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They confuse me. I'm not sexist but they're hard to manipulate and control unlike my cat. jk

I have a very respectful view of women. But I don't understand them. For example: friends of mine that are girls don't like it when I don't touch them, like hugging. I feel too awkward and get panic attacks, so I shake their hands - they really don't like that. but handshakes are awesome, especially when you examine the history behind them.

they are more confusing then a David Lynch movie. I have 3 sisters and read a lot but still can't understand. Do any other INFJ men have this problem? I used to think most men do but after conversing with some it seems not. Maybe INFJ men have a problem with this too? Or the various mental issues I have?
 

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They confuse me. I'm not sexist but they're hard to manipulate and control unlike my cat. jk
...are you sure your pet is actually in fact a cat? ;)
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Seriously though... You assume they are less confused than you about all this yin yang business? I can tell you they're not. Nobody knows what they're doing and everyone has insecurities. It's good to keep in mind. :)
 

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What Sai says, also never try to figure out what a girl wants from a man. The one that is for you will want exactly who you are. Theres no point of trying to understand women as a whole, they are people just like us men and vary too much for that.

I doubt you would like to be "figured" out by women and having to have men who you completely dont relate to be part of the picture they use to put you in a box. Just go with the flow, EXPRESS yourself and the ones who are right for you will be attracted to you like magnets.
 

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"them"

If there's something your friends do or don't do and like or don't like that you can't relate to....... can't you just ask them about it and learn how they see things?

This makes me wonder about what generation you are and where you grew up. I know 2 young INFJ guys who don't seem to have any problems with confusion about mysterious womanness... It must be strange feeling like there's a glass pane between you and half of the population.
 

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My relationship advice about women: expect terrible and stupid relationship advice offered about both men and women. Irresponsibility and glib incompetence is socially acceptable.

I'm not so much referring to the people on this forum. Its just the advice I get even from my family when put in practice have partially emotionally destroyed others and caused needless suffering on an eye opening scale.

Yay humanity. *Aims shotgun at the part of my heart that retains faith in humanity.*
 

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*watching classifications and stereotypes fly by, unamused*
 

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"them"

It must be strange feeling like there's a glass pane between you and half of the population.
Loneliness is a strange feeling for everyone.

"Them"

I think the problem in objectifying anyone is that you think you'll get your answers by seeing the 'whole picture', but all you do is put yourself at more of a distance. Like suggesting that handshakes are great because of their history. That's just a rationalization that keeps part of yourself content over the distance, while another side of you is being hurt by it. Cognitive dissonance is a pain in the balls, isn't it?

Unless someone on here has a magical xanax-infused eloquence and a masters in gender studies, you wont get an answer to solve your gender problem.

Try getting too close for your own comfort for a change. Get hurt as much as possible. And start questioning yourself before you objectify all women on the planet, because your discontent doesn't seem to be in women, just yourself, and thats ok!

Edt: +1 for twin peaks and all things David Lynch!
 

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They confuse me. I'm not sexist but they're hard to manipulate and control unlike my cat. jk

I have a very respectful view of women. But I don't understand them. For example: friends of mine that are girls don't like it when I don't touch them, like hugging. I feel too awkward and get panic attacks, so I shake their hands - they really don't like that. but handshakes are awesome, especially when you examine the history behind them.

they are more confusing then a David Lynch movie. I have 3 sisters and read a lot but still can't understand. Do any other INFJ men have this problem? I used to think most men do but after conversing with some it seems not. Maybe INFJ men have a problem with this too? Or the various mental issues I have?
You're being too logical in your analysis of yourself, of your world, and especially of women.

Sex has very very little to do with logic.
 

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The sexes have been misunderstanding each other since the dawn of time. Mostly because they simply fail to TALK to each other. If you have a question, ask. If there is an action you don't like or don't want to participate in, speak up. Those that are worth having as friends will understand and the relationship will be stronger for it. Those that get mad weren't actually friends to begin with and you're better off cutting them loose.
 

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Generally I've had an easier time talking to females than males, most of the people who have had that "deep" connection as we like to call it have been females. There is one guy who I believe maybe an INFJ (he says INxP) and we have a lot in common but its been hard to get a proper conversation out of him. Though I don't have a sister so I have never know what it's like to be in that kind of situation, the only thing I don't understand is the ones who have poor emotional control.
 

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They confuse me. But I don't understand them. They are more confusing then a David Lynch movie.
Seriously, I'm a woman and I confuse myself, lol. I always tell my man that I could never date a woman because we're so freaking confusing. And he tells me he could never date a man because they're not ;)
 

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I have a very respectful view of women. But I don't understand them. For example: friends of mine that are girls don't like it when I don't touch them, like hugging. I feel too awkward and get panic attacks, so I shake their hands - they really don't like that. but handshakes are awesome, especially when you examine the history behind them.

they are more confusing then a David Lynch movie. I have 3 sisters and read a lot but still can't understand. Do any other INFJ men have this problem? I used to think most men do but after conversing with some it seems not. Maybe INFJ men have a problem with this too? Or the various mental issues I have?
In a way, I can relate as if I keep an arm's length view, I'm fine with women. In terms of setting up dates or trying to have a close personal relationships, that's where things go wonky for me. While one can try to study the feminine as a way to seek understanding here, there is something to be said for the question of how well do you know where you fit on the masculine-feminine spectrum? I do know that in modelling some of my life after my mother that I do have a bit of a developed feminine side. At the same time, there is a masculine side to me that can get stuff done and be rather analytical if requested. The key is to understand that people can require some work to figure out and there are various tools for trying to categorize them to some extent which can work some of the time.

While hugs and handshakes have their points, each person may view physical contact differently. Some people may prefer no contact at all. Others may go for the near tackle of a hug in being so enthusiastic, you wonder if there was some medication they forgot to take.
 

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handshake. Whats wrong with that?

I remember my one friend she just ran up and hugged me, buried her face into my chest. It was scary. Made the whole conversation awkward.
I'm probably the most awkward person with women here (trust me), but hug, or nothing at all- just simple hi with wave is the minimum as far as greetings go. Shaking hands is pretty weird if you're semi-close friends. Female posters feel free to correct me here.

But I understand if you don't want to be touched or touch others.
 

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I'm probably the most awkward person with women here (trust me), but hug, or nothing at all- just simple hi with wave is the minimum as far as greetings go. Shaking hands is pretty weird if you're semi-close friends. Female posters feel free to correct me here.

But I understand if you don't want to be touched or touch others.
well I think I have to work on being comfortable around women, that are not related to me. This is not to say I don't have my awesome moments. It's like I'm James Bond one time and then Bruce Banner the next. The only time I'm awesome is because I planned it out like a black ops mission.
 

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For example: friends of mine that are girls don't like it when I don't touch them, like hugging. I feel too awkward and get panic attacks, so I shake their hands - they really don't like that. but handshakes are awesome, especially when you examine the history behind them.
Sounds like you have a specific phobia. If you literally experience panic attacks when you're hugged, you should go see a psychologist to help get that sorted out. There are plenty of specialists in behavioral therapy that will help you desensitize to hugging.

Or, if you don't want to see a psychologist, just try and find someone that you can start slow with, and then progress to more intimate hugs.

I remember my one friend she just ran up and hugged me, buried her face into my chest. It was scary. Made the whole conversation awkward.
You think that's awkward? When my SO hugs me, she practically buries my head into her (very well-endowed) chest. :tongue:

 
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