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Why is it that when life takes a crap on me that I'm the one who always is able to maintain composure, comfort the other(s) involved? Comforting them and telling them “everything will be OK”

Even when inside I'm a raging typhoon of emotions. No one ever gets to see it unleash. I always let those go when I'm alone.

Why? Is it because I'm scared of loosing all control of emotion and becoming a sobbing mess like all the others I have seen? Is it because I know the other(s) will become sobbing messes and I therefore hold it all back just to be sure someone can make sure something (positive) gets done?

Last week my awesome little ENFP bro left a suicide note with a pal...

When I heard I left work immediately. My mom was an absolute emotional mess. I drove them to the hospital and sat there, making sure everything was being taken care of. 9 hours of sitting in an uncomfortable chair in some hospital thinking...I don't have time for this (already incredibly behind on my studies)...yet also thinking...nothing else matters right now. And my mom who just didn't know how to react. This isn't my first run in with the depression beast. I'm the one who answered all the questions, did all the paper work. My mom says she barely remembers that night...

I didn't let it all go until I crawled into my bed at 2 am knowing I had to get up early for classes the next day...and for an exam...

And every [similar] situation before hand has been basically the same. Its always me being the “strong one”, being the one taking action. I just don't get it, I feel like as an INFP I should be the one who breaks down emotionally when crap like this happens and not know what to do. But it seems like these are the moments where I shine. I take charge, I’m decisive...its like I'm not an INFP for that moment in time.


I know one of my biggest fears in life is “losing control”.


I went to dinner with some close friends (who are bro and sis) the night before and they kept one upping the other on the stupid choices they've made in life....risks they've taken. I can't even begin to compete....while I have a big sense of adventure and I've done things – they've all only been risky to myself – like climbing something high. I haven't...you know....risked at life...at the girl...at the job.

I think the reason I am able to maintain composure is because I refuse to lose control. I won't ever drink because of this. My friends have nothing over me because of this (one good thing: I can't really be black mailed heh).

If I follow suit when life craps...then I lose control. Life wins and I lose.


So many times I've held back from risking something for the sole reason of...loosing my control...my reputation I’ve gained with my friends. I act stupid and silly when I'm hiper. But I don't do stupid things.

I've been surround by so much sorrow and suffering in life – by friends, family and things that have happened to me. But somehow...I was lucky enough to avoid depression myself. Why did I get so lucky? My friends always tell me I'm that guy who sees the glass as half full who then takes it inside fills it up, drinks it and then finds a game to play with the glass.

I look at my brothers situation and see how easily that could have been me. He's so similar to me. I know what he went through in HS...why was I able to brush off all the crap and live through it and even look back fondly at some of the memories made?

I think its the control thing. I won't let life win. But maybe that's why I'm loosing. He's taken risks that I couldn't ever dream of. He's gotten that hot date, he has the social life I could only dream of back then. He has the dreams. He [actively] stands up and displays his ideals – leaving him vulnerable to criticism. He has actively taken a role in his school; unafraid to voice his stance. he has been all over the country, places I have only dreamed about so far. The only thing I can one up him: I had and have those close friends. He lost his (because he stood for his ideals actually) And that I think is one of the keys to his despair.

Life can't be won alone.


(sorry that my threads are almost always rambles - I always sit down and just write what comes to me)
 

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Stupid question, but did your brother really... y'know, or is he okay now?

Brushing that aside, I think I know why you're like this. Like you said, you're afraid to lose control... maybe you grew up in a opressive household growing up? Were your parents overly religious or strict with you?

That said, I really really hope you're okay. :sad: This is a heartbreaking post to read.
 

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Yes, I really hope that your brother is ok now after this.

I know exactly what you mean. I am very much the same. I mess up all the little details of life to a horrible extent but when the shit hits the fan and everyone freaks I am often the one who stays calm.

I think its something to do with hyperfocus. Unlike most people's brains who pretty much consistently run most of their lives at, say, seventy percent of maximum power, my brain has only two settings. Very very slow and hyper fast. I have no control over which mode to engage, it just happens.

To the outside world I always strive to keep a stoic and controlled composure. I always hide most of me away from people. I pick those whom I trust with great care to avoid my feelings being stepped on. I am extremely moderate with things like alcohol, I never smoked and never did drugs. All the 'interesting' things in life passed me by and my life story so far would be very boring to read.
 

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I react exactly the same way you do. Are you sure you're not a type 6 goos? and i'm sorry to hear about your brother, it'll probably take a while for what happened to sink in.

And every [similar] situation before hand has been basically the same. Its always me being the “strong one”, being the one taking action. I just don't get it, I feel like as an INFP I should be the one who breaks down emotionally when crap like this happens and not know what to do. But it seems like these are the moments where I shine. I take charge, I’m decisive...its like I'm not an INFP for that moment in time.
Are you kidding me? these are the moments when everyone else goes to rubble, and i'm keeping everyones shit together too. I do let people down, but when I am needed, by people I care about, I rise to the occasion. Who said that's not an infp thing? :tongue: i'm never in the corner crying when something goes wrong. I'm up straight away trying to fix it. Usually when I am required to do something that involves going beyond myself I am much more inclined to take care of the situation. I'm better at doing that than taking care of myself sometimes.

I know one of my biggest fears in life is “losing control”
Oh lord, I know what you mean. I'm a pretty easy going person, but am I relaxed? hell no. I can't just go out and get drunk somewhere... I don't trust anyone around me to take care of me if I was off my face. I prefer to be the designated driver, you know? I have a fascination with testing things to their limits, but I am a control freak (especially of my own life) definately. I really relate to you on that, and this whole post actually. Thanks for sharing, I could've written it myself.

Have you thought about using your tendencies in some kind of an occupation like social work or aid work or something similar? i'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie, and I seem to strangely enjoy (although that's not quite the word) crisis situations. Although I will say, that even the strongest of people need someone to lean on sometimes... :)
 

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Why is it that when life takes a crap on me that I'm the one who always is able to maintain composure, comfort the other(s) involved? Comforting them and telling them “everything will be OK”

Even when inside I'm a raging typhoon of emotions. No one ever gets to see it unleash. I always let those go when I'm alone.

Why? Is it because I'm scared of loosing all control of emotion and becoming a sobbing mess like all the others I have seen? Is it because I know the other(s) will become sobbing messes and I therefore hold it all back just to be sure someone can make sure something (positive) gets done?

Last week my awesome little ENFP bro left a suicide note with a pal...

When I heard I left work immediately. My mom was an absolute emotional mess. I drove them to the hospital and sat there, making sure everything was being taken care of. 9 hours of sitting in an uncomfortable chair in some hospital thinking...I don't have time for this (already incredibly behind on my studies)...yet also thinking...nothing else matters right now. And my mom who just didn't know how to react. This isn't my first run in with the depression beast. I'm the one who answered all the questions, did all the paper work. My mom says she barely remembers that night...

I didn't let it all go until I crawled into my bed at 2 am knowing I had to get up early for classes the next day...and for an exam...

And every [similar] situation before hand has been basically the same. Its always me being the “strong one”, being the one taking action. I just don't get it, I feel like as an INFP I should be the one who breaks down emotionally when crap like this happens and not know what to do. But it seems like these are the moments where I shine. I take charge, I’m decisive...its like I'm not an INFP for that moment in time.


I know one of my biggest fears in life is “losing control”.


I went to dinner with some close friends (who are bro and sis) the night before and they kept one upping the other on the stupid choices they've made in life....risks they've taken. I can't even begin to compete....while I have a big sense of adventure and I've done things – they've all only been risky to myself – like climbing something high. I haven't...you know....risked at life...at the girl...at the job.

I think the reason I am able to maintain composure is because I refuse to lose control. I won't ever drink because of this. My friends have nothing over me because of this (one good thing: I can't really be black mailed heh).

If I follow suit when life craps...then I lose control. Life wins and I lose.


So many times I've held back from risking something for the sole reason of...loosing my control...my reputation I’ve gained with my friends. I act stupid and silly when I'm hiper. But I don't do stupid things.

I've been surround by so much sorrow and suffering in life – by friends, family and things that have happened to me. But somehow...I was lucky enough to avoid depression myself. Why did I get so lucky? My friends always tell me I'm that guy who sees the glass as half full who then takes it inside fills it up, drinks it and then finds a game to play with the glass.

I look at my brothers situation and see how easily that could have been me. He's so similar to me. I know what he went through in HS...why was I able to brush off all the crap and live through it and even look back fondly at some of the memories made?

I think its the control thing. I won't let life win. But maybe that's why I'm loosing. He's taken risks that I couldn't ever dream of. He's gotten that hot date, he has the social life I could only dream of back then. He has the dreams. He [actively] stands up and displays his ideals – leaving him vulnerable to criticism. He has actively taken a role in his school; unafraid to voice his stance. he has been all over the country, places I have only dreamed about so far. The only thing I can one up him: I had and have those close friends. He lost his (because he stood for his ideals actually) And that I think is one of the keys to his despair.

Life can't be won alone.


(sorry that my threads are almost always rambles - I always sit down and just write what comes to me)
I don't know why, but when I read your post, I suddenly just ''paused'' and let the feelings wash over me. It moved me in such a way. I just feel your compassion, kindness and sadness in my heart, and even though I'm empathetic, this is one of the few posts on PerC that truly move me inside :sad:

Could it be that you maintain composure because you want to maintain some of your values (values that link to being there for the people in your life)? Perhaps it's because of your sense of responsibility, you want to be there for people the right way, because you don't want them to get worse. You don't show your emotions because you are afraid of burdening them.

I think that if you can't talk to them about how you feel, you still need a way, at least an avenue, to release what's inside or at least talk to someone about it. As much as you'd like to be in control, you can't literally stay on top all of the time..Everybody goes through rough times and with rough times, we learn.

As for your brother.. maybe there's been underlying roots to his depression that he didn't talk about? How is he now?

I think you feel sad that you seemed to have held your life back to take care of other people, but they still don't seem to get better. The truth is, only they can save themselves, you can only do so much. You can be there, but you really need a way to cope better with everything that's been going on. You might feel like you're pulled into a whirlwind, and you feel alone, questioning why everything appears so confusing. You might question why are you put into this situation, why do you have to be the one who's cool for the sake of other people's well-beings.

Go easy on yourself, perhaps you are like that because you care too much and you don't want violated values to damage the people you care about further. However, you need to take care of yourself. Honestly, maybe if you just try and be more emotionally honest but nevertheless still gentle, you might show them something deeper, more authentic that they can learn from.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.
 

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This sounds just like me - whenever bad things happen I rise to the occasion and find the strength that I need. I was told last week that although this strength is a good thing, it also stops others being able to help me, because I look so together and so self assured in the face of crisis that people assume I don't need help when really I am desperate for support and for people to help me.

It sounds like this may well be a very INFP thing but I am not sure why...
 

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I'm very sorry to hear that Gloosle. I think someone like you could be of great support to people who need it.

I can relate to what you're saying. I have a very strange ability to keep my cool in extremely intense situations. Sometimes I wish I could just break down emotionally a little bit, I think it would be healthy, but I seem to have trained that ability out of myself.
 

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I hope your brother is ok now.

Maybe this is more INFPish than you think. I am totally useless when it comes to reading a map or sorting the boiler so there's hot water until the plumber calls etc, but I have also noticed than in a real crisis, I am more than capable to pull myself together and react very calmly. When something serious has happened, I have seen ISTJs for example literally fall apart emotionally when I have coped remarkably well.

I don't think that being a feeler means necessarily that our emotions are always all over the place.

But also, I believe that we are all "our type and our circumstances" and that if you are in a situation where you "have" to cope, you just do, whatever your type, even if perhaps your more natural reaction, if it were possible, would be to melt down.
 

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Why is it that when life takes a crap on me that I'm the one who always is able to maintain composure, comfort the other(s) involved? Comforting them and telling them “everything will be OK”

Even when inside I'm a raging typhoon of emotions. No one ever gets to see it unleash. I always let those go when I'm alone.

Why? Is it because I'm scared of loosing all control of emotion and becoming a sobbing mess like all the others I have seen? Is it because I know the other(s) will become sobbing messes and I therefore hold it all back just to be sure someone can make sure something (positive) gets done?

Last week my awesome little ENFP bro left a suicide note with a pal...

When I heard I left work immediately. My mom was an absolute emotional mess. I drove them to the hospital and sat there, making sure everything was being taken care of. 9 hours of sitting in an uncomfortable chair in some hospital thinking...I don't have time for this (already incredibly behind on my studies)...yet also thinking...nothing else matters right now. And my mom who just didn't know how to react. This isn't my first run in with the depression beast. I'm the one who answered all the questions, did all the paper work. My mom says she barely remembers that night...

I didn't let it all go until I crawled into my bed at 2 am knowing I had to get up early for classes the next day...and for an exam...

And every [similar] situation before hand has been basically the same. Its always me being the “strong one”, being the one taking action. I just don't get it, I feel like as an INFP I should be the one who breaks down emotionally when crap like this happens and not know what to do. But it seems like these are the moments where I shine. I take charge, I’m decisive...its like I'm not an INFP for that moment in time.


I know one of my biggest fears in life is “losing control”.


I went to dinner with some close friends (who are bro and sis) the night before and they kept one upping the other on the stupid choices they've made in life....risks they've taken. I can't even begin to compete....while I have a big sense of adventure and I've done things – they've all only been risky to myself – like climbing something high. I haven't...you know....risked at life...at the girl...at the job.

I think the reason I am able to maintain composure is because I refuse to lose control. I won't ever drink because of this. My friends have nothing over me because of this (one good thing: I can't really be black mailed heh).

If I follow suit when life craps...then I lose control. Life wins and I lose.


So many times I've held back from risking something for the sole reason of...loosing my control...my reputation I’ve gained with my friends. I act stupid and silly when I'm hiper. But I don't do stupid things.

I've been surround by so much sorrow and suffering in life – by friends, family and things that have happened to me. But somehow...I was lucky enough to avoid depression myself. Why did I get so lucky? My friends always tell me I'm that guy who sees the glass as half full who then takes it inside fills it up, drinks it and then finds a game to play with the glass.

I look at my brothers situation and see how easily that could have been me. He's so similar to me. I know what he went through in HS...why was I able to brush off all the crap and live through it and even look back fondly at some of the memories made?

I think its the control thing. I won't let life win. But maybe that's why I'm loosing. He's taken risks that I couldn't ever dream of. He's gotten that hot date, he has the social life I could only dream of back then. He has the dreams. He [actively] stands up and displays his ideals – leaving him vulnerable to criticism. He has actively taken a role in his school; unafraid to voice his stance. he has been all over the country, places I have only dreamed about so far. The only thing I can one up him: I had and have those close friends. He lost his (because he stood for his ideals actually) And that I think is one of the keys to his despair.

Life can't be won alone.


(sorry that my threads are almost always rambles - I always sit down and just write what comes to me)

I relate to this so much.

I've never taken a risk and I just sit there as everyone around me does. I feel like they're living and I'm not. Sometimes I'm glad I'm the one they can turn to when something dramatic and emotional happens and that I don't have that in my life. But then I have to stop and think, what do I even have?

I feel like when you don't show your emotions regularly, people don't think that you have them. Especially the darker, deeper ones. I've had a friend say, "I didn't think you had problems..." to me before when I mentioned that I didn't talk to him about my issues, as he claimed all the girls do. And I'm generally pretty lighthearted and fun with my friends and I know how to be very calm in a stressful situation as well. At least on the outside.

I think for me, and maybe you can relate, it stems from me not wanting to be a burden on anyone else. I can hurt myself all I want, as long as there is no rejection involved but I can't let anyone else know or be involved. When you mentioned your friends having nothing over you... I feel the same way. I can't deal with people making fun of me for an emotional outburst (which are rare), or feeling like they had to take care of me and they will always see me as weak because of that.

After one of my best friends in high school tried to kill himself, I took a long look at myself as well. It really scared me. And it also made me think... is this the only way you can show people how you feel? By being drastic? It seems as if people won't take you seriously until you reach your lowest of lows and my rationality just won't let me get there. Thankfully. But I would like someone to notice when I'm not feeling so right sometimes...

Thanks for your post. And I hope everything is okay with your brother and gets better for you. Even though I don't know you at all, if you ever need to talk, you can PM me.
 

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I initially started this post by quoting everything that I could relate to, but it turns out I can relate to the whole thing. Isn't it strange? INFPs are supposed to be the emotional ones, the ones that pour their hearts out and lose control, free-willed, up-in-the-clouds... Alas, that has never been the case with me. If anything, I am the one pushing the boulder upstream for my friends and family, struggling for a way to release the emotions I've pent up so long.

I always tell my friends that I'm a "self-control freak." I cannot bring myself to unleash the ideas and emotions buried in my psyche because I am the rock that they depend on to become something greater after all hell breaks loose. The last time people saw me expose this vulnerability was at a funeral of a friend of mine because he had such a powerful presence in the world. He was the prophet and we were the acolytes; he moved, the world shook. Even though I could not claim to be as close to him as many of the others present, I opened my soul in the middle of the crowd and described the impact he had upon me--how we held each other up when we felt uncomfortable exposing ourselves to the people that depended on us.

The big difference between him and I? As I mentioned, he made things happen, whereas I help people who make things happen. I see great things and I realize that I'm rarely a direct participant so much as someone who gave the gentle push forward. I stand tall and listen to those in need, then wave them along into a bright future. All I want to know is... When do I get my day to shine?

</rant>
 
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Thanks for the responses all! This really wasn't supposed to be a heartbreaking post. More just a blabbing thought. trying to figure out my inner workings i guess. heh.

Stupid question, but did your brother really... y'know, or is he okay now?
We caught him before he did anything luckily. He planned on using one of his vast collections of swords and knives that he collects. He's fine now - he's staying at a youth services place where he has a psych 24/7, etc. I saw him yesterday and he was his old self.

Brushing that aside, I think I know why you're like this. Like you said, you're afraid to lose control... maybe you grew up in a opressive household growing up? Were your parents overly religious or strict with you?
I definitely grew up in a very religious household. My parents instilled a very strict set of values in me(so strict that they led me to reject said religion as a teen). but they weren't really oppressive...they were good parents overall. I never had a curfew growing up, they let me live my life as long as i wasn't causing trouble. though religion can be a touchy subject around them. I think they understand where I come from though.

My dad is pretty similar to the stereotypical dad...big corporate guy. but he's introverted and isn't too bad. he lacks a lot of understanding but our mom took over his slack heh.


I react exactly the same way you do. Are you sure you're not a type 6 goos?
Pretty sure. I always get 9w4 or 9w7. I haven't read much about 6...i'll have to check it out. but curious...why do you ask?

I don't know why, but when I read your post, I suddenly just ''paused'' and let the feelings wash over me. It moved me in such a way. I just feel your compassion, kindness and sadness in my heart, and even though I'm empathetic, this is one of the few posts on PerC that truly move me inside
Wow, thanks!:blushed: ..i think

Could it be that you maintain composure because you want to maintain some of your values (values that link to being there for the people in your life)? Perhaps it's because of your sense of responsibility, you want to be there for people the right way, because you don't want them to get worse. You don't show your emotions because you are afraid of burdening them.
This is an interesting idea...maybe it is. Its no secret that I would drop everything and anything for those I care about. Maybe deep down I worry that If I let msyelf lose control for a bit I will be unable to provide ample help to those that could need it.


I think that if you can't talk to them about how you feel, you still need a way, at least an avenue, to release what's inside or at least talk to someone about it. As much as you'd like to be in control, you can't literally stay on top all of the time..Everybody goes through rough times and with rough times, we learn.
Yes, writing has always been my avenue, and its served me well. Even with my super close friends I have a hard time opening up fully...letting lose...


As for your brother.. maybe there's been underlying roots to his depression that he didn't talk about?
Definitely. I was checking out the 10 steps of ENFP depression on the ENFP forum and that seems like what he has gone through. Check it it out.



I was told last week that although this strength is a good thing, it also stops others being able to help me, because I look so together and so self assured in the face of crisis that people assume I don't need help when really I am desperate for support and for people to help me.
Yeah i've heard this before as well. I have troubles asking for help, in any situation – stressful or not.

I think for me, and maybe you can relate, it stems from me not wanting to be a burden on anyone else. I can hurt myself all I want, as long as there is no rejection involved but I can't let anyone else know or be involved. When you mentioned your friends having nothing over you... I feel the same way. I can't deal with people making fun of me for an emotional outburst (which are rare), or feeling like they had to take care of me and they will always see me as weak because of that.
Oh yeah for sure; I've even used the same words as you...I hate being a burden.


Its interesting that I'm not the only one who holds it together in intense and high stress situations. I wonder why that is? I know in the big 5 personality test I test very low in neuroticism – what about the rest of you?

You would guess that we would be the ones who can't hold it together, but the response here is evidence enough that that might be completely baseless. I wonder why we really react in such ways. Some of you brought up good points.
 

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*hugs* I'm sorry to hear that your brother feels like that is his only option. I hope he is okay and that your family will still be okay and that you'll still somehow manage to get all that work and school work and everything done that you feel you need to.

As for being the strong one in times of crises, yes, that is very familiar. My friends know they can count on me to be focused and driven and to take some sort of control in a crisis situation, regardless of the source. There's a reason I am (well, was since I've kinda said I need a break) one of the first people most of them think of when they need help or support right now. I have frequently been woken up at 1, 2, 4 am for someone to talk to. For my friends in town (because most are outside of the state/country I live in) they know that I will go to them and help them with anything. I don't freak out in life threatening emergencies, I don't get overwhelmed when everyone else is panicking. Well, alright, I do, but I shove it to the side and only think about it /after/ I have discerned that it is safe to do so.

Saying all that, I'm an emotional person, I react strongly to things. I just don't /show/ that I'm reacting strongly to most things. I have a therapist friend who is fantastic at being able to read people regardless of how blunted their affect is, but she has told me that she has a hard time reading me, even when I'm super-happy-bouncy-excited. My affect does not correlate to what I'm actually feeling. Which was something of a good thing for a while earlier this year because if she had been able to read me, she would have hospitalized me.

Within the same week that I was feeling the most depressed and down that I have ever felt (for those of you that would know the depression scale, I was at about a 7/10.... I've seriously contemplated suicide at 5/10.) I had a friend that called me up and needed my help. Immediately, all of my problems, my issues, my woe-is-me stuff fell from me for the time that she needed help and we managed to get something taken care of that should have taken weeks with only a few nights of little sleep.

Being the strong one sucks most of the time. When you need to lean against someone for a while, there isn't anyone to lean against. You are maybe lucky and have a pet or a strong spiritual side and can lean against them, but finding someone who is able to support you and still be willing to let you support them too is a rare gift.

As for why there are INFPs who are capable of this, it seems like it would make a lot of sense actually. The most shallow interpretation would be that it fits the martyr complex that many INFPs have. Other ways to look at it would be looking at the functions and recognizing that when we are stressed, our weaker functions come out and for an INFP that means taking charge and not letting go of the situation until it is all handled and you have made a determination that the best possible outcome has occurred under your hypercritical care. After everything is said and done, our dominant functions take over again and we process through what happened and THAT is when we break down. Long after everything is said and done and we're alone and have no one to look after us. Just a thought.

Again, I am so very sorry about your brother and will keep him and you and your family in my thoughts. Take care of each other as best as you can. *hugs*
 
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Brilliant post, gloo. Clearly, I wish it were inspired by better circumstances, but I'm glad to see that he's getting some help. I imagine there is a lot going on within your family, but one thing I would recommend for either yourself (depending) or your mother, is that you consider calling a local crisis line in your area. Sometimes an empathetic ear will help you sort through your thoughts. It may also be able to additional resources in regards to counselling or awareness programs in regards to suicide.

Now, for the reason why I called your post brilliant. I definitely share a lot of your thoughts in regards to being in control and generally well composed (helll, I don't even drink either :D) . A form of mastery over yourself is one of the greatest gifts anyone can ever hope to have, and countless people will live their lives never attaining it. I could go on for ages with how beneficial it is, but let's focus on the cons you mentioned.

(Following has a relevant point, I'm not one of those people that 'needs' to share my life)
Firstly, there is being in control and -taking- control. Like you, I lived the 'safe' life while being in control of my own actions, thoughts, and just generally being that protective individual over everyone around me. Above that, I found that I was a great supporting character for people that were in positions of power. For example, if someone was a Captain of a team, I'd usually be the Assistant (Co-cap). In the end, I was always recognized to some extent (reputation), but I never utilized the potential of my full influence over others. Sure, I had thoughts and views about things, but I never really put it forward unless asked. Basically, I never took initiative as I was always worried about stepping on somebodies toes, looking foolish, and just generally not being confident enough.

Well, it finally occurred to me one day. While I always took a side role in things, I was usually the one running the show. People of authority or generally higher "status" than me, were always conferring with me before doing anything and then they'd bark the orders at everyone else. Now, I didn't always agree with their choices, and at a certain point that made me realize that I could run things better. I decided to start my own venture from scratch and I led it based on -my- ideals. You should know what happens when an INFP is passionate about something, everything was a huge success and we became widely recognized. I had to beat people off me with a stick (too many people wanting my attention), I had so many responsibilities it was overwhelming, but I loved it. It felt like having a "purpose."

Relating that, I started in a similar place as you. I worried about putting myself out there, wondering about how people may view me. Honestly, I was just simply scared. Yet in that, I realized that I can bring a lot to the table for others. With my own unique talents, I could present myself in a way that was favorable to others (to satisfy that fear I will never truly escape), but also allow me to influence people to strengthen themselves as well. As I like to brag, I have a degree in manipulation. I took behavioral psychology so I could gain a better sense of control over the rest of the world. You and I, we're generally a-ok in terms of ourselves, but venturing outside of that is certainly a bit daunting.

In my opinion, seek to explore that other realm of life that you haven't. I won't say something like "JUST PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE, KK?" Instead, utilize that intuition of yours to the extreme and use it as a form of mind-reading. From there, learn about action and reaction through trial and error. I'm not much of a reader so I can't say read: Lord of the blah, blah pray love, The Blah, but even if I did I wouldn't recommend some shitty book. Learn it all through your own perspective and you can always pick up the pace when you feel you need to, or slow it down.

One line that I always tell myself is that "no matter what you do (or don't do), there will -always- be people that love you for it and others that hate you. In the end, do what's right for -you-"

Gloo, if I knew you in real life we'd probably be best friends, or at least you'd be mine. I'm nice to a lot of people, but I rarely truly respect people at the core. You're a cool guy and I hope that one day you'll realize your latent potential.
 

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You're a wise man, Lad! great post

I know where you are coming from with the control thing. I have found (i might have mentioned this already, can't remember) that I find myself 2nd in command (with a definite impact on #1) - be it friends, work, sports. I don't seek it out, nor do I fully utilize it like others can/would. Its usually just cast upon me and I in turn [try] to cast it aside since I don't care for it.

I have explored more in the last yearish - its more so intrapersonal though than interpersonal though. I feel I need to know me from within to better understand that from without...if that makes sense. I have delved into things that are risky...to me. But still nothing earth shattering. Its a process.

Ps
I definitely agree that in RL we could totally be pals :crazy:
 

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You're a wise man, Lad! great post

I know where you are coming from with the control thing. I have found (i might have mentioned this already, can't remember) that I find myself 2nd in command (with a definite impact on #1) - be it friends, work, sports. I don't seek it out, nor do I fully utilize it like others can/would. Its usually just cast upon me and I in turn [try] to cast it aside since I don't care for it.

I have explored more in the last yearish - its more so intrapersonal though than interpersonal though. I feel I need to know me from within to better understand that from without...if that makes sense. I have delved into things that are risky...to me. But still nothing earth shattering. Its a process.

Ps
I definitely agree that in RL we could totally be pals :crazy:
Don't forget me :sad:

Regardless of MBTI, I'd love to hang out with you and Lad in real life someday if ever possible..Though I don't know if you both feel the same heh.
 
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