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Approaching as in, getting to know INFPs. As a Fe type I find it so fucking difficult lol.

There is this person I would like to get closer to, who is an INFP 9. A very clear INFP 9.

Fe is my "communication" style. Fe is like my mail box. I have my mail box exposed, open for everyone. Here, leave your letter. I will respond with another letter. This is Fe. I like to be expressive with Fe.

I see INFPs as completely emotionally closed and shut off in some ways. They don't have this "mail box". There is nowhere I can go to try to reach to them. Even when I interact with them, I still don't feel like we are "merging". It is difficult to feel the connection with Fi. It is like an isolated island.

Does anyone have tips on how to establish better communication with INFPs?
 

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I don't lead with Fi, but it's my secondary function. To me, my feelings are my own, I process then internally and are not for everyone to see and it's not always easy to express them. Now, having said that, given the right context and person opening up comes naturally. I think it takes trust and warming up to.

I'm currently attracted to a male INFP, who's friends with a friend of mine. And he's pretty reserved, but at the same time I can very easily tell he's full of emotions and is very sensitive. Obviously, I want to get to know him more, but I don't think I would feel comfortable myself trying to push him open. And I certainly wouldn't make him feel comfortable. I think if it has to happen it will happen in its own time, and because our relationship/friendship/whatever leads that way. You know what I mean?
I wouldn't force him to show anything he doesn't want to show himself. And I certainly wouldn't like having that done to me. Too much pressure.

Just show interest, real interest, in this person, listen to them, and if they feel comfortable they will let you in 馃槉.
 

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Perhaps pay attention to the small things, what things said and done show about what it beneath it?

Engage in ideas first (and mostly later too I am guessing), or even practical matters, to become more comfortable around each other. If wanting to know what they feel about things perhaps talk about less loaded things, like what they think about music/movies/places... and get a sense of likes an dislikes and values from that?

perhaps try to see if the person is a "take turns"-person, or a "ask question"-person. Some people primarily communicate by sharing and expecting the person they talk to to share something related in turn, and then it will pingpong like that back and forth, while others want to be asked questions, and sometimes there is confusion when those people meet, the take turns-person might be overwhelmed and feel interrogated, or interpret lack of reciprocation when sharing as the other person not wishing to engage. While the person who likes to communicate in questions and answers might think the take turns-person is full of themselves and just talk about themselves and have no interest in the questions-person.

If possible, perhaps try the written medium, not all, but quite many infps seem to express easier in writing.

And perhaps give it a lot of time, like... three years? :) kidding but also not kidding, for a lot of people that is about when I start to feel properly comfortable and myself around them, but usually people are gone by then.
 

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I don't understand this post. You are clearly not a newbie in this personality theory. You know about functions, and even able to describe one of your functions - more or less correctly. Yet you fail to understand why you have problem with connecting to Fi types as a Fe type.

As you probably know, E and I are opposite energies. So Fe and Fi are directed in opposite direction. Meaning that you don't have natural common emotional ground with them. So it takes more time for you two, than say, two Fe types or two Fi types, Who all have common emotional ground.

Now, I assume that I didn't told you any new thing that you didn't knew yet. So what is the question? You answered it yourself. Fi vs Fe. That is all.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Perhaps pay attention to the small things, what things said and done show about what it beneath it?

Engage in ideas first (and mostly later too I am guessing), or even practical matters, to become more comfortable around each other. If wanting to know what they feel about things perhaps talk about less loaded things, like what they think about music/movies/places... and get a sense of likes an dislikes and values from that?

perhaps try to see if the person is a "take turns"-person, or a "ask question"-person. Some people primarily communicate by sharing and expecting the person they talk to to share something related in turn, and then it will pingpong like that back and forth, while others want to be asked questions, and sometimes there is confusion when those people meet, the take turns-person might be overwhelmed and feel interrogated, or interpret lack of reciprocation when sharing as the other person not wishing to engage. While the person who likes to communicate in questions and answers might think the take turns-person is full of themselves and just talk about themselves and have no interest in the questions-person.

If possible, perhaps try the written medium, not all, but quite many infps seem to express easier in writing.

And perhaps give it a lot of time, like... three years? :) kidding but also not kidding, for a lot of people that is about when I start to feel properly comfortable and myself around them, but usually people are gone by then.
Thank you, I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm 100% a "take turns" kind of person. I like to openly share stuff about myself and I always expect others to do the same (sometimes they don't do the same and it frustrates me). I suppose it can come across as selfish to others.

It's funny to say this but I'm kind of shy about asking personal questions. I don't know if it makes sense. I'm not shy about expressing what I'm feeling out in the open, but for some reason, directing questions to someone in particular makes me self-conscious.

Maybe Fe can be impersonal in some weird ways, even if it is a feeling function.
 
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MOTM January 2013
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Maybe it is the act of repeated interactions over time that help to build a sense of trust, it gives something for their introverted sensing to draw back on. You鈥檙e going to have to be patient, Infj鈥檚 ime have tended to approach friendships overtly forward at the beginning instead of a gradual build up and that has left me feeling pretty clueless and put on the spot with them, this can only increase the shyness. Just relax, stop forcing things and just let them happen. Keep expectations reasonable. When they start to take the reigns here and there, that is usually a good sign.
 

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I'm sometimes just going to be internalized to most people, its the way I'm built. There are also times I'm ready to be open about most everything to most people, but then those other times, I've withdrawn into my emotional compound for a while. My wife has like a VIP access to most of that compound most of the time.

But still even in my open mode, there's things I'm just not wanting to discuss because there's no reason to dig into it if its going to frustrate me or make me go to a "down" place with somebody. So, when certain subjects are touched on I'm closed mouthed, evasive, joke it off, etc.
 
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