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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi Y'all,

Quick update on girl (potential ISFJ) situation before I dig into the topic at hand:
She's pretty certain she's an ISFJ and the profile fits her well (though she is definitely not fitting the stereotype -- polyamorous, unsure if she wants to ever get married, not interested in the whole "picket fence and wedding ring" idea). Otherwise, everything between us is going extremely well!

On to the topic at hand:

I befriend INFPs (and xNFPs in general) VERY easily. Initially, becoming friends is easy and the banter is great.

But over time, things always seem to turn sour. The INFP tends to find something about my INTJness very off-putting, and I something about their INFPness very repelling.

In the most recent situation (currently happening), I've made a VERY good lady friend (INFP). We are both in the same graduate program together, she invites me to EVERYTHING, and we really enjoy each other (her ENTJ boyfriend is really cool, too). I find her very understanding, extremely caring, and very non-judgmental and humble.

We are working on a final project together in a class that we are both doing extremely well. On our midterm papers, we both got A's, however, she received a comment that she could have done a LITTLE bit of a better job stating her problem. The comment I got from the professor was asking me to apply for the PhD program. She was actually very happy for me, but did recognize that she didn't receive such a glowing comment.

Anyway, same course, we are working together on a final paper. She did most of the research, as I REALLY messed up my eye when I planned on doing my part of the research. We made an agreement that she would take care of the presentation part of the research (I hate presenting), and I would write.

She made a VERY hard to follow outline where her citations were equally as difficult to follow. When it came down to writing, I just looked at sources and started to write the paper.

The next day, I got an email from her saying, "hey, I like what you've written, but please, stick to my outline. It's what the professor wants."

I have half a brain to say, "ummm.....our history with this professor is he very much likes my writing, but, OK."

This morning, I got an email where she, essentially, re-wrote my entire section of the paper. I'm a little upset.

On the other hand, I am working with an INTJ(?) woman on ANOTHER final paper. We turned it in today, and the experience was wonderful.

Is this just a thing that happens in the INTJ-INFP dynamic, or is it just that I don't have great luck with INFPs?
 

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Eh, introverted judging functions are highly subjective, whereas extroverted judging functions are objective. Basically, Fi and Ti tend to get really attached to their own ideas, so working with a partner can be a challenge to compromise (I really dislike group and partner projects for this reason.) On the other hand, Fe and Te are objective and can easier detach from subjective ideas and work towards the project itself rather than their ideas, hence why it's easy for you to work with the INTJ.

Just do your best to get through the project civilly while also not compromising on things that you feel strongly about. Just keep your own head cool and step out of the way if she lashes out. She's likely wrestling mostly with herself.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Eh, introverted judging functions are highly subjective, whereas extroverted judging functions are objective. Basically, Fi and Ti tend to get really attached to their own ideas, so working with a partner can be a challenge to compromise (I really dislike group and partner projects for this reason.) On the other hand, Fe and Te are objective and can easier detach from subjective ideas and work towards the project itself rather than their ideas, hence why it's easy for you to work with the INTJ.

Just do your best to get through the project civilly while also not compromising on things that you feel strongly about. Just keep your own head cool and step out of the way if she lashes out. She's likely wrestling mostly with herself.
Thank you for this.

The professor thinks VERY highly of me, and I'm sure if I don't get the grade I want, I can shoot him an email, explain that it wasn't my work, and I'm fairly certain he'd let me turn in my own work.

With that being said, we've been collaborating on a Google Doc. It shouldn't be hard to download my version of the paper and have it on hand if it comes down to me needing to produce my own work.
 

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Hi Y'all,

Quick update on girl (potential ISFJ) situation before I dig into the topic at hand:
She's pretty certain she's an ISFJ and the profile fits her well (though she is definitely not fitting the stereotype -- polyamorous, unsure if she wants to ever get married, not interested in the whole "picket fence and wedding ring" idea). Otherwise, everything between us is going extremely well!

On to the topic at hand:

I befriend INFPs (and xNFPs in general) VERY easily. Initially, becoming friends is easy and the banter is great.

But over time, things always seem to turn sour. The INFP tends to find something about my INTJness very off-putting, and I something about their INFPness very repelling.

In the most recent situation (currently happening), I've made a VERY good lady friend (INFP). We are both in the same graduate program together, she invites me to EVERYTHING, and we really enjoy each other (her ENTJ boyfriend is really cool, too). I find her very understanding, extremely caring, and very non-judgmental and humble.

We are working on a final project together in a class that we are both doing extremely well. On our midterm papers, we both got A's, however, she received a comment that she could have done a LITTLE bit of a better job stating her problem. The comment I got from the professor was asking me to apply for the PhD program. She was actually very happy for me, but did recognize that she didn't receive such a glowing comment.

Anyway, same course, we are working together on a final paper. She did most of the research, as I REALLY messed up my eye when I planned on doing my part of the research. We made an agreement that she would take care of the presentation part of the research (I hate presenting), and I would write.

She made a VERY hard to follow outline where her citations were equally as difficult to follow. When it came down to writing, I just looked at sources and started to write the paper.

The next day, I got an email from her saying, "hey, I like what you've written, but please, stick to my outline. It's what the professor wants."

I have half a brain to say, "ummm.....our history with this professor is he very much likes my writing, but, OK."

This morning, I got an email where she, essentially, re-wrote my entire section of the paper. I'm a little upset.

On the other hand, I am working with an INTJ(?) woman on ANOTHER final paper. We turned it in today, and the experience was wonderful.

Is this just a thing that happens in the INTJ-INFP dynamic, or is it just that I don't have great luck with INFPs?
Hmmm its either you know each other well or you don't. For example, i can be very open and bold (and sometimes sharp tounged to a fault) to people i am very comfortable with and there's no malice in my comments. However as infp i sometimes become defensive or sensitive when I feel that my "intent" or capabilities are questioned or challenged without discussing it properly with me. If the infp discusses it with you, that's a good sign. It means she trusts you enough to be open with you, as is in this email. You just have to maintain open communication and explain your side without sounding like you're questioning her intent or abilities.

I worked well with my previous supervisor who i believed to be intj. But then again im not sure if it was just me and If he could say the same thing about me

Forgive us if we become overly critical and sensitive when we're stressed. It's our weakness after all. I think that was the key component why i worked well with the intj supervisor - he seemed to able to bring my feet on the ground when he feels I'm stressed out (give away: critical or defensive) and he's going to talk to me about it and he's not going to take my comments personally. I actually love working with him.

This is a good article why infps become defensive :

INFP : Being Understood vs. Being Validated

INFPs face feeling misunderstood because no one could possibly ever know them as well as they know themselves.

The Authenticity process is a deep pool of nuanced self-awareness, and it’s truly impossible to communicate all the variety within themselves to another person.

If you peel back the layers, however, it’s not that INFPs have a challenge in being fully misunderstood. If anyone else ever actually ‘fully’ understood them that would actually be a bad sign – it would mean that the INFP had lost some of their individuality or that they’re dangerously close to being too similar to other people.

There may be some pride around being inscrutable. At the very least it’s a sign that they’ve not lost their uniqueness.

So, if it’s not full understanding an INFP wants, what is it that they’re seeking?

Imagine that the criteria you use to make all of your decision is perpetually questioned by nearly every person you encounter. And now add to that the phenomenon that you usually don’t know the best decision to make until after you’ve already made it. To put a cherry on top, it’s based on something you can’t possibly explain to another person (because it has no language) AND once you know the right decision, you know it with such certainty that you would die for it.

But you still can’t quite explain it beyond, “It just FEELS right.”

It’s extremely easy for people of other types to marginalize this process, and nothing is more maddening to have your mental wiring – one of the primary sources of ‘identity’ – marginalized.

Authenticity uses ‘intent’ as one of its primary calibrations for whether or not a decision is right, for both themselves and for others. Oftentimes when an INFP gets sensitive or defensive it’s because they think their intent is being called into question. When INFPs feel marginalized they can also feel others insinuating bad motive.

As in, if you’re insistent on making this choice but you can’t fully explain to me ‘why’, then you must be being selfish or have other bad motive.

When an INFP feels “misunderstood,” it could be more accurately stated that they feel marginalized, discounted and believe others are questioning their motives.

The antidote to this isn’t ‘understanding’ them better. Most INFPs would say no one could ever truly understand them, anyway. The real antidote is validating their process of making decisions.

As in: “I don’t have to agree with you. I don’t have to know why you believe or feel the way you do. When I tell you that you have every right to feel the way you do, and make decisions based on those feelings, I trust that you have positive intent.”

If you can sincerely communicate that to an INFP they will love you forever.

Source : personality hacker


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Thank you for this.

The professor thinks VERY highly of me, and I'm sure if I don't get the grade I want, I can shoot him an email, explain that it wasn't my work, and I'm fairly certain he'd let me turn in my own work.

With that being said, we've been collaborating on a Google Doc. It shouldn't be hard to download my version of the paper and have it on hand if it comes down to me needing to produce my own work.
Just a thought, your professor will likely already suspect it's not your work. If I were you, I'd wait and see if he divulges that suspicion on his own before basically "complaining" about your partner situation. That way, you also display a certain quality of character in addition to your academic ability. I'm sure your professor has a good idea of what each student's work looks like.
 

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Is this just a thing that happens in the INTJ-INFP dynamic, or is it just that I don't have great luck with INFPs?
Neither both. You write the paper in a way the professor wants, but she could not understand, so she simply rewrote the paper so that she could handle the presentation. Something that is easy for you may not be easy for her. To handle the dynamic, you are suggested to state your concern genuinely to INFP and be prepared to receive equally genuine concern from her. Better yet, learn to do presentation even if you hate it.
 
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Thank you for this.

The professor thinks VERY highly of me, and I'm sure if I don't get the grade I want, I can shoot him an email, explain that it wasn't my work, and I'm fairly certain he'd let me turn in my own work.

With that being said, we've been collaborating on a Google Doc. It shouldn't be hard to download my version of the paper and have it on hand if it comes down to me needing to produce my own work.
ouch. it's not like i know the right way to navigate this, but look at the contrast between ^^what comes across here about your priorities ^^

and what you say here:

I find her very understanding, extremely caring, and very non-judgmental and humble.
so maybe that's why things 'always' seem to go wrong? i don't know what you're like outside the scope of this thread, but you seem to respect and like her for having exactly the qualities that aren't what you prioritize your own self.

not trying to be judgey about it. just thinking that one of my problems with infps seems to be that we contrast too much. while my 'strengths' are valuable to them, or their 'strengths' are of value to me, things are fine. but when there comes time for a crossover, neither of us seems very willing or able to cut the other enough slack FOR the qualities that are so convenient when they're convenient, and such a pain when they're not.
 
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