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Scylla,

I agree. INTP is a good match for ESFJ but they are hard to start relationships with because they don't seem interested. Same with INFP and ISFP...all of those types are somewhat shy.

I think many ExTx or ExxJ types are outgoing and assertive and will persue their romantic interests, but realistically they are not great matches for ESFJ. There is no chemistry with ESTJs at all! And while there is great chemistry with ENTJs initially I think Te and Fe doms clash in the long run. ENFJ and ENFP feel too similar. ESTP needs just as much attention and it ends up feeling competitive.

ENTP could be a very good match. Like for all types finding a good match is tough.


Until one day an ESFJ meets an IxTx and something just clicks. They find us exciting, we find them logical and brilliant. They love how outgoing and energetic we are. We admire their stotic nature or calmness. They seem to be able to listen to our Fe for hours and hours. It is a good balance of functions and personality.
 

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Discussion Starter #42
Couldn't agree more, Mollusk.

As much as I always kind of wanted an outgoing Exxx type, I now know after meeting different types of people, I just feel more myself and love my surroundings when I'm the extroverted one in the couple.
 

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I shall date you ESFJs!

---

I actually pursued an ESFJ recently. He was really sweet, kind, loyal, charming, and of course had that fun loving S that I feel like I need in my life!

We "dated" for like 3 weeks, and I wanted to move forward into actually "being together" zone, but he was hesitant because he wasn't sure what he wanted, and had a history of being hurt, and so on. And he was a horrible communicator of his feelings, haha. So I ended up just having to move on. :/

But I wish it would have worked. ESFJs are such awesome people to spend a life with. I don't know what happened between you and the INFJ, but it would be a fun match. c:
 
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I think my fascination with INTPs are how they're always in their head thinking, and fact they can tolerate ESFJs (somehow) is intriguing. I have read a lot of threads with those pairings. If i ever come across any type of ISxx, I will definitely try to get to know them better. I just NEVER meet any!! :(
You should try ISTP. ;) We have the same dominant Ti as INTPs but our minds are more in the real world. We're also similarly wired emotionally as INTPs, with inferior Fe, and I wholeheartedly agree that you Fe-doms have a way of opening us up. I love that. I personally don't "tolerate" Fe-doms, I adore them. I'm just a little biased about this combination, though, because Fe-dom men are completely my type and I'm in love with an ESFJ. :) I'm just totally in favor of the ExFJ-IxTP pairing and I'm happy to hear that some ESFJ out there (you) finds Ti irresistable! I'm always afraid a dominant feeler must find it inhuman and a turn-off.
 
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ESFJs can be smothering to an INTP just as an INTP can be distant to an ESFJ. When the difference in the two types is this extreme, there's only two ways it will go. Either the differences between the two cause the to reject the other or they appreciate how the other is everything they are not.

As an INTP, I wish:
- I was more outgoing
- Am more 'here and now'
- Could understand my feelings better
- I was more organized

I am not those things, but an ESFJ is all those things I wish I was more like. If I was able to find an ESFJ that wishes they were more like me... calm, intuitive, logical and spontaneous...we'd work well together. We're exotic beings to each other....and exotic can turn erotic quickly.

Getting an INTPs attention is not hard. Do things for them. Luckily for ESFJs....they're really, really good at that. And we really, really appreciate it. I know the one ESFJ I dated surprised me one day by doing my laundry, organizing my sock drawer and cooked me supper. I'd never been more attracted to a woman in my life.

The important thing to know about an INTP, to put it in perspective, is that we don't generally trust anyone enough to let them in close. Those we do let in though, they're in *deep*. We don't do things unless we mean it. We don't say things unless we mean it and have thought long and hard about it and we certainly don't say them to anyone that we don't trust. When an INTP is telling you about their wonderful ideas and theories and mesmerizing you with their minds...that's their way of telling you they trust you and they want to be with you / around you. If you can understand that for them exposing themselves to you, baring their inner most thoughts to you ... that's pretty damn intimate for an INTP. It may not be a candlelit dinner but it's...deeper than that. More meaningful.

End result...I think the types should have other people that are like themselves as friends....people to hang out with and share thoughts and ideas and experiences with. The types should have their opposites as lovers and partners.
 

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Discussion Starter #49
ESFJs can be smothering to an INTP just as an INTP can be distant to an ESFJ. When the difference in the two types is this extreme, there's only two ways it will go. Either the differences between the two cause the to reject the other or they appreciate how the other is everything they are not.

As an INTP, I wish:
- I was more outgoing
- Am more 'here and now'
- Could understand my feelings better
- I was more organized

I am not those things, but an ESFJ is all those things I wish I was more like. If I was able to find an ESFJ that wishes they were more like me... calm, intuitive, logical and spontaneous...we'd work well together. We're exotic beings to each other....and exotic can turn erotic quickly.

Getting an INTPs attention is not hard. Do things for them. Luckily for ESFJs....they're really, really good at that. And we really, really appreciate it. I know the one ESFJ I dated surprised me one day by doing my laundry, organizing my sock drawer and cooked me supper. I'd never been more attracted to a woman in my life.

The important thing to know about an INTP, to put it in perspective, is that we don't generally trust anyone enough to let them in close. Those we do let in though, they're in *deep*. We don't do things unless we mean it. We don't say things unless we mean it and have thought long and hard about it and we certainly don't say them to anyone that we don't trust. When an INTP is telling you about their wonderful ideas and theories and mesmerizing you with their minds...that's their way of telling you they trust you and they want to be with you / around you. If you can understand that for them exposing themselves to you, baring their inner most thoughts to you ... that's pretty damn intimate for an INTP. It may not be a candlelit dinner but it's...deeper than that. More meaningful.

End result...I think the types should have other people that are like themselves as friends....people to hang out with and share thoughts and ideas and experiences with. The types should have their opposites as lovers and partners.
You couldn't have explained it any better. I swear you could write a book about this pairing and I'd buy and read it all the time.

I finally (after much obvious realizations and going from living to him and now seeing him on weekends due to his new job) decided to just flat out ask my INTP to be my boyfriend.. or partner. Whatever (we tend to steer clear of those labels but definitely are partners in crime and always looking for adventures in form of road trips and learning new things like day trips to museums, etc).

I know from our ups and downs we have our differences that do seem to just 'click' so well I can't even explain it on here. We are both cynical in a sense of how relationships work (since it is his first you can understand him being reluctant) and when we have parted ways not knowing next time we'd see each other again (he moved to Cali temporarily for internship that he cut short anyways), we have remained friends despite no romantic conversations/feelings. It was hard to do. Reuniting after 5 months and picking up where we left off seemed to bond us closer. Anyways, him having a job i think helps him feel bit better about maintaining a relationship.

Enough about that - just wanted to share that after 16 mos of being the awesome duo we were (and when not seeing each other still remaining close pals), i'm thrilled to finally snag my INTP so to speak. I hate to sound so possessive there, but knowing how fearful of committment I had been last 3 years or so, knowing what I have with him just makes sense (he brings out the better qualities of me, and vice versa), it makes dating and telling people i have a partner less scary.

Not sure if other ESFJs feel this way -- I have done long term relationships non stop from ages 15-29 so i think thats why last 3 years I've been 'uh no thanks im not your gf...." My INTP never had one so he was wary too. Just a matter of time where its like "well this is dumb. We are pretty much dating. You sleep here all the time, we are always together, let's just do this. We know however it ends we will remain in contact as friends" so yeah.

Although I am the OP for this, I still think my journey in finding love isn't an easy one. Although I am comfortable and I ADORE my INTP, I worry at times how I'll get perhaps in a few years - perhaps bored? annoyed? over it? I try not to worry so much on it and enjoy my time now.

Thanks guys for replies in here thus far. I always appreciate ESFJ talk! (and Ixxx talk too) :)
 

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I totally get the ISTP/ ESFJ connection. It's like a mutual understanding!! I've been with an ISTP for over a decade. Socionics describes us as semi-duals which is one of the more favorable matches. ISTPs are so fun!! :hampster:
 

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Awesome! I'm happy for you two. :)
 
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So far, the best match (lately as I grow older) has been INTP I've been seeing on/off for 16 mos now (things seem to be back 'on'). The reassurance I get from is whenever he spends time with me, which he makes a point to often. He may not be the most verbal, complimenting person in the world, but just by his overly affectionate ways at times, I know how he feels.

[...]

I think my fascination with INTPs are how they're always in their head thinking, and fact they can tolerate ESFJs (somehow) is intriguing. I have read a lot of threads with those pairings. If i ever come across any type of ISxx, I will definitely try to get to know them better. I just NEVER meet any!! :(
I'm an INTP.

I fell in love with my ESFJ, because she gave me the impression that she'd never hurt a fly and that I could trust her with my life.

Much the same way, my direct and open communication made here trust me as well. She felt somewhere deep inside that I'm not the kind of person to play games or use "white lies".

She also kind of acted like a connection to the "outside world" that I was lacking myself. And I suppose I helped her reasoning out of something when her emotions prevented her from seeing clearly.

We were a great team when we were at our best. But we kind of destroyed each other when we were at our worst. And after 10 years, she eventually decided to dump me and drop me like a hot potato.

I'm still trying to make sense of everything that happened and look for a way to fix what seems unfixable right now. Butting heads too many times during the 10 years we've been together seems to have left so many scars that her love for me turned into disdain and fear, and I have no idea how I can possibly overcome this.

If anyone here knows, please do let me know...
 
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