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Hey everyone,

I just recently made an account after a year of browsing through PerC threads. I felt like I should contribute back as much information that I myself have received from all of the forums.
It is a little intimidating being an ESFJ and posting in the forums as we don't have the best reputations online (don't really have that same reputation IRL from people who know me though).

I find that I operate on a "need to" basis for the most part. I like to feel needed and helpful. I've noticed that when someone uses that phrase in conjunction with a request, my inner hero switch is activated and I have found a cause to devote my energy to. This only applies to people that I care about though; I'm not too much invested in the lives of unfamiliar people unless I find grounds for mutual understanding. I am mother-ish which is what my younger brothers have told me but I mean, what's wrong with mothers ? :kitteh:

I don't actively dislike confrontations, conflict or leadership positions. If there is a reason to have a confrontation or take on a leadership role (because there isn't a suitable candidate or someone whom I care about has asked me to) then I engage in it. Every since I was young, I have been somewhat of a work-a-holic be it at school (being Student Union VP and P, full IB, Specialization degree) or even when I worked during a gap year with 3 jobs.

I do dislike insincerity, laziness, and lying. I think that this is because all three of those said qualities interfere with my ability to trust a person and therefore have a relationship with them. If you're insincere (pretending to do/say something for the sake of doing/saying it) then I know that I cannot rely that you will say or do something when the time comes up. If you're lazy (and not like I don't want to get out of bed but there is something that should be done affecting others and you don't do it) then again, I can't rely that you are able to take care of duties or handle responsibilities. If you're lying (intentionally deceiving someone for personal gain) then I cannot communicate with you as I do not trust what you say.

I like/require these qualities in friends: honesty, loyalty and a hard-working attitude. This is why I enjoy my friendships with other healthy Sentinels a lot because we get stuff done when stuff needs to get done. And like me, we like having plans and sticking to those plans (I personally have the next decade of my life planned out almost to a T). Yes I can try a new way to do something but why take that chance when I know that the old, tested-true way will give me the results that I expect. Minimize risks and optimize your benefits.

I don't know why people find it so hard to connect Sensory and Intuitive types. It's not that one is better than the other, or that Sensory types are stupid. We just have different ways of interacting with the world. I've not had issues with INTJs, INFPs, ENFJs, ENTPs or ENTPs in my life whom I share common views with.

Any comments on your thought-processes or similar/dissimilar experiences ? :happy:
 

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Thank you for joining and contributing.

Not to many ESFJ round these parts. It is nice of you
to jump in and get involved.

What can I say about your post?
Are you my wife spying on me?! (she is ESFJ)

Pretty ESFJ sounding stuff to me.

So ...be honest..do you have it in you to fall for the
bad boy that needs fixing? I am trying to figure out
if this is an ESFJ heavy thing or if it is tied more to
childhood happenings and what not.

My wife totally turned my life around and gave me
good things to strive for. I owe her everything.
A lot of that is due to her ESFJ-ness and motherly
like attitude. I fell head over heels for it.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hey again @FueledByEvil (saw your post on how to tag) ! Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Haha, to answer your second question, no I couldn't be as I'm not a wife to anyone :laughing:

I don't know if I do have it in me to fall for a bad boy that needs fixing. I haven't yet, not sure about the future. I find that I am a target for some of them but I don't know why. I'm not very interested in having a romantic relationship these days so I don't give males much attention. I think I could if I saw that the potential love interest had something that would be worth investing in (sorry if I offend anyone with my pragmatic statement) or if I deemed them safe enough to help without being destructive to myself.

Thank you for sharing that, it made me really happy to hear that. Some people dislike ESFJs and their way of being motherly (I can't help it guys, if I care then I mother). I found that the only type that has outmatched us in talkative-ity and mothering-ness is the ENFJ. Your wife sounds wonderful and cheers to both of you in committing to each other. :happy:
 

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Registered
Joined
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984 Posts
Thank you for joining and contributing.

Not to many ESFJ round these parts. It is nice of you
to jump in and get involved.

What can I say about your post?
Are you my wife spying on me?! (she is ESFJ)

Pretty ESFJ sounding stuff to me.

So ...be honest..do you have it in you to fall for the
bad boy that needs fixing? I am trying to figure out
if this is an ESFJ heavy thing or if it is tied more to
childhood happenings and what not.

My wife totally turned my life around and gave me
good things to strive for. I owe her everything.
A lot of that is due to her ESFJ-ness and motherly
like attitude. I fell head over heels for it.
Oh yeah, I have been with the bad boy that needs fixing more times than I can count - looking at my love life over the years, it's a see-saw between the bad boys who need fixing and the good boys who I think are going to fix me.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
What I do: Not save names to phone numbers
Why: Less likely to feel obligated to invest in them/check up on them from time to time

What I do: Regularly delete "friends" on Facebook
Why: Because I think that I have surpassed a realistic amount of Facebook friends and/or find that I do not interact much with those said "friends" via Facebook

What I do: Take the longer but more familiar route whilst driving
Why: I don't trust that the new, shorter route will get me there without any issues (I get lost, route involves an obscure cul-de-sac or something else to that effect)

What I do: change my own oil, filters, tire
Why: I've seen that dependent people are burdensome, they are more prone to be hurt as result of not being self-reliant, and I want to be able to protect/help myself regardless of circumstances
 

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Great thread! quite a few things resonated with me.

Much like you, i also detest laziness and general giveup-attitude, if that makes sense. I'm a firm believer in the "anything is possible if you work hard enough" mentality, and seeing people giving up frustrates me to no end. I value work ethic that aligns with my own and seeing someone lag behind makes me feel the need to get them to "catch up". Loyalty, Honestly and Integrity is something i value greatly in friends and relationships in general, and without those qualities people would most likely be stuck at the "sorta-friend" stage. At the end of the day it all comes down to whenever i see you as trustworthy or a benefit to myself and most importantly others.

I see conflict as a necessity, but an evil one. It's always good to avoid a fight but it's gonna happen at some point so we might as well do it in a controlled fashion. It clears the air and makes way for social development. I these situations i tend to take on the "supervisor" role, making sure nothing gets out of hand and ensuring at the end of the day it's a productive fight and not one that deepens hatred or bad feelings. I think it stems for a desire to control my outer world, if that makes sense. Everythings gotta be optimal and balanced.

Because of this i'm dubbed the Mumfriend or Dadfriend, which i find pretty adorable and quite frankly i take it as a compliment.
 
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