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Jealousy - been there done that have a t-shirt...sick and damn tired of it be quite frank. I probably should have posted this in the psychology section of the forum. But, I guess I wanted to know on average who has this problem because I seem to have more than my fair share of frenemies and green eyed jack rabbits on the job.

And, I'm rather tired of the covert ways in which their twisted little games are played out. So, do pull up a chair and tell me more........


  • Do you experience it on a regular basis?
  • In what area of your life does it typically manifest with people?
  • What have you found to be the most effective way to deal with it?
  • What do you suppose it is about you that triggers this response in most people?
  • Or, do you think they are generally this way?
 

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Jealousy - [...]
  • Do you experience it on a regular basis?
  • In what area of your life does it typically manifest with people?
  • What have you found to be the most effective way to deal with it?
  • What do you suppose it is about you that triggers this response in most people?
  • Or, do you think they are generally this way?
Yes

Work, intellectual level. Big threat to leaders, they want me eliminated as quickly as possible.

Work around them if they are hostile. No need to attack them, waste of time and your integrity/loyalty. Keep educating yourself, until you can show you are more fit for a higher leveled job.

Lack of self-confidence and survival. If you are more fit for the job, then they can lose it and their salary with it. Likewise with SO, man looks at other women, women is afraid to lose and end up alone, gets jealous and man endures (or not).

Hmm, people tend to have weaknesses in their character, like we are not that good in Fe. Fi will trigger our weakness and may lower our self-confidence if not accepted by the ENTJ as weakness. The same shit happens with others.
 
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  • Yes.
  • A lot of my jealousy is just a spur to to great things and make money, you know? I'm a pretty materialistic person, and I often find myself (even though I know it's bad), measuring my success and my happiness in dollar bills, so I am often "jealous" of people who are already that the point that I want to be. Generally it's like, "Wow that's a fast car, I want that car, I'm jealous, my car is not as fast." I used to be sickly jealous of skinny people, and I still am, but it's less prevalent now.
  • I just get the fuck over it, I guess. I don't know, how do I explain just moving on? Usually I'm jealous for like five seconds and then I go back to what I was doing.
  • Unhappiness with their own life and their own image, lack of self respect, or disappointment with accomplishments.
  • I don't know what you mean by that.
 
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Jealousy - been there done that have a t-shirt...sick and damn tired of it be quite frank. I probably should have posted this in the psychology section of the forum. But, I guess I wanted to know on average who has this problem because I seem to have more than my fair share of frenemies and green eyed jack rabbits on the job.

And, I'm rather tired of the covert ways in which their twisted little games are played out. So, do pull up a chair and tell me more........


  • Do you experience it on a regular basis. no, but I did at previous job
  • In what area of your life does it typically manifest with people?people who have used this strategy successfully in the past and people who suck at their job or suck at life
  • What have you found to be the most effective way to deal with it excise them,don't engage, get them fired.
  • What do you suppose it is about you that triggers this response in most people?. what an interesting question . i think because I don't respond the way they expect me to, emotionally. I shut down and turn into a robot like person when that drama shit happens, then they treat me like an alien from another planet
  • Or, do you think they are generally this way? some, yes. backstabbing is a strategy of weakness. when people are afraid to be bold. it's passive aggressive, but the aggressors are grandiose enough to think they are heroes in their melodrama. they control others around them with emotion, because it works.
I've been in this shit before. It was in a coorporation. I've worked in gov't with amazing people,but steered clear of the loonies. the more experience I've gotten has given me the chops to tell them to step off and they listen.
 

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Fairly regular. People think I have everything for some reason.

It manifests a lot in my social life (to the point some of my friends joke that I'm a prince), it used to happen often at work when I worked in a company. It doesn't happen much unless I take contracted work. I don't see people being jealous of me in the firms where I've a share or co-own.

The most effective way of dealing with it is to just ignore it unless it affects productivity. I don't care about what they think unless it's going to negatively affect me or company productivity. I'm not jealous of other people, I'm not perfect but I just see something in someone else and if it's worthy to bring into my life I do try to do that.

The response is usually a lack of self-confidence, self-worth, the fact that they don't think they can reach these goals and the fact that they waste their energies being jealous instead of improving their station.

Some people just spend too much time observing others and being jealous without focussing on themselves. This is the only place where it truly pays to be selfish since by being so you can focus on improving your self instead of just sitting there and whining about not improving yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Fairly regular. People think I have everything for some reason.

It manifests a lot in my social life (to the point some of my friends joke that I'm a prince), it used to happen often at work when I worked in a company. It doesn't happen much unless I take contracted work. I don't see people being jealous of me in the firms where I've a share or co-own.

The most effective way of dealing with it is to just ignore it unless it affects productivity. I don't care about what they think unless it's going to negatively affect me or company productivity. I'm not jealous of other people, I'm not perfect but I just see something in someone else and if it's worthy to bring into my life I do try to do that.

The response is usually a lack of self-confidence, self-worth, the fact that they don't think they can reach these goals and the fact that they waste their energies being jealous instead of improving their station.

Some people just spend too much time observing others and being jealous without focussing on themselves. This is the only place where it truly pays to be selfish since by being so you can focus on improving your self instead of just sitting there and whining about not improving yourself.
Thanks very insightful response. Don't care what they think. I care about the attempts of discrediting and lying because of it. It becomes frustrating to work in an environment when you are constantly dealing with the green-eyed monster factor.

I especially like the statement bolded above because that's my philosophy for the most part. If someone is better at something, has something, and/or mastered something where I need to develop....I will get with them to figure out their strategy to approach that area of their life....in other words I want to learn from them to be better in that area. Not discredit them, lie on them, harass them, put stumbling blocks in their way, and/or roadblocks.

I agree with you said about focusing on other people vs self and people having low self confidence etc too.
 

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@n2freedom discrediting, lying, passing the buck - people like that make it difficult to work or even share an apartment or aspects of their life because you're constantly forced to either defend yourself or have to always let your actions speak louder or even just let them let others think you're shit.
If it's getting too much I usually either try to get myself to a position of authority or find a new place to work. There's no point being stuck somewhere.
 

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see, I think it's easy to dismiss it as just jealousy, but I think it's some people have a fear of the unknown and it permeates every aspect of their lives.

I see them "ganging" up on the different person when they lack reassurances that this person is the same as them. It's small minded, but one could argue it's been a successful human strategy for survival.

I just don't see people self reflecting on their motivation for doing so. You could ignore it, but how could one learn from the experience by ignoring it? I think a new job would be ideal as it sounds like you're in a toxic workplace. But, these people may have something to teach you.

I found after my one horrible experience, that I could preempt this behavior in people I found to be similar by showing them I cared. Each person was treated as they would have wished and I tailored my behavior to each of them. One good way for most is to ask about their children or pets as many self-identify with these two groups. I tried to find similar interests (easier for me as they're varied).

Hope that's food for thought instead of drivel ;-)
 
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^^^^ THIS!!! Yep, that is the option I am diligently working on. :wink:
That is only a good strategy when the system of the government does not allow for talented intellectuals to work their way up.
 
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OMG I want an ENTJ frenemy! How come something so right there hasn't ever happened to occur to me?
sily,we aren't frenemies. we're friends or we don't care. rarely enemies. but, for you, i'll do it for a fee.
 
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She's right. We either care enough to have you in our lives or don't give a toss. Frenemies is a hassle but if you can offer us compensation we'll do it. Doesn't have to be money.
 

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Don't feed the trolls.
 

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Do you experience it on a regular basis?
I think it is impossible to know and maintain networks of people without experiencing it.

What have you found to be the most effective way to deal with it?

I call it the Cesar Milan approach. If a dog is acting crazy, and aggressive, he will put it on a leash. Then he holds his arm out so no matter what the dog does it can't reach him. The dog will fight and thrash and stuff, but he just holds it there. Nothing has unlimited energy. After a while it will have to stop out of exhaustion, and he just uses that time to pet it and turn it into his minion...

What do you suppose it is about you that triggers this response in most people?

Jealousy, insecurity, fear, cowardice, plenty of other things that aren't that positive.

Or, do you think they are generally this way?

Usually a general thing, but it is possible there are exceptions.
 

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Quite the contrary - trolls die with fire, thus feed the trolls burning embers and other flammable things and watch them explode.
works in RPGs, must work in real life too ;-)
 
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INTJ, but I get jealous when I see someone who earns more money than me and does less work for their salary... Especially if they haven't gone through school to get that far.

I also get jealous when people have better computers than what I have. ._.
 
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