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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I'm asking this here because if I ask him straight up, I'm not entirely expecting an honest answer. And you might think the answer is obvious. It's possible I'm a little blinded by my feelings for this person.

Long story short I've been talking to someone I met online but haven't met in person for the last 4-5 years. We've talked on the phone countless times and have cammed, and I plan on a surprise visit once I get paid vacation time at work. However, a part of me is suspecting he only talks to me as a means to get nudes.

We talk about a lot of other things, too. And it's almost hard for me to think that's all he wants because of how genuine his feelings for me seem to be. He could very well just be an extremely sexual/visual person whereas I'm not so much. But he has brought it up probably like 5-6 times in all those years. I sent him one where I was in lingerie, not out of pressure but because I wanted to appease him a bit and it wasn't a big deal for me to send just that one. However that just made him wish he was seeing more. It is part self consciousness on my part. But it's also just the fact that I don't want to open myself up like that sexually to him just yet. I'd really rather wait until we meet up to see how that goes. When I care for someone, opening myself up that way is a result of my feelings, so if I were to find out that's all he cared about, I know that would hurt me deeply. I'm afraid that his persistence might be an indication that he doesn't ever want anything serious to happen/just wants to see me nude.

Any advice? Thanks in advance. I doubt this has anything to do with anything, but he typed as INTJ and I'm ISFP.
 

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This INTJ I was chatting/sexting with had it pretty high in his priorities for us to exchange pics. I didn't want to reveal too much either but I did settle for half-nudes without face and he sent me some juicy stuff too. My INTJ ex was also very into pics/cam when we were over long distance while my INTP boyfriend never cared for those even when I took initiative and sent him my cooch without any warning. Might be Se related from an MBTI perspective.

I'm not entirely sure I understand just how sexual your relationship is though.
If you don't want to reveal more that's of course your choice and overall he seems like he respects it, 5-6 times in ~5 years isn't a lot I think. I don't think it's unusual that he's asking for more but I agree that if you want to meet with him before anything then it's likely the best way. If you are afraid of being recognized you can always send him pics without your face in.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
This INTJ I was chatting/sexting with had it pretty high in his priorities for us to exchange pics. I didn't want to reveal too much either but I did settle for half-nudes without face and he sent me some juicy stuff too. My INTJ ex was also very into pics/cam when we were over long distance while my INTP boyfriend never cared for those even when I took initiative and sent him my cooch without any warning. Might be Se related from an MBTI perspective.

I'm not entirely sure I understand just how sexual your relationship is though.
If you don't want to reveal more that's of course your choice and overall he seems like he respects it, 5-6 times in ~5 years isn't a lot I think. I don't think it's unusual that he's asking for more but I agree that if you want to meet with him before anything then it's likely the best way. If you are afraid of being recognized you can always send him pics without your face in.
Thank you for replying. :) And, it's moreso a fear I have that, if when we meet in person we find we don't have the same chemistry, it'll be like "Wow this person's seen me totally naked." I just want things in person to be as good as possible. And I don't really understand why he can't just wait til then. It's like, what is there to lose?
 

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I'd personally cut off all contact with anyone who pursued me for nude pictures that badly.

If he asks once, fine. But if you say no and he doesn't respect the fact that you're uncomfortable, cut off all contact.

He wants the nudes to share them.
 

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Thank you for replying. :) And, it's moreso a fear I have that, if when we meet in person we find we don't have the same chemistry, it'll be like "Wow this person's seen me totally naked." I just want things in person to be as good as possible. And I don't really understand why he can't just wait til then. It's like, what is there to lose?
Haha yea I can relate to that. From what I understand though, he may not care about that and he may just want to share that moment and live in the present (I think Se - horniness does that to INTJs). Your point of view is totally valid too though. Since you have plans to meet (I'm guessing he wants that too it won't be a complete surprise right?) it is perhaps prudent to wait. In my case the first guy was on the other side of the planet and the other INTJ was my boyfriend anyway so it wasn't entirely the same.
Have you discussed this with him at all?
 

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I don't understand.

Why does he want nudes so bad...
So bad?

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if I ask him straight up, I'm not entirely expecting an honest answer.
This means you never asked directly. And you don't expect an honest answer, is ok but still never approached the matter directly.

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...4-5 years
....
But he has brought it up probably like 5-6 times in all those years
5 years = 60 months. 6 times? that's one conversation about it every 10 months. I don't see it "so bad"

I'm afraid that his persistence might be an indication that he doesn't ever want anything serious to happen/just wants to see me nude.
I've seen situations (and been in them) where someone thinks... me or someone else is focused on wanting something intensively when it just was a common topic on a conversation, or even so, that me or another person gets what's "supposedly wanted" already here, there, elsewhere, but *the other person is convinced* me/someone else is focused on her. I know this doesn't sound good but seeing someone nude is way easier than years ago, I think there are other possibilities on what's happening.

Any advice? Thanks in advance. I doubt this has anything to do with anything, but he typed as INTJ and I'm ISFP.
I can't take it as type related, I would consider this more male and AGE related, we all want to see naked women but there is a chapter in life when it's like a need.

Other than that, asking for advice? I think you are fine keeping what you consider personal: personal. To some it means nothing showing the body, breasts, etc online, on chat, etc, to some it is very important. Now that this is your case then it looks ok to me because it is important to you, a personal and emotional matter. Other than that I would say as always: careful on your emotions regarding long distant relationships over so many years.
 

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Would rather he was jerking off to pictures of you or someone else?
 
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This is a pretty dumb question TBH. He wants your nudes so he can jack off to them. Human beings are sexual creatures. It feels good to masturbate. It feels better to masturbate to pics of someone you actually know who is actually happy about you masturbating to them. Not rocket science here.
 

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Nudes can also be used to blackmail you. He can send them to your friends, family members, employer, etc. He can sabotage your future relationships by sending them to future boyfriends/husband. If his intentions are totally innocent but he shares the pictures and they get posted online then anyone who recognizes you can use the pictures to try to ruin your life.
 
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Nudes can also be used to blackmail you. He can send them to your friends, family members, employer, etc. He can sabotage your future relationships by sending them to future boyfriends/husband. If his intentions are totally innocent but he shares the pictures and they get posted online then anyone who recognizes you can use the pictures to try to ruin your life.
Not that anyone wants their naked pictures sent to people, but your life definitely isn't going to get ruined over some nude pic. It will be a little embarrassing, but people understand this shit and they certainly aren't going to blame YOU for it they will blame the douchebag who sent it. Also, it's illegal to do so and all you have to do is call the cops and that dude is going to jail so it's not like you have no recourse here. You get embarrassed, they get a jail sentence.
 

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Not that anyone wants their naked pictures sent to people, but your life definitely isn't going to get ruined over some nude pic.
You never know how people are going to react. It doesn't seem that uncommon to me that people lose their relationship or get fired from their job for having nudes floating around online. News stories about such firings are abundant and easy to find.

Revenge porn laws vary by state and it's nowhere near as simple as "call the cops and that dude is going to jail."

 

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Discussion Starter #17 (Edited)
Would rather he was jerking off to pictures of you or someone else?
Tf. Not like people in relationships don't watch porn. Way to try and guilt trip someone/threaten them into doing something they don't want to, bruh.

This is a pretty dumb question TBH. He wants your nudes so he can jack off to them. Human beings are sexual creatures. It feels good to masturbate. It feels better to masturbate to pics of someone you actually know who is actually happy about you masturbating to them. Not rocket science here.
OK just because you want something doesn't mean it's a necessity. I can understand that, asshat. I don't understand asking multiple times despite the fact that each time, you get the same result.

And not all humans are sexual, nor do all the ones who are sexual get off on images of people. So maybe -- JUST maybe -- it's hard for me to understand cuz I'm NOT like that. Maybe.
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Will reply to the rest of these later. These are just the first ones I saw and I'm at work on a break right now.
 

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Honestly, nudes are like a quickie for male intimacy. It's not deeply emotional, but if he is actively talking to you and you've also shared nudes, it does feel more intimate. But only with the shared presence of conversation - not just asking for nudes in a vacuum.

In my experience, many women enjoy being lusted over at some level, as long as they like the guy and as long as the process is subtle (so as not to feel sleezy). The occassional seductive just-stepped-out-if the shower snap, or even midshower snap, is fun and exciting.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk
 

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> last 4-5 years.
>But he has brought it up probably like 5-6 times in all those years.


Am I fucking seeing things or are people fucking blind here?

He asks you for nudes for 5-6 times only in 4-5 fucking years. You've been with this guy for how long again?

What the fuck is wrong with this forum
 

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Tell him you want to meet him before you start sending nudes, if you haven't already. Then go from there.

Unless he is not interested in meeting you in person, I doubt he only wants nudes. You've been talking for years, he probably just feels by this time things should be moving in that direction. Sending him lingerie pics enforced that message, as you think.
 
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