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I'm the very definition of a INFP. I'm shy, sensitive, introverted etc. The problem is I love a (suspected) ISTJ boy.

I've read up on that type, and from experience and from the forums they tend to be somewhat incompatible with my type.

He's introverted (but not shy), calm, incredibly intelligent, aloof, and...sort of cold. Pretty much Spock.

I haven't exactly told him that I love him, I've sort of admired him from a distance...for about 7 years. Mostly because I am so shy and have such low self-esteem.

He also shows no interest in me. We're friends, I suppose. Acquaintances?

But, he also shows ZERO interest in dating. I suspect he might be asexual. He's only ever had one girlfriend, she asked him out, he ended up coldly ignoring her the entire time, and it ended in less than a week. (Which I was secretly overjoyed about)

How would I go about getting the attention of a ISTJ?

Would a relationship work? I'm really after someone who is sensitive to others emotions, very easy to confide in, and I need constant reassurance.

Would this push away a ISTJ type?
 

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I'm the very definition of a INFP. I'm shy, sensitive, introverted etc. The problem is I love a (suspected) ISTJ boy.

I've read up on that type, and from experience and from the forums they tend to be somewhat incompatible with my type.

He's introverted (but not shy), calm, incredibly intelligent, aloof, and...sort of cold. Pretty much Spock.

I haven't exactly told him that I love him, I've sort of admired him from a distance...for about 7 years. Mostly because I am so shy and have such low self-esteem.

He also shows no interest in me. We're friends, I suppose. Acquaintances?

But, he also shows ZERO interest in dating. I suspect he might be asexual. He's only ever had one girlfriend, she asked him out, he ended up coldly ignoring her the entire time, and it ended in less than a week. (Which I was secretly overjoyed about)

How would I go about getting the attention of a ISTJ?

Would a relationship work? I'm really after someone who is sensitive to others emotions, very easy to confide in, and I need constant reassurance.

Would this push away a ISTJ type?
All types can work, should you come to find each of your weaknesses early in the relationship, and be aware of them. If you are highly compatible, you will be spinning your wheels and spending incredible amounts of energy on simply keeping your head above the water. If you give up on spending such high amounts of energy, your infatuation and love will inevitably turn into frustration (or in his case, detachment).

But the IxTJ - INFP combination doesn't sound terribly incompatible to me. You both use Te and Fi, and even Ne (his inferior) and Si. If you two could learn each other well, anything is possible.

Also, I don't think it's a good thing to consider labels of people like "asexual" based on a lack of interest--but that's an aside.
 

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You've known him for 7 years? Your attraction for him must be hardly superficial then. You say it doesn't seem like he's interested in you, though. Maybe find ways to spend time together if you don't already? I suspect you are both young, right? If that's the case then you might have trouble because none of you are very in touch with your weaker functions. But if he's not into you there's nothing you can do...
Also, even if he were asexual he could still have romantic interests. He probably doesn't find people who are interesting enough to date.
 

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You've known him for 7 years? Your attraction for him must be hardly superficial then. You say it doesn't seem like he's interested in you, though. Maybe find ways to spend time together if you don't already? I suspect you are both young, right? If that's the case then you might have trouble because none of you are very in touch with your weaker functions. But if he's not into you there's nothing you can do...
Also, even if he were asexual he could still have romantic interests. He probably doesn't find people who are interesting enough to date.
Superficial attraction and illogical attraction are two different items. Ironically, my first relationship (and subsequently 6 year marriage) was an INFP who was attracted me for roughly 7 years before I showed any interest.

(I'm not suggesting @Frodo is "illogically attracted," though. I'm just pointing out that, especially at that age, extended attraction doesn't really mean much.)
 

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Superficial attraction and illogical attraction are two different items. Ironically, my first relationship (and subsequently 6 year marriage) was an INFP who was attracted me for roughly 7 years before I showed any interest.

(I'm not suggesting @Frodo is "illogically attracted," though. I'm just pointing out that, especially at that age, extended attraction doesn't really mean much.)
I'm not sure what you mean with illogical attraction actually. Is it an attraction where you project qualities in a person that aren't there? Otherwise I don't know what you mean.
 

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I'd say INTJ/INFP is significantly more likely to be compatible than ISTJ/INFP, and your Spock-like description and seven-year attraction to this guy makes me wonder if he isn't an INTJ. What makes you think he's an S? What are his main interests (both in terms of school/work and leisure-time pursuits)?
 

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I'm not sure what you mean with illogical attraction actually. Is it an attraction where you project qualities in a person that aren't there? Otherwise I don't know what you mean.
An "illogical attraction," at least in my books would be one in which both partners need to spend an inordinate amount of energy just to keep each other (and themselves) happy in the relationship. But it is also a concept that refers to "having attraction without really knowing someone very well," which looks to be what is going on here.
 

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Isabel Myers was an INFP married to an ISTJ, Clarence Myers. She mentions in her book Gifts Differing that couples tend to share at least two of the four preferences, and many (particularly extroverts) tend to share three. She also mentions that couples who share no preferences (so, for example INFP and ESTJ) tend to be commonly found in the offices of marital counselors. For what it's worth, she says something to the effect that her marriage, while at times challenging, had its own rewards. I recommend getting a hold of her book and reading the chapter for yourself.

So what does this mean for an INFP and an ISTJ? Well, probably that on average a relationship might be a bit rocky between those two types, but you are not "an average", you're one person with your own personal story and your own personal preferences, and so is this man you're interested in. You shouldn't really use type (alone, at least) to predict the outcomes of single cases.
 

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An "illogical attraction," at least in my books would be one in which both partners need to spend an inordinate amount of energy just to keep each other (and themselves) happy in the relationship. But it is also a concept that refers to "having attraction without really knowing someone very well," which looks to be what is going on here.
Oh, I see. In a way, I think it is related to what I mentioned about projecting qualities in a person. Sometimes you don't truly know a person and just "imagine" they are a certain way until you actually get to know their real character. Anyway, yes, it could be the case here, but it depends on how well the OP knows the person and seven years leave many chances to get to know someone.
 

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INFP and ISTJ favor the same functions (but it a different order). This should, theoretically, make communication a little easier.

Other than that it all boils down to life experience and maturity.
 

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Would a relationship work? I'm really after someone who is sensitive to others emotions, very easy to confide in, and I need constant reassurance.

Would this push away a ISTJ type?
Here are my thoughts. Every relationship has its challenges but the above needs may be harder for you to have met by an ISTJ if you are needing them to be met in a certain way. IxTJs tend to be acts of service people, doers rather than tellers, so their reassurance of you will come in the form of their constant dependability and willingness to take care of you. If you need them to say it, or be openly romantic and loving, you may have some issues with the way they express their affections.

I'd say that IxTJs can be sensitive to others' emotions once they understand what they are (and this is not automatic for us) so you'd need to give clear direction for what you need and want. If you are the type of person who thinks that telling how you feel is cheating and that if someone loves you they should know what you are feeling you are going to be immensely frustrated with this type. It isn't that IxTJs don't care. It's that they honestly don't know.

Easy to confide in...depends on what you mean. TJs tend to be trouble-shooters and I know that gets on peoples' nerves. We only do it because we care and want to help you solve your problems. But being dependable, responsible, and dedicated seems like a good foundation for being easy to confide in.

The sum here is that yes, it can work, but you need to be clear on your needs and desires and communicate them clearly. You'll both have different languages to start with so take the time to work on that.
 

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I had a 9 month relationship with an ISTJ and while we were together I wouldn't have been able to criticize him at all but I can now. INFPs often put the people they're interested in on pedestals and I'm really guilty of that. With this person I didn't have any problems with affirmation or anything. He was able to tell his feelings to me. He wasn't really able to pick up on how I was feeling but I liked that at the time because I was working on a lot of solitary things and it wasn't a good time for me to try to get close to someone. The problems that I have had with him are feeling that he's shallow, that he doesn't respect me, that he isn't passionate or doesn't want anything meaningful out of life. I'm just sharing my experience, but you will probably experience different things with this fellow. My advice would be to try to spend some more time with him and talk to him. Trust me, I know how hard that can be. If you can get him talking about deep subjects, I think that's a good starting point. I've found that once reserved people start to open up it becomes easier and easier, so that goes for both of you. If you become someone he can talk to and confide in it'll be easier to figure him out and start to see how he might feel. Good luck to you. :)
 

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Isabel Myers was an INFP married to an ISTJ, Clarence Myers. She mentions in her book Gifts Differing that couples tend to share at least two of the four preferences, and many (particularly extroverts) tend to share three. She also mentions that couples who share no preferences (so, for example INFP and ESTJ) tend to be commonly found in the offices of marital counselors. For what it's worth, she says something to the effect that her marriage, while at times challenging, had its own rewards. I recommend getting a hold of her book and reading the chapter for yourself.

So what does this mean for an INFP and an ISTJ? Well, probably that on average a relationship might be a bit rocky between those two types, but you are not "an average", you're one person with your own personal story and your own personal preferences, and so is this man you're interested in. You shouldn't really use type (alone, at least) to predict the outcomes of single cases.
My mom and dad are an INFP ( or XNFP) and ISTJ relationship. They have been married for 30 years. They have challenges. Sometimes my dad dislikes that my mom is not more on top of things and organized and my mom wishes my dad were more sensitive and kind. She respects him though because he has always been a wonderful provider. There was never a lack for security in my home growing up or having enough to eat and the toys we wanted. My mom was a stay at home mom and she loved it. She felt very fulfilled. They have never done counseling and I never hear them fighting badly. I think marriage and staying married is a decision. They would say becoming Christians soon after marriage helped their relationship a lot too.
 

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My best friend's parents are INFP/ISTJ. I don't actually know how long they've been married but they're still married and she'll be 23 on Friday. So at least 24 years, I'd say. I think the pairing can work as long as the couple is willing to compromise and love each other for who they are, even though they act very different. They're both devout Catholics who have very similar political views so their beliefs are compatible and I think that helps a lot as well. I think any pairing can work with the right people so if you want to give it a shot, you should!
 

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Also, I don't think it's a good thing to consider labels of people like "asexual" based on a lack of interest--but that's an aside.
This. So very, very much.

A lack of dating is not an indicator of asexuality. It's an indicator of priorities. Some people just don't place significant importance on dating.

EDIT: @Ballast spot on post.
 

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Any type can work with any other, but if it makes you feel better the INFP co-creator of the MBTI (Isabel Briggs Myers) was married to an ISTJ
 

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No it can't work. All ISTJs and INFPs should just break up now to save themselves the time.

End of story.

 
seriously, there's a lot more to a relationship than mbti
 
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