[imploded hope]

I've noticed a stunning trend in my recent relationships that all of my few recent girlfriends all have depression, or bi-polar disorder, or some such thing. It's a little weird to me, its even among my friends too. Its like anyone with a problem comes to me, and it's not like I really mind, but I was wondering if anyone else has noticed this in their own relationships?

 

[Marimeli]

Are you a super excited, happy person? Because it could be that they are attracted to you with the mistaken hope that you will be able to light them up, which ultimately doesn't work bc the depression is inside them and no one outside can do much about it for long.

 

[imploded hope]

depends on the day really. I'm super fun and excited one second, usually with certain friends and then two seconds later I'm a depressed mess. plus, I do want to help them, and I know I can't but still I try..and yeah.

 

[Marimeli]

This might be a little personal but do you struggle with depression or bipolar disorder yourself? Maybe they see kinship in you, then.

 

[imploded hope]

I've had depression since...about 12 or 13. (nearly 16 now) that actually might be a possibility though.

 

[Michael82]

I had a girlfriend with autism for a little while and a girlfriend with adhd. But I noticed that I don't have my own life in order enough as I would like to to be in a relationship with someone with a mental condition. I feel like those people need some security and that I am somewhat too much of a dependant person on the one hand and too much self-focused on the other hand.

 

[MooOfTheCow]

Are YOU attracted to THEM? I tend to be drawn to people who suffer, or have overcome lots of suffering. People that seem to cruise merrily through life feel flat and boring. I think it's good to surround yourself with a mixture of people though. It's dangerous to see the world exclusively with extreme optimism or pessimism.

 

[imploded hope]

thats pretty close to what I feel. (ADHD man, that's probably ALL my friends) I constantly flick between "need to talk, need help, need, need, need." to "sorry, not interested." and then theres the normal side which is "helphelphelphelphelphelp" that one usually wins out.

sometimes I am attracted to them yes. I hate boring people, but the thing is, I have very few optimists. I'm an optomistic pessimist. if that makes sense.

 

[Sily]

I have this weird theory that what is going on inside of a person is reflected back to them in their physical reality. So maybe like attracts like? Not sure, I also have a theory that nothing in this physical realm can fully be explained with certainty, because it's too complex.

My final answer: too many possibilities so I can't really say why these things are happening to you.

 

[cloudcompeller]

I sort of have this kind of problem but slightly different. I attracted people that I don't want to be with, I mean those people with the first impression that I hate most! Though I know it's not good to judge people from the outside but they are just the people that I'm not comfortable with. Anyway, I think they might be related somehow. Maybe everyone has some qualities that are able to attract someone, both desirable and undesirable.

 

[Marimeli]

I'm an optomistic pessimist. if that makes sense.

omg yes!!! i always tell people i'm a cynical optimist... you always HOPE the next time will be better, but secretly you know it won't. But it doesn't keep you from believing that it MIGHT...

 

[Kaspa]

Now that you mention it, all my girlfriends have suffered from clinical depression and one was Bipolar. Pretty odd - also all have been bisexuals. Odd pattern indeed, since I don't really try to find depressed bisexual girls.

 

[imploded hope]

omg yes!!! i always tell people i'm a cynical optimist... you always HOPE the next time will be better, but secretly you know it won't. But it doesn't keep you from believing that it MIGHT...

Finally, I'm not alone in that one!

Now that you mention it, all my girlfriends have suffered from clinical depression and one was Bipolar. Pretty odd - also all have been bisexuals. Odd pattern indeed, since I don't really try to find depressed bisexual girls.

If it wasn't obvious before, that's what I have. do you hate it, or do you like it? that's the real question I suppose

 

[Aelthwyn]

I've noticed I tend to attract emotionally needy people. I think this is because I appear unthreatening, am sympathetic, am a good listener, and someone who apparently inspires trust - I suppose because I don't look like the type who is out there blabbing to everyone, so they assume their secrets are safe with me? I dunno. I like helping others, I like being nuturing and encouraging, and I'm not saying those friendships are not valuable, but sometimes it does get really draining and can feel like I'm always giving a lot more than I'm recieving. Since college, however, this trend has changed a bit and it's very nice to feel like I can actually rely on my friends emotionally myself without over-burdening them.

 

[Belovodia]

In the past I was often attracting needy people and trying to fix and rescue them.

To be honest with myself I think that I was unaware of my own emotional pain, and was
attempting to ameliorate it by focusing on another's suffering.

Now that I'm more in touch with my own unconscious suffering, I don't feel others
pain so much. However, I am still sometimes tempted to rescue.

I also think, as another poster said, that some people sense empathy and kindness
and are drawn to that for some relief.

 

[imploded hope]

I may have mentioned it before, but I can turn off the helping, but its not really under my control. I try to be there for everyone, so it might just be that.

 

[gaudy316]

Perhaps you're the only one that listens

 

[imploded hope]

is that good, or bad?

 

[Up and Away]

Maybe cuz you are passive aggressive or non confrontational

 

[FIREICE]

Depressed people can be good people, so don't judge them too much.