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So I'm seeing this woman and...we fight a lot. Almost every single day we fight. We've talked about it a bunch of times, but it keeps happening and we're both getting really frustrated. I suggested that she take an MBTI test and she did, three times. She got ESTJ, ISFJ and ISTJ, in that order. Well I have never dated a sensor before in my life, so this is all new to me. My ex was an INTJ and while we did fight a lot...this is different. When I fought with my ex it was a mutual sort of fight where we would challenge each other and we were on the same wavelength and things would get out of hand or taken too far. But with this girl, I don't even know how it happens. I now realize that our issues come from the fact that we're so different. Today she told me to stop taking things so personally and I told her "I don't, I never have and I don't get why you think I do" and she said "ok" and changed the subject. I feel like I can't be myself a lot of the times because when I make a witty joke or mess around she gets mad, so I have to tiptoe around what I want to say and beat around the bush a little. I really like her a lot, she's an amazing person, but I don't know what to do. I wish she would understand me. We like each other a lot, and we've done a great job at comminucating where in the relationship we are and where we hopefully want to be...that's perfect, we're both good when it comes to that, we're on the same page. But in day to day interactions it becomes a mess. I'm not knocking her in any way, so I say this in the nicest way possible, but she's very sensitive, and 99% of the time when she gets mad I'm either joking or I'm just saying something direct. She can't take a joke, and she can't take me being serious. Then when she jokes with me and I come back with a joke she gets mad and tells me to stop taking it personally...which I don't and I even told her that many times.

I'm not saying it's her fault, so don't get that impression. I need to watch the way I speak and come off sometimes. I've been taking steps to make sure I use my Fe more because I think she's worth it, but it's frustrating to have to treat her like glass all the time. The things we fight about are not serious at all...like, at all. It's stupid shit, really silly stuff. Flirting taken out of context, or joking around taken out of context, or...basicallly any kind of daily conversation taken out of context.

Do you have any advice for me? Have you dated an ENTP? What was that like?
 

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Your hell sounds similar to mine. My wife is an ESFJ. Our fights are over similar trivial misunderstandings. I’m INTJ. I feel like I simply can’t communicate with my wife sometimes. She can’t conceive of what makes me tick as a person. Our huge blow up fight of the week is because she asked what was wrong with me and I said nothing. She jumped all over me because she’s certain that I’m lying or holding some interior grudge. How can I argue with that lack of logic? She’s just right and I’m just wrong.

Like you, I’ve resorted to trying to figure out how to stop our pointless fights on a forum about personality types because I really do believe there’s something that I cannot grasp about her type. I see others in the same boat. It must be possible to learn how I need to communicate with her.

I don’t have any sage advice for you. I’m still messing up more than succeeding. My wife is a wonderful woman too. It’s awful to love someone so much and to not be understood for who you are. I feel like I’m constantly defending myself from her projections of what she expected me to be. That’s probably a symptom of early love more than anything related to personality but I have to at least try to understand the reasons.

Good luck, my friend! If you succeed, please throw me a bone.
 
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