've made plenty of serious lists, including the ones on this thread, to sort through deep-seated thoughts, & feelings, because I'm always looking to improve myself. I may not always be successful, but I am trying.

 

[Mick Travis]

I find happiness in the love our cats give. I used to find happiness in escapism, but that's a sign of unhappiness. My happiness has always been dependent on the happiness of others. I see the world in a state of suffering. This has been my life's catch phrase...

 

[Sparky]

You just have to be happy, no matter the situation. Only by being happy can you do happy things. You can't do happy things when you are sad. You can find more information about it here: Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch

 

[aiyanah]

happiness is a gear/mode of being where you are grounded enough in your self to be selfless to the world and not be overwhelmed by it.
akin to having a purpose lol.

 

[Mmmm]

I think it's good to focus on the positive things in your life.

I'm very thankful/grateful for my group of friends. This month, 4 of them, have really gone out of their way, to show me, they love me. It's good to have their support. They took me to eat, to a hockey game, gave me gifts, a heartfelt card, & sent me texts, all for no reason, other than, they thought of me. :kitteh:



@changos I appreciate your insights, & value your judgement. Your honesty is refreshing, I think you are, a very caring, & sweet person.

 

[crazitaco]

"Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product of a life well-lived."- Eleanor Roosevelt
"The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness."- Lulu

The meaning of the first quote is basically that if you live life pursuing happiness, then you have your priorities wrong. Instead of trying to make yourself happy, pursue purpose, something beyond you and your needs. It's harder than it sounds, especially if your pursuit of purpose conflicts with your idea of personal happiness.

The second quote is similar. Although I tend to think of it it terms of not only being a source of internal unhappiness, but a source of all suffering as well. The pursuit of one's own happiness has a cascading effect on the world around them. One person's small contribution of selfishness might not be much, but when everyone lives by the life philosophy of "pursue personal happiness" the effects are amplified. And that's why the world is the way it is.

Personally, I do feel as though I live with my life purpose and feel a sense of contentment, despite what some who just see me as a grumpy face because I'm "negative" may think.

 

[VinnieBob]

 

[Cal]

Why does happiness seem so illusive?

I was asked one day by an advisor, "are you happy?" Happy? I thought, that's never been an equation in my life. I didn't think it was necessary for life, but I'm starting to wonder. I don't consider myself a "happy" person. Don't get me wrong, I've had moments of joy*, but that's not the same as happiness** IMO. Joy seems to be fleeting, moments in time, while happiness, is a deeper, internal contentment.

No, it is not. They are literally *synonyms! Happiness doesn't always last for long periods of time you know. It is common for moments of happiness to only last for a short amount of time, especially in certain situations.

Even if you define those words differently, the meaning I'm referring to, is the core of an individual's outlook/disposition. I've done research on the subject, & one of the sources^ cited these principles

A blog is not a great source of information(even some of the blogs on psychology today).Try looking for an article another source next time, such as the apa, for example.

, as keys to happiness:

1. CONTENTMENT AND GENEROSITY
2. PHYSICAL HEALTH AND RESILIENCE
3. LOVE
4. FORGIVENESS
5. PURPOSE IN LIFE
6. HOPE

If you are happy & you know it, please share your experience in achieving this utopia? (I'm being facetious, with the word utopia, but I want to paint a picture of inner peace)
Please share stories of how you achieved happiness in your life?
Are happiness, contentment, satisfaction, important to you? If so, in what ways?

Or if you aren't happy, how can you apply these principles in your existence? What goals can you make personally?

I'm not necessarily referring to depression, because I don't think all unhappy people, are depressed. I could be wrong though, but I did put a footnote, for one type of depression below.+

My experience:

 

Melancholy is my, go to emotion. I certainly don't think I've been depressed my entire life, although I might be, now. If I am, it's probably, High Functioning/Walking/Smiling Depression, also know as dysthymia, (also called Persistent Depressive Disorder).+

Please do not self diagnose.

1) I've always been generous with my time, energy, & resources. Yet, I still don't feel content within myself. Looking back over my life, I only remember one year where I felt everything fell into place, with no major issues, I was content most of that year.

Yeah, that is normal. Generosity isn't something that gives everyone, let alone a large number of people self content.

2) My constitution has been strong over the years, both mental, physical, emotional, moral/spiritual, but I've always pushed myself to the limits of exhaustion. And now I feel tired constantly, spent in every way.

Pushing yourself to the limits of exhaustion is not healthy, and would likely lead to less feelings of happiness in general.

3) Love is a tricky one for me, because I've never felt loved. I know my family loves me in their own way, but it felt like toleration, rather than acceptance. I love my family, & friends, by helping them, caring for them, & being there for them, no matter what. Maybe it has to do with the Love Languages. I "feel" loved with: Acts of Service, Quality Time, & Physical Touch. My family, & friends, show love with Gifts, & Words. It's like we are never on the same page.
4) I heard Oprah say that, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." Maybe I'm still working on forgiveness then, because it still bothers me, that no one stepped up, & protected me as a child.

Forgiveness barely has anything to do with happiness. While for some, they may see it as the first step to moving on from the past, a lot of people have already gone on to do this without forgiving those who have done wrong to them.

5) I thought my life had purpose, at least I was working towards that purpose, but now I feel a bit lost.

That is because your life does not have purpose, nor does anyone's life in general.

6) When I had a purpose, I also had a strong hope. Now, I don't know if I have either.

You mean when you thought you had purpose, but nobody has purpose.

How come, when I had a purpose, a measure of health, was volunteering, I still didn't feel happy? This was before I knew, there was anything to forgive. I thought circumstances, & people in my life were unchangeable, so I accepted it for what it was. I've been a spiritual person, had success academically, & held a job throughout my adult life. It was in recent years, when I found out that everything I experienced negatively in my life, could have been avoided or prevented, my world kind of collapsed at that point. Two family members were diagnosed as Bipolar, with clinical depression, PTSD, & Social anxiety. If they had gotten help years earlier, life would have been so different. Hence, this is where forgiveness plays a new role in my life.

In order to reach the goal of being happy, I need to transfer my dreams, into goals in order to move ahead. My "if's" to happiness are as follows:
1) Moving far enough away from my family, that I would need to get on a bus, or plane to see them. Physical distance might help me regain boundaries. That way I don't have to be a caregiver for the rest of my life.
2) Having my own space, will help me refocus on what I need, & what I want, not just on others needs/wants.
3) True independence will make me feel free. I've always been independent, in that I've taken care of myself, however someone has always been dependent on me, which makes me feel imprisoned.
4) A better paying job, will make me financially stable. I'm half way there now, but it's taking longer to achieve.
5) This one is not really in my control, if it happens great, if not then, oh well. But I would like to have a romantic relationship, for companionship, affection, & sexual fulfillment.

^https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...01609/5-proven-truths-about-finding-happiness

High Functioning/Walking/Smiling Depression, Dysthymia, (also called Persistent Depressive Disorder) Video+

 

^https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-guest-room/201411/smiling-depression

*Joy- the general definition is, "a feeling of great pleasure & happiness"
**Happiness- is "contentment & satisfaction"

*1 second google search later*

 

"joy
/joi/Submit
noun
1.
a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
"tears of joy"
synonyms: delight, great pleasure, joyfulness, jubilation, triumph, exultation, rejoicing, happiness, gladness, glee, exhilaration, exuberance, elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy, rapture; More"

I feel as though happiness is determined by things that an individual may find pleasure in doing, rather than it being found in being generous, forgiving, etc. A six year old is not going to be happy helping his sister clean her room, despite it being considered an act of kindness and generosity, but they may find happiness in playing games with her. Though physical health would definitely have it's role in helping to possibly increase happiness, the rest of the stuff you listed may only apply to certain individuals. I think that happiness is more so connected to things such as your living standards, money, health(both mental and physical), the current situation you are in, things you find pleasure in(hobbies, interests, etc), etc.

I am personally am not the happiest camper out there. I have got no principles to apply to my life and have no actual goals either. I have tried setting goals for myself but I am never able to reach them, so why bother. All I do with my existence is eat pizza while watching Bojack Horseman and Magi(the only anime I have tried and liked). Now that is what I call, "EXISTING".

 

[Mammon]

See how the Sun's light plays on the leaves of trees in Fall. See how the Sun's light penetrates early morning mists and tree branches and reflects on grass dow in winter. Feel and smell the cold air as you inhale, and look at it as you exhale. The experience of life is happiness. It is all there to enjoy but you choose to not look at it. You say to yourself 'this is not it' and onward you go until something else passes your way and again you say 'this is not it'. Than what is it? Something elusively hidden on a far away planet in a far away galaxy hidden between the rubble and ruins of a long gone civilization. Everything crumbled as they kept on searching. It was always around the the next corner, if only they could get a glimpse of it then they would know.

Enjoy the horizon instead of chasing it. Happiness is only fleeting if you are.

 

[ENFPathetic]

Because people are lazy and entitled. Most people want happiness but don't even care to invest the time it takes to properly define it for themselves let alone work for it. Think of people who want to be strong and healthy, but they don't want to break a sweat or give up their strawberry cheesecake dinners. People want to have it all without working for anything.

As far as sincere people are concerned, happiness, like good health, is more often than not, easily accessible.

 

[AngryGroceries]

OP I pretty much relate with your post word for word.

Personally I don't think there's ever been a moment in my life where I havent been depressed. It's just life for me. I also dont like the concept of simply 'being' happy. I can respect the pursuit of happiness, though. So many perpetually happy people seem so empty when I try to talk to them about things... its like to keep happiness you need to pull a veil over your eyes and disillusion yourself to the state of the word. But at the same time they are infinitely more productive than me almost always, so there is clearly more real world value to their state of being than mine. I'd like to think my poor opinion of happiness is just a rationalization to not change myself, but I really have genuinely tried for years, but I always just feel this massive pit of emptiness in my chest regardless of what I do. I'd rather own it than paint a smileyface on that shell.

Happiness is meant to be elusive anyway. It's a motivator set to drive you towards specific goals. IDK if anyone knows what the proper balance is but I would love the chance to talk to someone whos literally made it their career to study such things.