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One of the many questions I ask myself everyday. Why is it that humans subconsciously live by this social darwinist mentality of being the biggest ass to get the pass, and the nice guy finish guys last crap? Many of these questions is why I don't have any good opinions on humanity on a overall bases.
 

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Life isn't always like that.

Also, there's a significant difference between a 'nice guy' and a wet lettuce (not that I'm insinuating you are). Once you learn to stand up for yourself and not take any shit, you'll do great. It's a hard lesson to learn (especially as an INFP) but sometimes it's forced upon you; there are times when you just have to grit your teeth and go in all guns blazing. More often than not you'll find that you can cut people down to size and they'll generally leave you alone in the future.

My trigger is the fact that I hate injustice, either towards other colleagues or myself. If someone is being unfairly treated, I kick up a stink because it absolutely goes against my values. Equality for all - anything less and I'll be getting in your face about it.

This is another reason I began to think I was an ENFP but apparently I'm definitely an INFP, just slightly more evolved in a few areas (e.g. being an asshole, but at least I'm a well directed asshole!) I had some important life lessons to learn quite early on in relation to the workplace. It was hard at the time. Very hard... but I'm grateful for it because it has really hardened me up.
 

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I would venture that what you're witnessing is not catering to the A holes, but rather catering to the strongest wills.

Usually A-holes are strong willed individuals because they don't care about others; but if you pit an A-hole against a strong willed, confident moral individual, I bet you'd see that life favors the moral individual.

INFP are often timid, we're often passive, we often let things slide, and shoulder burdens ourselves. Not necessarily the best catalysts for change. It is possible to be that type of person, but it is draining.
 

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Consider yourself lucky. Men are allowed to be assohoIes and show their aggression, and don't have to pretend to be nice and sensitive.

Your situation is completely reversed for me. If I can fake the whole nicedy-nice-nice thing, I get along with people just fine. But if I act like myself - which means not worrying about seeming too assertive/callous/blunt - I get negative shocked reactions and end up alienating potential network resources.
 

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Heh, some guys dig that. So long as you have a soft side too, of course ;p

I work with plenty of women that are complete A holes. In fact, more women than men seem that way in my place!
 

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I think that people somehow respect those people who are 'assholes' because they don't seem like the kind of people who will back down or falter. With me, I'll be extremely sweet when you first meet me, but then I'll show a side of myself that might be considered assholish. If there's one thing I've noticed, people don't really argue with you as much if you're an 'asshole'. I guess as Iruk touched upon, men are expected to be like that these days.
 

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Being an A hole asserts dominance, and is thus a sign of power. So long as you're willing to go all the way, big A hole=big power.

Btw, I've known some pretty A-holish women. They weren't as successful in the power grab as A holish guys, but they still were high up there. The real trick is mixing A hole on one side and innocent on the other, but that's just being plain and simple manipulative.
 

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Wow, you guys must be living on another planet to me then :p

Here on planet Earth as we call it, an asshole is just that - an asshole. Few people like them (save for the pathetic, snivelling 'brown noses' that follow them around like the pathetic acts they are) and they seldom get away with being an asshole for any length of time.

There is absolutely no need to be a cock-end with anyone this day in age. To me, it signals insecurities and under-developed people skills.

I have no time for the assholes of the world. Full of hot air, often unintelligent.
 

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Wow, you guys must be living on another planet to me then :p

Here on planet Earth as we call it, an asshole is just that - an asshole. Few people like them (save for the pathetic, snivelling 'brown noses' that follow them around like the pathetic acts they are) and they seldom get away with being an asshole for any length of time.
He didn't really define 'asshole' fully, so we had to go by our own definitions lol
 

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Wow, you guys must be living on another planet to me then :p

Here on planet Earth as we call it, an asshole is just that - an asshole. Few people like them (save for the pathetic, snivelling 'brown noses' that follow them around like the pathetic acts they are) and they seldom get away with being an asshole for any length of time.

There is absolutely no need to be a cock-end with anyone this day in age. To me, it signals insecurities and under-developed people skills.

I have no time for the assholes of the world. Full of hot air, often unintelligent.
I think it's more about selective ass holery and rather than be a blatant 'I'm in your face' ass hole, it's the types that just take advantage of and use people to their own ends. Or the ones that choose a target and rally others against said target to make themselves seem better. Atleast that's the vibe I'm getting.

The sort of asshole you describe sounds more like the stereotypical high school/middle school bully.
 

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I have noticed this a lot lately, and I am sick of it. I always get walked all over because I try to be nice and sweet to people, and the assholes totally take advantage of that. It's making me begin to hate humanity.
 

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I don't think society is "set up" to favor assholes. I think it's set up to favor people who assertively go after what they want, not letting anything discourage them. Are people like that more likely to be assholes than those who aren't? Possibly. But that just gives you more room to stand out from the crowd. Be assertive AND considerate of others feelings.
 

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The sort of asshole you describe sounds more like the stereotypical high school/middle school bully.
With all due respect, that's exactly what you describe above also :)

An asshole is an asshole, period. You may get some in a position of authority that can be a complete asshat with you knowing full well you can't turn around and tell them where to get off (unless you're ok with being sacked - I did exactly that once and was out of the door faster than you can say "Holy sh-" :X). You may even get some, God forbid, that have a bit of intelligence behind them.

Bleh, enough from me - assholes, bullies, whatever. Small minded individuals that need knocking down a peg and a good, long look in the mirror. Don't give them the time of day because they ain't worth shite :p
 

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In the moment it can be extremely challenging to remain calm, but I usually fall back on these three things:

1) Most assholes I know, as in the extroverted, flashy people who break promises and lie, yet are still adored by people around them because of their personality, are usually miserable on some level underneath it all. They generally aren't in tune with what they really want or need, thus making them assholes in the first place. Otherwise they would be content, nice people.

2a) Karmic retribution is real, it will come back on them.
2b) This also works favorably for me if I continue to be a good person.

The best example I can think of is my boss, who I actually happen to like and he has almost always been great to me. Anyway, he is the kind of person who walks in a room and all eyes are on him, makes friends with everyone, he is an incredible salesman, and he makes a lot of money and has tons of toys. Cars, boats, RV, dogs, motorcycles, nice house, laptops, etc.

But he continues to cheat on girlfriends and wives, has gone through multiple divorces, buys himself all these expensive cars and toys as if more money and more stuff will make him happy, and is now trying to get his wife who he doesn't even like pregnant because he thinks a kid will make him happy.

By the way, the wife is a terrible mother to the daughter she already has from a previous boyfriend, as she is high in the morning and some days doesn't even get her 5yo child to school, and he works on the road as I do, so he won't be around to raise this child either, if she even gets pregnant before this marriage ends.

So, he lives a continual cycle of being irresponsible, pays for all his mistakes by the excessive amounts of money he makes, is lonely always being on the road and manages it by getting drunk at bars every night (not that I blame him for that, working on the road is very tough mentally), and as far as I can tell has never really been fulfilled by his life on the level that he wants if he would just 'grow up' for lack of a better term even though he is nearly 40. So for all of his personality and seeming ability to get things easily in life, he isn't really happy at all.

Personally, I'd rather be happy knowing I'm a good person :) Anyway, obviously the moral of the story is just because it appears like the world caters to these people and gives them everything they want, doesn't mean they enjoy their lives or are happy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I guess what I'm encountering is if I do stand up for myself, people are taken aback and say, "wow, you're sensative".

Generally what happens is that the insensitive (aashole) person acts/speaks and hurts my feelings. I'm like wtf (internally) and communicate that I'm upset or hurt or whatever and people might laugh or talk about me behind my back or whatever. Then I think to myself if I was the person who offended someone, they wouldn't respond how I did. They would try to hurt me in return rather than being constructive with communication. When I think to myself that I could do what they do, I just think to myself, I have no desire to operate like that. I have no desire to fire remarks off to belittle others or to make others feel bad.
 

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I guess what I'm encountering is if I do stand up for myself, people are taken aback and say, "wow, you're sensative".

Generally what happens is that the insensitive (aashole) person acts/speaks and hurts my feelings. I'm like wtf (internally) and communicate that I'm upset or hurt or whatever and people might laugh or talk about me behind my back or whatever. Then I think to myself if I was the person who offended someone, they wouldn't respond how I did. They would try to hurt me in return rather than being constructive with communication. When I think to myself that I could do what they do, I just think to myself, I have no desire to operate like that. I have no desire to fire remarks off to belittle others or to make others feel bad.
I can only speak for myself, but I finally had to develop a way to be stern yet calm and non-confrontational when asking people to stop saying what they are saying.

For example:


Other person: Blah blah blah, I'm being insensitive, etc etc.

Me, sternly, almost like a command and not a question: Excuse me, would you please stop talking about that?
OR, if they really were offensive: Excuse me, do not talk like that around me/to me again.

Them: Why?

Me: Because I don't appreciate it.


Don't let on your emotions or why it is bothering you. If you have to, feel free to make up some lie that shows the issue is somehow sensitive to you without showing how deeply affected you are by them. Just show that you are visibly taking a stand to what they are saying and happen to have some reason for asking them to move on. If they continue, then it's OK to escalate from there.

It is important to be authoritative when telling them to stop, without turning it into a big deal. It should almost be like a calm parent telling their child "No" without making it into a scene where the child is feeding on negative attention. Quick, straight to the point, move on with the conversation and act like nothing happened immediately after. If you say something with a clear conviction without attacking the other person, it usually will end without issue.

Most people shrug it off, figuring obviously you have a good reason for asking them to stop and they move on from there. They might ask someone else if they know why it bothered you, but rarely do they go and laugh about how sensitive you were afterwards as they would if you are saying "Stop, that is hurting my feelings."

By the way, it took a long time for me to develop this confidence and voice in myself, as I'm sure it must be hard for all INFPs, but you can't let people walk all over you. Just remember you are doing nothing wrong when sticking up for yourself, and you have as much of a right to not be disrespected as anyone else.
 

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Am I the only one who looks at things like this with complete comedy?

Yeah, people can be bitchy, fake, egotistic til the sun goes down every single evening
but isn't it just hilarious? I think so...
 
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