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Whenever a women likes me, I get the same question, like I'm playing a record player that got scratched in heated rage: how can no one like you!? Well I will tell you! I saw a similar post on here, about an INFJ women who was wondering how her new INFJ bf had never been on a date/had a girlfriend, when he was nice, attractive, and etc. (Be warned, this is kind of a personal Rant, and if you comment, be nice)

1. I hate dates. I don't believe in dates. As someone who's felt that intense instant connection when you really find someone who is compatible, I can tell you dates are bullshit. It's so fake and superficial. I've seen a lot of INFJs with same feeling about dates. INFJs don't go with standard romantic rituals if they are stupid. If I like someone, I know it, and I don't need a date to tell me. Plus, I don't believe in going on dates with different people in a short span of time. This may be a personal thing, but I find it disgusting that's it's okay to try out different people and not focus on one. Do you really not know which one you like more! Come on now... If you're going on lots of dates,I just assume you're extraverted, you're doing it for fun, and not really looking for connection.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST HANG OUT NATURALLY LIKE NATURE INTENDED!?

2. Going up to random people to get spit on hurts us. Meaness hurts us. Unlike types like INTPs,and INTJs, we have a strong Fe. Unfortunately the culture for U.S. women is to be snotty and rude to strangers. If we go up to a women, and experience unprovoked conflict, it ruins our day! Do people not get that? They act like I killed a puppy! Being mean hurts us, we aren't made of stone! The result of this, is me not talking to strangers anymore. Why? Because I have things to do, and I'd rather my whole day not be ruined. I'm sensitive, I can't help it.

3. We don't go along with dating rituals and people don't get that. I know I touched on this on #1, but I felt it needed to be emphasized. For someone reason, when you just want to hang out, it's seen as creepy! WTF? If I like someone, I know it, and I'll act on it. I don't need months to figure out if I like you. I won't waste time waiting for someone, because I've done it many times, and it always has a bad ending. I also won't waste money buying dinner or gifts, because often time it's just a waste of money to someone who ends up not giving a shit. Most people call me mean, I call it logic.

4. We're Idealists and Perfectionists. I know what I want! It seems like the quality of potential mates in the U.S. is deteriorating faster than the half-life of Uranium. I don't want someone who drinks, or smokes! I want someone who is genuinely nice! They have to be somewhat attractive, and smart. Oh, guess that pretty much throws out everyone. I can never find someone who is creative, and likes to think of ideas with me, who also fits into the other categories. We also need to have a bunch of hobbies we could do together. I don't want to end up like all these boring marriages of people who barely have much in common. I want a best friend to go on adventures with for the rest of my life! Yeah that's right, I said it! Is that too much to ask for life! Is it!!!! Is it!!!!!!!! Life says, "Yes it is." Well screw you life! We're not friends anymore. Life says, "I can't really be your friend, I'm life... I think you need to go see a psychologist..." Screw you life...

5. People don't like us. It's true. I often wish I could let those women who can't imagine why no one likes me, and tell me I'm just being too shy, see through my eyes! Why don't people like me? I don't know. Perhaps it's because I see things in them they don't want to see. I'm nice to everyone. I literally am. Somehow though, people just start being mean to me. I don't understand it, I really don't. The only conclusion I can draw is they don't like my insights. Once I start opening up, and sharing my insights and my views(which I only do because I feel I've connected with the person), people start getting aggressive towards me. This is an unhealthy infj statement, but most humans seem to be weak minded.

6. I don't date for fun! I know when a relationship is likely to work out. It's almost scary how good I am at seeing if someone's relationship will work out or not. I can tell just by how they are in a picture together. I could probably do the same thing with myself, If I wasn't so influcenced by personal feelings.

7. Online dating. Free online dating sites should really show you the enaquality between romantic opptunites of men and women. You make a profile, say on okcupid. An attractive girl makes a profile, she gets 50 messages the first day. An attractive guy makes a profile, he gets none, maybe 1 or 2. Don't believe me, go test it out for yourself. Dating is a numbers game, and males are playing bad odds. INFJs don't like to lie on their profiles. They tell you who they are. Everyone else leaves out information or manipulates their profile to make themselves look better. INFJ idealists think that's digusting.

So let's see an example of how this plays out in real life:
INFJ walks down the street, and sees a fairly attractive girl walking her dog. INFJ is about to cross paths with her.

Option 1: INFJ does nothing and keeps on enjoying his walk
The INFJ has a nice relaxing walk, and get on with his day.

Option 2: INFJ says hi
INFJ says "Hey there :)," and is immediatly met by a disgruntled look and rolling eyes. The girl does not respond. INFJ keeps walking, and his walk/day has been ruined. He will now think about how the girl was mean to him for his whole day. The girl, doesn't remember the encounter past 5min.

Comments: Yes you could tell the INFJ to not care so much. Guess what though, he's an INFJ! He is programmed to care! So it doesn't work! He either becomes unhealthy, because he puts up defensive barriers, or he becomes unhealthy, because he doesn't talk to strangers anymore.

Let's Summarize this up for you shall we:

I'm going to do some unexact math to show you the odds of an INFJ mate dating or finding a mate. I'm going to start the count at 1000 people.
1. Doesn't go on dates. Since most people require dates, INFJ odds get cut in half. 500 people left.
2. Doesn't talk to random people. Let's take another half. 250 people left.
3. Idealists have very high standards for mates. Let's take off 80% from the orginal 1000. Factor in the other numbers. and we get.... 50 people let. (that's 1000 to 200, to 100, to 50)
4. INFJ is a rare type, and lots of people don't get along with INFJs. Let's take off another half from the 50. 25 people left.
5. Let's say most of those girls are already taken. Half off sale. 12.5 people left.
6. I know when a relationship will work or not. Let's take off 60%. 5 people left.
7. The chance out of those 5 people, timing will be right, and you will be able to spend time with them and connect with them. 80% off. 1 person left.

INFJs generally would rather read, than go to a social gathering, so we don't meet many people. We have high standards. Girls are picky. The odds are stacked against INFJ males. That is why, we don't end up on dates.
 

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I LOVE THIS RANT! more infj male rants! What an epic first post lol. WELCOME!
 

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It seems like the quality of potential mates in the U.S. is deteriorating faster than the half-life of Uranium.
The half-life of uranium is around 4.5 billion years.
 

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I wish there were more guys around like you.

I feel like all these points apply to myself and I am female. Except we don't have the expectation to make the first move.

The fact is, depending on how the guy approaches me and in what environment, I could be the pne brushing the guy off, though I try to be polite.


Actually there are good reasons why we do this, we have been taught that all men are potential preditors, if a guy comes across as 'creepy' (which can be interpreted many ways) we are. likely to react negatively.

Also, if a guy approaches me in a way were it is obvious he wants a relationship I will not be interested, while if a guy approaches in a more 'friend' way I am much more reciporacative.


So to meet me, first don't look for me in a bar or club, if I am there i am only going to talk to my friends.

Best place to. meet. me is at a friend's place, or at church, or at work. I feel less suspicious of people who approach me in these environments.


Next make friends with me. Do not be scared of the friendzone. If I am not interested I will never say yes. And if I do like you but you come on too strongly too quickly I will become wary.

Then after getting to know me, if you still like me and I quite clearly enjoy spending time with you, then you can make a move.

Don't worry, if I am not interested i will let you down gently.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I told the quality of women was deteriorating faster... ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I wish there were more guys around like you.

I feel like all these points apply to myself and I am female. Except we don't have the expectation to make the first move.

The fact is, depending on how the guy approaches me and in what environment, I could be the pne brushing the guy off, though I try to be polite.


Actually there are good reasons why we do this, we have been taught that all men are potential preditors, if a guy comes across as 'creepy' (which can be interpreted many ways) we are. likely to react negatively.

Also, if a guy approaches me in a way were it is obvious he wants a relationship I will not be interested, while if a guy approaches in a more 'friend' way I am much more reciporacative.


So to meet me, first don't look for me in a bar or club, if I am there i am only going to talk to my friends.

Best place to. meet. me is at a friend's place, or at church, or at work. I feel less suspicious of people who approach me in these environments.


Next make friends with me. Do not be scared of the friendzone. If I am not interested I will never say yes. And if I do like you but you come on too strongly too quickly I will become wary.

Then after getting to know me, if you still like me and I quite clearly enjoy spending time with you, then you can make a move.

Don't worry, if I am not interested i will let you down gently.
aww... thanks... I really liked your reply.... But what's wrong with a guy coming up to you for romantic interests?
 

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aww... thanks... I really liked your reply.... But what's wrong with a guy coming up to you for romantic interests?
I guess it depends on how he approaches it. It is not that I don't want guys who are romantically interested in me approaching me, but how they do it.

If you started the conversations by trying to work out if I am available and interested in you, I am likely to assume you just want to have sex or only interested in a casual relationship.

I can not trust the motivations of a man who would be willing to start a relationship with me without first getting to know me


I want a long term relationship. I want to get married and have children. So therefore when I am considering someone as a potential romantic interest I look for signs that they want the same thing.

So yeah, it's not that you can't approach me with relationship in mind, but I want a person who will take time to get to know me before being willing to commit to a relationship.
 

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Whenever a women likes me, I get the same question, like I'm playing a record player that got scratched in heated rage: how can no one like you!? Well I will tell you! I saw a similar post on here, about an INFJ women who was wondering how her new INFJ bf had never been on a date/had a girlfriend, when he was nice, attractive, and etc. (Be warned, this is kind of a personal Rant, and if you comment, be nice)

1. I hate dates. I don't believe in dates. As someone who's felt that intense instant connection when you really find someone who is compatible, I can tell you dates are bullshit. It's so fake and superficial. I've seen a lot of INFJs with same feeling about dates. INFJs don't go with standard romantic rituals if they are stupid. If I like someone, I know it, and I don't need a date to tell me. Plus, I don't believe in going on dates with different people in a short span of time. This may be a personal thing, but I find it disgusting that's it's okay to try out different people and not focus on one. Do you really not know which one you like more! Come on now... If you're going on lots of dates,I just assume you're extraverted, you're doing it for fun, and not really looking for connection.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST HANG OUT NATURALLY LIKE NATURE INTENDED!?

2. Going up to random people to get spit on hurts us. Meaness hurts us. Unlike types like INTPs,and INTJs, we have a strong Fe. Unfortunately the culture for U.S. women is to be snotty and rude to strangers. If we go up to a women, and experience unprovoked conflict, it ruins our day! Do people not get that? They act like I killed a puppy! Being mean hurts us, we aren't made of stone! The result of this, is me not talking to strangers anymore. Why? Because I have things to do, and I'd rather my whole day not be ruined. I'm sensitive, I can't help it.

3. We don't go along with dating rituals and people don't get that. I know I touched on this on #1, but I felt it needed to be emphasized. For someone reason, when you just want to hang out, it's seen as creepy! WTF? If I like someone, I know it, and I'll act on it. I don't need months to figure out if I like you. I won't waste time waiting for someone, because I've done it many times, and it always has a bad ending. I also won't waste money buying dinner or gifts, because often time it's just a waste of money to someone who ends up not giving a shit. Most people call me mean, I call it logic.

4. We're Idealists and Perfectionists. I know what I want! It seems like the quality of potential mates in the U.S. is deteriorating faster than the half-life of Uranium. I don't want someone who drinks, or smokes! I want someone who is genuinely nice! They have to be somewhat attractive, and smart. Oh, guess that pretty much throws out everyone. I can never find someone who is creative, and likes to think of ideas with me, who also fits into the other categories. We also need to have a bunch of hobbies we could do together. I don't want to end up like all these boring marriages of people who barely have much in common. I want a best friend to go on adventures with for the rest of my life! Yeah that's right, I said it! Is that too much to ask for life! Is it!!!! Is it!!!!!!!! Life says, "Yes it is." Well screw you life! We're not friends anymore. Life says, "I can't really be your friend, I'm life... I think you need to go see a psychologist..." Screw you life...

5. People don't like us. It's true. I often wish I could let those women who can't imagine why no one likes me, and tell me I'm just being too shy, see through my eyes! Why don't people like me? I don't know. Perhaps it's because I see things in them they don't want to see. I'm nice to everyone. I literally am. Somehow though, people just start being mean to me. I don't understand it, I really don't. The only conclusion I can draw is they don't like my insights. Once I start opening up, and sharing my insights and my views(which I only do because I feel I've connected with the person), people start getting aggressive towards me. This is an unhealthy infj statement, but most humans seem to be weak minded.

6. I don't date for fun! I know when a relationship is likely to work out. It's almost scary how good I am at seeing if someone's relationship will work out or not. I can tell just by how they are in a picture together. I could probably do the same thing with myself, If I wasn't so influcenced by personal feelings.

7. Online dating. Free online dating sites should really show you the enaquality between romantic opptunites of men and women. You make a profile, say on okcupid. An attractive girl makes a profile, she gets 50 messages the first day. An attractive guy makes a profile, he gets none, maybe 1 or 2. Don't believe me, go test it out for yourself. Dating is a numbers game, and males are playing bad odds. INFJs don't like to lie on their profiles. They tell you who they are. Everyone else leaves out information or manipulates their profile to make themselves look better. INFJ idealists think that's digusting.

So let's see an example of how this plays out in real life:
INFJ walks down the street, and sees a fairly attractive girl walking her dog. INFJ is about to cross paths with her.

Option 1: INFJ does nothing and keeps on enjoying his walk
The INFJ has a nice relaxing walk, and get on with his day.

Option 2: INFJ says hi
INFJ says "Hey there :)," and is immediatly met by a disgruntled look and rolling eyes. The girl does not respond. INFJ keeps walking, and his walk/day has been ruined. He will now think about how the girl was mean to him for his whole day. The girl, doesn't remember the encounter past 5min.

Comments: Yes you could tell the INFJ to not care so much. Guess what though, he's an INFJ! He is programmed to care! So it doesn't work! He either becomes unhealthy, because he puts up defensive barriers, or he becomes unhealthy, because he doesn't talk to strangers anymore.

Let's Summarize this up for you shall we:

I'm going to do some unexact math to show you the odds of an INFJ mate dating or finding a mate. I'm going to start the count at 1000 people.
1. Doesn't go on dates. Since most people require dates, INFJ odds get cut in half. 500 people left.
2. Doesn't talk to random people. Let's take another half. 250 people left.
3. Idealists have very high standards for mates. Let's take off 80% from the orginal 1000. Factor in the other numbers. and we get.... 50 people let. (that's 1000 to 200, to 100, to 50)
4. INFJ is a rare type, and lots of people don't get along with INFJs. Let's take off another half from the 50. 25 people left.
5. Let's say most of those girls are already taken. Half off sale. 12.5 people left.
6. I know when a relationship will work or not. Let's take off 60%. 5 people left.
7. The chance out of those 5 people, timing will be right, and you will be able to spend time with them and connect with them. 80% off. 1 person left.

INFJs generally would rather read, than go to a social gathering, so we don't meet many people. We have high standards. Girls are picky. The odds are stacked against INFJ males. That is why, we don't end up on dates.
Quite simply... :hatsoff:
 

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I think most of my discontentment with females is how quickly I can identify whether or not I feel we can work out. Sometimes it's instantly, as in I can see you from across the room and say "nope". Other times, you seem okay but then the tiniest thing turns me off completely.

It's a crazy game I make them play. I didn't make the rules, I simply know what they are.
 

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I think most of my discontentment with females is how quickly I can identify whether or not I feel we can work out. Sometimes it's instantly, as in I can see you from across the room and say "nope". Other times, you seem okay but then the tiniest thing turns me off completely.

It's a crazy game I make them play. I didn't make the rules, I simply know what they are.
I know what you mean...
 

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Whenever a women likes me, I get the same question, like I'm playing a record player that got scratched in heated rage: how can no one like you!? Well I will tell you! I saw a similar post on here, about an INFJ women who was wondering how her new INFJ bf had never been on a date/had a girlfriend, when he was nice, attractive, and etc. (Be warned, this is kind of a personal Rant, and if you comment, be nice)

1. I hate dates. I don't believe in dates. As someone who's felt that intense instant connection when you really find someone who is compatible, I can tell you dates are bullshit. It's so fake and superficial. I've seen a lot of INFJs with same feeling about dates. INFJs don't go with standard romantic rituals if they are stupid. If I like someone, I know it, and I don't need a date to tell me. Plus, I don't believe in going on dates with different people in a short span of time. This may be a personal thing, but I find it disgusting that's it's okay to try out different people and not focus on one. Do you really not know which one you like more! Come on now... If you're going on lots of dates,I just assume you're extraverted, you're doing it for fun, and not really looking for connection.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST HANG OUT NATURALLY LIKE NATURE INTENDED!?

2. Going up to random people to get spit on hurts us. Meaness hurts us. Unlike types like INTPs,and INTJs, we have a strong Fe. Unfortunately the culture for U.S. women is to be snotty and rude to strangers. If we go up to a women, and experience unprovoked conflict, it ruins our day! Do people not get that? They act like I killed a puppy! Being mean hurts us, we aren't made of stone! The result of this, is me not talking to strangers anymore. Why? Because I have things to do, and I'd rather my whole day not be ruined. I'm sensitive, I can't help it.

3. We don't go along with dating rituals and people don't get that. I know I touched on this on #1, but I felt it needed to be emphasized. For someone reason, when you just want to hang out, it's seen as creepy! WTF? If I like someone, I know it, and I'll act on it. I don't need months to figure out if I like you. I won't waste time waiting for someone, because I've done it many times, and it always has a bad ending. I also won't waste money buying dinner or gifts, because often time it's just a waste of money to someone who ends up not giving a shit. Most people call me mean, I call it logic.

4. We're Idealists and Perfectionists. I know what I want! It seems like the quality of potential mates in the U.S. is deteriorating faster than the half-life of Uranium. I don't want someone who drinks, or smokes! I want someone who is genuinely nice! They have to be somewhat attractive, and smart. Oh, guess that pretty much throws out everyone. I can never find someone who is creative, and likes to think of ideas with me, who also fits into the other categories. We also need to have a bunch of hobbies we could do together. I don't want to end up like all these boring marriages of people who barely have much in common. I want a best friend to go on adventures with for the rest of my life! Yeah that's right, I said it! Is that too much to ask for life! Is it!!!! Is it!!!!!!!! Life says, "Yes it is." Well screw you life! We're not friends anymore. Life says, "I can't really be your friend, I'm life... I think you need to go see a psychologist..." Screw you life...

5. People don't like us. It's true. I often wish I could let those women who can't imagine why no one likes me, and tell me I'm just being too shy, see through my eyes! Why don't people like me? I don't know. Perhaps it's because I see things in them they don't want to see. I'm nice to everyone. I literally am. Somehow though, people just start being mean to me. I don't understand it, I really don't. The only conclusion I can draw is they don't like my insights. Once I start opening up, and sharing my insights and my views(which I only do because I feel I've connected with the person), people start getting aggressive towards me. This is an unhealthy infj statement, but most humans seem to be weak minded.

6. I don't date for fun! I know when a relationship is likely to work out. It's almost scary how good I am at seeing if someone's relationship will work out or not. I can tell just by how they are in a picture together. I could probably do the same thing with myself, If I wasn't so influcenced by personal feelings.

7. Online dating. Free online dating sites should really show you the enaquality between romantic opptunites of men and women. You make a profile, say on okcupid. An attractive girl makes a profile, she gets 50 messages the first day. An attractive guy makes a profile, he gets none, maybe 1 or 2. Don't believe me, go test it out for yourself. Dating is a numbers game, and males are playing bad odds. INFJs don't like to lie on their profiles. They tell you who they are. Everyone else leaves out information or manipulates their profile to make themselves look better. INFJ idealists think that's digusting.

So let's see an example of how this plays out in real life:
INFJ walks down the street, and sees a fairly attractive girl walking her dog. INFJ is about to cross paths with her.

Option 1: INFJ does nothing and keeps on enjoying his walk
The INFJ has a nice relaxing walk, and get on with his day.

Option 2: INFJ says hi
INFJ says "Hey there :)," and is immediatly met by a disgruntled look and rolling eyes. The girl does not respond. INFJ keeps walking, and his walk/day has been ruined. He will now think about how the girl was mean to him for his whole day. The girl, doesn't remember the encounter past 5min.

Comments: Yes you could tell the INFJ to not care so much. Guess what though, he's an INFJ! He is programmed to care! So it doesn't work! He either becomes unhealthy, because he puts up defensive barriers, or he becomes unhealthy, because he doesn't talk to strangers anymore.

Let's Summarize this up for you shall we:

I'm going to do some unexact math to show you the odds of an INFJ mate dating or finding a mate. I'm going to start the count at 1000 people.
1. Doesn't go on dates. Since most people require dates, INFJ odds get cut in half. 500 people left.
2. Doesn't talk to random people. Let's take another half. 250 people left.
3. Idealists have very high standards for mates. Let's take off 80% from the orginal 1000. Factor in the other numbers. and we get.... 50 people let. (that's 1000 to 200, to 100, to 50)
4. INFJ is a rare type, and lots of people don't get along with INFJs. Let's take off another half from the 50. 25 people left.
5. Let's say most of those girls are already taken. Half off sale. 12.5 people left.
6. I know when a relationship will work or not. Let's take off 60%. 5 people left.
7. The chance out of those 5 people, timing will be right, and you will be able to spend time with them and connect with them. 80% off. 1 person left.

INFJs generally would rather read, than go to a social gathering, so we don't meet many people. We have high standards. Girls are picky. The odds are stacked against INFJ males. That is why, we don't end up on dates.
Simply, I find so much wrong about what you’re saying that I’m pretty compelled to reply. I know that this is probably you venting and you’re getting a lot out of positive feedback by people on here, but from what you’ve written I believe you’re ultimately causing your own romantic demise with your current perspective. So – apologies if me arguing with you on various points is entirely not what you are after, but in this case I do not believe that an approval of this is actually good for your future. Apologies also for the arrogance I am showing in even suggesting that I know what is better for someone else without even meeting them, but these are not traits and beliefs that I have never seen before.

1. I pretty much agree with you on this point, insofar as an INFJ you know right away whether you want to be with someone or not. In all of my cases, I have known on first eye-contact. However, you have to be aware that we are not like everyone else in this regard. While we know right away, the person of our interest probably does not – they may find something in us that they find interesting, or enticing, or even just ambiguously salient – but they probably do not have the intense, precise “Yes, I want to be with you” intuition that the INFJ has. Believe me, many wish they did have this instinct – I have friends who have told me they envy the fact that I can say “Yes!” or “No!” in an instance, but this is not a normal attribute. Most people do need to have various options on the table because their liking of someone kicks in much slower – they need to actually get to know them, learn concrete facts about them and other such things – they don’t have the instinct that we do.

I’m going to be repeating this a lot, but – try to imagine it from their perspective. Try to imagine what it is like without this sudden instinct – all the thoughts that swirl through your head as you reconcile information with attraction with everything else. This requires time, thought, conversation and effort. It also, for most, is best enjoyed in social convention, because they need that safety. This is why the INFJ must occasionally endure the date, even if they find it abhorrent – the other person finds it safe and normal. Relationships are scary, and for many dates - socially endorsed and conventional - are a massive source of comfot. Put it this way – if you like someone, and want them to like you, your job is to attempt to make them as comfortable as you possibly can. Do not deride other people for simply thinking differently how you do, or having different relationship philosophies – your mind isn’t set up the same way as theirs. Show empathy. Anything else will only lead to more alienation.

2. Again, look at it from someone else’s perspective. Imagine that you are an attractive woman in the USA. Know that the majority of your cultural narratives of beauty, sex and desire are firmly written on your body. Know too that the female form is something which is constantly objectified, and turned into the pleasure of others or some form of capital. Be aware of all the shit you will put up with simply walking down the street (and exponentially more if you were doing something remotely physical, like riding a bicycle – ask your attractive female friends how much shit they have to put up with if they ever ride a bike). Be aware that a man has probably stuck his hand down your top on first meeting at an orientation camp at college, or a stranger has stuck his hand down your pants and tried to forcefully finger you while at a bar, or a stranger has held you by the wrist and tried to pull you into his car (all true things which have happened to friends of mine).

Now – what happens when all this goes on? You develop a defence. You stop smiling at strangers because you don’t want to encourage them. You are short with strangers for the same reason. Is this fair and friendly? No – but it makes perfect sense for your context.

An attractive woman does not know you are a nice, sensitive young man when you say hello to her. As a stranger, that is not a safe call to make. You have to understand this and see this from another’s point of view. Once you do this and achieve this, you will learn that there are ways to approach people without them being rude (you will also learn that some people have had to put up with so much crap in their lives that, as a stranger, you simply have no chance in entering their lives). What you should not do is take these things personally and, again, deride them for it - they are not being rude because they dislike you, they are being rude because experience has told them it is simply a safer option. We are all people and we are all just doing the best we can.

3. Again, you’re putting your own needs far ahead of a hypothetical partner’s. Re-read what you have written - I know right away, I won’t waste time, I won’t waste money – it is all about your own needs, which are not ignorable and should be met, but any relationship only comes to fruition via both understanding and compromise. You know right away – but she, probably not an INFJ, doesn’t. You won’t waste time – but she might need time. You won’t waste money – but maybe for her gifts simply show her you are thinking about her and are willing to put the effort in.

5. This is just incorrect. INFJs, when they learn to relate to other people, are among the most likable and revered of all types. Amazing empathy and intuition, the best listeners, highly intelligent – we are among the best one-on-one conversationalists. Your problem is that you’re not relating to other people. Humans are not weak minded, you’re just not taking the steps to see things from other’s perspectives. While your wish is for others to see through your eyes, it should really be for you to be able to see through the eyes of all others. This, I think, is the true evolved form of the INFJ – look at Gandhi, who I consider one of the greatest of all INFJs. He was able to view the world from the perspective of people that would do him physical violence – only then was he able to unlock the key to stopping such violence.

7. I do not disagree that online dating sites are not useful to INFJs – we know right away, and so it’s just not our tool. For other types though it might be, and has proven to certain people to be, invaluable. Is there an inequality between men and women in regards to romantic opportunities? Yes – but why would you expect otherwise when the world is full of inequalities of all sorts across all oppositions? Instead of lamenting the purported unfairness it is better to recognise the situation you’re in and where to go from there – what others face is of no huge concern – this is not a competition.

Again, look at it from everyone else’s perspective. Every choice everyone makes makes sense for them at the time they make it. The less you feel disgusted by the world around you the less alienated you will be in it.

Your scenario: I know I’m repeating myself, but – look at it from the girl’s perspective. Do you really think a girl walking her dog is going to be particularly open to invited conversation? Why would she be? She is out there walking her dog. She has her own thoughts and ideas and problems and stresses. She is mulling these things through in her head. She has not said or done anything that suggests she wants someone to enter into her life at that point in time – and so she probably doesn’t.

Just in my own relationship history, the key thing I realised was – you can’t just ask random people out or approach them in such a way. Romantic opportunities are probably the last thing on the girls mind at that time, so of course she’s going to react coldly to it (and do not deride her for such coldness – you have presented an awkward situation for a stranger and their primary goal is to end it as quickly as possible and get out of there – no doubt you hate people forcing awkward, uninvited moments on you as well – INFJs have many of these which we will avoid). Learn to recognise when someone might be interested. INFJs read body language amazingly well – use this in your readings. I used to get rejected all the time because I wouldn’t bother with this – I thought I wanted that person over there and would make no attempt to see whether they were interested in me or not – I would just barge into their lives, and of course would be rejected. In the past 5 years though I’ve realised how simply dumb this strategy is – you simply cannot seduce everyone. Upon realising this and only asking the girls out which did things I read as them showing me they wished to be asked out – I haven’t been rejected since.

It is not hopeless for you. Right now I think your romantic life is a self-fulfilling prophecy of alienation and rejection, but your solution is not a complicated one. Do not forget, the greatest powers of the INFJ are intuition and empathy. Empathy is the one that will allow you to relate to those around you should you choose. In this regard, the secret is to be more, not less, INFJ, and see the world through the eyes of others before demanding they see the world through yours.
 
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