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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I dont even know...I try so damn hard sometimes but its like Im a north pole magnet as are all women...ie, we repel each other. Its actually quite comical...how easily I put off women. Like once a girl at the club responded to my aproach with an 'ew no'. It would be funny if it werent so sad :(

Though its funny in a sense, it doesnt mean Im not suffering. Every man needs love and affection...Im no different.

Meanwhile guys are getting sex so easily and Im suffering? Why? Why cant I get sex too? There are guys that have slept with 1000s of women...and Im stuck at 3? Why me?

Truth is, Im not looking for a serious relationship. I just want a cool girl to be laying beside me when I wake up in the morning. Whats sadder is that Ive had that and I lost it. But, chalk it up to youth, I guess. But I had it once, I should be able to get it again...right?

Anyway, real talk...at the age of 6 I was raped by a girl. It really stunted my sexual devlopment. I felt dirty and ashamed for years, I never told anyone until one day I broke down and cried for days. I was 22. Have you ever cried for days on end?

But I cried because I was so frustrated. Its hard to have a healthy relationship with sex and women when you were raped and molested in your childhood. It wasnt my fault, yet Im the one who is being punished by women because of it? Im the one who is staying sexless...after being raped? Why me? Why did this happen to me?

Then, in my adult life...I mean, I want sex too. But, I dont know how to go about it. I mean, Im a good guy. Educated, my family is well off, I dont know if Ive ever met a person who is more intelligent than I am. Good looking, tall, cultured...like, at my age there are hardly any guys in my position. Like, for example, there is a great chance I run for office and get in. Like, if I end up as president...it wouldnt be too surprising. I know lots of people in those positions and hell, my fantasy wife is the presidents daughter. Someone Im actively pursuing as we speak. Hell, Im 3 hrs away from her right now, hot on the pursuit. Like, Id take her back to Africa and shed be a queen. I mean..right now shes just a princess. Why not be queen?

Its hard to like women when they rape me as a child then turn me down when I want sex as an adult..you know? People like to call me a misogynist...Id invite them to be raped by a girl as a kid, suffer the feelings I suffered through as a teen, pull themselves out of it as an adult...despite the sexual rejection I currently face...and still keep relatively sane. I almost overdosed because of it, almost took my lif3..but I hope I never do that again. its too sad a life to be raped as a child and then kill yourself as a young adult. Im a stronger man than that...raped or not.

So, I get raped..suffer because of it...somehow get over it...then women are going to turn me down for sex? I feel like Im entitled to some understanding and some sex too...not like I chose this life for me. Just becuase Im not sexually normal it doesnt mean I dont have needs.

please help
 

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I'm really sorry about what happened to you as a child. I can't imagine what that would be like. I'm happy that you recently found the strength to talk about what you went through. I'm not really sure why you mentioned your trauma during this topic though. Do you think your trauma is impeding you from having healthy relationships with women? Maybe this is something you need to address before you can take that next step. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

I have to say however, that unfortunately no you are not entitled to getting sex from women, or anyone for that matter.

I'm not really sure what advice I can give you here. People, in general, want to be seen as people. They want to be recognized as human beings who breathe, eat, dream, feel, etc etc. It seems to me that you're approaching this matter with tunnel vision. You shouldn't look at women as a number. I've had 3 but other guys have had 1,000. They're people just like you. Who maybe have gone through a similar trauma. Who feel pain like you do. Who feel desire like you do. Who want to be happy like you do.
 

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@TheProphetLaLa you are a really nice person, that was a nice post, some would have been more direct and stern with the thread starter.

Thread starter, I sympathize with your childhood, it's horrible that you had to go through something like that as a child. The world is a very dark place sometimes, but our past is our past, nothing can be done for it, it has happened. The best we can do, is not allow the past to rule our lives, to define us, to take us away from the moment, which is where our life is. The past is quite persistent, if we allow it to be. you are more than than the sum of your past...

with that said, and I am going to keep it 100 with you, your posts sort of descended into some serious vanity and egotism. the rationalization that somehow you are entitled to women, because you have money, good looking, and all the other things you said about yourself which is better than everyone else, which is unnecessary. No one is entitled to anything, if you dropped the egotism, which imo, is speaking out of insecurity, and just be sincere with yourself, and humble yourself, you may find yourself connecting to women more. A women, from my experience, wants a man who understands them, who they can relate too, who they feel gets them and that they can feel they can tell them anything. A man who they can trust enough and be comfortable enough with to be able to do this. Your egotism and your identification with sex is not going to give you anything meaningful, just more emptiness. Women are not sex tools, they are not things you just run through and toss to the side. In your post, it appears that you are approaching the opposite sex from a severely impaired foundation, is that all you want from women, is sex? I man, what about companionship and love? What about someone that completes you? The way you are approaching relationship is not healthy, maybe this has to do with your childhood, if so, maybe you should seek some help on this. sex is a big deal, however its not that serious, there are more important things to focus your mind on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Of course it has impeded me. I dont know how to act around women. How to communicate my desire to what they feel are appropriate forms.

Ive talked to therapists but they are surprisingly inadequate. Still...theyve helped me, theres no doubt in my mind that Id have killed myslef by now if not for the grace of various psychologists/psychiatrists. In a way Im thankful...but in another sometimes I feel like I shouldnt have sought help and just ended it.

I just have too much pride for that. Im not going to let this be why I die.

I know it isnt just me that has had a troubled past though. I just feel like the opportunity for love was taken away from me. Id swap sexual histories with 90% of anyone.

Im not looking to get 1000s but just one would be nice. Im just so lonely. Why am I being denied? You dont want a guy who was raped as a child? You think I asked for it? But, ah well. I guess I was broken and thats just my cross to bear lol. Been doing so for 19 years and Im still here. I just dont like life. Wouldnt have been born if I had a say. Life isnt worth this trouble.

Women and sex...its too much pain Ive suffered because of it/them. I really dont appreciate it...not back then, and not now when Im frustrated and disregarded.

I guess some men just werent ever supposed to find happiness in women. I hate that Im aatracted to women..hard to want something tthat has always been a source of hurt.

And at the end of the day...we can talk all we want but Im going to bed alone tonight and thats all that matters.

Women want to be made to feel some way before youre allowed to be intimate with them yet they dont consider how Ive been made to feel by women. No girl will ever love a molested man...Ive given up on marriage and love though I would have loved it.

Now I just want some sex and to die soon. Really dont want to see my 40th bday. Not if Ill feel like this. I only stick around out of hope.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
@TheProphetLaLa you are a really nice person, that was a nice post, some would have been more direct and stern with the thread starter.

Thread starter, I sympathize with your childhood, it's horrible that you had to go through something like that as a child. The world is a very dark place sometimes, but our past is our past, nothing can be done for it, it has happened. The best we can do, is not allow the past to rule our lives, to define us, to take us away from the moment, which is where our life is. The past is quite persistent, if we allow it to be. you are more than than the sum of your past...

with that said, and I am going to keep it 100 with you, your posts sort of descended into some serious vanity and egotism. the rationalization that somehow you are entitled to women, because you have money, good looking, and all the other things you said about yourself which is better than everyone else, which is unnecessary. No one is entitled to anything, if you dropped the egotism, which imo, is speaking out of insecurity, and just be sincere with yourself, and humble yourself, you may find yourself connecting to women more. A women, from my experience, wants a man who understands them, who they can relate too, who they feel gets them and that they can feel they can tell them anything. A man who they can trust enough and be comfortable enough with to be able to do this. Your egotism and your identification with sex is not going to give you anything meaningful, just more emptiness. Women are not sex tools, they are not things you just run through and toss to the side. In your post, it appears that you are approaching the opposite sex from a severely impaired foundation, is that all you want from women, is sex? I man, what about companionship and love? What about someone that completes you? The way you are approaching relationship is not healthy, maybe this has to do with your childhood, if so, maybe you should seek some help on this. sex is a big deal, however its not that serious, there are more important things to focus your mind on.
Why should I change who I am for women when I was the one who was raped?

Its easy for a quenched man to think that there are matters more important than water but let me put you on a plane to the Sahara and we'll see how quickly you change your tune.

No, at the end of the day I dont want a womans love or affection in lieu of sex. Nor the love of a man. I have never loved myself...always thought myself disgusting and shameful...what woman would love that? Im not really capable of love so itd be wasted on me. I only love my family. Women have put me through too much for me to ever genuinely love. I will love no one, ever..

Doesnt mean I dont have needs.

That I come off as overly full of myself...youll never meet a more confident man than myself. You cant have lived my life without having developed a sense of self worth. Its either blind arrogance and entitlement or suicide...and I rather live.

I guess theres no helping me really. Theres no secret..when I get back to the sex thing, Ill leave in the end. Im not trying to love a girl...my heart was taken from me. I wont ever love, but thats somethig Ive known for a while. Ill die alone...thats what I want. Sex in the meantime will be good...and no, I dont want anything else from a girl. Just her sex. I have no use for women otherwise. Just monkeys on a rock in the middle of nowhere.

If that sounds harsh then dont ask me about men. I have no use for men and honstly if I never saw a another man again...thatd be like great. At leat I want women to exist. Men should kill themselves. Its why Im ok with world war 3...

Hell, bent on instigating it. Might as well go to war. Im more a problem for men and the world than women. Wouldnt hurt a woman. I have use for them..they do have their sex after all. Plus Ive forgiven them.

But men? Unless Im killed soon then Im leading the charge towards a world war. Some men just want to watch the world burn...and Id say thats me. Ill probaly take a continent or two before Im killed. Lol, but at least it will be fun. Im just 25, in 10 years I doubt that I havent taken control of some part of the world.

Hell, look around in America. You know Im the one who called for those protests? About a year ago I was the one who was talking to the young men currently at battle convincing them to take to the streets. Its a good cause though. Itll be more of that. Might hit the streets myself soon...might as well lead the people. Its my mess anyway. I was the one convincing people "we need to riot"a couple years back. Didnt realize they would.

Im half African. After I finsish my masters...Ill go back and be done with America. Ameriicas uprising..it was just a way of experimenting to see how hard it is to control the masses.

They chant..no justice, no peace. Meanwhile, they dont realize there will never be justice nor peace, as long as Im living. And it really has nothing to do with anything than me playing with their heads. Just a bid for the wife..if I can mange it. Its childs play...I have armies thatd die for me. This is just fun.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
Ive talked to many a therapist about this...it is not exactly what I need. Never mind the fact that I dont have the money for it lol.

Last time I talked to a therapist...feb or march...she said, and i quote, "thats shitty". To be fair though I guess theres not much I can be told to be made to feel better. I feel like love/relationships arent really possible for me. Im kind of a monster...but Im ok dying by myself. Thats not the issue...I dont want love like that. Just my sex and Ill roll over and die. But im looking forward to death. This life is not worth it like that. Death is the final release, I fully understand why old folk look to it without reservation. Life is exhausting...and I love to sleep.

So the rest of the worlds people get to continue suffering while the rest of the worlds people keep on doing what they do.

Its a great life, I guess..
 

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Ive talked to many a therapist about this...it is not exactly what I need. Never mind the fact that I dont have the money for it lol.

Last time I talked to a therapist...feb or march...she said, and i quote, "thats shitty". To be fair though I guess theres not much I can be told to be made to feel better. I feel like love/relationships arent really possible for me. Im kind of a monster...but Im ok dying by myself. Thats not the issue...I dont want love like that. Just my sex and Ill roll over and die. But im looking forward to death. This life is not worth it like that. Death is the final release, I fully understand why old folk look to it without reservation. Life is exhausting...and I love to sleep.

So the rest of the worlds people get to continue suffering while the rest of the worlds people keep on doing what they do.

Its a great life, I guess..
Bud... if your therapist didn't say much more than "that's shitty"... you need a better therapist. Some therapists are hacks and are largely unhelpful. Or they just aren't a good fit for the individual. It's kind of like finding a good doctor.

Sometimes you gotta go through a number of them before you find one that meshes well.

That said, if you've already been to a number of them and (I'm guessing) haven't stuck with any one therapist for too long, it could be an indication of a certain kind of problem. It might make sense with the way you're talking about getting rejected and whatnot.

Keep in mind, this is not me slapping a diagnosis on you - just showing you a possibility of what the problem might be:

Avoidant Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central
 

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About your abuse - I can understand the frustration of being set up to fail in this aspect of life. Of being angry at what's been done to you and of knowing that you did not do anything to deserve it but now have to live with it. But none of that gives you an entitlement, I'm sorry but it doesn't. What it gives you is a unique set of circumstances to make something of or not. But no more than that. Thats the tragedy and harshness of life I'm afraid. The only comfort is knowing that you are not alone, probably not even in the minority in your pain. I grew up with a narcissistic parent who taught me how to be a victim, how to not have boundaries and ultimately set me up for a lifetime of abuse at the hands of any random who knows what they are looking at. Am I angry about that? Yes. I did not deserve that, it wasn't my fault. It's just my burden to now correct. That's life.

Okay this is coming to come off harsh, but I'm not sure how I can make the medicine sweeter. I only read the first three lines before I was completely turned off. Here's why....

Men need love and affection. Yep nothing wrong with that, except you are talking about 'getting our sex' as if we are merely purveyors of a vagina. Nothing about that says love and affection to a woman. Your post reads like the only thing you actually care about is having an appropriate place to stick your dick into. It might be hard for you to imagine what it's like to be viewed, not as a whole and complete person worthy of knowing, but instead as two breasts and a vagina that other people want to use for their own amusement. But I'll give you some credit here so go on and have a think about that.

And this is not unique to you but men generally equate love and affection with sex, which is not what women equate love and affection with. If you want to receive love and affection then you need to be willing to give it as well. But not just your version of it, you need to give the woman her version of it. That version yes includes sex but also includes emotional bonding, appreciation for who she is as a person and a willingness to be committed at some level. Every woman values a different level of commitment. Some will want exclusivity, some will want relationship, some will only want a certain amount of quid prod quo. Find the woman who matches the level of commitment you are willing to offer.

Approaching every woman as a potential object with which to find your personal satisfaction with, is a one way ticket to rejection. Women inherently understand that most of the time what the man is seeking is sex. We get it. And....we don't want to be reminded of it through our every little interaction with you. It's kind of like this, if you can't even put your personal motives aside for a few minutes in order to feign interest in something else, then really why should we be interested in being your means to an end? What's in it for us? Please don't tell us, sex is in it for us, because most of the time sex isn't that great. We know that many men are unskilled with sex and that in most intimate interactions we will not enjoy it nearly as much as him. And sometimes we just wish it was over, it's so bad. So please do not assume that a woman will be overjoyed at the prospect of you whacking off with her body. Trust me, most of the time it's just a lot of hassle for very little payoff.

So since this sex thing is really your need and not ours, it's kind of not our problem to put it bluntly. If it's a need then there are services where you can have your needs attended to, for a price. Please don't piss and moan at me about how you shouldn't have to pay for it. No-one colours my hair for free if that's something I need. No-one gives me free food because I look hungry or pays for the roof over my head, which are needs in life. I am expected to take care of that myself. It's pretty much the same deal with your sexual needs.
 

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I think your main problem is the fact that you're holding all women responsible (either consciously or subconsciously) for what one person did to you two decades ago. From there you've constructed a truly impressive (in a horrifying I-feel-so-bad-for-you kind of way) neurotic personality seemingly rooted completely in childhood trauma. You don't need women to give you teh sex, man. At the most it'll be like putting a band-aid on a bruise caused by serious internal bleeding. If you can't afford a psychologist/psychiatrist (not a counselor, seriously) be your own. Start questioning these weird ass, unfounded assumptions you're making.
 

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I'm sorry for what's happened to you. I wasn't molested, but the first male attention I ever got was from a 60-smth year old on the street who verbally harassed me. I felt ashamed of my sexuality and afraid of men's attention for almost 15 years because of that.

You need cognitive behavioral therapy, as you have certain beliefs grounded in you that are distorted and only causing you pain and they can be changed. What that woman did to you was horrible and I hope she's somehow suffered for it, but in your relationships now it's all about how YOU see things and not what others do/don't do to you now. You are not entitled to sex, no one is. Find a suitable therapist for you, it might take a while until you do, but it's totally worth it.
 

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Women want to be made to feel some way before youre allowed to be intimate with them yet they dont consider how Ive been made to feel by women. No girl will ever love a molested man...Ive given up on marriage and love though I would have loved it.

Now I just want some sex and to die soon. Really dont want to see my 40th bday. Not if Ill feel like this. I only stick around out of hope.
I wouldn't say that. I have a friend who was molested when he was young by a women as well, and the guy has sex all the time and is a freaking chick magnet. When he graduated high school he had, a girlfriend, one girl who used to like but ended up liking him after he had said girlfriend, and one girl he had been talking too in high school as a friend who was suddenly interested in him, as well as several girls he talks to on facebook who want him and not to mention an ex girlfriend who still sends him nudes. The guys got it made if you ask me.
 

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@xisnotx

We can pinpoint many things from your posts, but one thing is for sure. You definitely aren't an Alpha LOL!!!

Anyway I don't think the problem is the women themselves, the problem is your approach to women. You're depending on them too much for your own personal happiness and because of that you keep coming up short. You need to focus completely on yourself and do the things that make you happy all while cultivating a social network of sorts that of which includes these interests. That is how you get women. By having a shared interest in something it is much easier to socialize with other people.

Think about it. Why do you think it is so hard to approach random women at like the mall or something? Because you have no context of which to approach her, no shared interest in anything other than whatever reason you came to the mall and the truth is maybe her life is totally fine and she came to the mall to unwine or something while you came to check out girls. Her life is totally fine while you're sexually frustrated and desperatlely looking for companionship so of course she isn't going to want you, unless she likes that kind of thing. Now there are some sexually frustrated girls in real life too of course so you might be able to pick up some girl who is just as desperate for relationship as you are, but honestly who wants that?

TL:DR: Find some hobbies, find people who share your hobbies, network and maintain connections with these people, talk to the women who magically appear in and out of your life.(Notice how I didn't say just in your social group, the idea is to build up confidence by having passions and friends so that you don't need women, so that women end up just being fun distractions. This makes it so much easier to be lighthearted when it comes to talking to girls which it makes it so much easier to flirt. Also this can be anywhere from the street corner to the fanciest country club. To the grocery store, or even randomly at a six flags.)
 

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You're openly narcissistic and selfish. It's actually pretty disgusting to say you don't want love but just sex, that you would never harm a woman because they could give you sex, you go on and on about yourself, and if someone didn't know you were molested, they'd probably just think you were a delusional monster, especially talking about making the presidential daughters African queens. ..you sound very much like a pathological narcissist. It's like saying gee why can't I just get money that doesn't belong to me out of a bank just because I want it. Women likely suspect your intention isn't love or trust, and then so you'd have to be exceptionally something to pull it off other wise, and apparently you actually have little to offer in the shallow department as well. You need to get a new therapist.
 

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Bud... if your therapist didn't say much more than "that's shitty"... you need a better therapist. Some therapists are hacks and are largely unhelpful. Or they just aren't a good fit for the individual. It's kind of like finding a good doctor.

Sometimes you gotta go through a number of them before you find one that meshes well.

That said, if you've already been to a number of them and (I'm guessing) haven't stuck with any one therapist for too long, it could be an indication of a certain kind of problem. It might make sense with the way you're talking about getting rejected and whatnot.

Keep in mind, this is not me slapping a diagnosis on you - just showing you a possibility of what the problem might be:

Avoidant Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central
I. ..disagree. The piquant blend of self disgust/suicidal threats, combined with overt delusional superiority, fantasy grandeur of perfect love (going from no women to Obama daughter African queen) and his self described cockiness, arrogance and admitted inability to love STRONGLY suggests NPD. Not to mention the entitlement of "women why won't you give me your sex because I was molested." He also behaves as if he was the only person raped or molested on earth. Dramatic effect.

If he's not Narcissist, he's Borderline. I've dealt with him before, Avoidant is extremely unlikely.
 

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1) Get physically attractive (exercise , dress nicely)
2) Be independent and not needy and desperate
3) Improve your social skills (go out, talk to people , learn to be funny and charming)
4)Be confident and assertive , most women prefer masculine qualities like these in a man.

That's the advice I can give you.

I'm sorry about what happened to you by the way :( .
 

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Women turn men down for sex for any number of reasons, some of which have nothing to do with the guy himself. Maybe she doesn't know you well enough. Maybe she's afraid of pregnancy or diseases. Maybe she's not into men. Maybe she wants to be married or in a serious relationship first. Maybe she likes someone else. Maybe she has a really specific type and you're not it. Maybe she's on her period that day. Maybe she was abused. Maybe she just doesn't feel like sex right then. It could be anything, and most of the time, it's not anything you're doing wrong. If I reject a guy sexually, it's not because I'm trying to stomp all over his ego. It's because for me, the circumstances aren't right. Most people have certain conditions under which they will have sex. What makes it difficult sometimes is that those conditions can vary so widely from person to person, and when one person won't have sex under the circumstances that another person will, the more permissive person might think, "Well, I'd have sex in this situation, he/she doesn't want to, so maybe it's just that they don't like me! What's wrong with me?" and the person doing the rejecting is thinking, "I just met you. I don't have sex with people I just met. It's against my personal values" or even, "I just don't feel like having sex right now."
So basically, there isn't some magical set of actions that will get a woman to want to have sex with you, so don't take it personally if she says no. It's usually not a rejection of you, personally, it's a rejection of the situation.
And please, please, PLEASE stop comparing yourself to men who've had sex with thousands of women. A lot of them (not all, but a lot) are exaggerating, just using other people to gratify their egos, or are damn good manipulators but not necessarily having their partners' best interests in mind. I find men like that seriously irritating, the way they act like if they just say the right thing to me, my clothes will just fly off and I'll float up onto their beds ready to go, as if I'm some sort of computer where you just push the right buttons and it does exactly what you want it to.
If you think that your past sexual trauma is stopping you from relating to women in a healthy, natural way, or if it's affecting you in other ways (PSTD symptoms and such), definitely get therapy. You don't necessarily have to have a ton of different sex partners, but having a healthy view of the gender you're attracted to, sex in general, and relationships in general makes it easier to have an enjoyable, less drama-filled sex life.
 
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