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Just found out I'm an INFP a few days ago. I can describe how excited and relieved I am!! I bet you all remember the moment when you realized that you're not alone. :D


I have a question about the INFP Love Types-article on this forum (in one of the sticky threads). Does anyone know the explanation why INFP males only match INFJ females?

(females supposedly have four best matches: INFP,ENJF,ENFP,INFJ. While males only have one).


Of course I know that the best match is only theoretical, but still I'm curious to know the reasoning behind the advice.
 

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Just found out I'm an INFP a few days ago. I can describe how excited and relieved I am!! I bet you all remember the moment when you realized that you're not alone. :D


I have a question about the INFP Love Types-article on this forum (in one of the sticky threads). Does anyone know the explanation why INFP males only match INFJ females?

(females supposedly have four best matches: INFP,ENJF,ENFP,INFJ. While males only have one).


Of course I know that the best match is only theoretical, but still I'm curious to know the reasoning behind the advice.
The advice is faulty says this INFP who's happily married to an ENFP.
 

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Welcome!

I had never seen the thread you're referring to (but found it here). After a little digging around, I discovered that the author made several posts on Love Types and the content was quoted from a book called Lovetypes [Amazon] which uses the MBTI as its basis.

I searched through the book preview on Amazon and I found this:

The LoveType recommendations in this book are based on research findings compiled by me and other researchers in the fields of Jungian typology and compatible relationships. Although certain pairings have been shown to be superior, there are a number of combinations for which there is not enough data to make a firm recommendation one way or the other.

Therefore, your best bet is to try to meet your recommended LoveType if you can find that person. If you have difficulty meeting your ideal LoveType, the next best thing is to choose your dates based on compatibility on certain important preferences or similarity on the LoveTemperaments.

Research has shown that you maximize your chance of having a compatible relationship when you date someone who is from the same LoveTemperament group as you. For example, if you are one of the Meaning Seeker LoveTypes (INFP, INFJ, ENFP, ENFJ), you are usually better off dating another Meaning Seeker because you will tend to be compatible with this person and share similar values, goals and preferences.

In summary: Use the LoveType pairings in this section for the purpose they were intended – as recommendations.
I also noticed that the book actually says if you are an INFP male then the your best matches are INFJ and INFP. Here's another quote from the book:

Research shows that a male Idealistic Philospher [INFP] is the LoveType most likely to marry his mirror image: the female Idealistic Philosopher.

Moreover, research indicates that Idealistic Philosophers – whether male of female – tend to be happiest marrying their own LoveType. Idealistic Philosphers who marry each other report the fewest conflicts in communication, finances, child rearing, and chores than any other LoveType combination in which one partner is an Idealistic Philosopher.
Wow. Interesting stuff. Thanks, @IdealEuphoria, for helping me find this.
 

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I only know the matches for INFP, male or female, as being ENFJ and ESFJ. =/

Any site you go to will give you a different match so there's nothing you can really say about it. I personally agree with ENFJ being the best match as they have the tendecy to bring out the best in others therefore can bring an INFP back to reality and help the INFP be sucessful. My best friend strays between ENFJ and ESFJ.

P.S. This thread is homophobic.
 

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I have a question about the INFP Love Types-article on this forum (in one of the sticky threads). Does anyone know the explanation why INFP males only match INFJ females?

(females supposedly have four best matches: INFP,ENJF,ENFP,INFJ. While males only have one).
I'd be curious on this large difference as well. I'm not going to lie, when I read that article it made me very sad... :unsure:
It's cool though :cool:

Does this boil down to INFP males been less compatible with people in general? Are they less accepted or expected? I'm just paranoid though, it's probably none of that.
 

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The LoveTypes book (which was the source of the thread's content) makes these claims based on their research. So it's not really a theory of why the male INFP's best matches are the INFP and the INFJ. It's just saying that out of a survey of relationships by MBTI type, the male INFP's who were INFP's or INFJ's reported the highest levels of relationship satisfaction.

Here's a quote from the book which can be read online for free here:
In 1993 I began studying relationship satisfaction among the LoveTypes, and I subsequently tested 378 heterosexual couples who were either newly dating (one week to three months), engaged, or married at least five years. I gave these subjects an instrument (called the LoveType quiz) that I had devised to measure their relationship style, or LoveType. In addition, I measured their relationship satisfaction.
Edit: The book does explain it's recommendations with theories based on research. See the following posts.
 

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Actually, the LoveTypes book does explain the specific recommendation of INFP's and INFJ's for INFP males:

In 1981 researcher Ruth Sherman—from the University of Hawaii—shed light on the problems that can arise when Introverts get involved with Extraverts. In her study Sherman found that male Introvert/female Extravert pairings reported more problems than any other Introvert/Extravert combinations in the areas of sex, chores, friends, finances, and communication.

Sherman’s findings may be explained, in part, by the way society shapes male-female roles in intimate relationships. Although society is gradually changing, men have traditionally been socialized to be the speakers and leaders in the community, while women have been trained to be more quiet and subservient.

Thus, Introvert men who have been raised this way may feel intimidated and overwhelmed by outspoken Extravert women. At the same time, an Extravert female may interpret her Introvert man’s quiet nature as representing weakness and submissiveness, and she may lose respect for him as a result.
So even though the author recommends NF's in general for other NF's, that explains why the author does not recommend female ENF's for male INF's. Are there any male INFP's out there who agree / disagree?
 

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Here's the theory / research on why the author doesn't recommend N/S pairings:

In 1992 Dr. Marvin Rytting and Dr. Roger Ware—two professors of psychology from Indiana University-Purdue University at Indianapolis—documented the importance of the Focusing dimension in relationships. In their study they asked men and women to describe their ideal mate. Rytting and Ware found that over 70 percent of the participants preferred mates who were equally matched with them on the Focusing dimension; that is, Intuitives preferred Intuitives and Sensors preferred Sensors.

Although there are exceptions, couples usually communicate better, and therefore have better relationships and marriages, when they share the same Focusing preference. When they differ on this important dimension, problems can quickly arise.

Once the honeymoon period is over, the philosophical, “head in the clouds” Intuitive may think his practical, realistic Sensor mate is a “stick in the mud.” All she wants to talk about are the details of living: balancing the checkbook, saving for retirement, and fixing the house. In a word, boring.

Meanwhile, the Sensor thinks the Intuitive talks too much about “pie in the sky” scenarios, indulging himself in fantasy conversations about building empires or changing the world. “Why don’t you take out the garbage, for once?” shrieks the Sensor.

In Part Two you will study LoveType combinations that work. You will learn that some Sensor-Intuitive combinations can succeed if the couples are not too far apart on the Focusing dimension. For example, someone who has a moderate preference for Sensing can be successfully matched with someone who has a moderate prefer- ence for Intuition.

Overall, however, it’s a good idea for couples to share the same preference on the Focusing dimension because this dimension largely determines how they communicate on a day-to-day basis. If two people have difficulty understanding and appreciating each other’s communication style, their relationship can sour in a hurry.
 

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Actually, the LoveTypes book does explain the specific recommendation of INFP's and INFJ's for INFP males:



So even though the author recommends NF's in general for other NF's, that explains why the author does not recommend female ENF's for male INF's. Are there any male INFP's out there who agree / disagree?

I disagree vey strongly to that. I am married to an ENFJ and both her Extraversion and Judgmental prefferences compensate my I and P prefferences very well. I wouldn't be as half-effective as I am without her constantly dragging me to stop procrastinating. We have the NF common ground to bridge that difference and it has made both of us more effective.
 
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I, personally, don't believe that all individuals of any certain personality type need or desire the same things in a romantic relationship. Therefore, I mostly disregard the things you read online about which types are best suited to which other types. There's a great deal more that goes into compatibility beyond MBTI/cognitive functions, beginning with shared interests and a willingness to accept and appreciate differences in an individual.

That being said, yeah, you'll read about a lot of different "best suited" matches for any given type because there are so many theories of compatibility which branch off from MBTI and Jungian cognitive functions.
 

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Those descriptions are about intimacy.

They are not about passion.

Passion is often attracted to the opposite.

It just depends.
^^

I'm dating an ENFJ/INFJ atm (Borderline on the E/I) and there sure is a hell of a lot of emotional intimacy... but compared to my experience of dating an ESTJ/ESFJ it's not quite anywhere near as passion based.
 

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I've only known one INFJ girl and she was quite narcissistic, petty, and just a chore to speak with. I hope she is not typical INFJ, but that's my only experience with the type that I know of.

I've not met any ENFJ or ENFP girls that I know of.

INFP girls from what I've met on here can be summed up in one word... perfect! :)
 

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I think the E/I and P/J functions can be interchangeable, depending on interpersonal dynamics. While what the book says about E being a male domain to the submissive female I type may seem true in a stereotypical sense, an E female will often really appreciate the dynamic of having an I male who will listen to her, not compete for verbal air time and provide a counterbalance to what she is lacking in in terms of inner grounding. I think in terms of that particular function, opposites do attract.

The P/J is probably the most malleable of the functions, so unless the pairing find themselves far apart on that spectrum, or unless the male is so far into P that his life is disordered and his social status suffers as a result, I don't think it's a dealbreaker.

The NF is the key thing here. That's the one that forms deep bonds. A person with that trait will have experienced at some point in their life what that powerful NF bond feels like, and any relationship where that NF magnetism doesn't happen will feel lacking, maybe second rate.

That's the major thing, but in addition a strong S type will likely have difficulty understanding a strong N, and a strong T will likely find a strong F wishy-washy. And from the other side, the S will seem limited to the N, while the T may seem cold.

That said, if somebody is so far along the scale into INFP land as to be unbalanced in each or most of the functions, they may find a useful coutnerbalance in an opposite type, ie. ESFJ, INTJ, ESTP. But that relationship may not have long term legs; over time, as the individual (hopefully) balances out, the usueful counterbalance may become an anchor as frictions arise in life outlook.
 

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I suppose it could work pretty well with an Infj/Infp pairing. One of my close guy friends is an Infp. I swear we have the coolest conversations on all kinds of philosophical, spiritual, and emotional topics. And the sense of humor we share is great. However, you definitely need to be on the same page with values and have compatible life goals if you are in a relationship with some one. My friend and I definitely aren't, but we agree to disagree on a lot the things. I think if we were in a relationship with each other one of our biggest conflicts besides personal values/ beliefs would be the J/P contrast. A lot of my gal pals are Infp too and we understand each other really well. I love all my Infp friends! You Infps are the cat's pajamas!
 

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INFPs are great friends for me, not so great for me in relationships.

Also, here's an article on MBTI and marriage satisfaction research.

The authors found very little evidence that opposites marry. The only exceptions were ESTJ men married to INFP women and ESTP men married to INFJ women. These two types of men, said the authors, were also the two types who had been married the most often.

Men who were INFPs, INFJs and INTPs most often married a female with the same psychological type. Women, on the other hand, who were ENFJs and INFJs married men with the same type.
 

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I disagree vey strongly to that. I am married to an ENFJ and both her Extraversion and Judgmental prefferences compensate my I and P prefferences very well. I wouldn't be as half-effective as I am without her constantly dragging me to stop procrastinating. We have the NF common ground to bridge that difference and it has made both of us more effective.
I have an important question for you. How have you made her more effective?

I ask because my best friend is ENFJ. And although it's not romantic, it's still a close relationship. The problem with it is that she's constantly helping me with problems, trying to better me, etc. And that's normal in any relationship, especially for ENFJ's but I know it can be very tiring for her spending so much time worrying about me and such; even annoying at times. Sometimes I feel like I am a constant bother to her.

Would you mind telling me how you think you've improved your wife or helped her with things in her life as far as personality goes?
 
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