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I read this article and realized this woman was right. It's not just about women, though. I think men who constantly pursue women who would never sleep with them also have issues, with either hating or fearing women. There's also a small percentage of women who do that, who even as adult women have crushes persistently on men who won't give them the time of day.

In my own situation I definitely feel it's a fear of being trapped. I don't completely hate or fear men, so I still date and have an active sex life, but the last two men I have had strong feelings for and an ongoing thing...one lived hours away and now the most recent one is also terrified of being trapped, even though he's seen me regularly for years and pursues me ardently when I "disappear."

We create these games through our own fears. I never wanted to be "tied down" first of all, looking with pity on my old friends in small Southern towns who in reality in most cases are probably quite content with their commitment to marriage and family. I needed to seek things, to travel around the country, to be my own woman who could just get up and go to the beach when I felt like it. But that's not the only issue...because there are men who would do that WITH ME, there are guys who travel with their gf or spouse, doing things adventurous or fun together, people who take their entire family around in an RV, or men who want to stay in one place who still like their partner to have her own life. So I think the problem with me ultimately really arose from my ESFJ ex making me feel trapped and vulnerable to emotional abuse.

At some point you have to decide to take a risk, or you will keep attracting various forms of "unavailable"...


 
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