[downsowf]

In response to the "Why people dislike ESFJ" thread and the backlash that ensued, I felt compelled to start this thread on why people like ESFJs, and throw some nuggets of affirmation your way.

ESFJs: Discuss the type of qualities people appreciate you for. What are the type of qualities you hope other people recognize in you?

Non-ESFJ: Relate a personal story of how an ESFJ relationship has positively affected you. What do you admire about the ESFJ you know?

Notice I'm trying to relegate this to personal experiences so as not to generalize a whole type. I know all ESFJs can be extremely sensitive (my attempt at a joke).

Edit: Fuck! It bugs me to no end that I put ESJFs. This was done purposely to demonstrate that even an INTP can make an editorial mistake, dispelling all stereotypes that we are compulsive re-editors. This post really bugs me now. I can't even look at my mis-type.

 

[Hollow Man]

What's the grammar mistake exactly? I've done that too with thread titles..."it bugs me to no end" that you can't change it too....LOL. Once I wrote critic as critric!...yargghh..I felt my credibility go out the window.

Oh, you mixed up the order (it's not a grammar mistake)...I get it now...I didn't even notice at first to be honest.

It's an important thing to not generalize about the type as a whole, nice touch!

As an esfj, this is hard I want to make this really personal and specific...I would say people appreciate me as a decent listener who actually listens and shares the emotions of what a person feels or thinks. For me personally, emotions and feelings are contagious as an Fe user. As a retail employee, I can feel the disappointment of a customer when I can't help them out. I start to feel it myself. Though, I try as hard as I can to help them out because I want to make them happy...it'll spread to me too in the end because of Fe.

 

[Scarlett_]

What's to like about ESFJ? You will never be in want of conversation.

 

[Owfin]

I like how ESFJs seem to really put in effort into their fe. I don't always agree with it, but they are "well researched" in their opinions, so to speak. I respect that.

 

[Lost in Oblivion]

My sister is an ESFJ. She can become very vehement in her opinions at times, but I think she provides a good xSFJ family balance. I have 2 INTJ's, an ESTJ, and INFJ (myself) in my family. Personally, I think there is almost a lack of F-bonding in us (I have F, but I am very selective). For example, when holidays and birthdays come up, the ESxJ's of the family are very good at making sure we are giving presents still.

I also have a few ESFJ friends. While one of them (guy) can bug me sometimes (he will disappear and reappear whenever he feels like it, it seems), the other (girl) is extremely kind. She keeps up with a lot of people and make sure they're doing okay, and she doesn't really judge people right off the bat, unlike several other ESFJ's I know. Despite me being very closed off in general, she still genuinely cares about how I feels, which I appreciate. roud:

 

[donkeybals]

Their hearts are in the right place and are caring.

 

[bengalcat]

I have an ESFJ friend at uni. Whenever she sees me she always comes over to talk to me, and sits and listens and will "be there" with me for a while. A lot of people will say hi and make a cursory attempt at a chat but she seems to really be there, she's definitely giving you her time. She is very honest. She's even honest about her non-pc feelings, though she'll often express some guilt or embarrassment over that, which I find cute somehow and always try to reassure her about. She just seems.... unguarded, caring, straightforwardly a good friend. She can't always relate to or understand my perspectives, but she tries and listens. She's very solid and nurturing. She also has this naughty/wicked side to her which is really entertaining and stimulating.

She was one of the first few people at uni I could like and feel a bond with without reservation. Trustworthy and awesome

 

[Thalassa]

I was with an ESFJ for six years. He was loyal, never cheated on me, was very affectionate and intense as a lover, and called me cute nicknames and did nurturing things for me like hang black curtains so I could sleep more soundly in the mornings, and bring me glasses of water when he thought I had been drinking too much caffeine. He was a very demonstrative, devoted boyfriend with a strongly developed sense of aesthetics. Too bad he had an anger problem he refused to seek help for.

Some of my female friends are ESFJs. While they occasionally annoy me with wanting to talk to much, or with constant "straightening up," I appreciate their warmth and kindness and involvement.

I also like when ESFJs provide structure for me. Someone has to do it, except if they go too far with it I get mad. My ESFJ ex never went too far with it, and neither does my ESFJ female friend from WV. The ESFJ friend I have right now has OCD and she goes a bit far with it, to the point of being invasive (I think that's just a less healthy ESFJ) but overall I like her and just have to set clear boundaries, which I have no problem doing as an adult.

 

[Coppertony]

My best friend in high school was an ESFJ, and we had great times together. We really balanced each other out, since he was very down-to-earth, pragmatic, and level headed, and I reminded him to have fun and that life isn't just about being 'cool' for other people. We haven't really talked much since we went to college, but those were good times.

 

[Bossy1]

People like me because I'm fun to be with, I guess (goodness this is going to sound like I have a huge ego!). I'm generally friendly and I make people laugh. I care about people and want to help if they have problems. I know there has been big discussion about ESFJs helping whether you want help or not, but I think it's more that ESFJs can see all the possibilities and can help others achieve their potential. I accept of course that not everyone wants someone elbowing in!

 

[dulcinea]

I only have one friend that I'm reasonably sure is an ESFJ; I have others that I suspect to be. I get the general impression from my limited experience on PerC and IRL, that emotionally mature ESFJs really love people and really care about the people around them. I know on the pages I've seen on why people on here dislike ESFJ's I usually see a lot of saying how they're really quick in giving advice, and stuff like that. My friend who's an ESFJ is like that too, but you can tell that it's because he really really cares about the well-being of the people in his life. He's like a father to a lot of people in our social group. He's the kind of person that loves taking care of other people and looking after others; it's hard for him to be taken care of, because his mentality is, he's such a giver, and it's hard for him to be on the receiving end.

He's a very informal person most of the time; he's very funny. I think he likes for people to feel at ease with him, and to feel comfortable enough to come to him if they have any problem that he feels he can help them with. I think he's very conscientious in regard to whether he's communicated his expectations of others in a clear concise way. He does sometimes give advice on how someone could handle a situation better, but it's usually if the person seeks it, and he makes a huge effort to temper it with commendation. He wants to help people, but he also wants people to feel good about themselves.

 

[dulcinea]

People like me because I'm fun to be with, I guess (goodness this is going to sound like I have a huge ego!). I'm generally friendly and I make people laugh. I care about people and want to help if they have problems. I know there has been big discussion about ESFJs helping whether you want help or not, but I think it's more that ESFJs can see all the possibilities and can help others achieve their potential. I accept of course that not everyone wants someone elbowing in!

I think ESFJ's get way too much flack for that tendency on this forum though. I've had a lot of friends that are XXFJ types and they all seem to have that tendency to a certain extent. The extroverts might be a little bit more overt with it since extroverts are quicker about talking and since the Fe is probably more to the forefront. I would imagine that ESFJs have a lot more common traits with the ENFJs that everyone gushes over on PerC. My ENFJ friend is kind of cautious with people he doesn't know well but once he gets to know you, he's just as quick with his advice as any ESFJ I've ever encountered. I mean, he fusses at me for how I eat sometimes, and he's, like, a decade younger than me, lol.

I think it's just a natural Fe response. You care so much about the people around you, you just naturally want to help them the best way you know how, because you want the people around you to be happy, because how they feel affects you deeply.

 

[Coppertony]

My best friend in high school was an ESFJ, and we had great times together. We really balanced each other out, since he was very down-to-earth, pragmatic, and level headed, and I reminded him to have fun and that life isn't just about being 'cool' for other people. We haven't really talked much since we went to college, but those were good times.

I hung out with my 'ESFJ' friend again the other day, and after a lot of weed he's discovered that he's actually an ENFP. lol.

 

[MelodyGirl]

Everyone I meet likes me and I can motivate anyone to do anything. Not trying to be egotistical either but that's seriously how it is. I can become whatever it takes to be the best friend to whomever I'm around. Hence I could even marry an INTP. I'm balanced.

 

[downsowf]

Everyone I meet likes me and I can motivate anyone to do anything. Not trying to be egotistical either but that's seriously how it is. I can become whatever it takes to be the best friend to whomever I'm around. Hence I could even marry an INTP. I'm balanced.

Aww... your picture even pierced through my cold heart. That's adorable. From personal experience, my dad is a great motivator and helps me out immensely. He's sort of having to force me to help myself at this point. I'm looking for jobs (it's my last semester of law school) and he's putting me into contact with all his friends and giving me advice on how to talk to these people. This is when his social knowledge and like-ability have worked in my favor. I hate calling people up all the time. And what he thinks is persistence, like constantly calling the same person over and over, I find as me being annoying. He's sort of motivated me to be a lot more proactive than I would normally.

And being married to an INTP- I would love to see you just make a thread recounting your personal experiences in this relationship as they come up. Sort of like a blog.

 

[MelodyGirl]

Aww... your picture even pierced through my cold hard. That's adorable. From personal experience, my dad is a great motivator and helps me out immensely. He's sort of having to force me to help myself at this point. I'm looking for jobs (it's my last semester of law school) and he's putting me into contact with all his friends and giving me advice on how to talk to these people. This is when his social knowledge and like-ability have worked in my favor. I hate calling people up all the time. And what he thinks is persistence, like constantly calling the same person over and over, I find as me being annoying. He's sort of motivated me to be a lot more proactive than I would normally.

And being married to an INTP- I would love to see you just make a thread recounting your personal experiences in this relationship as they come up. Sort of like a blog.

Awww... You're sweet! My sister took the picture. She's an excellent photographer! I love my baby too. ;-)

I SO should make a thread about B-Con and him about me. We have some hilarious stories. I also keep a quote book of my favorites of his. He's a riot!

 

[downsowf]

How are my fellow ESFJs. Ya'll have been awfully quiet on the this subforum lately. I suppose your too busy living your lives.

Here's an observation I've noticed about ESFJs that I admire: You guys have the most talented phone skills I've ever seen in my life. I swear the phone was invented specifically so you guys can work your game and sell the shit out of whatever it is you're selling. I used to be terrified of the phone. Growing up, I was frightened (maybe not the right word) of picking up the phone of making a phone call. I would just go over and over in my mind what I would say and how I wanted the conversation to go. My father is a natural. He sort of forced me out of my comfort zone. He has always stressed the idea of networking and calling people up. I definitely mimic his behavior whenever I'm on the phone for a networking call ( probably do it unconsciously now) and it has worked to my advantage.

As much as I hated at times when my dad was on the phone because I always wanted him to talk to me when I was growing up, I was enamored with hearing him talk on the phone. It entertained me forever. Or I would go in the living room (also my dad's "work space" so no one would be able to actually watch television because he'd always be on the phone) and sit there to listen to him talk. He is a complete workaholic; however, he always makes time to call me and talk about my future. I feel bad sometimes because I don't call him much or fail to return his calls many times, but I appreciate his persistence in wanting to talk to me just to see how I'm doing. All in all, just a hell of a guy.

 

[Mind Swirl]

I went on a trip with two people who I think are ESFJs (not confirmed), and it was a great time. I like that they get excited about things, are funny and often upbeat, and can make boring situations seem dramatic, funny, or entertaining. They tend to tell hilarious stories about everyday things as well. It's true; they really keep a conversation going.

 

[Boxter9]

One older ESFJ I'm close to has been hugely supportive in my life; he's one of the sincerest people I've ever met. He fixes my guitars and stuff when I break them in a fit of ExxP insanity. xD We're not always aligned ideologically, but it doesn't have any adverse effect on the relationship, and we have nothing but the deepest respect for each other's views.

 

[Razorfield9]

As an ESFJ, I can attest to a lot of the things here. I really don't mind discussing small-things, but I'm also game for talking about life in general I love to learn. My Ti is insanely pronounced apparently, so I love classes such as philosophy, and discussing and helping people to understand core concepts is very rewarding. I don't care at all for common gossip either so maybe I'd get along pretty well with dem' INTPs.

I'm actually not a very good people person- in that I don't like discussing in groups too much (I become very self-conscious) but when one-on-one or in a group of three people, I can wring out laughs from most folks.

I'm obsessed with certain things too- such as shipwrecks. I can become extremely sentimental about things, but I don't like to bother other people about it unless we're having a common discussion (although I do call my parents very often). Glad to see we're getting some love hahaha. I'm also almost always on these forums, so posts here will probably receive an answer from moi.