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To all the women INFPs out there:

Do you have problems with women T's? I have a lot problems dealing with them. I am like a T detector. I can handle T-ness in men because I generally don't make friends with men, and I guess I expect them to be T's. (When they are F's, I fall deeply in love... lol)

Anyway, with women T's, I find that I am often very upset, angry, or frustrated after dealing with them, especially ITs. (ETs rub me over time though as well.)

I am a very genuine person, and I say when is on my mind (heart). I find that ITs are this cold wall. They make me feel so stupid for being genuine. They don't react in the feeling way that I expect. They don't read any of my F signs. They feel so horribly cold, and they make me feel like a fool because I actually say things related to my feelings. Maybe talking about anything feeling-related just makes them uncomfortable, but it "feels" as though they are "above" talking about feelings. And to me it feels like they are radiating feelings of not liking me, or not being in a good mood, or "something", but they don't talk about those vibes they are radiating out. So, they radiate things that "hurt" me... I can't tell if they are bored, impatient, stressed, or don't like me. I don't understand why they aren't smiling at me, or showing any compassion towards me... It could be anything. I don't think they even know that they are radiating negative feelings out... Why can't they at least try to show compassion and empathy towards the person who is speaking to them?!!! AAAH!

Is it just me?! I know that not all ITs are the same... They do differ within the IT types. But, I am a real IT radar. When I feel this unexplained pain when dealing with a woman, I can usually identify that she is an IT...

My friend says that it may be because in some ways I am similar to ITs... It is some kind of personality conflict. I am introverted and I analyze a lot. So, it is maybe the fact that we are similar but our priorities are so different that brings on this pain. Feelings are very important to me (Fi), even though I am mainly analyzing to the external world (Ne)... I have this expectation that all analyzing/thinking women be as "feeling" as me inside... But, they are so not!
 

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Hmm.. well, one of my closest friends is a woman Thinker. She's great! Every once in awhile she'll say something a little blunt/insensitive.. (without intent to hurt) but it usually makes me chuckle underneath more than anything. And maybe she just knows me well because she doesn't really direct that type of talk to me. I think she has a feel about how I operate and probably adjusts for my personality. She's blunt and I'm sometimes sensitive and we've managed to stay very close for many years now... :laughing:

Most of my closest girlfriends are feelers but, I like knowing this Thinker because I like having other perspectives. She's a kind of "buck up and get on with life" type of person.. which I think is pretty valuable. Sometimes I like going to her after a troubling issue arises because she gives me solutions without the whole console/pity/lets play Adele songs and cry together kinda thing.... lol If I wanna cry on a shoulder, I can usually manage to find a feeler friend available... and don't get me wrong, sometimes I need a shoulder and I love my feelers, but.. What she offers is different but equally valuable... the arm under the shoulder pushing me on, pushing me forward.

So, that's just one experience. I'm not intending to invalidate your experiences... just giving one of my positive experiences.
 

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My sister is a T (albeit an extremely diplomatic one), and she and I get along great. I've noticed I tend to get along best with men who are quite similar to me and women who are different from me. Not sure why that is.
 

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You really shouldn't hold people to gender stereotypes like that, that's kind of what's got us stuck in unwanted gender roles for the past... centuries.
And you can't expect anyone to just comply to your emotional needs, T's are either very uncomfortable of very private about their emotions and that's something you should learn to respect. We NF's tend to see everything on an emotional basis but it's actually a very interesting thing to do to try and learn how to see the world without value judgement like thinkers do. Chances are they'll let you in once you guys get close enough. And at least with them, you're sure they're never hypocritical. If they're sharing with you, then you can consider yourself pretty damn loved, it's a precious gift :)
 

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Two of my best lady friends are INTPs. I personally love INTPs, male or female, but that's another story.

But I agree with @Hurricane, don't expect things from women just because you expect women to behave a certain way. In your post you say you expect them to be as emotional as you, yet they aren't. So, is that their problem? That's just who they are. I always tell myself not to expect anything and then you're never disappointed. People are who they are. If you don't like someone, you don't have to. Maybe the women aren't smiling at you because they don't feel like smiling. It seems like you have a preconceived view of how women should behave and it bothers you when they break that rule. Try seeing people as individuals instead of stereotypes.
 

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I think it really depends on the type, and it's a little bit of a generalization to say all T's. It could have to do with cognitive functions. I for one, really like INFP's company and I relate to you guys moderately well. I mean T's will often have trouble relating to F's because we aren't as in time with our emotions and giving emotional support. If you are looking for that support with people who aren't going to give it, you might have some problems. (I'm a guy by the way so I don't know how much of this can relate).

I also think that it depends if the thinker leads with a judging or perceiving function. For example, IxTP's lead with introverted thinking, while you guys have introverted feeling. Big difference.
One final thing. Everyone sees things from their own perspective. INFP's are better at stepping into other people's than most, but it's a good thing to always do.
 

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My sister is an ISTJ and my mom is an ESTP. I love them both, but we don't have long heart-felt conversations. Neither of them are intentionally hurtful at all, so I don't have a problem with them - other than wishing we could be closer. I have a friend at work who is an INTP and she's very diplomatic and nice. Again, not really into long conversations about feelings. I have other (F) friends for that. I do feel like there is something lacking in the relationships with Ts, but I enjoy their friendship anyway.

Sometimes I feel inadequate, but that's me being an I, probably... When we were growing up I felt like my sister (two years younger) was always ordering me around. In retrospect, I think she was just being a decisive J. We get along much better as adults than we did as kids. She wants nothing to do with MBTI, though, even though I conduct MBTI feedback sessions.
 

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It sounds like, if you truly *want* to get on better with Ts, you need to do some work on grounding yourself.

I get on pretty well with most Ts (there are some exceptions, but I'm entirely surrounded by them in my professional life, so I don't have much choice) but I learned pretty early on that we Fs can either be radar-jammers to them, or we can be really grounding to them. I had a boss for a long time who I'm positive is IxTJ and we most definitely did not speak the same language when it came to how we deal with people, but we worked it out pretty quickly and that was mostly down her ensuring that she wasn't troubling me with her silly logic and me ensuring that I wasn't troubling her with my silly emotions :) Not quite that literally, of course, and we each had a tremendous amount of admiration for each other's approach, even if we didn't understand it.

Ts can mostly be dealt with by making them feel safe in riding your wave with you.
 

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@Moonshine

As a T woman, I completely understand. I have the same problem, really. It's very difficult and uncomfortable for me to express my feelings and empathize with others (not because I'm cold, but rather because I actually empathize very strongly and it's painful or confusing to me when I feel strong emotions that aren't my own). I've been trying very hard ever since high school to learn how to show compassion to others, and I think I'm getting a bit better. I often feel like the freak as well, being so helpless and unable to communicate with others in the way they need me to communicate. And sometimes it feels like Feeler women don't like me because I just can't give them what they want. It's also very scary to me when I see someone expressing negative emotions like anger or sadness because I feel like them expressing it to me must mean I caused it (because that's the only time I would think to express these things externally) so I feel blamed or guilty.

I have recently started making more friends who are Feelers, and I think it's a very good connection to learn. It pushes me to get more in touch with my emotions and learn how to interact with people in a healthier way. I think if you try to open your mind and accept the differences you see in others, you may have a lot to learn from T types as well.
 

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@Moonshine

And sometimes it feels like Feeler women don't like me because I just can't give them what they want. It's also very scary to me when I see someone expressing negative emotions like anger or sadness because I feel like them expressing it to me must mean I caused it (because that's the only time I would think to express these things externally) so I feel blamed or guilty.
I think this is something a lot of people, women in particular, deal with. Emoting is just not something that is encouraged and that's really sad because we never really learn the skills to do it in healthy ways :(
 
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I think this is something a lot of people, women in particular, deal with. Emoting is just not something that is encouraged and that's really sad because we never really learn the skills to do it in healthy ways :(
My Feeler friends are really helping me to express my emotions and my needs better. It doesn't help that I was raised by unhealthy introverted thinkers. xD It's really hard for me not to react with anger or fear when someone expresses a strong negative emotion to me, because I'm so used to people projecting on me for no reason.
 

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One of my best friends is a female ISTJ, & we actually have a lot in common. We share the same interests, morals, & care to not fit in. MBTI isn't a barrier, it's a way of discovering traits to grow & reach individual potential. There is no bad type or function, they all have advantages and pitfalls. You shouldn't agree with everyone, but the least you can do is try to see from their type's perspective. Everyone is an individual - there may be healthy or unhealthy thinkers, or people in a stressful situation who can't keep it from permeating into their behavior. I just don't like to generalize.

I personally would love more thinking function in my life. I'm flaky & scatterbrained & it must be easier to deal with life with a little common sense. I think once we realize that every function is good when healthy we'll understand opposite types more easily. I honestly have met some wonderful (& not so wonderful) ESTJs in my life. The only other INFP I know can't make eye contact haha, poor sweetheart.
 

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I don't have very many female friends, but I have found that I tend to get along with female Thinkers more than with female Feelers(especially those who are also Sensors). All but 2 of the women I am good friends with are Thinkers, and they are great for when I need that push. I can see how they can rub some Feelers the wrong way though.
 
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