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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
The only relationships (4) I've seemed to manage has been with ENFP women and this is extraordinarily frustrating.

I do find those that I've dated to be amazing characters but when I start to express interest they seem to shrink away. Not out of disinterest, perhaps I've come across to passionate/intense, however for a type that seems so wild, you seem so tame when your character is reciprocated on an interpersonal level.

Or have I just managed to run into immature ENFPs? (I don't think this is the case in at least 2)

So, give me a hand. Whats going on?
 

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As a fellow INFJ i can see where you are coming from with the 'passionate/intense' part. I have expereinces others not able to cope/understand that part of me. I have a good ENFP freind that thinks i take myself to seriously at times and can only do the intense analysing thing with me for long. Which is good in a way because she then pulls me out of that place to have some lighthearted fun.
 

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I love your signature line
'My mind is a river, when damned it stagnates and settles, when unleashed, it is a torrent.'

Sounds so like me.
Maybe we just "torrent" people to much!! But i love torrets.
 

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Most ENFP's have boundaries and love their freedom. When somebody gets too close they often do whatever they can to get their needed space back. Sometimes that means taking a step back, sometimes it means pushing the other person away.

Talking instinct variants, most ENFP's are So/Sx or Sx/So which meshes with this. There are some exceptions (me, for example) that are either Sx/Sp or Sp/Sx. These less common ENFP's don't tend to have firm boundaries, at least once they've let you in and accepted you.
 

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I'm a romantic-at-heart, don't get me wrong. But I suppose I could say when guys start getting awfully passionate too quickly, I lose interest fast. I guess when a male starts telling you that he loves you three weeks in, it's never likely going to head anywhere good. And although we are wild (though I can't speak for other ENFPs), I like having somebody else who is a bit calmer and thinks things through. Being Ne-dom, I like somebody else who can reign me in and add perspective.

I've always found my most successful relationships are the ones I have to chase after and be patient for. These are the types of guys that tend to have better morals, stronger boundaries, and think things through before saying 'yes'. I have extreme respect for a guy who wants to make sure things are 'right' before proceeding because these are things that I struggle with. I don't want a guy who is a doormat and caters to my every whim!
 

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Most ENFP's have boundaries and love their freedom. When somebody gets too close they often do whatever they can to get their needed space back. Sometimes that means taking a step back, sometimes it means pushing the other person away.

Talking instinct variants, most ENFP's are So/Sx or Sx/So which meshes with this. There are some exceptions (me, for example) that are either Sx/Sp or Sp/Sx. These less common ENFP's don't tend to have firm boundaries, at least once they've let you in and accepted you.
As an sx/so ENFP, I approve this post. This happens to me all the time. I analyze the hell out of future possibilities when it looks like I'm on the verge of a relationship, and though I never gave it much thought before (being an Fi user and just relying on my internal reaction to said possibilities instead of taking the time to logic them through individually), I do place alot of weight on future freedoms. For example, I won't get into a relationship with someone who wants kids, or who isn't willing to at least consider moving somewhere other than where they are.

And only very recently have I even been remotely comfortable with the idea of marriage or anything like it, despite growing up with the most happily married parents ever.

I inherently crave closeness with people, but there are some prices I am not willing to pay period, and others I'm not willing to consider paying until I'm really sure I'm with the right person.
 

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I do find those that I've dated to be amazing characters but when I start to express interest they seem to shrink away. Not out of disinterest, perhaps I've come across to passionate/intense, however for a type that seems so wild, you seem so tame when your character is reciprocated on an interpersonal level.
Hehe, I feel kinda embarrassed when I act too "mushy" or "gushy"... it's a little out of character for me. So if I'm acting all nervous and blushy around a guy that expresses interest or is really kind ("You're so smart and pretty!") then I must really like him.

Here's an example:
Me Around Guys I'm Not Interested In:
WASSAPPP mah brotha. You look mighty fine today. ;) Can I have your number?
Me Around The Guy I Like:
I poop when I sing.
u___u I get so flustered it's just sdfjkdfhskjfhasjkfldflasdfhla

I don't know about other ENFP's, but I'm wild and spontaneous on the outside for the benefit of others as well as for myself. I like making people smile and making new friends, and being friendly and crazy seems to tend to do that. But on the inside, I'm pretty quiet and a tame, although I can really bounce off some walls when I'm excited. :D

I really enjoy soft long hugs and cuddling and being quiet and all snuggly... *u* So yeah, I'm really tame when I'm around someone I like. But I don't know how to act romantic.

Am I making any sense? No? Okay then... xD
 

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For me, the friend zone is the zone guys want to be in. Friendship is everything to me. In fact, the thing I'm looking forward to in a marriage is hanging out with my best friend and not having to wonder if he's going to get home on time. I'm not a romantic, I'm not touchy-feely, I just want someone to hang out with and to be emotionally close to. So guys who move too fast freak me out because that's too much too early on. I just want some time to be friends first.
 

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Without knowing too much detail about your situations, I can say this:

For a type with such a head for possibilities and such a desire for freedom/independence, serious relationships can be a really scary thing - especially when they come on quickly, or when the commitment is pushed for by the other person first.

I know that I have done a similar thing with guys in the past - not out of disinterest or dislike or anything like that...it was just too much, too fast, and I freaked out.
 

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It sounds to me like you aren't being clear until you verbalize your feelings so they don't realize you're interested until it's a bombshell. ENFPs seem to relate to others via role....and that role changing abruptly, without any warning is scary. It's like tearing off your face in the middle of dinner. Basically, you need to give the lady a chance to process the concept of the romantic role so it's not a shock. We're incredibly intuitive until it comes to someone liking us - then we're incredibly oblivious. I'd suggest giving clues to give the girl a chance to absorb the idea of you in a romantic context: light touches, teasing/joking about a relationship, invitations to "just us" things. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable or might be awkward, but gauge her reaction and go from there. If she puts a little bit of space between you after a touch or doesn't respond to the teasing in kind, she may just not be into the idea.

We're pretty friendly folks, and sometimes it's tough to tell the difference between flirtation and friendliness....but an ENFP in love is not subtle. AT ALL.
 

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Most ENFP's have boundaries and love their freedom. When somebody gets too close they often do whatever they can to get their needed space back. Sometimes that means taking a step back, sometimes it means pushing the other person away.

Talking instinct variants, most ENFP's are So/Sx or Sx/So which meshes with this. There are some exceptions (me, for example) that are either Sx/Sp or Sp/Sx. These less common ENFP's don't tend to have firm boundaries, at least once they've let you in and accepted you.
Speak for yourself please. ;) I'm a Sp/Sx and very have very firm boundaries, especially for those who are close with me, example, my husband. I also have realistic boundaries with those i don't know well, like you. I just wanted to get that out there so the OP doesn't believe this is true for all Sp/Sx, its time we get rid of all these generalizations and stereotypes. When describing a behaviour yourself, please in the future use examples that only include you without it reflecting most ENFP using this behaviour. Choosing words like " in my experience, or , personally for me, i can't speak for all ENFP " That usually works." I really dislike people speaking on my behalf when expressing MOST as part of their thought process. Thanks.
 
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I'm more tame than I'm wild, mostly because I want to stay out of trouble.

At the same time, I'll run in the opposite direction if I feel like you're getting too close to me too fast. I do come back after a while, but I need time to take a breather or else I'll feel suffocated. Maybe it's just me or something.
 

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So anyway, I'm fairly tame. Maye when I was younger I was less tame. I didn't grow up until I was about 32 or 33 and that was...like not that ago.

I can be immature in some aspects, like when I'm really angry.

So for myself, younger = worse an older
= better.
 

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I'm more tame than I'm wild, mostly because I want to stay out of trouble.

At the same time, I'll run in the opposite direction if I feel like you're getting too close to me too fast. I do come back after a while, but I need time to take a breather or else I'll feel suffocated. Maybe it's just me or something.
I don't like to feel suffocated either.
 
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