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I'm only 19, so I can't say that I know much about life; yet something that really bothers me about our time is how much marriage is seen as something you probably shouldn't do. I understand that it can romanticized far too much and that it's far from perfect. However, whenever I see videos about why marriage is a bad idea, they always describe how it ties people down and takes away freedom. Shouldn't this be the opposite of what real love is? Whenever I think of someone ideal to marry, they would be a best friend, someone I trust beyond anything. It makes me depressed when I hear people say that you should never stay with someone forever and that love is just a false concept that isn't worth anything. Is my opinion in the minority? (I should mention that I'm not in a relationship right now, this is just my general opinion).
 

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Well, if society would be so wise, it wouldnt go down right now. People know nothing.

There is a lot going on in the background, that normal people dont realize. For example that behind marriage there is an industry, that earns a lot of money by convincing people to marry. But when you do it just because industry told you so, it does not come from heart and its doomed to fail. This is just one tiny example. There is a lot more.

If you think it makes you happy, go for it, no matter what others say.

PS: I saw you are INFJ. Well, your type is very rare. We are living in a ES world, IN people like you and me will always be the outsiders. Learn to deal with it.
 

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I'm only 19, so I can't say that I know much about life; yet something that really bothers me about our time is how much marriage is seen as something you probably shouldn't do. I understand that it can romanticized far too much and that it's far from perfect. However, whenever I see videos about why marriage is a bad idea, they always describe how it ties people down and takes away freedom. Shouldn't this be the opposite of what real love is? Whenever I think of someone ideal to marry, they would be a best friend, someone I trust beyond anything. It makes me depressed when I hear people say that you should never stay with someone forever and that love is just a false concept that isn't worth anything. Is my opinion in the minority? (I should mention that I'm not in a relationship right now, this is just my general opinion).
I think it's worth addressing where you're getting this impression from before we start trying to figure out the best answer to your question. If you feel this way because of videos online, then I would reconsider this belief because the online world is very different from the offline one. An easy way to check yourself is to ask "Would I believe/think this if I hadn't heard it online?". As you said, you're 19 years old and I mean no offense when I say this, but I think at that age you're extra susceptible to the various narratives one can find online. Since you stated that it makes you depressed to hear these viewpoints, I would consider stepping back and recognizing that these are ultimately just the opinions of a negligible sector of people. I think the words "modern culture" are also pretty hard to define.
 

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Also, to mention that it's based on an archaic tradition of effectively "gifting" a human like an object off to another person to use as they see fit.
 

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It doesn't. But it wants you to live your life to the fullest and for many it means not settling before 30.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
These are all really good points. I think I was overthinking it; it's just that it's more acceptable now to live out your life a little before choosing someone to stay with (if that's what the person wants of course). It's definitely important to be with someone because you genuinely want to be with them, not just because it's expected or what you're being pressured into by society. I have a bad habit of seeing a few arguments for something online and then assuming that the general population shares that viewpoint as well.
 

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The general population is constructed of the mass and the rulers that help the mass selfconvice they are governed instead of ruled. That generates the phenomena you're calling out.

I can say about my reflection relating to what occured to me during two anticlimatic outcomes, my share to that all in the sphere of selfwareness. But also how the ups made them a net positive experiences regardless.

As a man being married now twice, widower of the first wife and the dirvorce initiator for the second one, I have to admit the terminations of those two agreements did not influece me in any dramatically impactful manner.

Sure. It was hurtful to live through the experience of losing a loved one. Sure, it was a shock to have to let the othervone go bc of xwz differences. But as both of them were genuinely great women, nothing extravagantly disastrous happened to my life. Apart of the emotional turbulence that is rather inevitable at first.

I could've enforced more limited will power and freedom. Or channelled their focuses strategically elsewhere from what were the root causes of how the processes went. But, after giving it a while, I decided Id still offer them the same liberty to be themselves, even if I knew before hand that those outcomes would firmly occur.

But. Its been great times, apart of those finale's. We experienced a life the majority of the 1%ers only dream of having the courage to do. And what ever made the square rounder certainly served as character build ups and as founders stones for a more constant emotional stability. And at the end of a day, all those days and years made us who we are today.

Then life continued on. Slowly. Very, very slowly, but surely.

And to conclude. I have zero issues with marrying for the third time. But I would appreciate it to last decades or so.
 

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I do not know the answer to your question. One thing I do know is that quite a number of marital veterans look down on marriage. Adding “so much” ranges from adequate to a greatly inadequate descriptive term.

I’m not 19 and my experience with marriage will be 50 years next month. If I would have known what this was going to be like I would have fed myself to a crocodile before I’d say “I do.”
 

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These are all really good points. I think I was overthinking it; it's just that it's more acceptable now to live out your life a little before choosing someone to stay with (if that's what the person wants of course). It's definitely important to be with someone because you genuinely want to be with them, not just because it's expected or what you're being pressured into by society. I have a bad habit of seeing a few arguments for something online and then assuming that the general population shares that viewpoint as well.
If it means anything, I think most people have this habit. It's hard not to be effected by the messages you are taking in regardless of their source, which is why I think it's worth considering what we allow into our minds just as we would consider what we're eating and letting into our body.
 

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I'm only 19, so I can't say that I know much about life; yet something that really bothers me about our time is how much marriage is seen as something you probably shouldn't do. I understand that it can romanticized far too much and that it's far from perfect. However, whenever I see videos about why marriage is a bad idea, they always describe how it ties people down and takes away freedom. Shouldn't this be the opposite of what real love is? Whenever I think of someone ideal to marry, they would be a best friend, someone I trust beyond anything. It makes me depressed when I hear people say that you should never stay with someone forever and that love is just a false concept that isn't worth anything. Is my opinion in the minority? (I should mention that I'm not in a relationship right now, this is just my general opinion).
Now that I'm in a serious relationship (I'm 26), I desire to be married for the following reasons:
1. It's like a career for me. Choose one career (one guy) and spend a lifetime growing in the career/relationship. I'm highly monogamous so this concept appeals to me.
2. Legal purposes especially for the potential children.
3. The consequences are harsher should he behave mischievously (ie cheat on me).
4. Cultural and environmental factors. I usually don't care about the norms but my mind has been programmed to see marriage as the next step after finding a relationship you're comfortable in.
 

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It isn't. The vast majority of the population are or will marry. I wouldn't gauge public opinion from YouTube videos.

That being said:
1. Choosing to not marry isn't as taboo as it used to be
2. Getting married young is increasingly looked down upon in developed societies, and rightly so.
 

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Right away found a very fresh video from the hill:


Yep, some part of the society do not want people to marry anymore. They don't want family unit to prevail, for whatever reasons one could only guess.

The deconstructivists.

Sent sans PC
 

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And i have a long thread titled: Marriage is Universal, worth to have a peek into, in the critical thinking section of this forum. A section i no longer have access.

Wonder why. :unsure:

Sent sans PC
 

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I'm only 19, so I can't say that I know much about life; yet something that really bothers me about our time is how much marriage is seen as something you probably shouldn't do. I understand that it can romanticized far too much and that it's far from perfect. However, whenever I see videos about why marriage is a bad idea, they always describe how it ties people down and takes away freedom. Shouldn't this be the opposite of what real love is? Whenever I think of someone ideal to marry, they would be a best friend, someone I trust beyond anything. It makes me depressed when I hear people say that you should never stay with someone forever and that love is just a false concept that isn't worth anything. Is my opinion in the minority? (I should mention that I'm not in a relationship right now, this is just my general opinion).
Marriage is a really good idea, just not for men living in western countries in 2020. :laughing:


p.s

I took one look at the title and immediately I knew the op was female.
 

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I mean, for men that are getting pre traumatized from mgtow and see what *can* happen to a man in a divorce certainly doesnt help anything. and finding PLENTY of men that have gone throw some god awful divorces or are so whipped by their wives they are pretty much their bitch and afraid to leave becuase of divorce courts...

for young men that is the stuff they regular hear about in one way or another, and given that fear is such a strong emotion confirmation bias quickly forms and they can be easily blinded by find all of the "bad cases".

I think the worst ones i hear are where they get seperated from their kids and watch them grow up with other men and have the slowly get turned against them by their mothers and slowly losing them over years, having their hearts slowly torn asunder every time they pay child support.

So yeah, basically Mgtow philosophy plus horror stories like that are playing a big role im why marriage is looked down upon, i personally only know of maybe about 3 men that are happily married or atleast satisfied with their marriage, the rest complain about them and hate the decision they made and regret it.
 

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You know what's crazy about young men today? While my generation has avoided marriage, the younger generation of men, by large numbers, don't even seem interested in relationships or sex period. Talk about social fallout.


Just google "less sex generation".
 

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I'm only 19, so I can't say that I know much about life; yet something that really bothers me about our time is how much marriage is seen as something you probably shouldn't do. I understand that it can romanticized far too much and that it's far from perfect. However, whenever I see videos about why marriage is a bad idea, they always describe how it ties people down and takes away freedom. Shouldn't this be the opposite of what real love is? Whenever I think of someone ideal to marry, they would be a best friend, someone I trust beyond anything. It makes me depressed when I hear people say that you should never stay with someone forever and that love is just a false concept that isn't worth anything. Is my opinion in the minority? (I should mention that I'm not in a relationship right now, this is just my general opinion).
I'd say you have a healthier viewpoint than most, because strong relationships are the foundation of a strong society, along with the desire to form them. The issue is previous generations have really done a great job of destroying a lot of the incentive for these types of relationships to come into fruition through politics, legal regulation, divisive rhetoric, gender antagonization/demonization - making it more into a business transaction between two different parties than the formation of a team. Thus giving rise to the perception that exists today.
 
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